Design Yourself

Ever found yourself in a place where your head keeps spinning on the same question (or set of questions)? But no matter how much energy you expend thinking about it, you just can't seem to come to a confident conclusion? You are not alone. We often get stuck on "unanswerable questions" because they are rooted in a way of seeing the problem that is limiting our ability to move forward. In today's episode, Sharon shares a simple process for moving from question to action. Learn what it means to "live in the question" and why this practice is powerful for helping us shift from stuck to transformation.

Let us all remember to be in the practice of resilience together.

1. Write down the unknowable questions
2. Capture the questions underneath each question
3. Probe Deeper
4. Gather information
5. Watch your questions evolve
6. Give yourself grace

• It makes big, important questions more accessible
• It promotes a growth mindset
• It empowers you with actionable steps

• Here is my recent podcast on grief that I reference in today's show.

• Here is the Jimmy Kimmel clip I mention that brings a spirit of humor to the grief that half of the country is feeling in the wake of the election.

With less than 3 weeks until Thanksgiving, the joyful and jam-packed end of year season is upon us. Offices are budgeting and planning for next year while simultaneously focused on ending this calendar year with a bang. In our personal lives, invitations to holiday open houses begin to hit our mailboxes (or more likely, inboxes) while we also plan out how we'd like to celebrate the holiday season with our loved ones. All this makes for a fast-paced season. Beautiful chaos, as I like to embrace it. To help keep your energies and spirits high as you wend your way to the end of the year, Sharon offers 5 actions you can take to seize hold of the white noise buzzing around you and begin to eliminate it in the process.

Action 1 – Write down everything that's on your mind.

Action 2 – Look at Your List for Themes and Patterns

Action 3 – Set Your Priorities

Action 4 – Get Another Perspective

Action 5 – Set a Clear Intention AND Goal

Life is too short not to spend your time doing what you really feel called to do. In today's episode Sharon offers up tips and resources for just letting go of the excuses and going for it - whatever it might be for you. Learn 5 simple steps to move from where you are today to where you want to be.

This week I had fun playing with Adam Kurtz's new book Pick Me Up: A Pep Talk for Now & Later. It is a fun book-journal-workbook-guide thing with pages of prompts for you to fill out.

One page in the book offered the space to "write some good advice." Here's what I was inspired to scribble down:

There are two tracks that I see people on as they set out to go after the things they really want in their lives:

Track 1: If you already know what you want

Track 2: If you don't know what you want

• Be present

• Name the prep/steps required to get you there

• Do the leg work

• Name and cultivate the emotion that will serve you

• Make the right jump for you

• Be clear on what you don't want

• Change direction when you feel stuck

• Try lots of things – quickly!

• Follow your curiosity

• Pay attention to what's working/not working

• Check out Adam Kurtz's new book Pick Me Up: A Pep Talk for Now & Later.

Sharon comes to you today from the peaceful setting of the Hudson Valley to share some reflections and resources related to rest and stillness. Learn what's different about intentionally choosing to hold something (and not act) versus feeling stuck. Hear how we all need to take rest after we birth something new into the world - be it a new little baby or a brand new business. And get Point Road's take on the steps you can take to realize your current habits around rest to making changes. May this episode be a good steward for you finding stillness in whatever way works for you.

Below are a few tips discussed in the episode on how to find rest amidst "busy" times.

1. Get clear on your current habits
2. Do a habits assessment
3. Set an intention around rest or stillness
4. Interrupt your addictions
5. Find an accountability partner

• Today's episode was recorded in the midst of a beautiful family retreat to the Hudson Valley. Here is the space where we stayed in Woodstock, NY – a magical retreat just a hop skip and a jump from downtown Woodstock, but nestled away in the woods. A perfect mix of restful seclusion and community. Soooooo good.

Resources you might like to explore on habits:

• Point Road Journaling Exercise: Pick a timeframe (recommended: 24 hours and/or 1 week). Notice (without judgement!) how you spend your time. Write down what you observe capturing chunks of time in 15-30 minute increments. Review your data and notice (again without judgement!) what you see. It can be helpful to bring in a trusted set of fresh eyes to review the data as well and see what new perspective s/he might have.
• The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg
• Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin

Resource on finding stillness after birth:

• The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother by Heng Ou

The magical poem I read at the end of today's episode.

The Peace of Wild Things, by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

I know, I know: Death, Grief and Chickens isn't, well, sexy. But this week Design Yourself foregoes sexy for a whole lot of getting real. With light hearted humor (hello, chickens!) and a deep well of grace, Sharon opens up about her own observations on the topics of death and grief. This is not a show designed to give you the answers on what's right or wrong when it comes to these gritty topics. Instead it's one person's reflections and observations as she comes to appreciate not just what's possible in this life, but what's possible when we honor the full life cycle.

• The inspiration for this episodes' title? Anna Sale's podcast Death, Sex, and Money, which is all about the big choices and hard questions that are often left out of polite conversation.
• If you already know the podcast or just find you want to learn a bit more behind its managing editor and host Ms. Sale, I can highly recommend episode 94 of Grace Bonney's After the Jump where she interviews this podcast hero/childhood friend.
• Check out Mason Jennings' song Instrument.

"I want to be an instrument of your love" "I want to live my life a brand new way…"

• Read more about the 5 stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance).
• Sharon's short meditation on chickens, inspired by a coaching client and fellow chicken lover:

I wake with the first movements of day

Birds call out and I stretch my wings

Dust and worms and bits of green

Clawing and scratching and running towards life

No fence can keep me in

But home I'll return as the sun sets

What fences will I build?

Which ones will I tear down?

• Sharon closes this episode with a reading from The Chicken Chronicles by Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and spiritual guide Alice Walker . Her reading is from Chapter 18, "St. Michael."

Think about it. When was the last time someone asked you how you were doing or how things were going at work and you leaned on this go to answer: Busy! In this episode Sharon shares what happens when we open ourselves up to the possibility of the spontaneous (for her it was a magical trip through Slovakia to discover the hometowns of her Great Grandparents!) as well as strategies for how to shift out of the default habit of "busy." May you be surprised by what opens up to you in the process. Cheers!

5 Strategies for Letting Go of the Busyness Paradigm

1. Stop saying "I'm busy"
2. Name the real issue
3. Gather Data
4. Model ideal behavior
5. Take a break

• When discussing the power of naming the real issue, I shared an impactful framework I picked up at a conference recently from Juliet Funt at WhiteSpace at Work. Here are her 4 thieves of productivity:

1. DRIVE (Shadow side: Overdrive)

• Ask yourself: Is there anything I can let go of?

2. EXCELLENCE (Shadow side: Perfection)

• Ask yourself: Where is "good enough" good enough?

3. INFORMATION (Shadow side: Information overload)

• Ask yourself: What do I truly need to know?

4. ACTIVITY (Shadow side: Frenzy)

• Ask yourself: What deserves my attention?

• When sharing the importance of gathering data, I recommend this HBR IdeaCast Be A Work-Life Friendly Boss. Hear Scott Behson (author of The Working Dad's Survival Guide, and professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University) share tips for being a leader who models work life balance.
• Did you like all those fun facts I shared about vacation on the podcast? That's the kind of stuff I learned by investing a half-day at that Upside of Downtime 2016 conferencewhich makes the human and business case for taking vacation. If you are interested in learning more, check out the live stream recording. Man, modern technology. 🤔😊
• If you are digging the idea of taking a break, check out Episode 4 of Design Yourself, where we dive into this topic in depth.

When we think of play, what usually emerges are signs of childhood: playgrounds, kids running around, perhaps a cape, lego or magic wand thrown in for good measure. But here's the thing, adults can - and need! - play, too. In this episode Sharon explores some of the research behind why play is important, leveraging the lessons of the great scientist and play advocate Stuart Brown. You will learn three simple insights that will challenge you and spur you on to play. Sharon also shares a few questions you might consider to evaluate what play currently looks like for you - and what might be possible if you brought more of it into your life. Let the fun commence!

It's important to build distinctions around play. Here are a few of the different types of play that are out there:

• Curiosity, safe exploration
• Social play – creates belonging
• Rough and tumble play
• Spectator play
• Ritual play
• Imaginitative (solo) play
• Body
• Object
• Transformational

Questions for you to consider:

• What do you look like when you are at play? At home? With friends? At work?
• What kinds of play lights you up?
• What kinds of play are you engaging in on a regular basis?
• What would it look like if you played more? What might the consequences of more play be in your life?

Here are 3 key insights to remember as you consider the role of play in your life:

• Play is not just for kids, it's a mandate
• Play is not just something we do, it's a unique biological process that stewards our growth
• We all know how to play

• "The opposite of play is not work; it is depression." Brian Sutton-Smith
• If this quote piques your interest, you might want to check out Sutton-Smith's book The Ambiguity of Play.
• Here are the two independent bookstores we checked out (among many other adventures) in Frederick and Baltimore, MD:

The Ivy Bookshop (Baltimore, MD)

Curious Iguana (Frederick, MD)

• You hear me talk a lot in this episode about Stuart Brown. I got to hear him speak at a conference a few years ago and he is the real deal. You can check out his TED Talk Play is more than just fun.
• I'm also a huge fan of his book Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.
• Brown also founded the visionary National Institute for Play.

Some events seem to call more naturally for a celebration - birthdays, graduations, major events in our lives. But there is a huge opportunity to bring the celebratory spirit to those things in our life that no one is measuring or observing. Today's episode looks at 4 simple tips for how to bring the spirit of celebration into the things you are working for in your life that might be unseen or unnoticed by the casual observer. Why bother doing this? Work is great for getting to goals AND celebration is great for replenishing our energy to keep working hard. You get to decide what a celebration looks like for you, but I'm here to remind you that you've got to make sure you are doing so. Enjoy!

Today's episode really pushes us to celebrate and to understand that there are a host of opportunities to celebrate BEYOND those moments that are externally placed on us (e.g. report cards, performance reviews, graduations, promotions, etc). The trick is learning how to create and move towards those moments that we choose to celebrate.

Below are the 4 areas that Sharon recommends you explore as you move into this celebration practice.

• Understand the difference between vision, goals, and milestones

• Vision – What do I want? Where am I headed?

• Goals – How will I know when I have reached that place?

• Milestones – What are the little steps along the way that are showing me I'm headed in the right direction?

• Don't miss your "Champagne Moments"

• Have an accountability partner

• Set and celebrate the small wins

"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants." So says Epictetus. In this episode Sharon discusses money, money, money. Learn about the difference between operating from a sufficiency ("there is enough") vs. a scarcity ("there isn't enough") mindset and explore the 5 guiding steps to ensure that money isn't what holds you back from going after what you really want. Money ultimately only has the value that we give it; learn how to make sure that your values and your spending are aligned.

• There is a lot of chatter out there on money. Here are some quotes that really struck me as I was doing research into this topic…

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." ― Oscar Wilde

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." ― Dorothy Parker

"As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them." ― J.K. Rowling

"This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy." ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." ― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own

"While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery." ― Groucho Marx

"Don't think money does everything or you are going to end up doing everything for money." ― Voltaire

"A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned" ― Benjamin Franklin

"Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants." ― Epictetus

• Finally, below are the steps I shared that have worked for me and many of my clients to prepare financially for a big personal and/or professional transformation.

Step 1: Get clear on your budget

Step 2: Get clear on your values

Step 3: Notice without judgement how your values align or not with your money habits

Step 4: Establish a new budget (or range) that fully aligns with your values

Step 5: Make small changes every day

• In today's episode, I also reference the "Marie Kondo effect." For those who haven't joined her "tidying" craze, you can learn more here.
• To get more into the distinctions of scarcity vs. sufficiency discussed in the episode, I recommend you check out Lynne Twist's book The Soul of Money. Here's a great quote from early on in this little volume:

"Money itself isn't the problem. Money itself isn't bad or good. Money itself doesn't have power or not have power. It is our interpretation of money, our interaction with it, where the real mischief is and where we find the real opportunity for self discovery and personal transformation."

• Mint (for everyone) and The Wave (for small business owners) are great free budgeting resources to check out. (And there are many more like YNAB!)

What's possible? What's next? We close out our 4-part miniseries on Storytelling by looking to the space of the future. Being able to set a future direction gives a sense of purpose in your here and now and draws you forward with intention. But this doesn't mean it comes naturally. In fact, even though research indicates that simply focusing on the future causes us to be perceived as "leaders," most of us aren't in the practice of doing this. Sharon shares her 5 tips for stepping into a future-oriented stance and the gifts it offers. Enjoy!

• Started out today with a birthday shout out to my most fabulous mama. Happy birthday mom!

• This episode marks the close of our Storytelling series and we finish up in this series with a look to the future. In that spirit I shared a few of my favorite tips for getting into the future-oriented/visionary mindset (see below).

• Fun fact: Simply taking a future-oriented stance will cause others to perceive you as a leader. (What does this look like in practice? It can be as simple as asking questions like: Where are we headed? What's possible?)

1. Be clear about the kind of future you are imagining

The first step to tapping into your visionary self is to BE CLEAR.

What kind of a future vision are you imagining? ( A vision for…work? relationships? home? family? whole life?)

What's the time horizon that feels meaningful for your future vision?

Finally: What do you want? What do you wish for? Vision is ultimately about desire for where you want to go.

You can learn more about the full vision process over on the Blog or in the Go Beyond coloring + activity book on our Shop.

2. Remember the importance of your past and present

The past: What is your story up until now. Will it catapult me towards where I want to go?

The present: What's real for us right now? Cozy up to all your present truths and honor them. Don't let them sidetrack you, but don't try to ignore them. (It won't work!)

3. Let go of reality thinking

Be able to separate from past and present and be open to possibility, unhindered by by the constraints of what is true today or has been true in the past.

If you really feel stuck here, you might start by doing a written mind dump of all the reality thinking. Usually once we write it down, we can set it aside.

Try to see what shows up without the constraints of dialogue. Be quiet with yourself.

Experiment with different ways to tap into your vision. Draw. Collage. Write lists. Create a field guild. Whatever. Get your creative juices flowing.

A word on timing: If you have a full day to dedicate to visioning, great! But 10 minutes is also stellar! Use the time you have.

4. Be open to surprises

I will usually step into visioning by asking people what they already see for their future. You'd be amazed by how much people already know.

Tap into your own inner wisdom by listening to the Vision Meditation shared in Episode 5.

5. Let it evolve

The more we see, the more our perspective grows and that can change our vision.

I think of this as the "Go Beyond" mindset and it is the final and critical piece to leading from a visionary stance versus simply achieving a set vision. We continue to grow and evolve as people and businesses as we move towards our visions and this might mean that our visions will shift and evolve right with us. Be open to it.