Determined to Dance Podcast

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, Encouragement: Active Vs. Passive looks at different ways to encourage others.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show notes: Encouragement: Active Vs. Passive

Encouragement is something we all need. While self-encouragement is necessary, I want to focus on being an encourager to others. A person who is intent on building up, stirring up, or lifting up those around them. I like I Thessalonians 5:11 in the Message translation:

“So, speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it.”

No one left out or left behind. I think of walking alongside someone, taking their hand and showing that we’re in this together. When we’re at a dance, we can’t solely focus on our ability and the part we play or we lose the ability to flow with our dance partner. We might also run into other dancers and create chaos because of our self-focus. There is a give and take in our awareness of our own ability to dance, that of our dance partner, and the people around us. We want to flow with God and be a blessing.

I believe we can build up hope in passive and active ways. When I speak in front of a group of people, many encourage me in passive ways, whether they realize it or not. Just showing up to listen encourages me as does shaking their head in affirmation when I make a point during my talk. Passive encouragement has value.

But what really stays with me are the active encouragers. Those people approach me afterward with a positive word, insight, or question. Or they ask about my writing, podcast, or ways to connect through social media. People who go the extra mile.

And I love to receive a physical card in the mail or an email mentioning the event and its worth to the listener.

Now I should probably stop here and mention that of the five love languages, a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, my primary one is words of affirmation. I love to be encouraged verbally and give encouragement that way.

I believe passive encouragement is needful, but I long to become a person who actively seeks out people who are hurting, lonely, or with low self-esteem and build, stir, and lift them up. Maybe you do too.

How can we do this?

Point out the talents and goodness of others. Many people undervalue themselves and feel they are nothing special. Encouragers point out their value.

Focus on the goals and dreams of others. Many people are almost afraid to set goals and dreams because of their past. Encouragers ask about dreams and goals, then inspire and assist in reaching them.

Being present. In this day of technological distractions, it's often hard to find someone who will set their phone, work, or day aside to simply listen. Part of being an encourager is the willingness to be fully present in a given situation with an open ear, mind, and heart.

Nothing thrills my heart more than when a person gives me their full attention. I’ve been guilty of only half-listening to people as I formulate my reply in my mind, instead of focusing on what they’re saying, I’m caught up in what I want to say, what I want to get across, my own agenda. And if you’ve picked up on that while we’ve talked in the past, I’m truly sorry.

It takes great effort to change a ‘me’ focus to a ‘we’ focus. But I’m willing to learn. First, I lay down my phone, work, or anything else aside. I try to make eye contact and focus on the words of others, not my own words. Second, I put myself in their place. How would I feel if this were happening to me? What encouragement would I need?  Then I do something. Maybe a nod or word is enough. Or I might need to add a more active form of encouragement. Do I need to follow up with more encouragement or point out a path that will lead to more help than I can give?

As much as we’d like to, we can’t be everywhere for everyone. But God can. 2020 and 2021 have been so overwhelming for many people and at times we all feel hopeless as the needs around us multiply. We can easily burn out if we try to meet them all.

Let’s try to be sensitive to passive and active ways to encourage others but at the same time realize that only God can meet each person where they are. I’ve learned to stop feeling overwhelmed and take a moment to pray for those I can’t personally touch. Because I know that God can.

Let’s pray: Father God, thank you for providing ways to encourage those around us. You give us examples in your word, especially through reading about your son, Jesus, and the way He changed the world through his selfless acts of love. Help us to be more like Him, sensitive to the needs of others and our own. In Jesus’ name, we pray, amen.

I love the many ways we can encourage others. Next week, we’ll talk more about modeling encouragement and random acts of kindness. Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

I Thessalonians 5:11, The Message

The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Remember: Encouragement: Active Vs. Passive

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/b_RjndG0IX8

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, Encouragement: Starting Within, examines how vital self-encouragement is to our dance with God.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show notes: Encouragement: Starting Within

A Bible story that resonated with me long ago is found in I Samuel 30. David, the son of Jesse, has been anointed king of Israel by the prophet, Samuel. But the reigning king, Saul, drove him out of Israel and David is now living in enemy territory. He took his fighting men and went to offer his allegiance to the enemy but is rejected. When he and his men return home, their small town has been invaded, their families and belongings stolen. His men turn on David in their grief. Now, folks, that’s beyond a bad day at the office. David’s been rejected, robbed, and renounced during a short period of time.

After all this, verse 6 says: “Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” I Samuel 30:6 NKJV

What a great example. Here’s a man who had basically lost everything: home, family, friends, and possessions. I think I would have been tempted to run for my life in deep depression. I mean, how do you go dance in God’s will and way when the room is pitch black?

First, strengthen yourself. When you encourage yourself, you’re giving hope, confidence, and support. Hope in the fact you’ve been through tough times before, confidence that there’s nothing new under the sun, and support through positive words and thoughts.

Second and to me, most important, you do this in the Lord. Your hope is in who He is and what He’s already done for you, your confidence is in His power and love and your support comes through His word and prayer.

Depending on your own strength will only take you so far. And can I testify to that fact. Often, I lean on my own strength. Wouldn’t want to bother God with my problems, which most assuredly look tiny in His eyes. He has enough to worry about with all the chaos in the world. So, I roll up my sleeves and push ahead, going for all its worth until…

I run out of energy. Ability. Strength.

During the months of July and August, I was busier than usual. Birthday celebrations, doctor visits, babysitting, and extra writing work had pushed me to my limits. In the midst of it all, the housework somehow got shuffled to the end of the to-do list, then dropped entirely. My writing suffered as I don’t work too well amongst the clutter. I was overwhelmed.

After I tried everything else, I stopped and asked God for help. (Yes, I know, I should’ve done that first but I don’t always take my own advice) A day or so later, I suddenly knew what I needed to do. Ask Mom for help. She’s good at cleaning but I mean, she is 80. The thought was ‘just ask her to dust and clean the mirrors.’ Not too hard a job.

And what I found was with her at my house doing her part, I felt my strength renewed to do my part. I no longer felt alone and overwhelmed. Together, we’d got the job done. God had provided an answer.

In the future, I need to remember three things when life gets tough:

Encourage myself in the Lord. Go first to Him, humble myself, and ask for help.

Be open to his answer. His thoughts and ways are above mine. He might point out a path I hadn’t noticed before.

Be willing to humble myself and obey. I need to let go of my need to control and follow Him.

The keyword is humble. Why do I often act like a toddler when discouragement attacks and I need to be encouraged? I think of children and that age-old phrase, “I can do it myself.” Now there is a time and place for this but usually, when I say it, I’m just being stubborn. God has a way of encouragement if I’ll only ask.

Let’s pray: Father God, I come to you today and ask for help. I want to strengthen and encourage myself in You but I often forget and strike out on my own. Show me when and how to encourage myself and also your love and longing to be part of my life. Come, Lord Jesus. I open my life to You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Self-encouragement. With God, we can. Join me next week as we discuss passive encouragement versus active encouragement. Until then, stay determined to dance…

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

I Samuel 30:6, NKJV

Remember: Encouragement: Starting Within

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/dH0PmaKxOtA

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, Perseverance: Hope When We Need It Most, looks at the way that hope, more than any other virtue, helps us to persevere.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show notes: Perseverance: Hope When We Need It Most

Hope. We all need it. Hunt for it. Grab onto it in our times of greatest need. But what exactly is it? For this word, I’ve dug back into my favorite old dictionary, Webster’s 1828. It says, “Hope is a desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable. Hope differs from wish and desire in this, that it implies some expectation of obtaining the good desired or the possibility of possessing it.”

So, hope is desire. It’s belief. Expectation. It’s what we need to persevere. How can we dance in step with God if we have no hope?

But 2020 and 2021 haven’t exactly been stellar years to find bucketloads of hope waiting around every corner. No, lately hope has been pretty elusive. And its opposite, despair, is everywhere.

I believe part of the tiredness I mentioned last week could be connected to a loss of hope. Honestly, I’d really hoped the pandemic would be over by now, but it doesn’t look like it. I attended a Southern writer’s conference recently and masks and social distancing were in full force. There’s just something sad about not getting to see people’s faces and expressions when you talk with them. And I don’t know when it will all end.

But I know who does. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Romans 15:13: “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

The God of hope. Abound in hope. Now that’s what I want. I need. Overflowing, abundant hope filling me so I can pass it on to others. How can I find this confidence?

Seek God. Since He’s the God of hope, I need to go to Him and ask. Sometimes, He’ll point us toward a scripture, song, or send a word of encouragement from a friend. God knows our needs and desires to fill us with more of Himself.

Stay connected. I tend to isolate myself when life is tough. Since God often helps us by sending people, we need to be reachable. Don’t hide from family, friends, church, or community groups.

Speak up. This goes with stay connected. If people ask how I am and I always say, “fine,” how will they know? Find safe people and talk to them about what you’re going through. And it’s okay to go to a therapist or counselor if you need help with deeper struggles. I have and it’s helped me tremendously.

Be patient. Part of my struggles with hope result from my impatience. I want it all. Yesterday. And waiting is tough when it deals with my chosen career, relational issues, or times of crisis. I have to believe God hears and He has a plan.

Not everything I hope for is good for me or part of God’s plan. I hope, in a wistful kind of way, that someone would build a coffee shop next door to my house. But that would likely affect my health and finances in a negative way if such a thing were to happen. It wouldn’t be in God’s best interest for me.

To find hope, I seek God, stay connected, speak up, be patient, and surrender. God has so many ways to bring hope into our lives, starting with His Son, who came into the world to save us and one day bring us home with Him. Our ultimate hope.

Let’s pray: Father God, I thank you for being the God of hope. You’ve done so much for us in the past and I believe you have good things in store for our future. You give us hope with each sunrise. Open our eyes and hearts to see the hope you’ve placed in front of us today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I’m so glad that God doesn’t leave us without hope. Next week, we’ll dive into the first episode in a six-part series on encouragement. Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

Webster's 1828 Dictionary

Romans 15:13

Remember: Perseverance: Hope When We Need It Most

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-1fwZtKJSM

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, Perseverance: Endurance Vs. Compliance looks at the difference between the two polar opposites and how to move toward enduring and away from complying.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show notes: Perseverance: Endurance Vs. Compliance

I’m tired. It’s been a long summer after a longer pandemic. About two months ago, it all caught up with me. The stress from an upside-down 2020, added to my personal bout of COVID and ankle surgery. Throughout the summer, I’ve struggled to keep up. To move forward. To endure.

Or has it really been endurance lately? Somehow, some time ago, I moved into compliance. Here’s a quick definition. Compliance is the act of complying with a command, desire, or rule. Mainly, it was rules. When overwhelmed, follow the ruts. It’s easier that way.

And honestly, I don’t think that’s always a bad thing. All of us have dealt with some form of survival mode over the past 18 or so months. Whether it’s been finding food or supplies, having your job suddenly change, or fighting sickness in your own body, we’ve worked hard to survive and be flexible.

I have also. The rules have helped, given me structure when I lost all control. But now it’s time. For me, and maybe for you. I’d begun to march again and realize that sometimes it’s what I must do. But dancing, flowing with our heavenly Father, in day-to-day living, is where I want to be.

I’ve lost it. I want to get back on the dance floor.

So, it’s time to stop complying and endure.

Huh?

Let me explain. It’s time to stand firm in the midst of the chaotic and not give in. And I’ve been tempted to quit.

Everything.

To retreat under the covers with my cellphone and an endless supply of coffee. I mean, it’s so hard being a human on planet earth right now. Okay, enough whining. Let’s look at God’s word:

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” - 1 Corinthians 10:13

I’ve been tempted and it’s a normal thing. I need to remember that God is faithful and that He’s the Waymaker.

My God provides. One of his names is Jehovah Jireh, The Lord will provide. I need to take a moment to be still, access my needs, then ask for provision.

He understands. Jesus lived like us and He gets us. Stands ready to pour out comfort and peace beyond our ability to comprehend.

He gives rest. Jesus urges us, those who labor and are heavy-laden, to come to Him. Wow. That so describes me lately. I need to take His yoke for it is easy and His burden is light.

That’s where I lost it, I think. I’ve been calling out to the Provider and know that He understands. But I’ve felt very behind after everything that has happened and I’m trying so hard to catch up. My writing, my house, my yard, my ministry. It overwhelms me. I know I’ve moved back into my own strength and it’s not working. Looks like it’s time to rest and endure. Once again.

Let’s pray: Father God, I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to live in my own strength and have failed. Now I’m tired, weary, and still behind. But You say that there is a plan and purpose for me. A road for me to walk. I just need to take Your hand and let you lead me once again. I’ll work and rest according to your direction. Help me endure today. Help us all. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen.

We can stand firm and not give in. But we need one more thing if we’re to persevere: Hope. Come back next week as we wrap up this series. Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

Jehovah Jireh scripture

Remember: Perseverance: Endurance Vs. Compliance

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/iJCV_2H9xD0

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “Perseverance: Empathy in a Chaotic World” focuses on the part empathy plays in our learning to persevere.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: Perseverance: Empathy in a Chaotic World

Empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Now, this is a virtue so needed in the post covid world where we live. We walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. This isn’t taking someone’s place or knowing exactly how a person is feeling. If we’ve never lost a beloved pet, we don’t, per se, know how they feel, but we can relate and share the grief and loss that fills their heart. We can have empathy.

And if we are to persevere and move forward in the dance of life, we need other people. One way we build relationships is by expressing empathy. It’s so comforting to know that someone has come alongside us in our grief or sadness or anger. When a friend or relative takes time from their schedule to make a call, send an email, or even stop by for a visit, our load is a little lighter. For a moment anyway…

In the past eighteen months, there’s been so much judgment and hate that’s circulated through television and social media because of covid, racial issues, and a world that is reeling from the loss of life, security, and hope. Instead of empathy, insensitivity has taken over and is even applauded.

It would be so easy to hide our heads and hearts during these unsettling times. But now, more than ever, we need to share our hope, the one true hope, Jesus Christ. He alone can fill our hearts with love and enable us to show empathy to those around us.

How can we receive the empathy that Jesus has for us so we can give to others?

First, we ask for it. We pray for God to fill our hearts with his love to overflowing. We also immerse ourselves in the Word. As we read about the love of Jesus and others in the Bible, it demonstrates the empathy of God in countless ways. We open ourselves to safe people. We look for the people in our lives that love us unconditionally and allow them to share in our losses and pain.

When my daughter and her husband divorced several years ago, I was devastated. The last thing I needed was someone to judge me or her or him. I didn’t need guilt or shame or even scriptures flung at me. I needed empathy. And I reached out to people who in the past demonstrated that kind of love and mercy and grace that could ease my hurting soul.

You know what I’m talking about. Someone who could understand and share. It meant more to me than they’ll ever know. I want to be there for others. What are ways that we can show empathy to the hurting people around us?

When people are hurting or angry, they usually don’t want answers. They are trying to sort the situation or relationship out and the best thing we can do is listen, showing interest and support.

Withhold judgment. A raw wound doesn’t need salt poured on it. As much as we might want to judge or advise, it’s better to love and pray. Be open to a future time of asking questions.

Show care and concern in physical ways. Send a card. Fix a meal. Call. Offer help. Tangible help is important to people who suffer.

Give them time to grieve. No matter what the issue, if you try to fix it in a hurry, it only buries the hurt and pain. Healing takes time so be prepared to give empathy often, especially after a traumatic event.

I’ve not always done this as well as I’d like. Especially when I’m also hurting. But I want to have more empathy for others. And I’ve learned that I’m encouraged to ask the Father for what I need. Let’s pray:

Father God, we come to You today with a thankful heart. Fill us with your love and help us to see Your heart, the love you’ve shown by sending Your one and only Son to die for us so we can live with You. As we’re filled, show us how to have empathy for others. Point out when we become judgmental and make us more like You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Empathy. A way to build relationships and point people to God. Next week, we’ll look at the fourth virtue, endurance. Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

Remember: Perseverance: Empathy in a Chaotic World

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/QPwd_TQpsHY

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “Perseverance: The Virtue of Courage” focuses on the ability to move past fear and why we need it to persevere.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: Perseverance: Courage When You Don’t Have Strength

I googled quotes, then images when I began to study for this podcast. Napoleon Bonaparte said, "Courage isn't having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don't have the strength." Wow. Fits how I’ve felt lately, to be sure. The images I found surprised me though. I was thinking of a lion or soldier. Instead, I found a tightrope walker, someone leaping a wide ravine, a goldfish leaping from his fishbowl into a lake. And only one lion pic. But it wasn’t a lion, it was a housecat with a lion’s shadow.

I needed to readjust my thinking. Instead of courage being something or someone strong or well-trained, courage is the ordinary attempting the extraordinary. All the images I saw were attempts at something way beyond the normal comfort zone.

Hmm. Comfort zone. The perfect opposite of courage. I know that fear is probably most thought of as the opposite but for me, maybe for you, the endless search for comfort holds more truth. It is more comfortable and much easier to sit alongside the wall at the dance, sipping a cup of punch, than to put yourself on the dance floor, in front of others, where you might really mess up and fail. Flop. Draw tons of unwanted attention from another error.

Do I, do you, really want to take a chance and try to tango when so much is at stake? Like our pride, our reputation, our ability to appear in public. I don’t know about y’all, but I can make the tiniest mistake in judgment, like buying a cute butterfly T-shirt and wearing it the next day. What’s wrong with that? Only a problem when you get home and notice the clear strip of tape that shouts your size that you forgot to remove when you decided to wear it. I cringe to think how many people wondered about my state of mind. I’d like to say this has only happened once but…

Courage. Going on when you don’t have the strength. When you’re embarrassed. When you’ve failed. When you’re too tired to keep trying. I don’t think you can persevere without courage. Every morning when you wake up and decide to face one more day and do the best you can, you’re displaying courage. Like Maria in the Sound of Music:

https://youtu.be/dUFBOC6lQoo

I work on most of my podcasts on Monday. The hardest day of the week to get started. Emails are screaming for answers, the house tends to be messy, the phone constantly rings, and I just want the weekend back. Is that too much to ask?

But I’m here at my computer, mustering all the courage I can, to work on the episode and my to-do list. Why? So many times, life seems like an endless Monday. What can help me let go of the weekends of life and move forward when I don’t want to?

Remember: Why do I do what I do? I write because I can’t not write. I clean because I don’t like clutter. I love and encourage those around me because I want to be loved in return. Doesn’t always happen but God steps in and fills me when others can’t or won’t.

I forget the Mondays when I failed. Flopped. Gave up. I forget the times I didn’t measure up to my own expectations. This leads me to number 3.

Let go. I release the anger and disappointment I hold against myself for not being perfect. I release bitterness that creeps in when others let me down. I release all my fears and worries and anxious moments to God and take the next step.

In faith. Because that’s where we find courage. We have faith in the God who tells us we’re never alone, never without help, never left behind.

I used to have nightmares often where I’d miss the school bus. Or a regular bus. Or a ride. Fear consumed me at times because what if I missed God’s perfect will for my life? What if I made one too many mistakes?

The nightmares stopped as I dug into His Word and realized that:

He would find me. Psalm 139 says He knows me, where I am, what my thoughts are.

He would guide me. Psalm 37 says the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. I’m good, not in myself, but because Jesus lives in my heart.

He would save me. Psalm 103 says He removes my transgressions as far as the east is from the west.

I have courage because of Him. In Him, I can do all things. Even if it’s just to sit at my desk and work on one more podcast. He’s with me, extending his hand, asking me to dance, to follow his lead, one more time.

Let’s pray: Father God, thank you for Your word and the courage I glean from its wisdom. You and Your word help me to persevere. Remind me daily that You are for me, with me, and will never leave me behind. You make a way where there is no way. Because of You, I find my courage. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I pray that your courage, wisdom, and strength increase daily as you dance with the Father. Next week, we’ll discuss the virtue of empathy.

Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

The Sound of Music

Remember: Perseverance: Courage When You Don't Have Strength

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/zmNc0L7Ac5c

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “Perseverance: The Virtue of Patience” focuses on patience and its importance to the dance.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: Perseverance: The Virtue of Patience

Patience. The ability to handle or tolerate life’s interruptions without getting angry or upset. Oh. That sounds super simple, don’t you think?

I’m laughing too. Or maybe crying would be a better response. I don’t like interruptions. Remember that planner/organized part of me? Often, I can handle or tolerate what life throws at me. I can switch and swap and move stuff around to make it work. I bet you can too. Part of the time anyway.

My problem comes with the attitude. The not getting angry or upset thing. I tend to be one or the other or often both at the same time. Throw in a nice dose of self-pity and that’s me.

Angry, upset, and whiny when life’s not going my way. So, I really need to figure this patience thing out.

People have told me before how patient I am. And outwardly, I put on a good show. And in some areas, I am pretty good at being patient. You can probably relate. Slow traffic doesn’t usually bother me. I don’t mind waiting in waiting rooms too much either. (I always carry a book or something to work on so I guess I feel productive anyway) I mean if I’m working, I’m still in the dance. Does my attitude really matter?

In my search and study, I came up with three things I need to work on in this area.

I’m never patient enough with myself. I wouldn’t speak to others the way I speak to myself. I give others grace but not little ‘old me.

I can be impatient with people who aren’t like me. At times, I want others to keep up with me. Often, I expect my friends to have their act together. All the time. What’s their problem?

I don’t usually agree with God’s timing. After the fact, I can usually nod my head. Say thank you to God. Understand what and why he is doing something. But before…

I whine. Why is this happening?

I get angry. Why can’t God fix this?

I get depressed. Nothing ever works.

I give up. Why try? God’s not helping.

Hmm. All right. Let’s dig a little deeper.

The opposite of patience is impatience. When I’m impatient, I’m restless. Irritable. Stressed. Anxious. Angry. Bored.

Quite a list. If I’m feeling this way and not doing anything about it, I’ll hurt my physical health. My mental fitness. My awareness of God and my part in the dance of life.

So, let’s tackle these attitudes.

How can I be more patient with myself and others?

First, stop with unrealistic expectations. Just because we wrote or exercised or volunteered a lot during a certain season in my life, we think we should keep the same pace all the time. Let’s look at housecleaning. Why would we think our house should look as good with two toddlers as it did before we had children or grandchildren? As we age, we can’t seem to keep the pace we did when we were twenty. Go figure.

Second, realize that people have different callings, personalities, backgrounds, and jobs. We shouldn’t compare and try to figure out who is right. Or wrong. If asked, we could share my opinion. Or maybe help the other person or even ourselves decide what is best. For the season we’re in.

And third. Let’s not forget my struggle with God’s timing. How can I be more patient with God?

I can’t believe I even admitted that this is a problem. I think it all goes back to me being human. I’m so short-sighted when it comes to seeing the big picture. I used to wonder why Abraham and Sarah didn’t wait on God. (Read Genesis 16) They tried to have a son in their own way and timing but it wasn’t what God wanted. How often I’ve done the same thing. Stepped out to fix something and left God behind. I act like I’m not sure God understands the importance of what I’m doing.

What helped me most in this area is the realization that life, people, and circumstances are like a giant puzzle. Each piece has a place and purpose. If pieces are missing, we need to wait for them to complete the puzzle. Sometimes God is leading someone to their place for my benefit and I don’t even know it. Let’s take time, wait, and trust that God has a better concept of timing than we do.

I believe it all goes back to pride. I think I know better than God. Then people. And that I know myself better than God. The last three sentences have an awful lot of “I’s” in them, don’t they?

So, it seems if I get my mind off myself and onto God and His Word, then I’ll be in a better place to discover that I can be more patient, more loving, and kinder with others and myself. And not blaming God. Sounds like a plan, don’t you think?

Patience. An attitude that has a lot to do with our focus on God.

Let’s pray: Father God, I want to persevere in my calling and my life and I need patience. But I can’t make it happen. Help me focus on You and Your word as I walk through life each and every day. Help me receive Your grace so I can freely offer it to myself and others. Your kindness is beautiful. Thank you. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Next week, we’ll tackle the second virtue of perseverance: Courage. Until then, stay determined to dance…

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

Genesis 16

Remember: Perseverance: The Virtue of Patience

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/DnRdX1xl5MI

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “5 Life-Changing Lessons Perseverance Teaches” looks at the virtues and their opposites when it comes to persevering.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: 5 Life-Changing Lessons Perseverance Teaches

Episode 20. Wow, I’m halfway through the first season on the Determined to Dance Podcast and I’m so thankful. God is good and has kept me on track. And I really appreciate all the positive feedback I’ve had from you, the listeners. It means more than you’ll ever know.

Back to perseverance. Last week, we looked at the definition. The ability to move forward in the face of difficulty or with little to no prospect of success. We do this daily. Raising toddlers, going to work, and managing family relationships can be difficult. Writing a book, learning a new skill, or starting a diet or exercise program can seem to have little hope of success. But we keep trying. We step onto the dance floor and take God’s hand as He leads us in His will and way.

Why? Because we want to be close to God. And we also believe that our lives can be changed for the better as we persevere. Virtues or moral excellence can emerge if we press on in spite of what we are facing in life

Five virtues we learn from perseverance are:

Patience

Courage

Empathy

Endurance

Hope

I’ve heard people talk about this before. One thing that they don’t always mention is that we can learn virtues or we can turn to the exact opposite when the pressure is on.

Instead of the positive aspects, we could learn:

Impatience

Fearfulness

Insensitivity

Compliance

Despair

I’ve experienced these myself, especially fearfulness and despair. When the going gets tough, I often want to hide in a closet, covered with a blanket, and wonder why I ever thought I could make it. My writing and the search for health are where I struggle most.

How did I ever think I could succeed as a writer? I become impatient with myself over my lack of consistency. Fearful that I won’t ever reach my goals. Insensitive to my family when I move into self-pity. Compliant because I’ll excessively obey rules to the point that it destroys my story. All this leads to despair over my chosen career.

And it's exactly the same with diet or exercise. And a lot of other things. Can you see it? Do you struggle to or am I the only one?

Perseverance is suddenly out the window and I’ve given myself over to the opposite of the virtues I want to display in my life. Like Paul said in Romans 7:15 (NLT)

“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”

What are ways we can tackle our go-to negative patterns when the pressure becomes great?

Go to Jesus. Paul goes on to say in verse 25, “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord…” We cry out for help, for wisdom and discernment, and for the ability to persevere. He longs for us to ask.

Talk it out with a friend. Bring the problem to light and we can find accountability and healing when we don’t hide our issues.

It often helps to write; not only how I feel but the way I’d like to feel and act. Recording positive goals and giving some structure to our problems often takes away their immensity and reduces them to a manageable size.

Lately, I’m struggling to persevere when it comes to exercise. Last December, I had ankle surgery on compressed nerves, then endured three months of grueling therapy. After leaving therapy, I’ve had trouble staying motivated. It’s much easier to read a book instead of making my step count. It's more fun to float on a raft than to exercise my ankle in the pool.

I mean, I’m getting older so why keep trying? Before I even know it, I’ve moved into self-pity and off the dance floor once again.

But the difference is I’ve learned what to do. I stop wallowing, cry out to Jesus, call a friend, and pull out my trusty journal or the Notes app on my phone. I take time to stop the downward slide and before I know it, I’m gliding and spinning once again to the beat of the music. And practicing the virtues of perseverance.

Let’s take a moment to pray: Father God, we need you every moment of every day. Help us to see when we are losing the ability to move forward. It so often sneaks up on us and suddenly we’re caught up in despair. You are the God of hope and faith and love. Shower us with your blessed presence once again so we can move in step with you. In Jesus’ name, we pray, amen.

In the future, I’ll remember to pray, call, and journal. I hope you do too. Next week, we’ll talk about our first virtue when it comes to persevering: patience.

Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

Definition of Persevere

Remember: 5 Life-Changing Lessons Perseverance Teaches

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/hl5GcRrJLyw

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “Perseverance: Dancing in the Midst of Chaos” kicks off a new series of learning how to move forward, no matter what life brings.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: Perseverance: Dancing in the Midst of Chaos

I persevere. I’m determined to dance in the midst of the chaos. I’ve written these words in the notebook by my bed so I can see them at least twice a day. Why? It’s an important reminder of my need to persevere. Not give up. Keep on truckin’.

Excuse my seventies cliché.

But seriously, what does it mean to persevere? My favorite definition says, “To continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.

Yikes. The very definition makes me cringe. I mean, phrases like “face of difficulty” and “little or no prospect of success” don’t necessarily warm my heart.

But it’s my life. Your life.

Similar words for perseverance are patience, persistence, and tenacity.

Expressions for hard times. Difficult relationships. Trying circumstances.

When I think of famous people that fit those words, I consider Joseph and Ruth from the Old Testament of the Bible. Paul from the New Testament. Thomas Edison Amelia Earhart, Walt Disney. James Dyson. Bethany Hamilton, Steven Spielberg.

All are ordinary people who’ve accomplished the extraordinary. And they all had the ability to persevere in common.

Say your name aloud. Go ahead. Okay, I’ll start. Jennifer Hallmark. I’m just an ordinary gal committed to persevere and accomplish the extraordinary. You can too. And you will. Let’s start with something simple. I’ve encouraged at least one person in the last year. In the midst of the pandemic. That alone is above the ordinary. To get your mind off yourself during trying times can be hard but I did it. I know you did too. And if you take time to consider, you’ll think of many extraordinary tasks you’ve performed, relationships you engaged in, lives you’ve changed. See? You are a remarkable person.

When I first started writing as a career, I penned a medieval fantasy novel, think vaguely Lord of the Rings combined with Narnia, with too many mistakes to count. An offer came my way to self-publish so I prayed a lot, then declined it. I felt like God wanted my writing journey to follow the traditionally published road. He knew my novel was nowhere near ready and that I wasn’t either. At the time, I had no idea that it would take 11 years to be offered a contract. Then 2 more years before I would see Jessie’s Hope, my SECOND novel, come into the world. My first is still unpublished.

If I’d known this, it would have been overwhelming and odds are I’d left the dance floor of writing for God in utter discouragement and disbelief.

But a book I wrote was released so now everything is perfect. Right?

I see your smiles. Why is it that we believe if we only get that one thing, we want more than anything that life will be nothing but sunshine, rainbows, and perfect days? Well, it’s not.

Instead, I moved back into learning to persevere in marketing, writing more books, and learning lots about the writing world. I’ve gotten rejection letters and lived through days where I thought the sun would never shine again.

What advice have I learned that might help you if you’re just starting on a new venture?

Enjoy the journey. The mountain tops are awesome and worth the struggle but they don’t last long. Relish the view of each and every step.

Make friends along the way. And not just people you think will help you. Pray for divine connections and you might be surprised at the variety of people you’ll meet.

It’s worth it. Whether or not life is everything you thought, it’s still worth it. Focus on the good, the kindness, the mercy, and the grace we can still receive each day if we only ask.

Have you started to realize that dancing is not easy? If you watch different variety shows on television, it seems effortless. Simple. Piece of cake.

But behind the scenes is hard work. Tons of practice.

And lots of perseverance. But I want to dance so much. I feel like you do too.

Let’s pray: Father God, thank you for leading the way onto your giant dance floor. We so often want to give up but you encourage us daily in a hundred different ways. Words can never say enough about Your patience, Your persistence. Your perseverance. We lay our will and way on the altar of Your grace and mercy. Heal us, lead us, love us. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I’m ready for the second half of 2021 and the journey I’m on. Are you? Let’s go. Next week we’ll discuss the first of five life-changing lessons that perseverance teaches us.

Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

Definition of Persevere

Bethany Hamilton

Remember: Perseverance: Dancing in the Midst of Chaos

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://youtu.be/-N2IDkN_a8c

Welcome to the Determined to Dance podcast with your host, Jennifer Hallmark. Today’s episode, “How Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination” winds up this series with a look at how striving to be perfect can cause us to procrastinate.

Are you ready? The world would have us march to its chaotic beat but God invites us to dance in His will and His way. Let’s take a moment to be energized, refreshed, and motivated to face the day, one spin and twirl at a time.

Show Notes: How Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination

Can I take a moment to be super honest? I’ve really struggled with procrastination since I started this mini-series on the podcast. Or maybe the realization hit me so hard because I see how much I tend to stall, put things off for a sunny day, even change the subject while talking.

I’m a procrastinator. Yes, I get things done but it tends to be last minute. I need to change. Why do I put things off? Father God is standing on the dance floor with his hand stretched toward mine.

And here I am telling him to wait. Again.

While I connect with everything, I’ve taught over the last eight weeks, I believe that perfectionism is the main cause behind it all, for me anyway. And as I was researching, I found this interesting article I’ll share below in the links by Meagan Drillinger on Healthline. She called the issue the perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle.

A great way to explain it. I tend to look at a task, see all the ways I need to complete it, then look at how hard it will be to make it as perfect as I think it should be, then procrastinate while feeling totally paralyzed when it comes to moving forward. Does anyone else feel my pain?

I’ve heard it said that perfectionism is a good thing, people have justified their extreme behavior by labeling it as productive but I’m not buying it. I’m a recovering perfectionist and I know its destructiveness firsthand. The desire to be excellent in your life and work hard is good but trying to be perfect is futile. Only God is perfect.

I remember times when I’d spend eight hours cleaning one room. Yes, one room. I’d wipe and wash and dust and polish every single inch of every item. If I could go back in time, I’m sure I’d find reasons behind my obsessive behavior.

Most of my episodes of trying to be perfect arose from stress, anxiety. Once, while we were moving, I got so anxious that I quit moving items inside and went and painted a closet. Everything had become too much and painting helped me gain a little control back.

When I feel I’m not enough, I might move toward the extreme. In my mind, if I can do it all perfectly, life will line up and I’ll get my act together.

Especially if it’s something new, fear attacks that I can’t do it, I’ll mess it up, I’ll fail.

Maybe I did fail while doing something so I’ll try a hundred times harder to do the next thing perfect to make up for it.

Except it doesn’t make up for it. All my strivings in the flesh might appease me for a time but it never changes anything long term. And what I’m looking for is lasting change. A new season. A new me…

Dieting. Yes, I said it. Out loud. In my forties, I started having back trouble and gained weight. Since then, I’ve battled off and on with gaining and losing weight. Most of my diets or exercise plans have failed because of my perfectionism. If I mess up one time or one day, I want to quit. Do that a couple of times and then I do quit. It’s that all-or-nothing attitude.

But I am changing. I’ve read books on the subject, prayed, and have taken a long look at myself. I believe my personality tends toward perfectionist tendencies anyway. But as a child, my dad was really sick with a disease similar to muscular dystrophy. Somehow, somewhere I picked up the notion that it might be my fault. Children tend to feel they are omniscient or all-powerful anyway and I really ran with this feeling. So, I tried to be perfect. From grades to sports to church, I worked hard. I didn’t realize that deep inside I thought my dad would get better because of my works.

I carried this into adulthood. When I was 28, my dad passed suddenly and I spiraled out of control for a season. I battled depression, fear, and anxiety because the feeling that it was my fault attacked me relentlessly. During this time, I found the book “Hiding from Love,” by Dr. John Townsend. It helped me to understand why I felt like I did and how to change the negative patterns I had in my life.

What helped me most was finding safe people to talk to about my childhood, my anxiety, my fears. Then I started blogging and shared more and healed some more. I moved to write fiction and found that the most freeing of all.

In my debut novel, Jessie’s Hope, I placed my main character, twenty-year-old Jessie Smith, in a wheelchair like my dad and put myself in the place of her grandfather and caregiver, Homer. I found healing in this story of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

How can you find healing if you have perfectionist tendencies that lead to procrastination?

Talk about it. Find a non-judgmental person who will listen to you and you can be accountable as you seek healing.

Give yourself grace. Realize that you are human and only God is perfect. Strive for excellence but understand that no one can do everything well.

Set small goals. When I’m getting ready to work on a podcast episode, I can feel overwhelmed. I stop and break it into small tasks and don’t think about the next part until I finish the one, I’m on.

Don’t multi-task. This always makes a perfectionist anxious. Stay present and manage one job at a time.

Fail forward. I love John C. Maxwell’s book by this title. Recognize that failure can be a learning experience (and great material for a writer). Everyone fails occasionally. If I remember that ahead of time and remain realistic, the pain is less.

There is hope for the perfectionist. Remember that God died for us while we were yet sinners. He didn’t wait until we had our act together. Rick Warren said it best, “God will never love you any less or more than he does right now because his love is based on who He is, not what you’ve done.”

As I work on this podcast, I have an inner critic that screams that I’m not doing a good enough job, reminds me that I stumble over words at times and that I don’t always make sense. But I’ve learned to smile and say, “You’re right and it’s okay. God loves me and I’m doing the best I can for the knowledge I have and the season I’m in.”

Then I take God’s hand and move back onto the dance floor. I hope you will too.

Let’s pray: Father God, you are so good. Thank you for loving me where I am. Help me to see when I struggle with trying to be perfect. When I’m anxious and worried and disappointed. Show me your way, the way of love and grace, and help me to forgive myself and move forward. In your will and your way. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Whoa. This was a tough series but I’ve learned so much. I hope you have too. Next week, we’ll dive into perseverance and find out what it is and how it relates to the dance.

Until then, stay determined to dance.

Links:

My website

My debut novel, Jessie’s Hope

7 Steps to Breaking the 'Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis' Cycle

Hiding From Love by Dr. John Townsend

Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell

Remember: How Perfectionism Leads to Procrastination

Video of the week:

I absolutely love music and each week I’d like to share a relevant song we can enjoy together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_gCSJI6DKM