Diary of a Widow

It is because I am widowed that every day my life is crazy, because once upon a time, there was someone who kept me balanced and sane.

I am not a very structured person in some areas.  So, to be told the exact date and time that my garbage had to be on the curb, I found it highly inconvenient!

I have never been one to shy away from any type of media that addresses death. I embrace it. I think it is healing for the kids to be able to read or watch how another child handles the same trial they have been given. Isn't there something about feeling validated? That is in part why I speak this open diary, for all the widows out there who go through some of the same insanity, so they can be validated. Kids need that too. And books and movies are a great source. They also allow us to engage in some seriously healing conversations. 

I knew I wasn't giving him back. He was as crazy and wild as the rest of us and he belonged right here with us.

As a widow, I miss my marriage. I miss the physical and emotional support my husband was to me. And this is in addition to missing the man. I guess for me the way I try to make up for this is to try and provide opportunities for others to go out to have regular date nights. Call me, I will babysit. Drop the kids off. It really does bring me joy to know I may be helping another couple fall more in love. Enable another couple to have the opportunity to enjoy each other. Time is precious. Don't waste it. 

As I look back over the past five years and look at the outcomes of difficult decisions, I am grateful. Grateful that this has not been a journey I have walked alone. Grateful to my Savior for leading me, guiding me, and walking by me. 

We are engaged in an important work and we need to be at work accomplishing those things of importance.

Do I show pure love to others?  I need it from my Savior, but do I in turn show it to others, including my oldest son?  Complete acceptance for who they are, despite what their shortcomings may be.

My daughter is blessed with her dad's voice.

I am grateful I have them to force me to celebrate the holidays!