Digging Deeper LIVE with Andi and Brian Hale

Join us for an exciting and informative Healthy Living episode on BluffTalkRadio with special guest Angela Scanlan!

What does love require of me?


This clarifying, but terrifying question should stand guard over our consciences. It should serve as guide, signpost, and compass as we navigate the unavoidable complexities inherent in every relationship. It should inform how we date, parent, boss, manage, and coach. It should form a perimeter around what we say and do in our roles as spouses, coworkers, and neighbors.


This question gives voice to God’s will for us on issues where the Bible, as well as all other religious literature, is silent. It fills the gaps with disquieting precision. It succeeds where concordances fail. It quashes the insipid justification, “But the Bible doesn’t say there’s anything wrong with ______.” It closes loopholes. It exposes hypocrisy. It stands as judge and jury. It’s so simple. But it’s so inescapably demanding.


Our final question, fueled and informed by Jesus’s “as I have loved you” command, intersects with every imaginable relational scenario. We are all tempted at times to ask or wonder how little we can get by with relationally—the very thing we don’t want the person on the other side of us to consider. This question calls us to account. When presenting this concept publicly, I often ask the audience to commit the following to memory:


When unsure of what to say or do, ask what love requires of you.


We don’t need chapter and verse. We have something better. Namely, Jesus’s new, all-encompassing, inescapably simple command. We are to do unto others as our heavenly Father, through Christ, has done unto us. He did what was best for us. We, in turn, are to do what’s best for others, even when less-than-what’s-best is embraced as acceptable by the others.


Love.


Love fills the gaps. Love reduces the friction created by our limited insight, knowledge, and judgment-inhibiting experiences. There is much I don’t know. There are things I’ll never understand. But my ignorance does not impede my capacity to put others first.


So while I’m not always sure what to believe, and while my views on a variety of things continue to mature and change, I almost always know what love requires of me.


I bet you do, too.

Join Andi and Brian Hale as they read God's Word.

Sometimes . . . in fact, more times than we would like to admit, an option we’re considering creates a little tension inside of us. Something about it is just a bit uncomfortable. Something about it doesn’t seem exactly right. It gives us pause. It bothers us. It causes us to hesitate. And, oftentimes, we have no idea why.


Experts sometimes refer to this phenomenon as a red flag moment, an internal sense of “I’m not sure why, but something about this doesn’t feel right.” When that happens, you owe it to yourself to pause and pay attention to the tension.


Don’t ignore it.


Don’t brush it off.


Pause and ask yourself, “What about this bothers me?”


That internal hesitation, that red flag, is often God’s way of turning us in another direction. People yielded to God don’t attempt to play God. They don’t predict outcomes. Instead, they surrender. They obey. They follow. As much as they want anything, they want to be able to lie in bed at night knowing that things are good between them and their heavenly Father. And rightly so. As my dad is fond of saying: “God takes full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to him.”


So pay attention to the tension. If you don’t, you may wake up on the other side of a decision you wish you could go back and unmake.


If there’s something in you, something you can’t put your finger on, or perhaps something someone else has put a finger on that bothers you about an option you’re considering, pause and pay attention. That tension may very well be God’s way of protecting you. It may be his way of waving you off from a decision you’ll later regret. Every time you make a decision, especially a decision that takes you by surprise, ask yourself, “Is there a tension that deserves my attention?” Don’t ignore it. Don’t brush by it. Let it bother you until you know why it bothers you.

Someday you would like to be able to sit down or lie down with your kids or grandkids and tell ’em your story. Your entire story. And as they get older, you would like to be able to add layers and details rather than hoping they don’t ask.

If you’re single, you want to someday sit across the table from someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with and tell your story. All of it. We all want that. But it will require you to stop mid-decision and ask: “What story do I want to tell? When this crisis, this opportunity, this temptation is in the rearview mirror—when it’s reduced to a story I tell—what story do I want to tell?” Which of the available options do you want as part of your story?

Every decision you make becomes part of the story of your life. Every relational, financial, and professional decision and the outcomes of those decisions become permanent parts of your story. We’ve all lived long enough to have a few chapters we wish we could erase. No doubt you have a few stories you wish you could rewrite. We all do. We call it regret. But chances are, the decisions that led to your greatest regrets could have been avoided if you had paused to ask yourself, “What story do I want to tell?”

From here on out, write a story worth telling. Write a story you’re proud to tell. If you’re in the middle of making a decision right now, stop and ask yourself: Of the available options, which one do I want as a permanent part of the story of my life?

Our hearts are deceitful. They can be dangerous. It’s why we’re so convinced and at times so convincing. We don’t merely lie to ourselves; we deceive ourselves.

There is a way to keep our deceitful hearts in check. Here are three tips:

To begin with, admit it.

The sooner you embrace this uncomfortable, disquieting fact about yourself, the quicker you’ll be able to develop and maintain a healthy suspicion. The more open you’ll be to information and advice that conflicts with where your heart is taking you. The more cautious you will be when the salesman inside you starts selling you. The easier it will be to recognize what you are tempted to justify may be just a lie you’re telling yourself.

Second, ask it.

Ask the question: Am I being honest with myself, really?

Have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Have it in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye. Seriously, stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself out loud—and use your name. “Andy, are you being honest with yourself, really?” And then, tell yourself the truth even . . . even . . . if you don’t plan to act on it.

You owe it to yourself to know, even if knowing points you in a direction you don’t intend to go. It won’t hurt to know. You need to be honest with yourself . . . really.

Third, be curious . . .

When we push through our discomfort and get curious about why we’re feeling what we’re feeling—why we are determined to do what we are hell-bent on doing—we get to the truth.

But most people don’t do that.

Don’t be most people.

Be curious. Curiosity will keep you focused on the frontiers of your ignorance. That’s where we learn. That’s where we gain insight. It’s where we catch sight of our prejudice and our narrow-mindedness. When it’s uncomfortable . . . and it will get uncomfortable. When it gets uncomfortable and you are tempted to turn away, to turn back to what you’ve always known, know this . . . that is fear talking. That is insecurity talking. You’ll learn little from either. So turn back around and be curious. If you do, you will learn something. If nothing else, you will learn something about yourself.

Remember Your First Love

The beginning is always exciting, isn’t it? Even if taking a leap of faith also feels a little terrifying, there is still the anticipation of what’s to come that compels you forward with a little extra pep in your step. It can be tempting to reach for that new beginning feeling and abandon what you’re in the middle of because the middle just isn’t as exciting. Maybe it’s exhausting. Maybe it’s not going the way you imagined. Maybe you’ve gotten so caught up in the details of it that you have forgotten why you even started.

It’s not possible to return to the beginning, but it is possible to return to the One who was with you in it and is the source of that joy and hope. More often than not, we grow weary because we’ve lost sight of Jesus, our First Love. We waver in our faithfulness. We are overtaken by our emotions. We get distracted. But Jesus never does. We may need to circle back to our commitments and try again, but the incredible thing about turning to Jesus is that it’s just like the first time because His love is constant. When you focus your attention on Him, you have the opportunity to be filled with the passion and motivation you need to continue.

It might sound unproductive to stop and spend time in the presence of God, but Psalm 37:4 tells us that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts. This not only means that He will give us what we want, but He will give us the desire for what He wants. In other words, when we spend time with Him, we get the desire to keep going. He refreshes us. The Message version of Proverbs 16:9 says, “We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.” We can try outlining our own way to success, but He is the fuel that gets us there.

Take a moment right now to pause and sit in the presence of God. Acknowledge Him for His faithfulness in light of your wavering. Thank Him for His perfect love, and ask Him to revive your heart. Continue to sit in His presence for a moment longer and listen to what He might be saying to you.

Don’t Look To The Left Or The Right

In the process of continuing on and staying committed, it can be very tempting to look around and see what others are doing. It’s not wrong to be inspired by or adopt new ideas from people around you, but it is wrong to compare yourself to them or put yourself in competition with them. Remember, your race is specifically marked out for you. Their race is specifically marked out for them. The methods they use to run their race may not work for you in yours, and that’s OK!

In 1 Samuel 17, as David was about to fight Goliath, King Saul puts his armor on David because he thinks it will help. David, however, is wise enough to recognize that what works for Saul (and what may work for him at a different time) doesn’t work for him right now. Maybe you need to take a page from David’s book and take off something that another person has tried to put on you.

The truth is that David’s victory didn’t come from what he used to fight with. It wasn’t wearing or not wearing Saul’s armor that was the deciding factor. Psalm 75:7 says, “[God] brings one down, he exalts another.” It’s important to remember not only to run your own race but that God is the One who brings promotion and success. Another person’s win is not your loss because it’s not determined by physical factors, like a suit of armor or an algorithm or whatever you think you might need in order to get to the top.

The pressure is taken off when you aren’t looking around you for confirmation, approval, or success. When you aren’t measuring yourself up against anyone else or pitting yourself against anyone, you are free to run your own race at your own pace and experience the joy and freedom that is found right in the middle of your race.

Is there something you’ve picked up from someone else? Perhaps something was placed on you that you need to let go of. What would it look like to see the people around you as those you were running alongside rather than competing against? Take a moment to consider what success looks like to you, even if it might not look like success to anyone else around you.

Trust God With The Pace

Not only do we need to trust God with the plan for our lives, but we also need to trust Him with the pace of our lives. Even if it’s a little bit – or a lot – slower than we think it should be or would like it to be. It can be tempting to catch a glimpse of God’s plan, assume we understand the process, and run with it. But God is the only One who knows the plan, path and pace to take you exactly where you need to go, how you need to get there, and when you need to arrive in order for you to go the distance and bring the most glory to His name.

The goal is always to go the distance. Matthew 6 emphasizes the goal to store up treasures in heaven, stretching “the distance” much farther than what we can merely obtain on earth. Treasures on earth are able to be destroyed or stolen and fall short of the secure and everlasting treasure we can have in heaven. To go the greater distance and store up those treasures in heaven always requires something greater. It’s a sacrifice, it’s strategic, and it takes strict training.

Paul compares our race and how we ought to run to the work of an athlete in 1 Corinthians 9. Think of the athletes who compete on an Olympic level, for example. Their training is precise and intense and “they do it to get a crown that will not last” (v. 25). It looks different for all of us as we each run our own race, but we all must be intentional to move with purpose, develop a strong discipline, and submit to the way of Jesus to go the distance and receive our heavenly treasures – even if it means slowing down.

We love to quote Psalm 23, but rarely do we give enough space to verse 2: “He makes me lay down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.” More often than not, we think we need to speed ahead or “keep up,” and we forget that God is a God of rest. Accomplishing more makes us feel like we’re moving forward and able to achieve more success, but God chooses to have us lay down. He leads us where it’s quiet. How we get where we’re going is not by rushing, but by resting.

Sometimes the strategic training we need in order to run our race with endurance looks exactly like we think it might, with practices and exercises, and sometimes it looks backwards, with laying down and with stillness. Either way, remember to follow Jesus’ lead and trust that He knows exactly how to get you where you’re going when you need to be there.

Are you trying to rush ahead in your race? What might you need to change in order to continue with endurance? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you how you can implement different practices and incorporate more rest into your weekly rhythm.