Divorce can take the life you know and love, flip it upside down unexpectedly, and leave you wondering "how is this my life?"

Imagine having a major health crisis and then having your spouse tell you they are filing for divorce all in the matter of a week. That's exactly the situation that my guest Aimee Kandrac found herself in and to say that her world was totally rocked is an understatement.

In this conversation, Lisa Mitchell and Aimee Kandrac explore the complexities of navigating these devastating life changes, and how it feels when everything bad seems to be happening all at the same time. 

Aimee shares her painful personal journey through a surprise divorce, a major health challenge, and the seemingly impossible task of keeping her life on track throughout it all. She bravely walks us through her hardest moments, such as uncovering a deep betrayal, navigating hard conversations with her children, and the realization that she's now living in a version of life she never wanted to be in or expected.

This conversation emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, having the right support systems, and the gift of self-discovery in overcoming life's challenges. Aimee went from wondering "how is this my life?" in her darkest moments to being grateful that this new version of her life, although it looks completely different, is one she can continue to grow and thrive in.

They share personal experiences and insights on trust, preparation, and the journey towards healing and personal growth after a significant life transition. The discussion highlights the necessity of being informed and prepared, as well as the value of community and support during challenging times.

Takeaways

• Aimee emphasizes the shame and grief associated with divorce.
• The importance of having a support system during tough times.
• Life can change drastically in a short period.
• Vulnerability can lead to strength and resilience.
• Financial literacy is crucial when facing divorce.
• Self-discovery is a valuable process regardless of relationship status.
• It's common to feel lost and overwhelmed during life changes.
• Having professional support can provide a different perspective.
• Preparation can alleviate some of the stress of divorce.
• Emotional healing takes time, but it can lead to a beautiful transformation. Having an objective third party can provide clarity.
• Preparation is key, even if divorce isn't imminent.
• Fear often drives decision-making more than data.
• Trust can be broken in unexpected ways during divorce.
• Financial awareness is crucial during a divorce process.
• Emotional responses can cloud judgment and decision-making.
• It's important to document possessions and assets.
• Healing is a gradual process that involves daily improvements.
• Celebrating new beginnings can be empowering.
• Support from friends and community is invaluable during tough times.

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with mediator Tess Worrell about the complexities of divorce and the potential for a process that minimizes destruction. They discuss the emotional turmoil that often accompanies divorce, the role of mediation in providing a supportive environment, and the importance of addressing children's needs during the process. Tess shares her personal journey and professional insights, emphasizing the value of creative solutions and the power of mediation to foster healthier outcomes for families.

Tess Worrell Bio
Growing up, Tess often felt unwanted and unknown in her own home. She married young–hoping to create the kind of connection she wanted growing up. But, as often happens, she married someone much like from home. Instead of life with her best friend, over time she felt increasingly alone. Which gave her a passion for working with those who feel lonely and unwelcome in their own homes.

When people find their marriages simply can’t work, Tess uses mediation to help them navigate divorce or separation to create two separate homes. Homes where they feel welcome and valued. For couples, who want to stay married but need a change to make the marriage work–she offers couple’s mediation. This process helps couples resolve the conflicts coming between them and transform the home they have.

Tess entered mediation after serving as the Executive Director of the Indiana Commission for Continuing Legal Education. Tess worked with the CLE board to develop the training requirements for mediators. In the process, she fell in love with mediation. Especially in the family realm, Tess saw the opportunity for mediation to help families work through issues cooperatively and make decisions tailored to their unique needs and desires. It offered a way to divorce without destroying each other.

As  a mom of eight, Tess knows conflict! In “mediating” who got the last cookie or which sibling was at fault for the most recent scuffle, Tess honed her skills on helping those she cared about work through conflict.  Conflict should never tear people apart. Instead, she seeks to help people find answers for tough situations while also protecting their relationships.

Takeaways

• Divorce can be approached without destruction.
• Mediation helps address underlying fears and concerns.
• Children's voices should be included in the divorce process.
• Creative solutions can lead to better outcomes in mediation.
• Fear often drives decisions during divorce.
• Understanding the legal aspects of mediation is crucial.
• The emotional impact of divorce on children is significant.
• It's important to consider the type of marriage you want for your children.

Learn more about Resolution Mediation

Connect with Tess on LinkedIn

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with Jamila Bradley, who discusses the concepts of kinship, belonging, and the dynamics of relationships, particularly in the context of divorce. They explore the importance of understanding what we owe each other in relationships, the cycle of disinterest leading to contempt, and the societal expectations surrounding marriage. Jamila emphasizes the need for reciprocity and the dangers of over-giving in relationships, ultimately advocating for environments where mutual respect and satisfaction are prioritized. In this conversation, Jamila and Lisa explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on coercive control, self-worth, and the journey of self-exploration. They discuss the importance of recognizing one's own value, challenging limiting beliefs, and the necessity of self-forgiveness. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of understanding personal dissatisfaction and the power of self-validation in navigating difficult emotional landscapes, especially in the context of divorce curiosity.

Takeaways

• Kinship is about what we owe each other in relationships.
• Disinterest can escalate to contempt and hatred over time.
• Longevity in marriage does not equate to satisfaction.
• Over-giving in relationships can lead to devaluation.
• Expectations in marriage often go unspoken and unmet.
• The cycle of resentment can be insidious and gradual.
• Articulating feelings can help in understanding relationship dynamics.
• Creating reciprocity is essential for healthy relationships.
• Entitlement in relationships can lead to exploitation.
• It's important to protect your energy in relationships. Coercive control often masquerades as matching energy in relationships.
• Self-recognition is crucial for personal growth and understanding.
• Challenging limiting beliefs can lead to a healthier self-image.
• Self-exploration requires time and patience without the pressure to act immediately.
• Facing discomfort is a necessary step in the divorce curiosity process.
• Tools like the 'clock and the gun' can help structure self-reflection.
• Self-forgiveness is essential for repairing the relationship with oneself.
• Women must fiercely defend their inherent worth.
• Validating oneself is a powerful tool for emotional health.
• You are the hero of your own story, capable of navigating challenges.

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell engages in a candid conversation with mediator Hillary Sharpnack about the complexities of divorce and the mediation process. They explore Hillary's unique journey into mediation, the philosophy of 'divorce without destruction', and the importance of same-room mediation. The discussion highlights common misconceptions about mediation, the emotional landscape of divorce, and practical steps for those considering their options. Listeners are encouraged to gather information and explore mediation as a viable alternative to traditional divorce proceedings.

Hillary Sharpnack Bio:
If you asked Hillary what one word she would hope others would use to describe her, it would be “Peacemaker” — not to be confused with “Peacekeeper.” Peacemaking actively confronts conflict and tension, whereas peacekeeping avoids conflict to maintain peace. No matter the conflict type, Hillary works passionately as a Mediator to tackle and ultimately resolve conflict by first identifying the issues, discerning the underlying interests of all involved, and finally determining solutions that address the issues AND accommodates the interests.

Before family mediation, Hillary worked extensively in Human Resources for a large construction and mining company at the business unit and corporate level. Interestingly, Hillary encountered the exact two job requirements in every role she worked within the company — conflict management and resolution.

Through her corporate and educational experience, Hillary discovered a passion for solving problems and resolving conflicts in ways that establish positive relationships, thus beginning her path to becoming a mediator.

In 2018, Hillary graduated from Abilene Christian University with a master’s degree in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation. As part of her practicum work within her master’s program, she had the opportunity to teach conflict resolution and mediation skills to college-level students in South Africa. The class focused on resolving disputes in various settings, including family, church, workplace, and community.

Resolution Mediation’s approach to mediating allow Hillary to serve others on a personal level in helping to resolve conflict without destruction to the relationship.

Takeaways

• Mediation is a collaborative process focused on family needs.
• Divorce without destruction emphasizes minimizing harm during divorce.
• Same-room mediation allows couples to communicate directly.
• Many people are unaware of mediation as an option.
• Expectations of entitlement can hinder the mediation process.
• Mediation is not suitable for those seeking to punish their spouse.
• Gathering information is crucial for making informed decisions.
• Mediation can be just as thorough as traditional litigation.
• Understanding the emotional context is vital in divorce.
• The mediator's role is to facilitate communication and understanding.

Learn more about Resolution Mediation

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell discusses her journey from being a body language and communication expert to creating Divorce Curious, a community and podcast aimed at supporting women navigating the complexities of divorce. She highlights the prevalence of divorce, particularly among women, and emphasizes the need for a supportive community where individuals can share their experiences and gain clarity. Lisa shares her personal experiences and the importance of taking active control of one's life and decisions during challenging times. The conversation serves as a call to action for those feeling lost in their relationships to seek support and empowerment.

Takeaways

• Lisa Mitchell is a body language and communication expert.
• Divorce is a prevalent issue, with many women filing for divorce.
• Women need a supportive community to share their experiences.
• Divorce Curious aims to provide resources and tools for women.
• It's important to actively participate in your life and decisions.
• Shared experiences can build connection and understanding.
• Clarity leads to confidence in decision-making.
• Complacency can lead to feelings of isolation and frustration.
• Lisa's personal journey motivates her to help others.
• Divorce Curious is a platform for empowerment and support.

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Summary
In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell shares her personal journey through divorce, discussing the emotional challenges and the process of navigating life after separation. She emphasizes the importance of education and support during this transition, addressing topics such as co-parenting, dating after divorce, and the need for a supportive community. Lisa invites listeners to share their stories and engage with the Divorce Curious community, aiming to create a space for open dialogue and healing.


Takeaways

• It's normal to feel alone during a divorce.
• Education is key to navigating the divorce process.
• Co-parenting requires support and understanding.
• Re-entering the dating scene can be challenging.
• You have the freedom to decide your next steps.
• Creating a supportive community is essential.
• It's okay to not have all the answers right away.
• Your feelings are valid and deserve to be expressed.
• Courageous decisions lead to personal growth.
• This podcast aims to be a resource for those in transition.

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Welcome to Divorce Curious, where we say the quiet parts out loud as we get real about all the things that come with deciding if you should get a divorce.  Divorce-Curious conversations cover everything from the "how did I end up here?" confusion to the "I'm a married single parent" anger to the "we never have sex" frustration and all the financial, legal and logistical pieces that come with considering a divorce. So how do you decide the next best step for you? Listen and find out. 

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