Most everyone who gets divorce does some kind of mediation. Because there’s so many types of mediators, I’m giving you my tips on what to look for in a mediator. Listen in for how you can prepare before going into mediation—and how to have the most successful outcome. 

Show notes:

Most divorces that are litigated go through mediation at some point. There’s lots of types of collaborative mediation and law. There are mediators out there where you go meet with the mediator with your ex, no attorneys needed, and your mediator drafts the stipulation documents. Most of the time, those mediators are not attorneys. They are great at communicating and compromising, but you should not take legal advice for them, and they really shouldn’t be drafting your divorce documents. If you go this route, I recommend taking the documents and paying an attorney (don’t need to retain them) to look over them and just meet with them for an hour or two. In Utah, if you file for divorce, you have to mediate before you go to trial. We resolve about 90% of our cases before they go to trial. But sometimes that takes multiple mediation sessions. In those cases, both parties are there with their attorneys, along with the mediator. Your attorneys are really your advocates. The mediator is trying to get you to settle and compromise. I really recommend having both people in the room for their own expertise. I don’t push my clients into mediation until they’re ready. If you are still too emotional and trying to rush into mediation, you often don’t get results the first time. Usually in mediation, you don’t even have to sit in the same room with your ex. You’re in 2 rooms and the mediator goes back and forth. Make sure before you go into mediation, you know what you want, what you’re willing to settle for, and what your bottom line is. Rank your top 5 things that you’re hoping for so you know how to prioritize at least your top 1 or 2 things. You have to be able to let the small things go. Don’t fight over Christmas tree ornaments or the teapot. Most everything is replaceable. No one wins in divorce. But if you go into mediation knowing those 3 things, you’ll likely be able to reach a livable settlement.