Here is the email exchange that Paul and I had on Friday, August 19, the day after our radio chat:

Dear Paul-

It's really been bugging me. In our Dr. Lisa session yesterday, I didn't get to find out how your sense of humor worked, what you were thinking or not thinking. And I never felt like I cracked the code of how human relationships work in your world.

My sense is that you are truly rewarded by your many pursuits, but that they may have precluded deeper relationships with other people (romantic and otherwise). But wtf do I know, I have no training!

I also think that your moving around a lot and feeling close and satisfied (A GREAT THING, mind you!) with the relationships with your sisters and your many talents may have kept you in an emotionally and intellectually satisfied place. I am left wondering how that affects you.

What came to mind right after the show, for me, was I think I was trying to get a sense of your relationship with your mother and couldn't. That led me to thinking further what we didn't get to, and thinking perhaps that you do so well in life, you may not notice these sort of details in relationships yourself.

That said, I think our session was great! Entertaining listening, and I am grateful for your participation which was full-on.

Don't take any of this PERSONALLY, please! This is not about you! :)) Well of course it is! It's really about me—my disappointment in myself for not cracking the code.

Warmly,

Dr. Lisa

RESPONSE:

Dear Dr. Lisa-

Thanks for your note. I'm a tough nut to crack, that's for sure. I'm also basically uncrackable, even though there are certain very simple, specific drives I've maintained with great consistency throughout my entire life. And those drives have certain very specific sources. I'd say one is a word. Another, a gesture. Yet another, the large arm of my grandmother. I'd go on, it would all make sense. But then other things would seem make no sense at all.

For instance, how I eventually came around to really like my name, Paul.

And my last name, too. And by liking them, I mean I began to live into them.

That would be strange, but it would be true. And they'd be discoveries I only made by going away from things that were familiar, comfortable, 'normal,' essential.

And all of that would merge into matters of language. And then, guess what? I become only a tougher to crack, because speaking, thinking and writing in different languages puts one in a slightly different personality space with each one.

And there's something beyond that, too: Different languages contain their own set of memories streaming from now to all the way back to when I began studying them. That then leads to a very interesting thing to think about even for non-language related things. But I digress...

And I'd continue to digress...

And still, some things would never come into resolution, and this is in part because I don't really think it matters. My life is fine enough, my relationships fine enough, my health fine enough, and so on. And certain things that are crucial for me to keep impressed into the recesses of my brain are still there and easily accessed. I can conjure the smell of my grandmother's skin whenever I want. I can draw her hands, or my grandfather's hands, on demand.

I continue to digress, you see.

So, well, if you want me to come on again, great! I just think that you should do it because you've enjoyed talking with me about one thing or another, and not because you really seriously want to crack me wide open. On the one hand, you never will. On the other, you totally will, and you'll not find much.

That seems to make no sense, but it really does. For me, anyway.

You could ask me about my 'escape route,' which could be interesting.

About the word 'stress,' and why the things I say about it lead people to think I'm a fool.

Sure, let's schedule another session. Perhaps we could do more to encourage people to call in (continued)