DNA discoveries often arrive without warning, reshaping families in ways that are both tender and complex. It’s not too often we hear from the parents in a DNA discovery, and even less often that a surprised biological father shares his experience.

Today’s guest, Arnold (shared with permission), reflects on the past six years since he first learned he had a biological daughter he never knew existed. His story is one of vulnerability and openness, of loss and healing, and finding courage to reveal a surprise child discovery after years of choosing not to share.

This episode covers:

Arnold’s experience of preparing to share about his biological child discovery, first with his wife and later his children

Arnold (and his late wife’s) decision to meet his biological daughter in person and develop a relationship with her privately

Finding community with other bio dads and from online support groups

How coaching with Brianne set him up for success in sharing the surprise news

Stories like Arnold’s remind us that surprise DNA discoveries are not a one-time event. They unfurl over multiple years, changing lives irreversibly. They send some people through grief first on the way to healing. The ripples of secrets keep going through generations until someone decides it’s time for something different.

Arnold’s journey is the experience of one person and their decisions. No two surprise DNA discoveries are the same. What Arnold’s story teaches is that preparation can’t be rushed. Growth comes in unexpected ways and can’t be set by anyone else’s timeline.

Perhaps most importantly, new family connections—when handled with care—can become a source of new family relationship, and meaning can come again even after unexpected and devastating losses.

Read more from Arnold's original post in 2019 and his recent update on the Watershed DNA blog.

Have a question for Arnold? Leave a comment! He's promised to come back on a future episode to answer listeners' pressing questions.

In this episode of DNA Clarity and Support, Brianne talks with Jen Jacober, a genetic counselor who brings a deeply personal perspective to her work. Jen is a late-discovery donor-conceived person, and she opens up about what it was like to learn this truth as an adult—and how that experience has shaped her understanding of herself and influenced her professional practice.

Our conversation explores the intersection of personal experience and genetic counseling, offering insight into what it means to navigate both sides of the story: as the helper and the helped, the counselor and the client, the DNA test consumer and genetics educator.

This episode covers:

• the impact on Jen’s professional work as a genetic counselor after her donor conception discovery

• memories from the conversation with her mom

• online therapy sessions to work through the discovery

• advice for parents who need to share about donor conception with their adult child

• meeting other genetic counselors who are also DCPs

• the challenge and need for continuing education for genetic counselors on donor conception issues

• the status of her relationship with her mom

• experiencing the loss of her father

• identifying and communicating with her egg donor

  Read Jen’s guest blog post and reach out to her ([email protected]) if you’d like to connect.

  Resources mentioned in this episode include Donor Sibling Registry and MPEcounseling.org, the latter being a directory of counselors and therapists specializing in supporting clients through their DNA and misattributed parentage discoveries.

  Like what you heard today? Drop us a comment to let us know what you liked about this episode and hope to hear from future episodes!

  A note for parents: Need help preparing to share about donor conception with your adult child? Read more here, and reach out to Watershed DNA for help.

  Sharing with your child about their donor conception is important, and you don’t have to go it alone!

Maggy was the family genealogist who dedicated her heart and time to developing the family tree branches far and wide. A month after distributing a book of their genealogy to her excited family, she discovered the book no longer included her.

Over the past 12-and-a-half years since her surprise DNA discovery, Maggy has been on a long and winding journey grappling with her identity and navigating changes in her relationships.

Maggy shares encouragement with other NPEs and advice for finding the community that fits your needs. She shares her experience of using a painful discovery to help others (and help yourself in the process). 

Read the two guest posts Maggy wrote about her experiences:

Self Identity Reflections from Maggy

Eight Years of Life as an NPE

This episode covers:

• Identity shifts over time
• Nature and nurture
• Becoming a DNA search helper for others
• Finding community
• Turning a painful experience into support for others

Hang around to the end of this conversation because Maggy and I also delve into the related but distinct DNA topic of forensic genetic genealogy! Also called investigative genetic genealogy (IGG), this is the application of DNA testing, match lists, and online family trees to solve genetic mysteries, missing persons, and crimes. Those interested in more on the IGG topic can also learn more from the interview with  J.C. Kenney in season 2.

Two search angel groups get a special shout-out in this episode. These are places I commonly refer my clients, readers, and listeners. If you reach out to these groups to seek help or to become a search angel, be sure to let them know Watershed DNA sent you!

• DNAngels.org

• DiscoverFamily.net

Like what you heard? Follow DNA Clarity and Support and never miss an episode!

Gabrielle Glaser is a New York Times bestselling author and journalist whose work on mental health, medicine, and culture has appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The New York Times, and many other publications. Her fourth book "American Baby: A Mother, a Child, and the Shadow History of Adoption" chronicles the history of adoption in post-World War II America specifically through the story of one family touched by adoption.

On today's episode, Glaser talks with DNA Clarity and Support host Brianne Kirkpatrick Williams about the history of coerced adoption in the United States and the influence of culture and stigma on women who under other circumstances might have chosen to parent. Glaser comments on the most shocking discovery she made while researching the history of American adoptions in the post-war era and comments on the frequency of DNA testing in the stories she heard while writing American Baby. The guest and host reflect on the importance of family medical history and how this affected David, the adoptee who is at the center of the story American Baby follows. Finally, Glaser shares what drew her to cover the topic of adoption history in the United States and her reaction to the reception of American Baby after its publication. 

Follow the author on Twitter @GabrielleGlaser or visit her website https://gabrielleglaser.com/about/ and find American Baby in print, Ebook, or audio version.

Subscribe to our newsletter and never miss out on new resources, upcoming events, and other updates in the world of DNA testing, family searches, and unexpected discoveries from WatershedDNA.com.

In this episode, Brianne interviews author Diahan Southard, creator of Your DNA Guide, who brings a much-needed dose of enthusiasm to the talk about genealogy, a biological parent search, and DNA testing! Diahan's perspective adds balance to the conversation about the role and value of DNA and how it connects us to relatives living and those already passed.  

Listen as Diahan shares how her own DNA story began, starting in the early 2000s when the world of genetic genealogy was just getting started! 

Diahan's PLAN for approaching DNA testing has five key steps. Learn what she means by: 

- Are you asking a good DNA question? 

- Are you testing the right person? 

- Are you taking the right kind of DNA test?  

- Have you chosen the right testing company? 

- Are you performing the appropriate kind of analysis?

Diahan's step-wise approach to DNA testing helps people needing an organized approach, whether you're searching for biological relatives or are using it for your family's genealogy research. 

Confused by the various types of "cousin"? Diahan gives a clear explanation of the difference between a first, second, and more distant cousin and how the terms "removed" and "half" fit in. 

Wondering whether to test yourself or another relative for genealogical purposes? Diahan shares her reasoning for starting with a test on the oldest living relative who is willing to test.

Trying to put pieces together to figure out who in a family is someone's biological father? We discuss the need to be slow and methodical as you go through results and so you don't jump to the wrong conclusion, like naming the wrong brother as someone's biological father.

Overwhelmed by words you come across in the DNA world like mitochondria, autosomal DNA, centimorgan, or Y chromosome? Diahan takes the mystery out of these and other commonly used terms.

If you decide DNA testing might hold the key to answering your questions, know that there are sites like YourDNAGuide that help you get going and unstuck along the way and sites like Watershed DNA when an unexpected finding comes along.  

Find a copy of the book Your DNA Guide on Amazon in paperback or e-book 

or directly from Diahan's site (use the code "WatershedDNA" for a 20% discount!)

and follow Diahan on social media

Instagram @diahansouthard 

Twitter @DNAdiahan 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YourDNAGuide/

Find more resources and guidance on WatershedDNA.com. Sign up for the monthly newsletter and never miss a new episode or announcement! 

Did you know that if you test at FamilyTreeDNA, all you have to do is check a box of approval during the DNA kit registration process, and your DNA results and online family tree are automatically opted into a program that helps investigators work to solve cold cases? I invited author J.C. Kenney to talk about the 4th book in his Allie Cobb series of mystery novels. In A Deadly Discovery, a consumer DNA test and genetic genealogy course taught at the local library lead to the solving of a decades-old murder mystery in a small town in Indiana. 

You need not be a true crime fan or a DNA expert to learn from today's episode! Our conversation hones in on the highlights of DNA and crime investigation and is a great intro for those unfamiliar with investigative genetic genealogy, often shortened to IGG. 

Things we touch on in this discussion: 

Things we don't address in today's discussion? Ethicals gray zones and real-life criminal cases involving consumer DNA tests. We'll have to save that for a future episode of DNA Clarity and Support with a different author! In the meantime, you can read more about this topic (and some of Brianne's thoughts about consumer DNA testing and IGG) in an article by Ariel Ramchandani in Mother Jones magazine.

As we near the end of season 2 of DNA Clarity and Support and plan for a sabbatical over the summer months, we are curious to know what you think. Heard an episode this season that had an impact on you, and now you can't stop thinking about something you heard? Tell us about it! Recently finished a book related to a DNA discovery and you want to hear more from the author in a Q&A with Brianne? Send us your feedback and some questions you'd like us to ask of future guests!

Season 3 is in its planning stages right now, and we need YOUR help to make it a great one! 

Read J.C. Kenney's novel A Deadly Discovery on your e-reader or mobile device. (Make sure to check out the first three books in the series, too.)

Go back and catch up on past episodes of DNA Clarity and Support and join the mailing list at WatershedDNA.com to never miss and episode or an announcement of new resources. 

Michael Blair knew from the age of 12 that his dad was not his biological father, but it was something not spoken about in the family. After years spent chasing down every last lead on his biological paternity, Michael's search entered a new phase when a consumer DNA test connected him to paternal DNA relatives. The up-and-down journey, the people he came to know along the way, and the new understanding he has of his parents are all documented in his memoir, I Had My Underwear on the Entire Time.

This lovely episode includes a drop-in visit from his wife, Amy, co-author and #1 supporter of Michael in his search for information. Who is this episode for? Anyone nervous to begin a search, anyone who has found their expectations shattered, and anyone who just needs to know they are not alone if their DNA story isn't like a Hallmark movie. Find wisdom and solace from Michael and Amy, no matter your role in a DNA search and discovery. 

Some unique parts of Michael's story will resonate with listeners, such as the discovery that the biological family he found had already been through its own ups and downs in the past. There were pre-existing divisions within the family, and complicating factors that led some to embrace Michael while others did not. Step-parents and and parents raising a child who isn't biologically related will also find comfort in Michael's advice to parents that no parent is perfect, you just have to do your best to be honest with your child.

Other parts of the discussion cover:

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Read the E-book

 (Note: If you don't own a Kindle, you can download the Kindle app for free on your device and read that way.)

Listen to other episodes about misattributed parentage and family secrets on DNA Clarity and Support

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In midlife, Peter J. Boni learned the truth of his genetic origins: his parents had used sperm donor assistance to conceive him. The news wasn't revealed by a DNA test or directly from a parent, the way most donor-conceived individuals find out. Instead, the news came from another person who had been with his mother in a rehabilitation center while she recovered from heart surgery and a post-operative stroke; his mother had begun to share the story with others of using a sperm donor to conceive in 1945 but had not shared it with her son yet. "All of the locks that guarded her secrets no longer worked," Boni explained. 

This revelation led to a conversation between Boni and his mother during which he shared with her how disruptive it had been to discover he was sperm donor-conceived later in life. In this episode of DNA Clarity and Support, Boni describes not only the personal experience of learning he is 'semi-adopted' but also the outcomes of his extensive research on the sociological, scientific, and legal aspects of assisted reproductive technologies. Boni's book Uprooted published in 2022 is dedicated to sharing the outcomes of his research, much of which is likely unknown even to those who work professionally in ART world.

The conversation between host Brianne Kirkpatrick and Boni swings back and forth, exploring the personal impacts on Boni and his awareness of the need for societal change. Boni shares how the new trauma of the NPE ('not parent expected') discovery rekindled some of the old trauma from his past, requiring hard work in the therapist's office to work through. He describes the discovery of a half-sibling and the development of relationships with her and other newly-discovered biological relatives.    

An important aspect of Boni's work is his desire to shine a light on the areas of the assisted reproductive industry where change is needed. He speaks of the Bill of Rights of the Donor Conceived that is listed at the conclusion of Uprooted and encourages the discussion and changes needed on a legislative level to start happening. The discussion with Boni hits upon main points that can help others who are not donor-conceived understand what it is like to go through the process of a misattributed parentage experience. It's an important one.

On Kindle

In hardcover print from Amazon or Bookshop.org (bookshop supports independent booksellers)

Listen on Audible

Katie Hopkins never guessed that a discovery about her sister's unexpected paternity would be just the start of a number of surprises in the family. What began as crumbs of information left in family documents led to DNA testing which confirmed a hidden family history. In Exposed by DNA, Hopkins shares an account of learning that her biological parentage--as well as that of two of her three siblings--was different than what they all had been raised to believe.  

Hopkins has a rare ability to delve into the deeply hurtful topics of betrayal and fractured self-identity while retaining a perspective sprinkled with humor and empathy. She is able to express understanding for her parents and also for others who like herself have traveled the road of a misattributed parentage discovery and all of the disruptions to identity that ensue.

This episode of DNA Clarity and Support includes an *update* since Hopkins first published her book. Listen as Hopkins shares things she learned after the first version of her book was completed and published. If you have an earlier version of Exposed by DNA (purchased in the autumn of 2021 or earlier) and the book ends with chapter 32, visit www.watersheddna.com to download the FREE final chapter 33.

In this episode, Laura Kieger talks about her family's experience with the hereditary cancer syndrome, FAP. In Summer's Complaint: My family's courageous, century-long struggle with a rare genetic cancer syndrome Kieger chronicles her family's multigenerational struggle with familial adenomatous polyposis. Summer's Complaint highlights the health aspects of DNA, the importance of knowing a genetic diagnosis and connecting with knowledgeable specialists, and sharing medical details with family. Kieger relates how in just a few short decades, the progress of medical genetics and cancer diagnosis has had a profound impact on her own life and others in her family. If anyone needs an example to point to as support for the importance of sharing DNA medical surprises with family, this episode of DNA Clarity and Support offers it!

Although considered a rare disease, FAP affects many families around the world. Kieger gives listeners a short summary of what everyone should know about the condition and describes how the condition has had variable effects on different relatives in the family. Life with FAP is different for the younger people in her family compared to the past generations, with genetic testing now making it possible for younger family members to avoid the intense and often invasive medical surveillance that she and her siblings endured. Also learn how assisted reproductive technologies like IVF have altered the transmission of FAP in her and other families.

From a story of learning about dominant hereditary conditions in a college lecture to the experience of losing multiple family members at too-young an age, Kieger's experience is relatable even for those who do not have a family history of hereditary cancer.

The episode ends with a discussion about:

Follow @LKiegerAuthor on Twitter or visit the author's site at laurakieger.com

Find your copy of Summer's Complaint at these and other online retailers:

On Amazon (print) 

On Kindle 

On Bookshop.com (support independent booksellers)