DNA Clarity and Support

Michael Blair knew from the age of 12 that his dad was not his biological father, but it was something not spoken about in the family. After years spent chasing down every last lead on his biological paternity, Michael's search entered a new phase when a consumer DNA test connected him to paternal DNA relatives. The up-and-down journey, the people he came to know along the way, and the new understanding he has of his parents are all documented in his memoir, I Had My Underwear on the Entire Time.

This lovely episode includes a drop-in visit from his wife, Amy, co-author and #1 supporter of Michael in his search for information. Who is this episode for? Anyone nervous to begin a search, anyone who has found their expectations shattered, and anyone who just needs to know they are not alone if their DNA story isn't like a Hallmark movie. Find wisdom and solace from Michael and Amy, no matter your role in a DNA search and discovery.

Some unique parts of Michael's story will resonate with listeners, such as the discovery that the biological family he found had already been through its own ups and downs in the past. There were pre-existing divisions within the family, and complicating factors that led some to embrace Michael while others did not. Step-parents and and parents raising a child who isn't biologically related will also find comfort in Michael's advice to parents that no parent is perfect, you just have to do your best to be honest with your child.

Other parts of the discussion cover:

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In midlife, Peter J. Boni learned the truth of his genetic origins: his parents had used sperm donor assistance to conceive him. The news wasn't revealed by a DNA test or directly from a parent, the way most donor-conceived individuals find out. Instead, the news came from another person who had been with his mother in a rehabilitation center while she recovered from heart surgery and a post-operative stroke; his mother had begun to share the story with others of using a sperm donor to conceive in 1945 but had not shared it with her son yet. "All of the locks that guarded her secrets no longer worked," Boni explained.

This revelation led to a conversation between Boni and his mother during which he shared with her how disruptive it had been to discover he was sperm donor-conceived later in life. In this episode of DNA Clarity and Support, Boni describes not only the personal experience of learning he is 'semi-adopted' but also the outcomes of his extensive research on the sociological, scientific, and legal aspects of assisted reproductive technologies. Boni's book Uprooted published in 2022 is dedicated to sharing the outcomes of his research, much of which is likely unknown even to those who work professionally in ART world.

The conversation between host Brianne Kirkpatrick and Boni swings back and forth, exploring the personal impacts on Boni and his awareness of the need for societal change. Boni shares how the new trauma of the NPE ('not parent expected') discovery rekindled some of the old trauma from his past, requiring hard work in the therapist's office to work through. He describes the discovery of a half-sibling and the development of relationships with her and other newly-discovered biological relatives.

An important aspect of Boni's work is his desire to shine a light on the areas of the assisted reproductive industry where change is needed. He speaks of the Bill of Rights of the Donor Conceived that is listed at the conclusion of Uprooted and encourages the discussion and changes needed on a legislative level to start happening. The discussion with Boni hits upon main points that can help others who are not donor-conceived understand what it is like to go through the process of a misattributed parentage experience. It's an important one.

On Kindle

In hardcover print from Amazon or Bookshop.org (bookshop supports independent booksellers)

Listen on Audible

Katie Hopkins never guessed that a discovery about her sister's unexpected paternity would be just the start of a number of surprises in the family. What began as crumbs of information left in family documents led to DNA testing which confirmed a hidden family history. In Exposed by DNA, Hopkins shares an account of learning that her biological parentage--as well as that of two of her three siblings--was different than what they all had been raised to believe.

Hopkins has a rare ability to delve into the deeply hurtful topics of betrayal and fractured self-identity while retaining a perspective sprinkled with humor and empathy. She is able to express understanding for her parents and also for others who like herself have traveled the road of a misattributed parentage discovery and all of the disruptions to identity that ensue.

This episode of DNA Clarity and Support includes an *update* since Hopkins first published her book. Listen as Hopkins shares things she learned after the first version of her book was completed and published. If you have an earlier version of Exposed by DNA (purchased in the autumn of 2021 or earlier) and the book ends with chapter 32, visit www.watersheddna.com to download the FREE final chapter 33.

In this episode, Laura Kieger talks about her family's experience with the hereditary cancer syndrome, FAP. In Summer's Complaint: My family's courageous, century-long struggle with a rare genetic cancer syndrome Kieger chronicles her family's multigenerational struggle with familial adenomatous polyposis. Summer's Complaint highlights the health aspects of DNA, the importance of knowing a genetic diagnosis and connecting with knowledgeable specialists, and sharing medical details with family. Kieger relates how in just a few short decades, the progress of medical genetics and cancer diagnosis has had a profound impact on her own life and others in her family. If anyone needs an example to point to as support for the importance of sharing DNA medical surprises with family, this episode of DNA Clarity and Support offers it!

Although considered a rare disease, FAP affects many families around the world. Kieger gives listeners a short summary of what everyone should know about the condition and describes how the condition has had variable effects on different relatives in the family. Life with FAP is different for the younger people in her family compared to the past generations, with genetic testing now making it possible for younger family members to avoid the intense and often invasive medical surveillance that she and her siblings endured. Also learn how assisted reproductive technologies like IVF have altered the transmission of FAP in her and other families.

From a story of learning about dominant hereditary conditions in a college lecture to the experience of losing multiple family members at too-young an age, Kieger's experience is relatable even for those who do not have a family history of hereditary cancer.

The episode ends with a discussion about:

Follow @LKiegerAuthor on Twitter or visit the author's site at laurakieger.com

Find your copy of Summer's Complaint at these and other online retailers:

On Amazon (print)

On Kindle

On Bookshop.com (support independent booksellers)

Season 2 of DNA Clarity and Support kicks off with an interview of Melissa Guida-Richards! Guida-Richards is a late-discovery transracial adoptee and the author of What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption. Inspired by the discovery at age 19 of her adoption from Columbia into an Italian and Portuguese American family, Melissa has authored articles to help others understand her experience. Her latest book aims to educate and guide White parents who are raising an adopted child with a differing genetic ethnicity. Among the topics host Brianne and the guest discuss is how Melissa developed a sense of being LatinX through food, music, and language; her identification of biological relatives via DNA testing; and the growth and changes that took place in the relationship with each of her parents.

Here's what the author describes you can expect to learn from her book:

LISTEN NOW then search for your copy of What White Parents Should Know about Transracial Adoption at one of the following sites!

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/675697/what-white-parents-should-know-about-transracial-adoption-by-melissa-guida-richards/

Find on Amazon

Find on bookshop.com

Listen on Audible

In today's episode, we'll meet Richard Hill, the adoptee who was the first to use DNA testing to search for and discover the identity of his birth parents. This pioneer took his decades of searching and turned his story into an opportunity to teach and help others along their own paths.  

Host Brianne interviews Richard about the highlights of his search which are detailed in Finding Family: My Search for Roots and the Secrets in My DNA. An experienced speaker, Richard continues to educate others around the world, often via webinars.

This episode contains details of Richard's story as well as descriptions of Y chromosome testing and autosomal DNA testing and how these two types of DNA are tools that help in different ways for someone on a search for biological family. It's great listening for the beginner just starting to learn about DNA and its connection to genealogy and biological family as well as the experienced searcher who might be wondering about how to guide others in the "what now" phase after family members are identified.

Richard speaks about the impact the late discovery of his adoption had on him as a young adult and how learning he had a biological brother he learned about was the trigger to start his search in earnest. The conversation wraps up with Richard sharing his insights into the best outcomes from advances in DNA testing and his forecast for the future.

Learn more about Richard Hill:

https://www.DNA-Testing-Adviser.com 

https://www.facebook.com/DNATestingAdviser/

Finding Family: My Search for Roots and the Secrets in My DNA -- available in print, eBook, and audiobook formats

Guide to DNA Testing - Kindle book available on Amazon.com (non-Kindle owners can read through the Kindle app for mobile)

Richard's collection of sites and resources for genetic genealogy - https://www.dna-testing-adviser.com/support-files/genetic-genealogy-links.pdf 

Interested in learning more about unknown parentage searches and DNA testing? Check out:

Could the DNA Test Be Wrong?

DNA Guide for Adoptees

In the first 4 minutes of today's podcast, you'll hear a ballad sung by today's guest, Cory Goodrich, inspired by her NPE discovery. Then we'll get started with the conversation!

What happens when a brilliantly creative person finds time on their hands during a worldwide pandemic? If you're Cory Goodrich, the stars align in a way that opens doors, and you churn out a hopeful and poignant memoir called Folksong.

Cory's memoir touches on the pain & hope she felt through her journey at the end of her mother's life and through the discovery soon after that her mother had been keeping a secret about Cory's paternity for decades.

If you are a mother or parent keeping a DNA secret...

If you are a family member who wants a family secret to stay under wraps...

If you are a sibling who finds out your brother or sister is a half sibling, or that you have a new sibling you didn't know about...

And especially if you're an NPE struggling...stop & listen to Cory's experience today.

We kick off the conversation with Cory's editor Elizabeth Lyons involved in the discussion. The funny Cory/Elizabeth duo documents the twists involved in crossing paths and bringing Folksong to life. Cory then explores the ways creative expression has been life-saving to her. Her art has taken on new life and new meaning since she discovered that music and acting (and even painting!) are in her DNA.

We learn about Cory's journey of loss and how she was able to work her way through it.

Cory aims to de-stigmatize mental health issues for those with an NPE discovery. If in the aftermath of a DNA discovery, you have the thought "I am going crazy," Cory wants you to know she's been there, too. If you've struggled with your sanity, if you've had suicidal ideation, considered or tried therapy and medication to get you through it, Cory wants you to understand you are not alone.

Cory also addresses the mothers out there who--like hers--hold a secret about their child's genetic origins. She speaks to these mothers with honesty and compassion. Your child might be angry, she says, but if they are like Cory, once the anger resides the empathy moves in. A most powerful comment Cory makes about her mother was this: "I never would have stopped loving her."

"I am so grateful for who I am today because of this," says Cory near the end of the episode. 

A not-to-miss episode of DNA Clarity and Support!

Resources:

Cory's website

The Folksong website

Directory of specialized counselors at MPEcounseling.org (formerly NPEcounseling.org)

Mental health professional training for NPE support:

- Parental Identity Discovery by Jodi Klugman-Rabb

- NPE Trauma-Informed Coaching sponsored by NPE Friends Fellowship

If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.

"I was no stranger to shock and grief...[but] this was something altogether different. The quality of it was different...It was trauma at the level of identity."

A watershed moment in the life of Dani Shapiro--the discovery that she was donor-conceived--was triggered by an innocent adventure into consumer DNA testing. As a memoirist and novelist, Dani had spent her career putting her life experiences into words to guide the way for others. Her NPE ('not parent expected') discovery was no exception. Dani published her NPE memoir "Inheritance" in 2019, and it's the book she says she was born to write.

Different types of NPE experiences include late-discovery adoptions, the revelation of an extra-marital affair, and more. When the discovery is made during life, and how it is made, can have long-term impacts on feelings around self-identity. In this episode of DNA Clarity and Support, Dani answers questions like, "How much of your experience was in your head? How much was a physiological or physical reaction?" Her husband Michael Maren joins in the conversation with host Brianne for a little while to tell about Dani's NPE discovery from the perspective of spouse, search assistant, and main support person.

Dani talks about the therapy she sought out.

Even if you've already read Inheritance and listened to Dani on other podcasts, you will learn something new and take away a deeper understanding of the impact of DNA testing on lives.

Genetic counselors, IVF counselors, and others who work in the world of infertility and assisted reproductive technology--make sure to stick around and listen through to the end. You are the professionals involved when families are making decisions today that will result in NPE discoveries like Dani's in the future. Brianne has some thoughts for you and encourages you to be at the forefront of changes in the world of donor conception.

The era of family secrets has come to an end, and it's time to stop and listen and learn and discuss how we as a society move into the next era with compassion and understanding and a unified goal of healing and support. Thanks to Dani for shining a light and leading the way for many who follow in her footsteps.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Right to Know

DNA Detectives

watersheddna.com/resources - lists the collective of Genetic Identity Rights supporters

Brianne's "Prepare to Share" coaching services for parents who need to share a DNA secret with their child

MPEcounseling.org

The Body Keeps Score

Family Secrets podcast

Follow Dani Shapiro:

website: www.danishapiro.com

Instagram: @daniwriter

Twitter: @danijshapiro

Facebook: Dani Shapiro

Find your copy of Inheritance:

eBook

Audiobook

Paperback book

Want to learn a little bit about where the fear and stigma around cousin marriages come from? Ready to be challenged by listening in on a conversation between two genetic counselors discussing past work with families facing uncertain, traumatic pregnancies? Things get real really fast in this episode. We will warn you upfront, some listeners might struggle with some parts of the conversation.

Janice Berliner is a genetic counselor and author whose first novel "Brooke's Promise" is the main point of discussion. In this episode, Brianne and Janice cover a lot of ground. The topics you can expect to hear about are:

Janice has chosen to be vague in talking about the details of her novel's storyline, so as not to give away the ending! But she opens up with Brianne and listeners of DNA Clarity and Support about the issues the characters face. Issues like:

facing social stigma

thoughts of pregnancy termination

grappling with the diagnosis of a life-limiting disease in an infant

uncovering upsetting information about genetic family relationships that brings everything into question

This episode is different from previous episodes of DNA Clarity and Support, as we take the discussion to the edge of what's within the comfort zone for most people. We give you a sense of how genetic counselors can be a resource and a safety net when things go sideways in the world of DNA testing.

Brianne briefly mentions resources for those in the community of adoptees, NPE ("not parent expected") discovery-makers, and genealogists and search angels who make a discovery of closely related bio parents. This is sometimes called a high ROH discovery. Here's information from WatershedDNA.com to help you know where to go and what to do next:

What is "high ROH"?

How a high ROH discovery granted a sense of relief and healing for one person

Encouraging compassion around ROH discoveries

If you are curious to understand more about hereditary genetic disease and are willing to explore the ethical twists and turns that arise for a family raising a medically fragile child, order your copy of Brooke's Promise. Reach out to Janice at [email protected] with your thoughts!

You can find Brooke's Promise at these places:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Good Reads

Janice Berliner's website

Brianne's book The DNA Guide for Adoptees includes chapters on many topics discussed in today's episode, including high ROH, support resources for those making unexpected DNA discoveries, and medical genetics.

Find your copy here:

WatershedDNA.com

Amazon

This episode has been reported to be a trigger for those who are the adoptee, donor-conceived person, or NPE/MPE in a surprise family member discovery. The experience and perspective of those individuals are not covered. 

With the increasing popularity of at-home consumer DNA testing through companies like Ancestry.com and 23andMe, more and more men are finding previously unknown offspring. For a man with a wife and family, this discovery presents unique challenges, particularly if that newfound "child" is a grown woman. 

In this episode, host Brianne interviews Molly Corrigan, the author of the short guide "An Unexpected Father-Daughter DNA Match." Corrigan wrote this straightforward, quick read with input from her husband to support the discovered biological father and his family. It's a resource she describes as something she wishes had existed when their family was suddenly faced with a surprise biological child discovered through an extended family member's DNA test. 

Blog posts about the biological father and family side of DNA discoveries are less common, but these are some of the most often visited and read of all guest posts on the Watershed DNA blog. Read more below:

Two biological fathers share their experiences

Molly describes the reason for creating "An Unexpected Father-Daughter DNA Match"

Laura describes the shock and grief experience that happened from the appearance of an adult child for she and her husband who were child-free by choice

Many NPEs, adoptees, and others who reach out to biological relatives have a desire for medical information. Although the adoptee who reached out to the Corrigan family reportedly did not ask about it this, medical history a common and valid reason for outreach. Family medical history is a cornerstone of the medical record, as it can help forewarn some people of potential threats to their health and future generations of the family.

Read more on the topic of gathering family history here:

A blog post about the importance of family medical history, how to gather it, and what to do if you can't

What to focus on when asking about family medical history

For more details on this, check out chapters 20-27 in The DNA Guide for Adoptees.

Ways to read An Unexpected Father-Daughter DNA Match:

Find a paper copy on Amazon

Read on Kindle