Adoption: The Making of Me. An Oral History of Adoptee Stories

Rebecca is an adoptee, mother, teacher, historian, and award-winning author of the recently published ‘Who Is a Worthy Mother'? An Intimate History of Adoption.’ Rebecca was driven to write a history of adoption in the United States from the perspective of an adoptee and to honor the memory of her older sister and the truth of brave women everywhere. Rebecca teaches in the School of Education at the University of Puget Sound and lives in Seattle with her husband and two daughters.

To find Becca: https://www.rebeccawellington.com/

You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker 
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our patrons. The next meeting is December 7th @ 1 pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Ann Fessler is an author, filmmaker, and installation artist. Her work addresses the gap between the authoritative history one learns in history books, and that same history as understood by those who lived it. She has spent more than thirty years bringing stories of ordinary people, and the first-person narratives of adoption, into the public sphere through her visual works and Writing.

Fessler traveled the country to interview more than 100 women who lost children to adoption during the 28 years that followed WWII when a perfect storm of circumstances led to an unprecedented 1.5 million non-family surrenders. With the support of a 2003-04 Radcliffe Fellowship at Harvard, Fessler researched the history of the era and later combined her research and interviews in a non-fiction book, The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Lost Children to Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade (The Penguin Press, 2006).

The book, which places the women’s stories within the social history of the time period and her own story as an adoptee was called “wrenching, riveting” by the Chicago Tribune; “a remarkably well-researched and accomplished book” by the New York Times; and “a blend of deeply moving personal tales, bolstered by solid sociological analysis—journalism of the first order” by the San Francisco Chronicle. The Girls Who Went Away was chosen as one of the top 5 non-fiction books of 2006 by the National Book Critics Circle and was awarded the Ballard Book Prize, given annually to a female author who advances the dialogue about women’s rights. In 2011, The Girls Who Went Away was chosen by readers of Ms. magazine as one of the top 100 feminist books of all time.

Website: annfessler.com
Instagram: @annfessler_artist
Film by Ann Fessler: A Girl Like Her

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at t

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Julie Brumley is a trauma-informed adoptee coach who has been coaching men and women for more than 15 years to overcome addictive behaviors and heal the primal trauma of abandonment. She is also the CEO of Coming Home to Self, a company dedicated to helping adoptees heal. After her own birth mother tried to abort her twice, she found herself frozen in an unconscious trauma response for decades until she found the power of somatic trauma healing. Now, she uses somatics, nervous system regulation, personal experience, and her master's in counseling to help other adult adoptees find their way out of their own trauma and into a life of radical self-belonging.

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

To connect with Julie:
https://www.instagram.com/juliebrumley_/
https://www.facebook.com/julierasbrum/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theresilienceprojectforadoptees

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is November 9th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Ann Haralambie is an award-winning author and a trial and appellate attorney (a Certified Family Law Specialist and a Certified Child Welfare Law Specialist). She has a BA in Creative Writing, an MA in English Literature, and a JD in law. Her first book was a poetry chapbook published in 1976 by Desert First Works while she was in law school. Her three-volume Thomson Reuters legal treatise, "Handling Child Custody, Abuse and Adoption Cases 3d" is supplemented annually. Her three other major law books are written primarily for a legal and multi-disciplinary professional audience.

Ann is an adoptee who searched for her birth family for 35 years. Her award-winning book, "Not Nicholson: The Story of a First Daughter," (2023) is an adoption search and reunion memoir. It has been called "a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring quest for self-understanding. . . a deeply moving read, one that resonates long after the final page is turned" (The Reading Bud), "universally inspiring, exemplifying an unwavering resolve that continues even in the face of numerous obstacles. . . an invaluable companion for those navigating the intricate paths of understanding and acceptance in the realms of adoption" (Literary Titan), and "a compelling read that balances personal narrative with broader social issues. . . . a book that will appeal to a wide range of readers, . . . a powerful reminder of the enduring human spirit and the profound impact of uncovering one’s past." (Jeyran Main, Editor-in-chief, Review Tales Magazine).

Spending her time equally between Arizona and New Hampshire, in her spare time Ann loves singing all kinds of music from classical choral music to traditional Irish/Scottish songs to worship music, playing various fretted string instruments and the Irish bodhrán (a framed goatskin drum), Irish and ballroom dancing, and serving as the Loon Preservation Committee field volunteer for Silver Lake, NH.

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Exciting News! We will read and discuss: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.


Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Join at the $10 level and be part of our

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Lena Rosenbloom is a domestic, closed-adopted person from New Jersey. She was adopted in the 80s and raised as an only child in an adoptive family that could not have children. She entered reunion in 2002 with her paternal biological family. Lena discovered her biological family through the adoption.com website and message boards in 2002. She has three half-siblings on her paternal side. Lena has reached out to her biological mother two times in the past 20 years and has been rejected. Lena is a licensed clinical social worker in Florida working with grief and loss as well as terminally ill clients. She helped start a nonprofit organization for first responder spouses in 2018. She has been married to her wonderful husband for 15 years and has two children. She loves to journal, make crafts, and find healing through music and concerts. 

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind Adoptee 20 Link
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION
magicmind.com/adoptee20

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is November 9th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Stephen Grochol is a Financial Planner in San Mateo, CA. He and his wife
just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and they have two daughters.
He is a post-Baby Scoop and post-Roe v. Wade adoptee. Born in Oakland,
CA in 1974 he is the oldest of three. One brother was adopted and the
youngest was not.

Stephen’s adoptive parents went through a private doctor for this process.
He was relinquished immediately after birth and whisked home to Pacifica
where he grew up. A stroke of luck occurred when his Aunt and
Godmother procured the names of his birth parents during his delivery.
As time went on things within his family unit started to unravel. His younger
brother, also adopted, started suffering mental health issues and was
ultimately diagnosed as schizophrenic and bipolar. The family was
hamstrung by the fact his medical records were sealed by the state of
California. This was the prompt that Stephen needed to start the reunion
process, for real.

His parents were amazingly supportive throughout the entire search for
reunion. This just made things okay. On his 28th birthday, armed with “the
adoption file” he was able to quickly track down his birth father. They have
been in reunion since 2003.

Tracking down his birth mother was a much more difficult task. Two weeks
after he was born the birth parents broke up and she joined a church that
had some “cult-like” qualities. In 2017, Stephen and his birth father used
Ancestry DNA to narrow the search for her. It worked! It’s here where he
met a half-sister on his mother’s side. From there he was able to finally
track down their birth mother on Halloween of all dates.

The reunion with both parents and the siblings has been filled with joy and
happiness. There have been several family reunions where Stephen finally
feels like he’s “wearing the right uniform.” Of course, no reunion is perfect
but we are pretty close.

It’s after all this that Stephen has come out of the fog. Listening to Sarah
and Louise, along with more specialized therapy are major factors for this.
Stephen is quite familiar with fog as he grew up in Pacifica…. One of the
foggiest towns in California. Sunny days lie ahead….

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing: You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind/ADOPTIONTRIAL: USE CODE: ADOPTEETRIAL    
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO: receive a 3-sample pack for free.

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Li

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Jennifer Dyan Ghoston is a same-race domestic foster alum and adoptee in reunion with both sides of her biological family. After a 27-year career in law enforcement with the Chicago Police Department, she retired in 2014 as a police detective. In 2015, she self-published her memoir, "The Truth So Far...a detective's journey to reunite with her birth family". She credits her spiritual journey that started over forty years ago for allowing her path to unfold in unexpected and meaningful ways. In 2021, Jennifer's continued efforts to be open, honest, and public about her lived experience while holding space for other members of the constellation (primarily adoptees) has led to hosting the podcast, "Once Upon A Time...In Adopteeland". She currently co-facilitates the Adoptee Voices Writing Group created by Sara Easterly.

Website to find Jennifer:  http://www.jenniferdyanghoston.com
Website to Jennifer's Podcast: www.Onceuponatimeinadopteeland.com

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Exciting News! We will be reading and discussing:You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identify, and Transracial Adoption by Angela Tucker in Season 9.
Here is a link to order her book: bookshop link.

Magic Mind/ADOPTIONTRIAL: USE CODE: ADOPTEETRIAL    
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO: receive a 3-sample pack for free.

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow - Trauma therapist and advocate
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption with Beth Syverson
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is Oct. 19th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Kelly was born in 1970 and grew up in Wichita, Kansas. Her parents divorced before she could remember and she had no contact with her dad. Second oldest of five children, she blended in well enough but noticed some differences. She had reason to believe she was adopted and asked when she was a teenager. Her mother continually said she was not adopted. The physical differences were dismissed as traits that might have come from her absent dad.

Kelly is happily married and has three sons. She is an engineer and a passionate quilter.

Fast forward to 2022, her oldest son was curious about his genetic makeup and took a 23andMe. A niece had previously done 23andMe and shared her results. Kelly was surprised that her absent dad was in the database as well. When her son’s results arrived, the niece was not there nor absent dad. Curiously, there were other relatives that she did not know.

Her mother quickly confessed that Kelly was indeed adopted. The rest of the kids were all biological and her mom intended to take this secret to the grave.
Her mom did not want her “to feel different.”

Reaching out to a relative on 23andMe, as well as the adoption agency, it was only 10 days before Kelly was reunited by phone with her parents. Her parents are still together, married for 50 years, and she has two biological brothers. They had been looking for her for many years. She learned that her dad is an engineer, her mom is a quilter, and many other commonalities.

Kelly describes her story as a fairytale reunion. She has been welcomed into her biological family and they have grown very close. She continues to work on her relationship with her adopted mom, trying to work through her anger and feelings of deception.

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Magic Mind/ADOPTIONTRIAL: USE CODE: ADOPTEETRIAL    
USE THE CODE AND LINK TO: receive a 3-sample pack for free.

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is Oct. 19th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Dr. Liz DeBetta, creator of Migrating Toward Wholeness© is an adoptee and independent scholar-artist-activist committed to changing systems and helping people navigate trauma through creative processes. She believes that stories are powerful change agents and when we write them and share them we connect and heal. Liz is a proud member of Actor's Equity, SAG-AFTRA, Affiliate Faculty at the Institute for Research on Women and Gender, and part of the Diversity Scholars Network at the National Center for Institutional Diversity at the University of Michigan. She has published articles on autoethnography and adoptee narratives, has an award-winning one-woman show called Un-M-Othered, and facilitates trauma-informed healing through 1:1 coaching and workshops for adoptees and women. Her book Adult Adoptees and Writing to Heal: Migrating Toward Wholeness is available from Brill Publishers.

To find Dr. Liz:
Instagram
Website

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

RESOURCES for Adoptees
S12F Helping Adoptees
Gregory Luce and Adoptees Rights Law
Joe Soll & other adoptee resources
Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group
Reckoning with the Primal Wound Documentary
Dr. Liz Debetta: Migrating Toward Wholeness Movement
Hiraeth Hope & Healing
Moses Farrow
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 OR Dial or Text 988.
Unraveling Adoption
Adoptees Connect with Pamela Karanova

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly Zoom /ADOPTEE CAFE community. This is an adoptee-only space. We do appreciate all of our Patreons. The next meeting is Oct. 19th @ 1pm ET

Support the show

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.

Born at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Greenwich Village on Nov. 11, 1954,  Michael was adopted five weeks later by John and Eleanor Coffey, a corrections officer and an RN,  respectively.  The adoption was handled by the New York Foundling Hospital. John and Eleanor had been unable to have children.

He was raised as an only child in a small town in the Adirondacks. By the time his parents told him overtly that he was adopted, at age 8, he already knew. Following the Foundling’s recommendation, they had told him from the beginning that they had “chosen” him in a nursery with many other babies.

Although they were loving parents, it seems they were also a bit distant—“hands-off.” Sadly, one of the few things they knew about Michael’s birth parents was that they were college-educated, and it seemed to make them feel that he was of different and maybe better stock. Michael feels they tried to stay out of his way. Although Michael had what he calls a perfectly happy childhood, there was something missing. After much soul-searching and research, he believes there might be an element of containment missing, a term used by Melanie Klein and, later, Wilfred Bion, two prominent psychotherapists--containment being the provision of a safe space at a critical part of childhood development. 

Michael went off to college at Notre Dame, and spent his junior year in Dublin. College took care of him to a degree (the Notre Dame motto is in loco parentis—in place of parents). Leaving college, though, was a terrifying prospect, and two months after graduating he married a woman he had known for only four months. 

Michael studied Anglo-Irish literature at the University of Leeds in England; his wife and he had a son, Joshua.  He earned his Master’s degree.  In 1978, the little family moved to New York City. Michael got a job in publishing and, settled, he wrote to the New York Founding, which was just 15 blocks from their walk-up apartment. A Sister Phelps provided him with “background information but not identifying information.” His search for his parents began. He went down many dead-ends.

At the age of 50, with the help of a private investigator, he discovered that both his birth parents were deceased; his father was a Gallagher, whose own father was from Donegal, Ireland; and his mother, indeed Virginia, was fourth-generation Irish-American from a Co. Mayo family. She was a one-time Broadway actress and cabaret singer in Manhattan when he was conceived. His father, Robert Michael Gallagher, was driving a cab in New York and writing poetry at the time. They both hailed originally from Philadelphia.

Michael has written a memoir in which he traces these developments, emphasizing that, since he came of age, he has been looking and listening for traces, voices, and ghosts of lost birth parents, lost siblings, or half-siblings. He did find them, ghosts and real, but just as when John and Eleanor told him at age 8 that he was adopted when he already knew it, he says he also seemed to know who he was, and where he was from before the evidence was in. At this point in his life, he welcomes this as a measure of containment, a “safety in knowing.”

Thank you to our Patreons! Join at the $10 level and be part of our monthly ADOPTEE CAFE community. Our next Zoom is on 10/19 at 1 PM ET. This is an adoptee-only community. We appreciate all of our Patreons!

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Support the show

To support the show - Patreon.