NPE -Child of an Affair

A quick check in from Pam at Child of an Affair.

Correction to name of the diagram I was working on with Trauma recovery coach it is called a Genogram not Enneagram although I have done my Enneagram too lol.

Remember you were meant to be here. You are beautiful and wonderful because you exist.

Thank you for listening. Sending you my support.

Feel free to answer the poll to share how far you are into your NPE Journey.

Imagine to find out your the child of an affair and then shortly after your spouse finds out the same thing about his birth story and now both of you are coping with an NPE discovery in your marriage.

Judy and Ron are that couple. Such a sweet couple I felt like I was talking to my nice neighbors up the road. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your NPE discovery and how differently you both processed this due to your relationships with your mom and BCF's.

I was holding back tears when Ron talked about the love that his mom couldn't never really have in not being able to live out her life with his biological father who she truly loved. Judy I am so glad you found community and I am so grateful for you reaching out to record this episode.

You can find their episodes on NPE Stories as they are from the OG first season on Episodes 10 and 11.

Today's conversation with Heather is one you don't want to miss.

Today's mini episode was another experiment of mine with a letter I wrote to my deceased bio dad as a healing tool a few years ago. I finished the letter last year. I had it saved on my phone.

I plunked it into a free Ai song tool and it cut me off so there are two completely different songs made from one letter. So note the big style change as it goes past the 4 minute mark and becomes a new song for the last part of my letter.

I wrote a letter so it doesn't have a catch or a hook or chorus I just put my letter into the tool and it made this song. I need to find a female singer to take this and make into a proper song. I love the first tempo and style way better than the 2nd half and have it all even as one song. Maybe a few more Dear Daddy's thrown in and many words changed to fit into a song better.

I am still crying. I have played this 20 times over the last few weeks. I can only hope if there is an afterlife that my dad can hear this song. If you are like me... Have some kleenex and take care while listening.

Thank you .

Pam

Someone showed me a feature on notebook Google where you can add any kind of text and it can make it into a podcast with AI, you can do with anything like a manual or any kind of text.

I decided to copy and paste in three out of the four of my correspondences with my half sister, I couldn't find the first one. I don't know where I saved it. I'm thinking it must be on our old computer. I have a paper copy somewhere. I will add that one and try it too, but I thought it was interesting to share here. Again this is just AI's take on reading my sister's response to my first four page letter, which is not included, I did include her second response after taking some time to talk to the family and then the letter that I wrote them last year. And let me say it's kind of scary how much emotionality is in it . And how much AI actually understands how painful this was for me too bad the real people involved don't feel it too. It created this in under 2 mins.

I deleted the first version of this episode because I still had a sound edit to do in the opening. I dedicate this episode to Gigi's mom. Last month I asked her if she wanted to post pone Part 2 in honour and respect for her mothers passing until May. I renamed this episode Hilde the Wilde for her mom to as a woman with a life and passions, sides of our mom they didn't always show us. We don't always get to know the whole person. and their feelings about having an affair or how they changed because of it. This episode is a continuation of my conversation with Gigi last June 2024. We talk about how her being 2SLGTBQ1+ and how coming out with her truth compares to her mothers struggle to come out with the truth and worries of being judged. Gigi shares ideas for resources that are needed for moms and dads of NPE's. Tough conversations like this are why these types of podcasts are important. It's not about insulting religion , it's about trying to understand the complexities of the guilt and shame and their influence on why our true stories are often kept a secret. Thank you Gigi for being so open and honest. I hope you find the right James soon.

The link to her blog is found here: https://www.facebook.com/share/18qFQJrDF7/

I dedicate this episode to the memory of Gigi's Mom. Last month I asked Gigi if she wanted to postpone Part 2 in honour an respect for her mothers passing or cancel it and even offered to take down episode 1. Gigi wanted to keep Part 1 up and post pone Part 2 until now. I renamed this episode Hilde the Wilde for her mother. Our moms were women with lives and passions and they didn't always show us. We don't always get to know the whole person and their feelings about having an affair and either knowing or considering the possibility that they had us out of this affair loomed large on many of our moms and may have changed who they were or how they presented themselves to the world. I continue my conversation with Gigi from last year in this episode. We talk about being 2SLGTBQ1+ and coming out with her truth and how Gigi is able to compare that to her mother's struggle to tell the truth and worries of being judged. Gigi shares some idea's for new resources for the NPE world including resources for moms to tell the truth and resources for dad's dealing with these discovery. Tough Conversations like these are why these podcasts are important. It's not about insulting religion it's about trying to understand the complexities of the guilt and shame and influence on why our true stories are often kept secret. Thank you Gigi for being so open, honest. I hope you find the right James soon. I will add the link to her blog soon. RIP Hilde.

Just a quick update on the podcast and what is coming next...

Thanks for listening.

Pam

Books mentioned in this episode :

What They Never Told Us- Gail Lukasik

When You Shake the Family Tree- Margo Reilly

If You Only Knew- Leslee Liljenberg

The Girls That Went Away- Ann Fessler

Join me for Part 1 of a great conversation with fellow Canadian NPE Gigi. This episode was recorded in the Spring of 2024.

Thank you Gigi for sharing your story and the sound bite from your recording of your dad with me. We shared an amazing experience in Denver Colorado at the Untangling Our Roots conference. I am a much more healed person since attending and I am grateful for our connection and for your openness with your experience. Gigi really articulated beautifully how I felt about so many things. Her feelings about the hurt and loss when you had a close relationship with your mother breaks something in us, even though it doesn't take away the love, and our empathy is there, something is forever changed from this NPE secret.

Mentioned in the Podcast

Untangling our Roots

https://untanglingourroots.org

Right to know

https://righttoknow.us ( you can also find them on Facebook and Instagram

NAAP

https://naapunited.org

This part 2 is so short because Eve starting asking me about my story and I felt that I needed to take it out as I am a chatter box and to record my own story to keep this episode focused on Eve's journey. I had also planned on interviewing her sister but with my extended break and the time difference, I didn't get it booked. I hope to do an episode with her sister down the road as a sister's perspective would be fantastic to have.

Eve is amazing. Thank you for the great conversation and for sharing your movie and story with the world.

To learn more of Eve's story ...You can watch Man on the Bus on Apple TV in Canada or check your local apps in your area.

Thank you Eve.