Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Today I launch the first episode of my second season and before I introduce today’s episode I want to thank everyone for an amazing 1st season, this is a passion project that I feel very lucky to have had so many amazing people trust me with sharing their stories!  I have gained so much from each one of their stories and I will continue to share as long as there are people who want to share!  So THANK YOU to each and every one of my guests and listeners!!

Today I am sharing Cookie’s story for the first time publicly.  

Imagine hearing your mother, who has dementia, telling you that your Dad isn’t your Dad.  This caused Cookie to start asking questions.  And then you find out your Mother told your youngest sister years ago, who then shared the information with 2 of your grown children and they all kept it from you.     

Being raised in a “perfect Christian upbringing” all looked perfect from the outside looking in. She learned from a very early age how to put on an act for others which continues to this day with her Mother.

Cookie shares what this journey has felt like and wants others to know that they are not alone and to look for the little gems and hidden blessings along the way.

Thank you Cookie for sharing your story with us!

To connect with Cookie you can email her at [email protected].

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Today Robyn shares her story for the first time publicly, with some details that you don’t hear very often within the NPE community. 

Robyn talks about all the opportunities her mother had to tell her the truth, more than most of us, yet her mother never did! And now Robyn is left with so many questions, mysteries that she won’t have answers to in this lifetime. 

What if you knew your biological father but didn’t know he was your biological father?  In hindsight I think we can all say what we’d do differently but until you know the truth you can only reflect on that relationship, the “what ifs”. 

So many of us ask “what could my life have been like”? Robyn asks herself this, wondering if it would have been much better but it also could have been much worse.

Thank you Robyn for your open and honest conversation! 

To connect with Robyn you can email me [email protected] and I will forward your message to her.

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

After some last minute travel I am excited to release Skye’s story!

Imagine always having the running joke between your siblings about you being what they call the “Fed Ex Baby”? Skye shares how close she is with her raised siblings and how she found out her Dad wasn’t her biological father.

 For some of us we must immediately confront our mothers, while others sit on it for a bit to process, then confront our mothers.  And as Skye shares she was working on the communications with new found family while on her honeymoon, imagine trying to process all of this while on your honeymoon!

Skye describes a “Non-living” state of mind while she was trying to figure this all out, I felt this, I knew exactly what the feeling was.  Skye allowed herself to take the time she needed away from both her mom and dad, allowing herself to do the work needed.

Family dynamic, we all have it and we don’t know other family’s dynamic, even if we are related by DNA and it’s ok to take your time to connect with your new found family, there is no expectation for anyone.  Go at your own pace. 

And the best advice…..Be kind to yourself!!

If you would like to connect with Skye you can email her at [email protected]

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Before I begin I would like to share a content warning, this episode includes discussions about childhood sexual abuse which could be disturbing for some audiences.  

Myndi shares with us how she found out the “family secret” from her maternal cousin and then eventually how she became obsessed with finding out the answers to her DNA results, as so many of us do.

When Myndi breaks her no contact with her mother to try and get answers her mother’s immediate response is so telling!

Myndi’s Birth Certificate Father told her that her mother didn’t know, yet Myndi reminds him how she found out, denial runs deep for some affected by a DNA surprise, including Myndi’s BCF.

Myndi shares her first conversation with her Mother and how her story didn’t make sense or add up plus her biological Father’s version of the story. As children we only have the stories as they are told to us, and when we learn our truths we try to fit the pieces together, to try and understand our correct origin story. 

Myndi talks about how we deserve better, follow your heart, surround ourselves with people who support and love us, not judge us! Put yourself first!

Thank you Myndi for being vulnerable, open and honest with some very personal things!

Podcasts Myndi has shared her story on:

NPE Stories:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/myndis-story/id1464478802?i=1000506567252

The Secret in my DNA:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-5-in-the-dark-myndis-story/id1545020186?i=1000535031685

Hiraeth Hope and Healing Retreats:

https://www.hiraethhopeandhealing.com/retreats

You can connect with Myndi in either of the following ways:

Facebook – Myndi Morrison Fitzgerald

Email – [email protected]

Phone – email me at [email protected] and I will share it with you

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Before I begin I would like to share a content warning, this episode includes discussions about childhood abuse, sexual abuse and sexual assault which could be disturbing for some audiences.  

Nichell shares her story today, both the struggles as well as the positives that came from her discovery!

Nichell grew up with such a big question mark, after her DNA journey she has her answers, with no regrets! 

Nichell said something that really was profound and I’ve never heard it said this way: For years she thought she was searching for her father, what she was really looking for was approval, acceptance and belonging. She has realized there is no such thing as a perfect family and there is no normal!  DNA was able to give her answers. Healing helped make peace with them!

As you listen to Nichell’s story we wanted to update a big detail to her story, after we recorded she did some additional digging and found out that her biological father was actually in his 40’s, not in his 30’s….this is an important piece of her story I believe.

To connect with Nichell you can email her at [email protected] or me at [email protected]

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

I would like to share a possible trigger warning, Lori will talk about childhood abuse and briefly mentions suicidal thoughts. If you or anyone you know is struggling please reach out to 988 via text or phone for help!

Today I am honored to share Lori’s story, as a Late Discovery Donor Conceived Person, she will share how, from a very early age she was looking for that genetic mirroring, recognizing that she didn’t look like anyone in her family, even asking if she was adopted.  Children don’t realize what is missing necessarily, however we do notice and pick up on differences very early on. 

When Lori suggested to her parents that maybe her Dad was adopted, they both went along with that….versus using that opportunity to be honest, share the truth before finding out from strangers. They had so many opportunities to tell the truth yet they refused to. 

As a child Lori learned to be invisible, her mother wasn’t loving or affectionate.  Lori felt that her mother wanted to have children but didn’t want to be a “mom”. She never received what she needed.

Lori is very open about her tough childhood and the relationships she has with her parents as well as her brother.  She also share the positives she has found in this discovery!

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story Lori!

Hiraeth Hope & Healing retreats:

https://www.hiraethhopeandhealing.com/retreats

Here are the links to hear Lori’s other podcast interviews:

The Inconceivably Connect Podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-6-the-power-of-denial-and-dna/id1813869123?i=1000713065302

NPE Stories with Lily Wood:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/loris-story/id1464478802?i=1000726533855

 Everything’s Relative with Eve Sturgis:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lori-biology-101-brown-eyes-and-big-feet/id1459167540?i=1000439769354

If you would like to connect with Lori’s personally you can find her on Instagram at @ journe2me or on Facebook @Lori Tirado. Her professional pages are :  Instagram @longislandtastees or Facebook @longislandtastees.

Lori’s “Hugs” that she shares at retreats for everyone to keep with them!

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Today “Spicy Scott” is sharing her story for the first time!  

To protect her identity she is choosing to go by “
 Spicy Scott”.  

And here is your trigger warning as suicide is mentioned in her story.  If you or anyone you know is struggling with the thought of suicide please call or text 988, the Suicide and crisis lifeline.

She learns that her mother’s “friend” would end up being her biological father.  She does have some memories of him, but just as her friend, nothing more.  
Spicy Scott provided a lot of care for her mother growing up and what seems like adult roles in their relationship; physically, emotionally and even professionally.  She has struggled with boundaries as she became an adult.

In 2006 her relationship with her mother changed, she continued this difficult relationship while her mother continued to cross boundaries and do inappropriate things. 

Spicy Scott found spiritual healing in 2014, prior to her discovery and continued to find comfort through her NPE discovery.  She also discusses Ancestral Healing, working with a shaman all a part of her healing journey.

She also talks about not recognizing her face during Zoom calls, so many of us within this community can relate to that. 

If you would like to connect with “Spicy Scott” please reach out to me at [email protected] and I will get you in contact.

Thank you “Spicy Scott” for sharing your story with all of us! 

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Today Jess is sharing her story for the first time!  

Jess shares the phrase, “Community is therapy” and that is so true for so many of us, within this community and so many others as you will learn.

Many times within this community we talk about how important receiving medical information is for us when reaching out to our new families, Jess’s story is an example of the dangers for so many of us that don’t have one or both sides of our biological families medical histories…..Imagine being diagnosed with breast cancer not once but twice!  And your mother still doesn’t share your paternal truth!

At age 39 Jess was first diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and again at age 44 with metastatic breast cancer, and still after these diagnosis her mother still chose to not share the truth about Jess’s parentage.  And later when Jess did a DNA test as part of the breast cancer study, she grew up believing she was 100% Ashkenazi Jew, she brought up her ethnic results with her mother, and once again her mother still didn’t tell her the truth.  

While having an identity crisis, Jess will share how learning this truth caused her to grieve the loss of her Dad all over again!

Finding community and therapy through her breast cancer journey helped her realize very quickly in her DNA surprise that she needed to find community and therapy again!

How many of us commit to raising our children very differently then we were raised?  From a very early age we recognize this isn’t healthy or doesn’t feel good and decide we want better for our children.  Although I can speak for myself that I’ve made many mistakes along the way but I know I did do better and I hope my children do even better!

Setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and to not live your life for someone else….Jess offers some great advice for others going through this!

 Jess shows we can care for our mothers from afar, she makes sure her mother is well cared for by coordinating her needed care while also keeping her no contact boundary!

Thank you Jess for sharing your story with all of us! 

Jess’s contact:

Instagram – my_mindful_mbc_life

Facebook – @my.mindful.mbc.life

Email - [email protected]

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As so many of us struggle with Mother's Day I wanted to send out a quick message reminding everyone you are not alone and I hope you are taking care of yourself on this Sunday! 

Stacy

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Again before I introduce today’s episode I want to remind anyone who still wants to be part of an amazing project for NPEs there is a few more days until submissions close for this year’s collage.

The project is The Faces of NPE Project, which includes faces of NPEs who submit their photo as a visual representation to help grow awareness and open thoughtful, respectful dialogue around our experiences.   

If you choose to participate, you only need to submit once.  Your photo becomes part of an ongoing collage that continues to grow each year.  

Submissions for this year’s project close May 13th, with the release happening in June for NPE awareness month.

If you would like to be included, please email Carmen at [email protected].

Thank you!

Now for today’s episode…..I am sharing Amy’s story for the first time!  

 False names, dead end searches…all before Google and at home DNA testing.  Amy had always been told the name of her “Father” was James McCarthy from PA. In Jr. High she became more curious and started asking her mom more questions about who her dad was, she told her she looked like him, artistic like him, driving more curiosity about her Father. This desire drove her to want to find him.  Fast forward to at home DNA testing, and having a husband who also didn’t know his father, she was determined to find him.  

Amy will share the emotions that she’s had to process along the way, finding and then losing a half-sister and also her mother’s death.

Here is a quote that Amy refers to in our conversation so I wanted to share it here also:  “Strange as it may seem, many people are still controlled by their parents after their deaths. The ghosts that haunt them may not be real in a supernatural sense, but they’re very real in a psychological one. A parent’s demands, expectations, and guilt trips can linger long after that parent has died.”

Some great advice that Amy shares is to have realistic expectations versus reality, but be open and prepared.  No matter what happens she will be ok!

Thank you Amy for sharing your story with all of us! And I cannot wait to hear how your CA visit goes! 

Here are the books Amy and I referenced:

“Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” by Susan Forward with Craig Buck 

“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

Here is the link for the Hiraeth Hope And Healing search angels:

https://www.hiraethhopeandhealing.com/search-angels

Amy’s contact:

Substack or Threads – AmyJoNC

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