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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Today Jess is sharing her story for the first time!  

Jess shares the phrase, “Community is therapy” and that is so true for so many of us, within this community and so many others as you will learn.

Many times within this community we talk about how important receiving medical information is for us when reaching out to our new families, Jess’s story is an example of the dangers for so many of us that don’t have one or both sides of our biological families medical histories…..Imagine being diagnosed with breast cancer not once but twice!  And your mother still doesn’t share your paternal truth!

At age 39 Jess was first diagnosed with early stage breast cancer and again at age 44 with metastatic breast cancer, and still after these diagnosis her mother still chose to not share the truth about Jess’s parentage.  And later when Jess did a DNA test as part of the breast cancer study, she grew up believing she was 100% Ashkenazi Jew, she brought up her ethnic results with her mother, and once again her mother still didn’t tell her the truth.  

While having an identity crisis, Jess will share how learning this truth caused her to grieve the loss of her Dad all over again!

Finding community and therapy through her breast cancer journey helped her realize very quickly in her DNA surprise that she needed to find community and therapy again!

How many of us commit to raising our children very differently then we were raised?  From a very early age we recognize this isn’t healthy or doesn’t feel good and decide we want better for our children.  Although I can speak for myself that I’ve made many mistakes along the way but I know I did do better and I hope my children do even better!

Setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and to not live your life for someone else….Jess offers some great advice for others going through this!

 Jess shows we can care for our mothers from afar, she makes sure her mother is well cared for by coordinating her needed care while also keeping her no contact boundary!

Thank you Jess for sharing your story with all of us! 

Jess’s contact:

Instagram – my_mindful_mbc_life

Facebook – @my.mindful.mbc.life

Email - [email protected]

Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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As so many of us struggle with Mother's Day I wanted to send out a quick message reminding everyone you are not alone and I hope you are taking care of yourself on this Sunday! 

Stacy

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Again before I introduce today’s episode I want to remind anyone who still wants to be part of an amazing project for NPEs there is a few more days until submissions close for this year’s collage.

The project is The Faces of NPE Project, which includes faces of NPEs who submit their photo as a visual representation to help grow awareness and open thoughtful, respectful dialogue around our experiences.   

If you choose to participate, you only need to submit once.  Your photo becomes part of an ongoing collage that continues to grow each year.  

Submissions for this year’s project close May 13th, with the release happening in June for NPE awareness month.

If you would like to be included, please email Carmen at [email protected].

Thank you!

Now for today’s episode…..I am sharing Amy’s story for the first time!  

 False names, dead end searches…all before Google and at home DNA testing.  Amy had always been told the name of her “Father” was James McCarthy from PA. In Jr. High she became more curious and started asking her mom more questions about who her dad was, she told her she looked like him, artistic like him, driving more curiosity about her Father. This desire drove her to want to find him.  Fast forward to at home DNA testing, and having a husband who also didn’t know his father, she was determined to find him.  

Amy will share the emotions that she’s had to process along the way, finding and then losing a half-sister and also her mother’s death.

Here is a quote that Amy refers to in our conversation so I wanted to share it here also:  “Strange as it may seem, many people are still controlled by their parents after their deaths. The ghosts that haunt them may not be real in a supernatural sense, but they’re very real in a psychological one. A parent’s demands, expectations, and guilt trips can linger long after that parent has died.”

Some great advice that Amy shares is to have realistic expectations versus reality, but be open and prepared.  No matter what happens she will be ok!

Thank you Amy for sharing your story with all of us! And I cannot wait to hear how your CA visit goes! 

Here are the books Amy and I referenced:

“Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life” by Susan Forward with Craig Buck 

“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

Here is the link for the Hiraeth Hope And Healing search angels:

https://www.hiraethhopeandhealing.com/search-angels

Amy’s contact:

Substack or Threads – AmyJoNC

Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  

Before I introduce today’s episode I want to share an opportunity to help grow an amazing project for NPEs.  I’m so proud of one of my best friends and fellow NPE for founding this project to grow awareness for NPEs.

The project name is the Faces of NPE Project, which includes faces of NPEs who submit their photo as a visual representation to help grow awareness and open thoughtful, respectful dialogue around our experiences.  

If you choose to participate, you only need to submit once.  Your photo becomes part of an ongoing collage that continues to grow each year.  
Submissions for this year’s project close May 13th, with the release happening in June for NPE awareness month.

If you would like to be included, please email Carmen at [email protected].

Thank you!

Now for today’s episode…..I am sharing Beth’s update from her November 4th episode (episode #5)!  

The key line that I took from our conversation is “I’m so glad you hit send”!!

Someone from one of Beth’s support groups said something that rolled around in her mind, this kind soul said: “You might be the best thing that ever happened to them”.  Beth had a draft she had in her email that sat for months, and a voice in her head kept telling her to send it, just hit send.  Eventually she sent it to her new oldest half-sister. Within 12 hours she received a response, it seemed cold, matter of fact! And I will leave the rest for you to listen to, to hear her tell the story!

“What can be gained from them” – Beth learned that the answer to this sometimes is “everything”.

Just! Hit! Send!

Thank you Beth for sharing your update with all of us!  

Beth’s original episode:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2531455/episodes/18101293

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  Today I am sharing Myranda’s story and our conversation!  

Myranda shares with us how her relationship with her mother from a very early age was a struggle, that majority of her childhood was spent with her maternal grandparents. And how harsh some of her mother’s words were to her as a child.

You know, one thing I hear from almost everyone I speak to, and Myranda said the same thing, is…..so many of us are not upset with the decisions our mothers made when we were conceived, most of us have so much compassion for our younger mothers….it’s how they handle things when we find out, when the truth finally comes out, that’s where so much hurt and anger come from.

One week before her DNA results came back she was working on her relationship with her mom, was on a walk with her and her stepfather she even joked about the results….giving her mother another opportunity to tell the truth.  Here is where I will add a suggestion for anyone who is out there and holding onto this truth from a child….TELL THEM, tell them before they find out through a DNA test, that pain is very very difficult to come back from.  Being upfront and honest, when you know the truth is about to come out really does make a difference to those of us finding out our truths.  We would rather hear it directly from our parent then a 3rd party!

 Myranda will share how she reached out to her mother to tell her she found out about who her biological father was, her mom actually apologized, said how sorry she was-so many of us believe if our mothers could only apologize it would make such a difference in how our relationship moves forward but as you will hear, Myranda’s relationship with her mother continued to deteriorate.

 Myranda also talks about self-care ideas and learning to not abandon herself through this journey, this is a huge message for all of us, don't lose yourself for the sake of others!  Be there with yourself and for yourself through the whole process!  This is great advice!

 The quote that Myranda references in our conversation is - “Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.” Glennon Doyle, Untamed 

*Trigger warning-Myranda’s story includes some harsh phrases that may be inappropriate for younger children or possibly offensive to some.

Thank you Myranda for being so very vulnerable and sharing your story with us!

Myranda’s DNA Suprises Podcast episode link:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/myrandas-dna-surprise/id1598395367?i=1000747862231

Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.   

On today’s episode you will hear Jamie, the oldest sister and Frannie, the youngest sister share their DNA surprise story, a perspective we don’t hear often.

They will share how their Mother always told them that their Grandma (otherwise known as Graham Cracker) was the “knower of all, teller of none” and now they know why.  

They tell us how they are so grateful that their Grandma has been able to share her memories to help, even if a little bit, answer some questions, that their mother is not open to talking about.

They both agree that they could have a good relationship with their mother if she allowed herself to be honest and vulnerable but she can’t or won’t.

What I loved about my conversation with Jamie & Frannie is the amount of love they have for their new sibling, and I hope that others who hear their story will learn and realize how the openness towards a new family member can make all the difference.

And also, when we read, hear or learn about DNA surprises we don’t always remember there are children of, siblings of adoptees, Donor conceived persons or NPEs that are also affected deeply by the lies! 

They will share some great advice on how to take care of ourselves during this journey including not to carry the shame of our mothers.

Thank you again Jamie & Frannie for sharing your story with us and your point of view as the siblings of a brother who was lost to adoption!

If you would like to connect with Jamie and/or Frannie please email me at [email protected]

Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  Today I am sharing Marysol’s story!  

It is important to me that everyone who shares their story is able to share it their way, today Marysol shares her story from her writings, it was very important to her to make sure she didn’t lose track of her thoughts so this was her way of honoring her story.  Once she finishes her writings we do have a very candid conversation.

Here is a trigger warning-Marysol mentions childhood sexual abuse and possible sexual assault, please proceed with caution if any of this is a trigger for you.  

Marysol shares her feelings of being raw, uncomfortable in her own skin, disillusionment after a random phone call when she was 20 and how she was unable to discuss it any further with her mother until taking a 23andMe test some years later and learning she is no longer half Puerto Rican, her identify shift along with her mother’s lack of information left her reeling.

One phrase that Marysol uses is it felt like a “brain leech” and this is a great way to explain how a tiny bit of information can continue to consume us, even if it’s small amounts over years….we never forget!

As a woman who identified as a strong Puerto Rican she shares how her ethnicity shift comes up every day for her, how this has been the most overwhelming part for her on a day to day basis. 

Marysol makes the comment that she doesn’t know how to define what is a lie and what is a truth anymore…..this statement is something that I believe so many of us who have had a DNA surprise can relate to.

And as you will hear, Marysol daydreams of an epic apology from her mother, I personally felt this, this grown woman wishes for that too, for myself and for all of us!

Marysol is open to connecting via email at [email protected] or on your Instagram @handsoftheearth.

Thank you again Marysol for sharing your story so eloquently with us!

Books referenced:

By Caroline Foster and Caroline Foster

By Lindsay C. Gibson 

Previous podcast Marysol has done with Lily Wood on NPE Stories:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marysols-story/id1464478802?i=1000552376224

 Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  Today I am sharing Colleen’s story!   

Colleen will share how, from a very young age, that she noticed she didn’t look like anyone in her family and even said she thought she was switched at birth.  We hear this often, that from a  young age so many NPEs noticed something was off, of course we couldn’t have known what secrets were being kept from us but proves that it does make a difference, even to young children. 

Here is a trigger warning-Colleen will mention date rape as part of her story, please proceed with caution if this is a trigger for you.  

Colleen’s story includes an initial connection with a ½ sister and from this ½ sister she learns about their father but later learns she has discovered another NPE.

As Colleen discusses her relationship with her mother she will also talk about setting boundaries and no longer allowing things to be swept under the rug anymore.

For anyone who knows me you know that forgiveness in a difficult topic for me but Colleen speaks so nicely about forgiveness & releasing, surrounding herself with people she can be vulnerable with and we also talk about how being vulnerable helps build connections both within the DNA surprise community as well as with others in our lives.

Colleen is open to connecting via email as well as calling or texting her, if you would like to connect with Colleen by phone or text please email me at [email protected] and I will be happy to give you her number.

Thanks again Colleen for sharing your story for the first time with us!

Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. Thank you for being here.  Today I am sharing Elizabeth’s story and our conversation!  

You will hear Elizabeth share how she always felt different and even asked “why am I so different”.  Through my journey and I’m sure so many of us NPE’s have we hear so many times how different so many felt as children, these feelings are real, unexplainable and is proof that even as very young children we understand what I call the nature vs nurture maybe.

Elizabeth’s story has an origin story that may be hard to hear for some as well as abuse, so here is a trigger warning for everyone.  She shares in a very respectful way though.

Elizabeth also shares how she is taking care of herself and what outlets she is using to help not only herself but also others.  She is working on a long journey of writing her memoir and wanting to give back to the community.

If you are looking for another great resource she is offering a free virtual post-holiday trauma-informed Yoga Nidra Sunday January 11th for the DNA surprise community.  You can find and sign up for this free event on her website:

VIPYoga-noco.com under the events page: 

https://www.vipyoga-noco.com/general-9

Email: [email protected]

Elizabeth's 3 part interview on DNA Surprises Podcast with Alexis Hourselt:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/elizabeths-dna-surprise-part-1/id1598395367?i=1000708323476

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/elizabeths-dna-surprise-part-2/id1598395367?i=1000708323594

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/elizabeths-dna-surprise-part-3/id1598395367?i=1000706627656

Thank you Elizabeth for your vulnerability, honesty and for sharing your story with us!

Music is "Drown in your Lies" by NoxAwake via Pixabay  

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Hello, I’m Stacy, the host of Mothers, Lies and DNA Surprises Podcast. 

Thank you for being here.  Today I am sharing Lily’s story and our conversation! 

Lily is the host of the NPE Stories podcast and I am honored to have had this time with Lily! 

Lily’s honest conversation about what her relationship was like with her mother leading up to her discovery and how it has been since is something that hit home personally while also showing Lily’s strength, growth and how she used that to do better for herself and her family!

Another thing that I found interesting was hearing Lily talk about not only the emotional toll this takes on us but also how our bodies feel, hold on to past emotions and continue to feel those traumas.

Lily gives some great advice on taking care of your own mental health and wellbeing, and giving yourself permission to focus inward. 

If you haven’t already make sure you find and follow Lily’s podcast, NPE Stories.  Lily will be sharing my conversation with her on her podcast this week also!

Thank you Lily for your vulnerability, honesty and for sharing your story with us!

Links to additional information regarding Lily's interviews as well as resources:

Lily's Podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/npe-stories/id1464478802

NPE Stories - Lily's Story:   https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lilys-story/id1464478802?i=1000464979607

The Secret In My DNA - Lily's Story:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-11-a-sounding-board-lilys-story/id1545020186?i=1000550662444

DNA Surprises - Lily's Story:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lilys-dna-surprise/id1598395367?i=1000632441313

Everything's Relative with Eve Sturges - Lily's Story:   https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lily-wood-npe-stories-special-crossover-episode/id1459167540?i=1000500770908

Missing Pieces - NPE Life - Lily is interviewed along with 3 other pillars within the community:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/4-pillars-4-women-answer-4-questions/id1621877452?i=1000565074218

Missing Pieces - NPE Life - Lily interviews Don Anderson's wife and Don interviews Lily's Husband:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-spouses-speak/id1621877452?i=1000598569890

The Reverend & The Reprobate:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dna-tests-family-trees-and-npe-stories-the-lily/id1525591938?i=1000568331336

Email:            [email protected]
Instagram:     npestories
Facebook:     NPE Stories
Additional Facebook groups:  Hiraeth Hope & Healing or Togetherness Heals-NPE Only

Website: https://www.hiraethhopeandhealing.com/