Birth Moms Real Talk

We were honored to attend Black Voices Amplified Summit 2024 in New

Brunswick, New Jersey on November 9. 2024. “Yes We Adopt” was

founded by Stacey Gatlin as an organization committed to raising

awareness, cultivating community, and advocating for Black children and

families touched by adoption and fostering. https://www.yesweadopt.com

This was an awesome experience for me to continue to share my Journey

as a Birth/First Mom as we do on Birth Moms Real Talk Podcast

https://www.birthmomsrealtalk.com

Listen to a conversation with my Buddy, Damon Davis , host of Who I Am

Really Podcast https://www.whoamireallypodcast.com

We take on the challenges, grace, healing, and trauma to come out of the

F.O.G for the adoptee as well as the Birth/First Mom. We cover “ Hot

Topics” with honesty and truth .

“Hold On, You are in for a Ride.”

Carman and Susan continue their story an adoption plan is made . Carman shared of her unique and sometimes funny journey. Carmen “ Knew” what she wanted for herself and her child. She talked about the “ Fear” from both the birth mother perspective and adoptive mother perspective .

Susan talked about being at the birth of Olivia , Carmen’s daughter . Susan has penned her memoir titles “ One Yes at A Time : How Open Adoption Transformed Our Family “.Birth/First Mothers look forward to meeting their child they have carried for nine months .

Carmen and Susan had parallel lives intersecting to form an open adoption. Carmen spoke of “ The Best in All of Us”. Carmen and Susan “ Adopted Each Other .

Communication is the Key to navigation of Emotions and Trauma of Adoption.

Carmen and Susan share their journey of life . In typical adoption stories, the birth/first mom and adoption mom may never have a conversation, yet Carmen and Susan had “ Real Talk” and conversations about “ their daughter.

These two mothers grew up in different situations and yet started the journey to “grow and learn from each other “.

Carmen was an independent college student providing for herself on the west coast . Susan had a Midwest life and journeying through school, work, and marriage . Their story begins when their parallel lives crossed.

They both came to ‘an adoption plan ‘ from two different perspectives.

An Honest , Open , Transparent , H. O. T. Conversation is what you will hear on this episode of Birth Moms Real Talk.

Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out.

Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the“Cheapest and Quickest “.

Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother’s dementia,diagnosis.

Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation.

Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate ,Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family .

She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption.

The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma

Jenny grew up in a large family with over 80 cousins in Kentucky. Adoption and foster case touched her family through her father. She spoke about 2 grandfathers and 2 grandmothers on her father's side, as the adoption community experiences with adoptive and biological families.

As a teenage mother, Jenny was led to believe that open adoption was the BEST decision for her child's life. All Jenny ever wanted was THE absolute best for her baby. If that meant Jenny had to endure pain and sorrow, she believed it would be worth it.

Jenny was an athlete in college and experienced different racial cultures for the first time.

Jenny's story spoke of unique experiences upon leaving the hospital with her child and having the birthfather in her daughters life as well.

After 32 years, Jenny shares about the realities of open adoption and the many complexities that comes with. Blessings, pain and the realization that JENNY was always what was BEST for her daughter.

Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out.

Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the “Cheapest and Quickest “.

Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother’s dementia diagnosis.

Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation.

Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate ,

Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family .

She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption.

The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma

Shelley was very engaging as she talked about explored “it” with her “bestie” male friend. After three months, as a first-year student in college, she was overwhelmed to learn that she was pregnant. Her initial feelings were numbness, shock, and fear upon this life-changing news. We spoke about where she was, who she told first and all the specific details that birth/first moms experience as specific as time of day, what we are wearing, and the words remembered our entire life. Life stands still for a moment when moms receive this news.

Shelley received “immediate support “from all in her life. Shelley’s college professor played an integral role in her life and placement of her son. We spoke about how “support” could change the scenario from one choice to another.

Shelley’s reunion with her son was “Amazing “. The first hug with her son felt like ”Home”. The nature and nurture of adoption is “Powerful.

Sydney says she was a relative “ normal” kid whose family expected her to

behave at a certain standard because of her “ family influence” in her town .

Early in Sydney’s life, trauma and grief entered her life with the tragic loss

of her mother. . She then became the “ mother figure” to her younger

siblings.

Sydney became a mother without family support as other first/birth mothers

experienced. The “family decision “ of adoption was the next step.

Conversations or discussions about this ‘life-changing” decision were not

an option for Sydney .

Sydney’s journey in placement of her son was challenging . Sydney spoke

of being an “ A “ student in school and upon becoming a birthmother, her

life then was considered “ blemished.” We spoke about the stereotype

placed on birthmothers living a “broken life.” We spoke of this simply “ not

bring true “.

Sydney is a shining “voice” in the adoption constellation with her

professional work in public policy and advocacy on the current adoption

landscape.

Jeanne talked about her life growing up in Canada happily entertaining herself with her dolls. She talked about her anxiousness through her life facing fear and doubting herself.

Secrets and fearing sharing the truth were sometimes overwhelming.

Jeanne has broken through her fear to share her story for the first time.

DNA and Search Angels played a major role in Jeanne’s journey.

As all of us in the Adoption community know, “Reunions are Roller Coasters “.

"Karen faced her 'own' birth secrets that she strived to 'untangle'. This gave Karen a unique experience as an adoptee confronted with finding her original birth certificate (OBC). Karen was passionate about the 'Real Talk' of adoption laws from state to state. She shared her story with passion, peace, and purpose. Karen had a straightforward attitude about societal pressures placed on birth/first moms in the United States. The essence of her story is that childhood experiences profoundly impact one's entire life."