life is lonely now. i may have time for more distractions or thoughts of checking things off of the bucket list

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I wasn't the only one cast aside and cheated on. My wife seemed to ditch us all. She didn't seem to GIVE AF! 

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I think this is a fact. I know too many men that seem to have FALLEN IN LOVE, then become heart broken. But as they love, they STILL keep up certain behaviors. Women, on the other hand, seem to love differently. If they can 'fall in love' at all. 

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She actually said these words... 

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I know sometimes I come off as whiny, or complain'y. It's not my intention. Waking up to truths is difficult. When she cheated on me, she just dropped me and the family. We weren't even worth juggling with her affair. That really hit home for me? 

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It's hard to accept that my wife just simply lacks integrity. She also lacks another key thing like accountability and ownership of her crap. Waking up is rough...waking up to realities and accepting them is very difficult. 

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There are truths in my marriage that I've realized. There are now things that I cannot UN-KNOW, UN-SEE, UN-HEAR, or even UN-DO. 

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This is hard to accept. When I'm out of town, she wants to call, talk, text, etc... But when I'm at home, she treats me as if she doesn't want me or like me. It's exhausting 

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This is a reality that I CANNOT STAND! It's such a heavy lift. I have to float between ALL of the education I've received over time about people.  The ideas that we mature, that we grow, that we all seek to change and be better versions of ourselves.  I understand that's simply NOT THE CASE with most people. There's a small group of people in the world that actually care about themselves and the world enough to leave it, the world, better than they found it. #asadreality 

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This is a double-edged sword. I love the fact that my wife is going to be there for me when I am post-surgery SCREWED UP.  But, why can't she be there for me in these same ways when I'm healthy? It's like I'm the experiment that proves she likes damaged things. Maybe even loves them. I'm not sure. 

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The TOTALLY RED PILLED RAGED DO NOT REPEAT Podcast on PATREON *Only Listen if you want to Gauge how angry you or someone you might have experienced is or was.*

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