What does alone mean to me, as it relates to marriage? Well, I feel like I'm better alone, but I still NEED an intimate partner. I am better alone, I work, I diary, I consume podcasts, I pursue more work endeavors, I ALSO NEED someone to have breakfast with, and to be there when I come up for air. This is an unfortunate truth to acknowledge. I want a relationship on my own terms. I cannot fully be there for anyone, even myself. So, now I understand this. I can't be as independent as I need to while staying fully present and in a committed relationship. Very hard to try and do both. It's hard to find happiness if this is a balancing act you pursue. I cannot be in a relationship because of the expectations put on me, and the expectations I put on my wife. I stay grounded and focused typically, where her emotions and desires fluctuate. YIKES, it's hard to find the stability I love, as I'm pulling in irrational and illogical directions. What a conundrum!