Do You F*cking Mind?

What happens when someone you love reads your most private thoughts? Learn how to let go of shame, take back your power and decide if trust can be rebuilt.

Key takeaways 

1. Should you ever check your partner’s phone? Hear why I believe everyone is entitled to privacy, even in a relationship, and what snooping really says about trust.
2. Why snooping feels so addictive. Learn why one look rarely stays at one, whether you find something hurtful or nothing at all.
3. The difference between shame and guilt. Discover why shame exists in the first place, and how to work out who should really be carrying it when your privacy has been violated.
4. Can you trust someone again after they break it? Explore the two sides of trust that decide whether a relationship can be repaired, and why only one of them is in your control.
5. Is it lying if you’re protecting your privacy? Find out where Alexis draws the line between lying and protecting your privacy when someone pushes for personal information, and why she thinks this one divides people.

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Stop waiting for January to get started. This end-of-year goal audit helps you pick what matters, make the time for it, and finish the year feeling in control. You will learn to stay motivated during the holidays, time managment tips to feel like you have momentum to start next year already strong. 

Key takeaways 

Don’t wait for New Year to start your goals. The weeks before Christmas, with plans on the calendar and everyone in a good mood, are a better time to lock in than a winter lull. Sociologists call this shared buzz “collective effervescence,” and you can use it to build momentum.

How to do an end-of-year goal audit. List every goal you set or picked up this year. Drop the ones that no longer feel right. For each one left, ask what actually stops you starting before January. Few goals truly have to wait, and health and fitness goals almost never do.

Choose goals that are realistic, in your control, and startable now. Pick one goal each for health or fitness, career, and self. Each should be something you can start with the time and money you already have. “Post weekly” is in your control, while “100K followers” isn’t.

Plan the time, the celebration and the feeling. Decide how many hours a week the goal needs, and whether it fits better in the morning or the evening. Book a celebration night with a friend for when you get there, and picture how it will feel to have started.

Scrolling and other ways of soothing yourself often pass for self-care. What actually drains people is wasted time, indecision and inner conflict. Doing the things that matter is what pulls you out of the slump

 

how to end the year strong:

 

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Can you truly love someone and still cheat? Honest advice on infidelity, setting boundaries with a mother-in-law and why a best friend might ghost you.

Key takeaways

1. Can you truly love someone and still cheat on them? My honest take on whether love and infidelity can exist together, and what that says about the kind of love you’re offering.
2. Do you want your ex back, or just their forgiveness? Learn how guilt, insecurity and the need for validation can feel like love after a breakup, and how to tell the difference.
3. The two questions every healthy relationship depends on. Discover a simple test for whether your relationship is built to last, and why I believes good relationships shouldn’t feel hard.
4. How to handle an overbearing mother-in-law. Find out who’s really responsible for setting boundaries with a clingy in-law, and the one conversation that will show you whether things can change.
5. Why do people ghost their friends when they’re depressed? Understand what might be behind a friend’s silence, what to make of their social media activity, and how to find closure when someone you love goes quiet.

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**How to Feed Your Brain for a Happier, Healthier You**

In today's world, it's easy to get caught up in the habit of mindless scrolling and doom scrolling, but what if you could turn those "dead" moments into something more enriching? 

In this episode I go into the importance of consuming a balanced diet of information, including education, entertainment, and comfort. Our brains are wired to respond to stories and how this can be a powerful tool for retaining information and making it more enjoyable. 

This ep will teach your how to turn "dead time" into something more productive where you feel more fulfilled at the end of the day.

Thank you so much to the episode sponsor Audible for working together with me to bring you this piece. (and for providing me with my favourite audio books) 

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Struggling to decide between staying home or moving overseas? In this ep I give you 9 questions to ask yourself to get the clarity you need. Then I answer 3 listener questions. Key themes covered are indecision after moving, what changing locations does to personal growth and how to plan ahead for the difficult times that moving can bring. 

Takeaways - 

Are you after adventure or permanent change? A year abroad for adventure means saying yes to everything, not settling into a dull nine-to-five. A move for permanent change comes from dissatisfaction, so be clear about which one it is. If money is what’s holding you back, booking a non-refundable flight can turn a dream into a plan.

Are you running away or chasing something? You take yourself with you wherever you go. Moving fixes problems with your town or city, but not your habits or motivation. A sunny city won’t make you a morning person. A new place is a strong fresh start, but only if you do the work.

Plan for everyday life, not the holiday version. Think about what a normal Monday will look like, how you cope with being alone, and whether you can afford to come home if things go wrong. Then ask which you’d regret more in five years: going or staying.

Loneliness after emigrating keeps your brain in survival mode. Long stretches without safety or belonging keep the brain in a stressed, reactive state, which wears down confidence and self-esteem. The main fix is building a sense of belonging. That can start small: run clubs, volunteering, learning your barista’s name, getting to know your neighbours.

Being alone abroad isn’t a failure, and moving for love needs a fair plan. Travelling solo builds self-trust and resilience, even when it doesn’t feel that way. If you keep moving for a partner’s career, talk honestly about a long-term plan before the sacrifices turn into resentment.

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What you can walk to shapes your mental health. Having shops, cafés and friends within a 10-minute walk means you leave home more often and have more small interactions. Long drives make you batch your errands into one trip, which is more isolating.

Other Takeaways 

Living close to friends makes you happier because it allows spontaneous catch-ups. Living nearby turns a quick text into a coffee or a dog walk together. A 40-minute drive means every catch-up has to be planned, so you see good friends far less often.

Chrono-urbanism: time-based living lowers chronic stress. This urban planning idea measures a place by how quickly you can reach what you need. Short trips and good public transport cut the daily stress of traffic, parking and long drives.

The “big house, small life” problem: more space can mean less connection. Many families move further out for a yard and extra rooms, then end up feeling isolated. Choosing location over space often makes for a bigger social life.

Social connection protects your health, and small interactions count. Research comparing the health impact of loneliness to smoking about 15 cigarettes a day. Chatting with neighbours and strangers builds a sense of belonging, which supports mental health, immunity and healthy years of life.

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Feeling lost, stuck people-pleasing, or like you’re living the 'wrong' version of your life? In this  encore episode, I break down what your authentic self really means, the psychology of self-conflict and self-discrepancy theory, and how living authentically boosts your self-esteem, confidence and resilience.

Too much choice can leave you paralysed, and the pressure to please family, friends and society can pull you far from who you really are. This episode gives you practical mindset tools and journal prompts to reconnect with your true self.

 

Top takeaways:

• What your authentic self is: knowing your values, morals and what you actually want, and why it keeps evolving
• The freedom test: a simple exercise that shows whether you’re living on your own terms
• Self-conflict vs self-inconsistency: why abandoning yourself to please others destroys fulfilment
• Self-discrepancy theory: your actual self, ideal self and “ought” self, and how the gap between them creates anxiety
• Real vs false responsibilities: how to stop carrying other people’s expectations
• The research: how authenticity is linked to resilience, trauma recovery, self-esteem and lower stress, anxiety and depression
• Your job is not your identity: why you don’t need to find your passion in your career
• Signs of an authentic person: no comparison, no competing for validation, and being able to laugh at mistakes
• Journal prompts: questions to audit where you’re people-pleasing, fitting in or being inconsistent
• Dealing with judgement: how to respond when people comment on the new you

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Is fear keeping your life small? Learn the difference between good and bad fear, how to stop spiralling, and why irreversible decisions make you happier.

Key takeaways 

1. Good fear versus bad fear: short-term stress can improve performance. Fear, anxiety and excitement use similar brain circuitry and feel similar in the body. So you can reframe nerves as excitement, or burn off anxious energy with quick exercise. Fear becomes harmful when it’s chronic and stops you from acting.
2. Fears grow bigger because the brain rewrites memories each time you recall them. Each time you revisit a fear, you add emotion and context to the memory. Big life changes, like becoming a parent, can also make old fears feel bigger.
3. Name the fear to stop the spiral. Spiralling happens when anxious thoughts keep pulling in similar thoughts. Naming the feeling, ideally out loud, pinpointing its cause and offering yourself a more neutral counter-thought brings your prefrontal cortex back online.
4. Fear of being alone, disappointing your parents or being judged often keeps you stuck. Learning to enjoy your own company makes you less controlling in relationships. Your parents’ disappointment is often about the story they imagined for you, not about you. People will talk when you change, but they’ll move on quickly.
5. Irreversible decisions often make people happier. In the study I describe, people who couldn’t change their choice of photo print were more satisfied than those who could swap. Committing helps you go all in. Useful anchors include a non-refundable flight or a paid deposit.

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Bonjour and welcome to your head noise episode! 

Today I am covering 3 questions. From overcoming the doubt that arrises in your 20s and fear of not doing enough, to dealing with pain and anxiety from past experiences and how to not relive that same pain in the future, and lastly, a listeners husband who has cheated on her on grindr. 

 

If you would like to submit your questions, email [email protected] or go to www.dyfmpod.com to submit you voice note! 

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What if success is a brain pattern you can train? Learn how your prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia and dopamine turn goals into habits that actually stick.

Key takeaways

1. Success is a trainable brain pattern. The corticostriatal loop links the prefrontal cortex (planning and goal-setting) with the basal ganglia (habits and doing). The stronger that link, the easier it is to follow through on your goals.
2. Motivation from enjoying the process outlasts motivation from rewards. Dopamine reinforces behaviour that feels rewarding while you do it. That’s why goals with small, visible wins (like training for a half marathon) last longer than vague ones like “lose weight.”
3. Specific goals with an emotion attached stick better. Define success in each part of your life (relationships, career, health) and name the feeling behind it, such as security, freedom or calm. Emotion drives motion and helps your brain rewire itself.
4. Exercise and impulse control strengthen the brain networks behind goals. HIIT raises BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor). Agility drills, learning new skills, resisting impulses and lowering stress all improve how well these brain regions work together.
5. Happy mind, happy grind: automate your habits to avoid burnout. Good sleep, calm relationships and steady routines let the basal ganglia take over repeated tasks. That frees up your prefrontal cortex for creative work and decisions.
   
   Thank you for tuning in! See you next week. 
   Alexis 

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