Do You Have A Couple Of Minutes

It's easy to hold onto things that no longer have value or serve us.  In fact, sometimes we hold onto things that actually take our energy and cost us value.  This happens to individual people in their personal lives and it happens in organizations.  It can create physical clutter, mental clutter, and lack of process and purpose clarity.  

It's important to take inventory of the things we do and the way we do things.  What are the routines and processes we engage in?  What are the policies we follow and why were those policies put in place?  Do those policies still serve us efficiently or is it time to modify them?  Can we embrace technology to serve us and still recognize the benefits of in-person interaction? We can use critical thinking and discretion, and a large dose of common sense, to employ resources and advances that serve us AND simultaneously value traditional practices that also serve us.  I am glad I don't have to have ice delivered to put in an ice box to keep things cold, and I also glad we have in-person gatherings for celebrations and that those who cannot join in person can join virtually! Oh, and I also really grateful for washing machines and dryers!

Take time to take inventory of what you are doing, how you are doing things, and why you are doing them.  Then be open to change that allows you to increase your efficiency and effectiveness.  If you are not sure what might be an opportunity for change, seek out some counsel, look around. Sometimes it's hard to see opportunities for change when we are comfortable doing things a certain way.  However, when we let go of our inefficiencies, we save energy and clear space for new opportunities.

This past week my sister shared a tory with me from her childhood.  She told me of a teenage boy being raised  by his single mother, who had to walk everywhere because his mother had to work and use the only car.  My sister wanted to help and gave the bike she had bought with her own money to the boy so that he could save time and ride to his destinations.  She later learned shortly thereafter that the bike got a flat tire and instead of the boy rolling it home, he tossed it in a ditch. And that day she learned a lesson about having skin in the game.  She had skin in the game, but the teenage boy did not.  She also learned a valuable lesson about gift giving and the ownership of gifts.

Most if not all of you have likely heard the phrase "skin in the game" referring to a significant level of commitment to something.  The conversation usually is around ensuring someone feels invested in something to the point that they will care for it and if they don't care it will cost them some "skin" usually in the form of time, effort, money, starting over, etc.  Sometimes, this skin in the game comes across as an obstacle to keep some otherwise worthy people away, and while I agree we should avoid disparate, or unintended negative, impact, it is important that people understand value and commitment, especially if their ongoing engagement is beneficial to a project or partnership.  Putting forth effort or something that represents work and effort, is typically a sign that there is an agreement of understanding value.  Now that value may vary, but there is a basis of value.

Having skin in the game, does not ensure one will stay in the game, but it does help one consider what is at stake should they exit the game.   Value propositions can appear different from varied perspectives or frames of reference. However, when one has skin in the game, they must still consciously decide if they are willing to invest more or willing to give up some or all of what they have invested. 

It's easy to find things annoying or bothersome sometimes.  But why?  Are we just in a bad mood, are we projecting a bad experience we had?  It is important to understand our emotions in order to deal with them.  As parents, friends, work colleagues, and just people in relationship they can be things in the relationship that seem to annoy or bother us.  If we take the time to examine, why we have allowed ourselves to be come upset over something, then we can address it.

Stoic philosophy says that most things are neither good or bad, it is what we make of them.  So if we are in control of our minds and perspective on things, we have a choice whether or not to be disturbed or bothered.   WE have control over our emotions and our minds.  So, why not make a choice to address circumstances if they truly matter or to let them go, if they don't matter?   Something to think about.

Ask ourselves WHY if bothers us, go deep, and from there commit to taking a beneficial and positive route forward.

It's easy to get overwhelmed when we try to take care of things that we do not have control over.  Instead, we should focus on the things in our span of control.  When we take care of the things currently in our control, it helps to build some stability that allows us to see more, do more, and avoid overwhelm.

Early in my career I learned that in some cases, I was not the decision maker and that those in the decision making position only needed me to research the options and the consequences of those options.  From that point, they would apply their expertise and make decisions they felt best, also assuming the liability or reward for those decisions.  Once I learned this lesson, it was easier for me to focus on the things that were in my control.

Avoid taking on things that you are not able to impact or control.  instead, gain greater influence and impact by taking care of the thing in your current span of control.

Things are not always as they initially appear.  Our frame of reference and personal experience impact how we interpret behavior and situations.  However, there are often many unseen or unknown circumstances in any situation.  We must not forget that to fully understand a matter, we must investigate and ask questions.  If we are diligent in doing investigative research we will have a better basis on which to make decisions and take action.  Remember that asking questions and engaging in conversation can help us to gain a better or fuller picture of circumstances to consider. 

When sharing information, it is important to get to clearly share the point of your message quickly.  This helps the reader or hearing to engage with what you have to share and to decide if they have interest in the content or not.  When people are distracted by not understanding the main theme of what is being shared, it can be difficult to get their attention again.  When people know you deliver messages clearly and succinctly, they are apt to pay attention to your communications.

As a child I was blessed with an encouraging and realistic mother.  My mother was a person of faith, who valued education, hard work, truth, and integrity.  One of the greatest gifts she gave me was the gift of confidence and perseverance.  In word and by example, my mother believed that I would be able to achieve whatever I put my mind to.  I remember her saying, if you want something, you will find a way to get it.

In this statement, there was the implication, that when a person really wants something, they will do whatever it takes to get that something.  Throughout the ages, many people have said they want things, but their actions are inconsistent with what they express.  People make decisions or act out in the moment without thinking about how those actions align or fail to align with their goals.  A person who really wants to be prosperous will not likely sleep all day, that person will choose to do things that advance them toward their goal, even if unpleasant.   i have had the privilege of working with people who have come to the United States from other countries to carve out a life for themselves and their families.  Sometimes their former expertise or licensure is not recognized in the U.S., but they are willing to do what it takes to keep making progress toward their goal.  We hear this many times with successful people that started out as underdogs, but persevered, believing that in each moment that had what was needed to take the next step forward.

So remember, if it is important enough to you and you are willing to persevere and do what it takes, you can achieve what you want.

Key Points:

Words cannot be taken back. 

Words may be "struck from the record" but remain in the mind.

Words create mental constructs - like a house with varied rooms.  "Remodeling" of the mind can take time.

The words we choose matter - for example at the end of each show I say I hope that I have provided an inspiring topic to help you think, learn, grow, and live more fulfilled

Instead of fulfilled, I could have used a word like successful, significance.  How does being more fulfilled vary from success and significance?  What is the measure of fulfillment versus success, or significance?

How we speak and choose words, sheds some light on our experience.  There are regional differences in how one refers to a carbonated canned drink.  Some say soda others say pop, some say soda pop.  Some may say have a blessed day, others may say have a great day, and others may say carpe diem!  These variances speak to our experience and to what is familiar.

Words can build up and tear down - build strong bonds, destroy bonds

Song : Angry Words - don't let angry words slip out, make sure you check those words with your heart, Angry words can damage meaningful relationships

Words can give hope

Words can provide comfort

Words can spark action

Be intentional about your words.