Do You Have A Couple Of Minutes

Yesterday we talked about understanding Why and knowing your Why.  Today is just a quick reminder that our "why's" can be individualized based on our life experiences and goals.

When I taught in Biola University's Organizational Leadership program, helping students to understand that behavior did not always equal the same motive and intent was always one of he aha moments in the semester.  Sometimes we see people exhibiting behaviors and we try to make sense of them based on our experience.  Sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn't because any times we don't have all he information we need to make a certain determination.

Someone recently told me a story about a manager who told the team that she always wanted to be invited to after-hours social activities.  She also confided in some team members that though she always wanted to be included in the invitation, she would typically not go to most functions.  Most people likely would have stopped inviting her and assumed she preferred not to socialize.  The truth was that while she found socializing a bit draining, she found it more disheartening to be excluded from the invitation.  She regarded the lack of an invitation as exclusion versus it being a sign that others were trying to be respectful of her history of non-participation.

In the course I drew a circle and wrote motive inside, then i circled that one with a bigger circle and second ring was labeled intent, the larger and final circle encompasses the smaller circles was labeled behavior.  Then I drew a stick figure outside of those circle looking from the outside in, demonstrating that only behavior was visible, and it was necessary for they why to be shared in order to understand the motive and intent.  So as you go through the week, we should not assume someone else's why, they must share their why with us for us to be sure.

Shout out to David, Iris, Rachel, Mona, Jeanne, Kristi.  Thanks for sharing the message so others can benefit from our collective experience

Today I want to talk about knowing Why and Knowing Your Why.

For many years, I would help with the onboarding process, and i would always encourage new folks to understand they why to a process.  We often times hired experienced people used to approaching situations in varied ways.  So I would tell them the newlywed roast story.

By encouraging people to use their critical thinking and analytical skills, it helps us all to be better instead of repeating without thought of improvement.  When we ask why, we better understand the reasoning behind a process, which not only helps us with current application, but future modified applications.

Similarly, we should be asking ourselves "why" we do the things we do.  Are our behaviors helping us or hindering us.  Perhaps, we grew up in a place where complaining was expected as a way to join in conversation but not leading toward a solution.  Perhaps, we came from a competitive environment, where sharing information for the good of the whole was sacrificed to maintain top of the leaderboard status.  Perhaps being self-deprecating was seen as humility versus speaking words of limitation and doubt.  When we take time to understand Why behind our thoughts, actions, and behaviors, we can replace them with the values we intentionally want to experience and share.

So as you go through the week, instead of just going through the motions, ask yourself "why" and if you need to make a change Why Not Make that Change now?!

In a world that seems some focused on 'likes" and 'excess", remember that Contribution is more important than Consumption.  Certainly, we've heard he saying that there is a time to sow and a time to reap.  The sowing make the reaping possible.  The hard work makes the celebration possible.  Our contributions and actions shape our future.

Sometimes we think we have little to give or what we have is not unique enough to make a difference.  Contribute anyway..it may make a world of difference.  It may be a seed that will bloom much later.  My parents were humble and benevolent people,  When they passed at each funeral. I learned about various acts of kindness or friendship that left a lasting positive impression and nurtured kind acts in others.  What a legacy, that kindness lives on.  So, when you have an opportunity to help, share, or contribute in some way - go ahead and contribute.  You'll feel good about it.  Consumption is short lived and overrated.  Contribution has positive impact.

Most of the time when someone gives you advice, they are well intentioned.  Nonetheless, the advice they give you is largely based on their frame of reference and experience.  That is why it sometimes seems that people who should be encouraging us and cheering us on, may come across as naysayers who question our trajectory.  They unconsciously share their self limitations in an effort to help others avoid pan or failure they have experienced.  Sometimes they may just not be able to comprehend the dream that was meant for us. 

Sometimes the advice we receive arrives earlier than we can utilize it or understand it.  Sometime we receive advice that is inconvenient to implement or difficult to hear and accept.  However, the advice can be useful when applied correctly at the right time.  So it is important the we LISTEN to all advice, and that we show gratitude for the sharing.  This way we continue to be someone that receives advice.  Then it is important that we sift the good advice from the bad and hold onto what will serve and benefit us.

So the next time someone extend of themselves to give you advice, accept it, and then evaluate it.  Keep in mind that sometimes circumstances change, requiring new or modified approaches.  Other times, a tried and true approach may still work.  Advice provides perspective.  Take what is useful and let go or place on hold the things that don't seem to work.  And remember when you provide advice the recipient also needs to evaluate what you share for themselves.

Here's a bit of truth, everyone can use a word of encouragement - especially the strong ones and the encouragers.  Sometimes, we make things a bit harder thatn they need to be.  Sure the more specific someone is about encouraging a specific skill or talent, maybe even providing some guidance and direction, is great.  However, so is a simple, "You got this" or "I'm rooting for you" or if you are a person on faith, perhaps letting someone know you have prayed for them or thank God for them.

We all know people in challenging positions of leadership.  They continually lend their courage and strength to others.  Think of the strong single mom or dad, perhaps one who is helping a loved one through challenging health, relationship, or financial struggle.  There are certainly leaders of organizations faced with challenging decisions.  All of these people would be benefited by a word of encouragement, letting them know you see them, appreciate them, empathize or sympathize with them.  An our encouragement can extend beyond those we personally know, to even those we observe in passing.

Encouragement is a valuable way to spend our time with great Return on investment.

Repetition is important

 - it helps us remember

- Keeps things from atrophy

- Creates opportunity for improvement: modify or replace

- understanding and application are enhanced - see patterns and connections

- increases expertise

- creates bonds, comfort, familiarity, foundation

Have you disregarded some of the value in repetition?  Think about the repetition in your life, if it's good keep it around and improve upon it, if it's not doing anything for you  or doesn't have the hope or promise of positive benefit lose it and devote that energy to something beneficial.

Sometimes we can look at the same thing and see it very differently based on our experience and sometimes based on what we are looking for. The other day i was watching a TV show where some hunters were tracking game.  I found it really interesting that one of the hunters was able tot distinguish the type of game, the likelihood of when it was last there and of course there was then expertise about how to use varied types of hunting tools.  Another hunter was really a skilled fisherman, knowing what bait to use and where to cast a line.

Sometimes we can be so focused on something, that we miss other things.  this has likely happened to you when driving in an unfamiliar place, looking for a specific landmark or sign and seemingly blocking out other details.

So what is the point of all of this?  It is that while reality and truth may not change - how we interact with it might.  And if we understand that expereince makes a difference it is to our benefit to try to understand how thing are being viewed AND how they can be viewed to have as much information as we can to make good choices.  Sharing knowledge and understanding expereince is important.  We can't assume that others see things the same way we do, even when the thing we are looking at or experiencing is the same.

You've probably heard about the concept of active listening.  Active listening is when we really attempt to pay attention to what is being said and confirm understanding by sharing back in our own words what we have heard to confirm we have understood before moving forward in the conversation.  When we are listening actively, we try to avoid planning a response that fails to demonstrate understanding and only attempts to provide our perspective without acknowledging the perspective of others.

Recently I heard an acronym to help with active listening called F.I.N.E.  F.I.N.E. stands for Feelings, Interests, Needs, and Expectations.  When actively listening, if we listen for Feelings, Interests, Needs, and Expectations, we will better be able to understand what an individual is truly trying to share.  We may even ask some questions about what we have heard in reference to F.I.N.E. to ensure we have the correct understanding to beneficially move forward in the conversation and build a better relationship.

The concept of Active Listening with F.I.N.E. can be used everywhere!  So try it out and see if it helps you and those with whom you are interacting.

Over time, gestures and behaviors add up and can have a tremendous impact.  Kindness is a perfect example of a gesture and behavior that can have a short and long-term impact.  Today let's talk about some of the ways to be Kind.

To provide Clarity is kindness

Empathy

Tough Love

Opportunities to learn and grow

Giving Encouragement

Honesty and truthfulness delivered with caring and compassion

Giving Respect and Honor

Apologies

Lending a Helping Hand

Donating of Talent, Time, Wisdom, Knowledge, and Means

AVoiding Derogatory Speech about others

Standing up for what is right

You can also BE KInd to yourself - Speak words of affirmation, speak kindly, give yourself grace, spend time enjoying the uniqueness of you, be intentional about spending time with people and in situations that bring you energy and joy.

Be A Listening Ear.

Authenticity and Connection in Community

Authenticity has no rivals.  Authenticity is alignment with the greatness within.  Authenticity does not have to prove itself - it is genuine, and one of a kind!

Connections that are true - compliment us, and build us up.  Let this be a measure of good connections.  Connections may be short or long, but if they are good they help build us up.

Can you be authentically you?  Are you connected with those who build you up? What community/communities will you be a part of to experience authenticity and connection?