Do You Have A Couple Of Minutes

We've likely all seen people argue their opinion or preference as if it is right or wrong.  Now, there's a place for right and wrong.  However, many of the things we choose to defend our opinion.  For example, in the last three weeks, I've heard several people discuss how they pack versus how their companion packs for a trip.  in all 3 situations, one person seemed t be a more meticulous packer, packing early with a checklist.  The other traveler waited until the night before the trip or morning of the trip to pack.  One person started packing within the hour their ride was to arrive.  Is one packing method right and one wrong?  Or are they just expressions of varied personalities and preferences? I was watching a show the other day and one person was directing the other have to correctly shovel horse maneuver into a bucket...is there one right way? Or might we do better to focus on things that impact our quality of life and the lives of others?  The next time you are tempted to prove your way is the best, stop and ask is my way one of the multiple ways, and is this worth the energy and impact of an argument to prove a point that likely doesn't matter? Challenge yourself to understand the other person's perspective.  Rather than win or lose, focus on understanding so we can move forward together.

Time is a gift that can help us to realize our progress.  This time of year, we celebrate with graduations made possible through many hours of intentional hard work coming together.  However, many times when we look to accomplish a goal or reach some success we discount the effort it will take.  We want success without the hard work that validates the success and gives it substance.  To achieve success we must take continued action, step-by-step to reach our goals.  Success is accomplished in regard to a desired state or condition, so we must identify our goals.  Next, we must understand the commitment needed for the next step toward our goal.  Sometimes this will cause people to get distracted, they may think they need to have all the steps mastered in order to start making progress.  Planning is important - but even more important is taking action.  We must not be afraid of taking measured imperfect action, as that is progress that allows us to learn, to grow, and to move forward.  While the path to success may be followed, the end result is not something that can merely be copied, without taking the steps of progress to the goal. 

This week I was reminded in conversation about one of my favorite quotes attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes which states: “I wouldn't give a fig for simplicity on this side of complexity, but I would give my life for simplicity on the far side of complexity.”  I've long liked this quote because it speaks to me of making the effort to get through the tough stuff for the reward and enjoyment that comes when you succeed.  There is a greater appreciation for the things that we are able to uncover and discover through exploration. But the application of this quote to life is something that gets richer with time.  We can allow our experiences to take us to a place of understanding and in the understanding of how things are related there is a simplicity.  But it takes time nurtured by intention to learn and to understand and to apply insights and wisdom.  Simplicity lies on either side of complexity, however, it is a complexity that will reveal a simplicity that can be appreciated in its fullness.  And understanding at a level to be able to see and appreciate simplicity is valuable.  Yes, fullness comes through all the understanding we gain along the way.

Let's talk about getting some perspective on what you are sacrificing.  First let me say, this topic is about helping you to live in the fullness of your energy and authenticity.  It's not about guilt or shame.  I've talked to several professionals who are on the edge of exhaustion or are lying to themselves about not already having crossed over.  In helping, service, and leadership roles, sacrificing who we are and what we have only to arrive at a place of exhaustion can sneak up on us if we are not careful about holding ourselves accountable for putting things into perspective.  Let's take time to look at things not only from the perspective of those we want to serve but from a perspective that values our well-being as well.  This means sometimes we may need to say no to things, so we can be available to say yes to the things that serve us.  Sometimes we may delegate or hold off on some things.  We may ask for help or seek counsel, the perspective of others is valuable. Sometimes we will make the wrong choice - and we will learn from it, expanding our perspective!  Take time to think of not only the short-term outcomes of your decisions but the long-term impacts as well. It's not always the easy way that will serve you, nor is the right solution or option the most complex.  What makes the difference is taking the time to apply perspective before making decisions that might result in you unknowingly sacrificing energy, peace, joy, freedom, or other things of great value to you.  Use your experience and perspective to take care of you and in so doing, you will be able to operate from a place of energy and fullness!

Yesterday we talked about intention, and direction, today we will talk about focusing our energy.  When I was young my older sister engaged me in a race to see who could get dressed the fastest for bed.  She was 11 years older than me and loved a good game and challenge - so did I.  Full of anticipation and energy I listened as she said: "On your mark, get set, go!"  I squealed with excitement and couldn't focus to get started, as my sister calmly won the challenge.  When I settled down and focused I was able to accomplish the task.  This event was so meaningful and such a metaphor for life.  When we let our excitement and energy loose in an unfocused manner, the job takes a lot longer to get done.  Think of a flashlight, compared to a laser beam.  Concentrated, focus energy is powerful.  When groups of people can work in unison, we can accomplish more.  When we can focus on a task, we can make good progress and get it checked off the list.  When we get distracted, it takes time for us to regain our focus...which is alright, as long as we return to focus.  Challenge yourself to focus, prioritize and focus, don't be afraid to regroup and focus, there is power in focused energy. 

We've heard the saying that being full of good intentions is not what matters, but it is the action that takes place.  While true, the starting point of an intention is important.  Intention provides us with direction and can help provide us with some clarity in developing a beneficial routine.  For me, intention guides me in how I progress through the day.  I have a daily intention and routine to fuel my mind and my body.  Clarity around this intention helps me to guard my time to avoid distraction and I intentionally fill my mind with inspiration and learning.  I allow my mind to wallow in gratitude and thanks.  I also take time to fuel my body with a great breakfast when possible, but always with some water and a cup of coffee - decaf lately - as it provides a peaceful moment of enjoyment and additional gratitude. Then I move from a place of being filled to using my energy to complete other tasks, including engaging with others for positive impact. I have learned that intentions and routine are individual, and I serve myself and those around me, by being thoughtful and thorough with my intentions and being diligent to carry them out in a routine manner.  What would you like to do, to be, what are the intentional plans you engage in consistently to realize your goals? 

Today in the US is the day we celebrate Memorial Day.  it is a day we remember and pay honor to those who sacrificed their very lives for the freedoms we enjoy.  Freedom to live lives of integrity and honor, as well as lives of whimsy.  Today I am reminded of the intention exercised by each of those who perished for the sake of freedom and free will.  Some gave more willingly than others, but all were intentional in their goal and duty. Each made a commitment to the greater good and to their fellow service person. Reminding us all that true commitment is something that we must be willing to give our all for and is greater than any one individual.  For their commitment,  they were willing to sacrifice life itself - demonstrating the worthiness of their cause.  Today we are reminded that progress requires intention, commitment, and a willingness to sacrifice.  We honor all of those who served and gave their all, so that we all might be able to achieve the greatness and fulfillment that is possible through our intention, willingness and determination.  As we continue through this week, let's pay honor to those who sacrificed, by ourselves living lives of intention, commitment to a greater good, with a willingness to make the sacrifices necessary to bring our dreams and goals into existence.

Many times we try to avoid conflict in relationships.  We have been conditioned to see conflict as a bad thing versus a normal thing that is part of the process.  I like what John Maxwell has to say about conflict, which is that how we manage our conflict in a relationship will determine the quality of that relationship.  This is so true. Think about a time that you successfully managed conflict and reached a place of understanding.  Managing conflict allows us to come up with solutions that help us to move forward.   Moving forward may look different in different situations, but managing the conflict means it can no longer steal our energy.  We don't have to "come back" to something that has been successfully managed.  We can move forward, we can move on!  Relationships are multi-faceted full of varied experiences that can be enriching and enlightening if we can manage through our conflict.  When we engage in conflict management, we are placing trust in the participants that they can handle the matter versus keeping a thing hidden that continues to be a source of trouble.  Going forward, think about conflict as a path to manage forward.

John Maxwell says there are 4 levels of relationships:

Surface - which is passive and requires no dedicated intention

Structural - which is based on routine, common interest, Common occupancy of space

Secure - When people want to spend time with one another, have trust, and comfort, and can test the friendship

Solid - when people serve & give to one another, talk from the heart, and have deep trust

Perhaps when it comes to respecting and relating to one another, we sometimes think a relationship should be on a different level than it is purposed to be.  Some relationships are for a time period in our lives, some may last a lifetime, and others may come and go.  Through all relationships, we have something to give and something to learn.  It's OK to acknowledge the variance in our relationship and to appreciate them for what they are.  As we think about relating to one another, keep in mind that the goal is not for all relationships to reach the highest level - which would be non-sustainable.  The goal is to realize the fullness of the relationship that is meant to be in a moment in time, whether it is foundational for a stronger relationship or foundational for life progress, time will tell.

Come back tomorrow to talk about conflict in relationship.