Done Pretending

Most of us were taught that if you work hard enough and plan carefully enough, you'll end up with a life that feels like yours.

But what happens when you check every box and it still feels quietly off?

In this episode of Done Pretending, Susan sits down with Renee Maxine Haas — former tech industry leader turned solo traveler, author, and podcast host — who walked away from a secure, successful career to travel alone through 50 countries over two years.

Renee opens up about the two-year internal negotiation before she finally left her job, the morning walk where the idea to quit and travel first hit her, and what it actually felt like to go from having every answer to having none.

She and Susan talk candidly about the difference between planning and gripping, how hyper-independence can quietly become isolation, the moment in Hong Kong when she was forced to ask a stranger for help, and why the hardest part of a big transformation isn't the extraordinary season — it's the ordinary Tuesday that comes after it.

They also dig into gratitude as a practice (not just a feeling), why a five-year plan stopped making sense to Renee, and the advice she'd give to any woman standing where she once stood: capable, successful, and quietly wondering if this is still her life.

Renee's memoir, The Fog and the Flow, is out now — links below.

In this episode:

* Why a stable, successful career started to feel wrong

* The moment on a morning dog walk that changed everything

* Solo travel, hyper-independence, and learning to receive help

* The difference between planning and gripping

* Living inside uncertainty instead of rushing to resolve it

* Reintegration: keeping the lessons after the extraordinary season ends

* Writing The Fog and the Flow

Find Renee: https://www.reneemaxinehaas.com/

Get the book: https://www.amazon.com/Fog-Flow-Memoir-Finding-Uncertainty/dp/B0HHFY72BS/

Social Links:

https://www.instagram.com/reneemaxinehaas/

https://www.tiktok.com/@reneemaxinehaas

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnFDf9LIw5cr1mEaDCfuqeQ

Podcast Links: https://the-effing-audacity.podbean.com/

For years, Mandy Balak's armor was one word: "fine."

Three-time founder, president of the Gathering Festival, and author of the new book Chasing Enough: The High Achiever's Guide to Sustainable Success, Mandy joins Susan to unpack what happens when "I'm fine" stops being true — and what it costs to keep saying it anyway.

Mandy walks us through her own "enough is enough" moment: a Slack notification at a football game, a husband asking "where'd you go?", and a walk out of the stadium that she thought was the end of her marriage — but turned out to be the beginning of her own reclamation.

Susan and Mandy trade stories of identity crisis, corporate burnout, and the quiet erosion of self that happens when you're always the one everyone goes to.

This episode dives into the six "armors" that keep high achievers stuck — the over-functioner, the controller, the hyperachiever, the pleaser, the avoider, and the perfectionist — plus a free quiz to help you find yours.

In This Episode

* Susan's own two "done pretending" moments — leaving a 19-year corporate career and a marriage she'd outgrown

* Mandy's "I'm fine" armor and the football-game rupture that changed everything

* Why suppressing needs and tolerating too much creates a slow depletion cycle

* The six armors: over-functioner, controller, hyperachiever, pleaser, avoider, perfectionist

* How to interrupt the "I wish / I should have" spiral with gratitude

* Mandy's book Chasing Enough and her free pattern-identification quiz

Who is she??

Mandy Balak is a three-time founder, president of the Gathering Festival, and author of Chasing Enough: The High Achiever's Guide to Sustainable Success (Canada release Sept 22, 2026, US release Oct 20, 2026).

She helps high performers who've "run out of road" on a version of success that was handed to them, not chosen.

Resources & Links~

*Take Mandy's free 4-minute pattern quiz: http://mandybalak.com/quiz

* Pre-order Chasing Enough: http://mandybalak.com/book * Mandy's book tour dates (Calgary, Vancouver, Winnipeg, Edmonton, Toronto): http://mandybalak.com/tour

Connect with Mandy:

- Instagram: instagram.com/mandybalak

- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mandybalak/

Loved this episode?Share it with the friend, sister, or daughter who needs to hear it — and drop a comment below. We read every one, and it helps us bring you more conversations like this.

Goosebumps as Guidance: Helen Gibson MBE on Encouragement, Change & Finding Your WayIn this episode of Done Pretending, I sit down with the incredible Helen Gibson MBE — someone I had the honor of meeting at my TEDx talk in Swansea, Wales. Helen is an award-winning entrepreneur, speaker, coach, and author whose career has taken her from working in her family's business alongside her father and sister, to advising UK and foreign governments on some of the world's most complex challenges — including work in war zones, post-conflict reconstruction, and disaster recovery.Helen shares the story behind her new book, Goosebumps, and why she calls herself the "Chief Encourager." We talk about:✨ How she went from the classroom to the world's toughest environments — without ever planning it that way✨ Why encouragement, not answers, is what unlocks courage and change✨ Her simple "traffic light" method for recognizing and trusting your own goosebumps moments✨ Navigating change through values, especially in uncharted territory✨ What legacy she hopes to leave behind — and why encouragement is at the heart of itWhether you're facing a big life transition or just need a reminder that you don't have to have it all figured out, Helen's wisdom on encouragement, courage, and finding your way one step at a time will stay with you long after this episode ends.🎥 Watch her TEDx talk:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtbMDM33q2s📖 Get Helen's book, Goosebumps: The book is available through Amazon.com https://www.amazon.co.uk/Go-Goosebumps-encourage-yourself-goosebump/dp/1806340313 ..and international online retailers such as Walmart: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Helen-Gibson-Go-for-Goosebumps-Paperback-9781806340316/19874965061?classType=REGULAR&from=/search 🔗 Connect with Helen Gibson MBE: Email: [email protected] Website: www.helengibsonmbe.com LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/helengibsonmbe/ Twitter: https://x.com/helengibson1 👉 Subscribe to Done Pretending for more conversations on reinvention, courage, and living life on your own terms.

One Bad Day Is Not Who You Are | Done Pretending Podcast

One bad day. One hard season. One moment that made you think, "Is this who I am now?" It's not. And it doesn't have to last.

In this solo episode, I'm breaking down why we let single bad days define us — and the real, research-backed reasons it's so easy to stay stuck there. We'll get into the neuroscience of positivity (yes, there's actual science behind why one word, held with intention, can shift your entire state), why doubt always creeps back in right when you start to change, and two practical steps you can use the next time you feel yourself spiraling.

If you're in a season where one hard day, decision, or setback has started to feel like a verdict on your whole life — this episode is for you.

In this episode:

• Why one bad day happens to all of us — and why it doesn't have to last
• The courage it takes to actually make a change
• Why you can't rewrite the past, but the future is entirely open
• The Barbara Fredrickson research behind the 3-to-5 positivity ratio
• The "light switch" concept — and how one word can shift your brain state
• Why doubt and worry always resurface when you try to change a pattern
• Two steps to pull yourself out of a spiral

Chapters:
(timestamps below are placeholders — swap in your final cut times before publishing)
0:00 – Intro: One bad day is not who you are
1:30 – It happens to all of us
3:30 – The power — and courage — to change
5:15 – You can't change the past, but you can direct the future
6:30 – Small changes, starting with your inner dialogue
7:45 – The science: Barbara Fredrickson and the positivity ratio
10:00 – Why doubt always creeps back in
11:15 – Two steps to pull yourself out of it
12:30 – Closing thoughts

Connect with me:
🌐 thesusanhouston.com
📸 Instagram: @susanhouston.kienitz
🔗 LinkedIn: [add your LinkedIn URL]

If this episode resonated, hit subscribe so you don't miss the next one — and leave a review, it genuinely helps this show reach more women who need to hear it.

#DonePretending #Reinvention #MidlifeWomen #Resilience #PersonalGrowth #LeadershipDevelopment

Your money problems are not about money. They never were.In this powerful episode of Done Pretending, financial wellness expert Jennifer Edwards joins Susan Houston to reveal what's actually driving your financial habits — and it's not your spreadsheet.

Jennifer is the creator of the 7 Layer Financial Wellness Framework and has helped over 600 individuals and couples transform their relationship with money from the inside out.

And that work starts exactly where most financial advice refuses to go: your childhood.

In this episode, you'll discover:

*Why your money problems are rooted in trauma, not discipline

*How your fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response shows up directly in your finances

*The generational money patterns silently running your decisions right now

*How scarcity mentality (think: parents who lived through rationing, gambling, or financial chaos) gets passed down like an inheritance

*Why dopamine-seeking and impulse spending are nervous system responses — not moral failures

*The difference between a money mindset shift and a money identity shift (and why it matters)

*How to finally break the cycle — for yourself and the next generation

Susan opens up about growing up with a compulsive gambler father, the hidden shame around money secrecy, and the moment she realized her past was quietly steering her financial present.This is the conversation your financial advisor never had with you.

🔗 Connect with Jennifer Edwards: [email protected]

📞 Book Jennifer's free 20-minute call on her website: WEBSITE: http://breakthroughfinancialwellness.com/

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/btfinancialwellness/@BTFinancialWellness

YOUTUBE:https://www.youtube.com/@BTFinancialWellness@BTFinancialWellness

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2618823628473510Group: BTFinancialWellness

TWITTER: https://x.com/BT_FWellness@BT_FWellness

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-edwards-cfp/

TIKTOK:https://www.tiktok.com/@btfinancialwellness@BTFinancialWellness

What if the moments you thought were small — a stepsibling sitting on dad's lap, a senior night photo, an offhand comment about child support — were the ones your child carried for the rest of their life?

This episode stopped me in my tracks. And I think it will stop you too.

I sat down with Shannon Darrow, a certified divorce coach and mediator who spent two decades in the golf industry after law school, navigated her own divorce with a three-month-old baby, and then did something most people in her field don't do: she went directly to the source. Shannon started interviewing adults who were children of divorce — not to relitigate the past, but to hand parents a mirror before it's too late.

What she found wasn't what any of us expected.

What We Talk About in This Episode

Shannon and I go deep — and we go personal. This isn't a clinical conversation about divorce statistics. It's a human one. About the things kids see that we don't realize we're showing them. About the weight children carry silently so they don't make things worse. About senior nights where parents can't stand in the same photo. About a little girl watching her stepsister sit on her dad's lap and deciding in that single moment that she had been replaced.

We talk about:

The one thing kids hear over and over — and what it actually costs them. The "no disparaging comments" clause sits in nearly every divorce agreement. And nearly every parent ignores it. Shannon shares why this is the through line in almost every story she collects — and why the damage goes so much deeper than anyone realizes.

Why "kids are resilient" is one of the most dangerous things we tell ourselves. The adults Shannon interviews are not fine. They're people pleasers. They're caretakers. They're in first marriages that mirror what they grew up in. They're working hard in therapy to undo what was done — not out of malice, but out of unconsciousness.

The instability that rivals grief. Shannon explains why divorce and death rank nearly the same on the Adverse Childhood Experiences scale — and what parents can actually do to protect their children from the worst of it, even when everything else is falling apart.

What a "good divorce" actually looks like. It exists. Shannon has seen it. It requires eating crow when you don't want to. It requires crying on the floor privately and showing up gracefully in public. It requires a daily decision to choose your child over your anger. Shannon shares a story from an upcoming episode that brought tears to my eyes — a woman who made that decision and never looked back.

The Line That Will Stay With Me

When I asked Shannon what one thing a child of divorce most needs to hear, she didn't hesitate:

"None of this is your fault."

She went on to explain that kids quietly convince themselves that if they just didn't need so much — didn't have soccer practice, didn't cost money, didn't exist — maybe their parents wouldn't fight. They shrink themselves. They become caretakers. They disappear into good behavior hoping that if they stop taking up space, the conflict will stop too.

They need to know it was never theirs to carry.

Connect With Shannon Darrow

🎙️ Podcast: In Between Them — [   / @inbetweenthempod  ]🌐 Website: [https://onward-mc.com/]📩 Reach out to Shannon directly: [[email protected]]If This Episode Hit Home

Please share it. Send it to the parent who needs it. Send it to the adult child who's never been able to explain what they're carrying. Send it to the family that's about to go through something hard and still has time to do it differently.

And if something in this conversation stirred something in you — I'd love to hear about it. DM me on Instagram or LinkedIn. This is the work. This is why we're here.

— Susan

What if you've been using the Law of Attraction wrong this whole time — not because you weren't believing hard enough, but because you were focused on the wrong question? In this solo episode, Susan brings in fascinating new research from Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Srini Pillay and the Gan & Chen (2017) authenticity study to reframe everything you thought you knew about manifesting, identity, and what it actually means to step into your next chapter. If you're a high-achieving woman, 50+, planning your reinvention, this one is for you. Plus — details on the Reinvention Roadmap live workshop happening THIS Thursday, July 9th, 4 PM PST.

Register Here: https://form.jotform.com/Susan_susan969/Roadmap

TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/sX3iqKmxarQ?si=nhQXrAMlwmbWyFm3

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/susanhouston.kienitz/

Linked In https://www.linkedin.com/in/thesusanhouston

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/susanhouston.kienitz/

Website: https://www.thesusanhouston.com

If you've ever felt guilty for taking a walk while someone you love needed you — this episode is for you.

This week on Done Pretending, I'm joined by Lani Almanza, wellness coach, author, and founder of Alakai Associates in Hawaii. Lani has spent decades helping caregivers, women, and midlife professionals rediscover themselves through simple, grounded self-care — not the bubble bath kind, but the kind that actually holds you together when life gets heavy.

We talk about losing yourself inside the roles you show up for every day — the wife, the mom, the professional, the caregiver — and what it really takes to find your way back. Lani shares the tools that pulled her through caring for her late son Jacob, and then again through caring for her parents. And spoiler: none of them require a full afternoon or a spa appointment.

This conversation hit close to home. I'm in the thick of caregiving for my mom right now, and this one gave me language for things I've been feeling but couldn't name — including that very specific guilt that shows up the moment you try to do something for yourself.

Social Media links:
Website: www.alakaiassociates.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lani.almanza

https://www.facebook.com/alakaiassociates 

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lani_almanza

Instagram: @honumom1_

You did the math. You can afford to leave. So why does walking away from your career feel so terrifying?

Because it was never really about the money.

In this solo episode, Susan opens with the Tuesday she cried in her car — the day she got everything she'd asked for and realized she had no idea who she was. From there she names the four fears every high-achieving woman over 50 faces when she finally leaves a long career: the loss of identity when the title comes off, the free-fall of a blank calendar, the inherited voice whispering it's too late, and the loneliness of navigating the hardest terrain of her life with no map and no company.

More than 20 million American women will leave the workforce in the next five years — and almost none of them are being prepared for what's on the other side. If you're within five or ten years of your own exit, or you've already been laid off and you're standing in the rubble of it, this episode will make you feel seen — and show you that what you're feeling isn't weakness. It's a map.

🌲 Ready for the full map? Susan teaches her free Reinvention Roadmap workshop live next Tuesday at 11am Pacific — the actual roadmap for navigating this transition, plus live Q&A. Seats are limited.👉 Save your seat: https://form.jotform.com/Susan_susan_susan346/Register-for-ReinventionRoadmap

Have you ever ghosted yourself?

In this powerful episode of Done Pretending, host Susan Houston sits down with Dr. Sarah Jefferis — poet, PhD, yoga instructor, and writing coach — for a conversation that will stop you mid-scroll and make you rethink everything about relationships, authenticity, and self-abandonment.

Sarah shares why she believes writing is a full body sport, how yoga unlocks memories your mind has buried, and why the page is the one place you never have to pretend.

But the real mic-drop moment? The realization that she had been ghosting herself for years — and how stopping that pattern completely changed the relationships she attracts.

Whether you're a writer or have never touched a journal in your life, this episode will hit different.

In this episode we cover:
✍️ Writing as a prescription for healing (her TEDx topic)
🧘 Why your body holds stories your mind can't access
💔 Luck, loss & her poetry collection Lucky to Have You
😶 What "I'm fine" is really costing you
🚪 Why rejection IS protection — and how to believe it
💡 How self-abandonment quietly destroys your relationships

🔗 Connect with Dr. Sarah Jefferis:
🌐 sarajefferis.com
📧 [email protected]
📸 IG: @DrJefferisRightNow

📖 Get her poetry collection: Lucky to Have You — Finishing Line Press
🎤 Watch her TEDx: Writing as a Prescription for Healing

💬 Drop a comment below: Where in your life have YOU been pretending to be fine?

👍 Like, Subscribe & hit the 🔔 so you never miss an episode of Done Pretending — where real conversations lead to real freedom.