Don't Get A Therapist... Yet!

This is part two of Wendy’s conversation with Lou Lasprugato, licensed psychotherapist, internationally recognised ACT trainer and ACBS Fellow. If you haven’t listened to part one yet, it covers the foundations of ACT and the hexaflex model, and is well worth starting there.

Part two gets practical. Lou opens with one of the most common experiences that brings people to therapy: feeling stuck. Not stuck in one dramatic way, but in the quieter, more persistent sense of repeating the same patterns, being unable to move forward, or living in a way that feels smaller than it should. From an ACT perspective, two processes sit at the root of most stuck loops: cognitive fusion, where we are so entangled with our thoughts that we cannot see them as thoughts, and experiential avoidance, where we repeatedly reach for relief from discomfort in ways that end up restricting our lives rather than expanding them.

Lou explains how negative reinforcement works and why avoidance strategies tend to grow rather than shrink over time, using opiate addiction as a clear and sobering example of where that trajectory can lead. He then walks through how ACT helps people build willingness gradually, always in the service of something that matters to them.

The couples work section introduces a concept not covered in part one: yearnings. Distinct from values, yearnings are the deep enduring longings we carry into our closest relationships, for connection, partnership, validation, shared meaning and security. Helping partners recognise and meet each other’s yearnings, Lou explains, is some of the most meaningful work he does.

The episode closes with two perspective-taking exercises that are simple, memorable and immediately usable. One asks what you would want someone to say about you at your 100th birthday. The other asks what one small but meaningful thing you would want to have done by the time your head hits the pillow tonight. Both are grounded in the same ACT insight: values are not just a direction to aim for, they are a daily source of motivation, and regret, rather than being something to avoid, can point us clearly towards what still matters.

Free guided ACT meditations, including Lou’s hexaflex exercises of one to two minutes each, are available on YouTube and Insight Timer without a premium subscription:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/c/LouLasprugato

👉 https://insighttimer.com/loulasprugato

Further resources, blogs and training information at:

👉 http://loulasprugato.com/

Training and consultation information via the ACBS website:

👉 https://contextualscience.org/lou_lasprugatos_training_page

To learn more about Wendy’s work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Wendy is joined by Lou Lasprugato, licensed psychotherapist, internationally recognised ACT trainer and ACBS Fellow, who has facilitated over a hundred training events on acceptance and commitment therapy and spent more than 23 years working as a therapist across private practice, crisis intervention, intensive outpatient and integrative medicine settings. Lou also served as Chair of the ACBS Training Committee from 2022 to 2025, and specialises in therapy for intimate partners and anxiety disorders.

This is part one of two, and it focuses on the foundations of ACT: what the model is, where it came from, and how its core concepts work in practice.

ACT takes a different starting point from many other therapeutic approaches. Rather than trying to reduce or eliminate difficult thoughts and feelings, it asks a different question: can you make room for what is happening inside you while still moving towards what matters most in your life? That shift, from symptom reduction to values-based living, is what Lou describes as the thing that made ACT a game changer for him both professionally and personally.

The conversation covers the hexaflex, the six-process model at the heart of ACT, explained clearly and without jargon. Lou walks through the open pillar of acceptance and cognitive defusion, the aware pillar of present moment contact and the observing self, and the engaged pillar of values and committed action. Along the way, he demonstrates several practical defusion techniques, including how singing a self-critical thought to the tune of Happy Birthday can genuinely loosen its grip, and perspective-taking exercises that invite compassion for a younger version of yourself.

There is also a really useful clarification of what acceptance actually means in ACT, which is not resignation or giving up, but a willingness to be with our inner experience as it is, particularly when the alternative is avoidance strategies that tend to cost us far more in the long run.

Part two continues next week, going deeper into values, committed action and how ACT applies to specific challenges.

Lou has over 16 free guided ACT meditations available on the Insight Timer app, accessible without a premium subscription:

👉 https://insighttimer.com/loulasprugato

Further resources, blogs and training information at:

👉 http://loulasprugato.com/

Lou's YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/c/LouLasprugato

Training and consultation information via the ACBS website:

👉 https://contextualscience.org/lou_lasprugatos_training_page

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Every relationship goes through stress, disappointment and conflict. You argue. You get irritated with each other. Someone forgets something important. None of that on its own means a relationship is toxic or abusive. What matters most is the pattern.

In this episode, Wendy explores one of the questions that comes up in her therapy room more than almost anything else: how do you tell the difference between a relationship going through a hard patch, one that has become unhealthy, and one that is genuinely harmful?

Part one begins with what healthy actually looks like, because it helps to know the baseline before looking at where things go wrong. Wendy walks through six building blocks of a healthy relationship, covering emotional safety, mutual respect, trust, responsiveness, closeness and independence, and constructive conflict and repair, bringing each one to life with short examples that make the patterns easy to recognise.

From there, the episode moves into unhealthy and toxic dynamics, including the important difference between a tearful apology and actual sustained change, and why some relationships that feel good in the moment can gradually shrink your confidence, your independence, and your sense of who you are. Wendy also covers coercive control, which has been a criminal offence in England and Wales since 2015, and makes clear that abusive patterns affect people of all genders.

There are four detailed relationship scenarios, two healthy and two toxic, and a set of honest questions to sit with as you listen.

Part two is coming next week and will go deeper into abusive relationships, the cycle of harm and repair, and how to leave safely.

A note before you listen: this episode is designed for reflection, not to diagnose your relationship. If anything here stirs something up, please be gentle with yourself and reach out to a therapist or your GP if you need support.

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have ever caught yourself overthinking a text message, apologising for things that are not your fault, or feeling like you have to be perfect just to be liked, this episode is for you.

Today Wendy is talking about reparenting, a framework that draws on CBT, schema therapy, compassion-focused therapy, imagery rescripting and EMDR to help you build a more protective, compassionate relationship with yourself as an adult. It is not a treatment on its own. Think of it as a way of pulling those evidence-based approaches together into something you can actually practise day to day.

Because here is the thing. Childhood experiences shape how we see ourselves, other people and the world. If yours involved criticism, neglect, unpredictability, rejection, emotional unavailability or having to grow up too fast, your brain adapted to that. It learned to expect danger. And the tricky part is, it can keep expecting danger long after life has actually become safe.

That shows up as overthinking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, hypervigilance, constant reassurance-seeking, or feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions. Healing does not mean erasing what happened. It means teaching your adult brain and body that the old danger is not happening right now.

Wendy walks through 13 practical strategies, from calming the body before trying to think your way out of anxiety, to identifying the beliefs you formed as a child, developing a compassionate inner voice, building boundaries, challenging avoidance gradually, and using imagery rescripting to reach the memories that logic alone cannot shift. The episode closes with a simple eight-question daily reparenting exercise you can start tonight.

There is also an important note on when self-help is not enough, and when trauma-focused therapy, or immediate crisis support, is what is genuinely needed.

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please contact the Samaritans on 116 123, visit your GP, or go to your nearest A&E.

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

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In this episode, Wendy is joined by Sherry Van Dyke, psychotherapist, EMDR clinician and consultant, and author of the DBT Workbook for CPTSD, who has spent over 22 years working with adults navigating the long-term consequences of trauma, and has trained clinicians in DBT and EMDR across the world.

The episode opens with something genuinely clarifying: a plain-language explanation of the difference between PTSD and complex PTSD, including why a CPTSD diagnosis can be so hard to obtain in some countries, and why people are so often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder when the real picture is developmental trauma. If you or someone you care about has ever felt that a diagnosis didn't quite fit, this section alone is worth listening to.

From there, the conversation builds into one of the most thorough and accessible explanations of dialectical behaviour therapy and why it is so well suited to complex trauma. Sherry describes DBT as CBT on steroids, and unpacks all four of its modules, core mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness and emotion regulation, explaining not just what each one does but how they work together for someone whose nervous system has been primed by years of unsafe or unpredictable experiences.

There is a particularly valuable section on dissociation, a topic that Sherry argues Western medicine has largely dissociated from itself. She covers the difference between depersonalisation and derealisation, explains why dissociation is a survival mechanism rather than a disorder, and describes the practical, collaborative tools she uses to help clients recognise their early warning signs and find their way back to the present moment.

The episode also covers the tri-phasic model of complex trauma treatment, the three stages of safety and stabilisation, trauma processing, and integrated functioning, and how DBT weaves through all of them, including the assertiveness and boundary-setting work that often becomes possible only after the deeper processing is done.

Sherry's book, the DBT Workbook for CPTSD, is designed for both clients and clinicians, and is available on Amazon and via New Harbinger Publications.

More information, including contact details, at:

👉 www.sherryvandyke.com

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

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In this episode, Wendy is joined by Chris Whitehead-Baines, UK-based psychotherapist, clinical supervisor and founder of The Skool Trauma Hub, who has been working with complex trauma, PTSD and CPTSD since 2009. Chris brings both professional expertise and nearly 30 years of his own lived experience of trauma and recovery to a conversation that covers one of the most underused and underexplained tools in trauma healing: imagery.

The episode opens with a story from Chris's childhood, growing up in a domestic violence environment, where he would paint and draw as a way of externalising what he could not yet say, then walk to the postbox and send his paintings away addressed to no one. He only understood years later, in his own therapy, that he had been instinctively doing something deeply therapeutic. It is a quietly remarkable way to begin a conversation about why imagery reaches places that words sometimes cannot.

The conversation covers what therapeutic imagery actually means, which is far broader than visualisation or closing your eyes and picturing something. It includes memories, metaphors, drawings, colours, dreams, bodily sensations and imagined places. Chris explains how imagery weaves through every modality he works with, from art psychotherapy and EMDR to psychodynamic therapy and CBT, and why trauma, which is stored in fragments of sensation and image rather than as a coherent verbal story, can often be reached more directly through a different kind of language altogether.

There is a powerful section on how imagery helped a client shift an ingrained belief that nothing else had moved, as they began to look at themselves as a vulnerable child rather than judging themselves through adult eyes, and what happened when their adult self began to tend to that child through the work.

Chris also introduces the concept of co-regulation, one of the most important and frequently overlooked elements of trauma recovery, and explains why safe community can be as healing as therapy itself. That belief sits at the heart of The Skool Trauma Hub, his global community bringing together people impacted by trauma, trauma-informed parents and trauma professionals.

The episode closes with a simple, safe imagery exercise anyone can try today, no closed eyes required.

To find out more about Chris's private practice, visit:

👉 https://www.virtualtraumatherapy.com

To join The Skool Trauma Hub community:

👉 https://www.skool.com/the-skool-trauma-hub/about

Follow Chris on Instagram: @virtualtraumatherapy

Chris is also on Facebook, LinkedIn, TikTok and YouTube under Virtual Trauma Therapy.

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

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In this episode, Wendy is joined by Dr. Kira Mauseth, clinical psychologist, Teaching Professor at Seattle University, and founder of Astrum Health LLC, who has spent her career working with disaster survivors, refugees and first responders across the world. From the Lahaina wildfires to earthquake recovery in Haiti to refugee camps in Northern Jordan, she brings a rare combination of clinical expertise and extraordinary frontline experience to a conversation that is far more relevant to everyday life than the word "disaster" might suggest.

The episode opens with two concepts that reframe how we understand stress and crisis. The disaster cycle describes the ongoing loop of preparedness, response and recovery that individuals and communities move through after any significant event. A disaster cascade is what happens when a second or third crisis hits before the first one has been processed, and as Dr. Mauseth explains, the mental health consequences of that compound exposure are significant, measurable and deeply underestimated.

At the centre of the episode is a clear, practical explanation of what prolonged stress actually does to the brain and body, including the cognitive symptoms of brain fog, poor memory and difficulty concentrating that many people experienced during and after the pandemic, and wrongly attributed to something more serious. Dr. Mauseth explains the role of cortisol, why the present moment is the single most powerful place to bring the nervous system back to, and what practical techniques, from the engagement of awe to sensory grounding, and her favourite tool of all, a frozen orange, can reduce stress hormones quickly.

She also outlines the four ingredients of individual human resilience: connection, adaptability, hope and purpose, each mapped to a part of a tree in a framework that is easy to remember and genuinely useful for self-assessment. The distinction she draws between hope and optimism is one of the most clarifying things in this conversation. Optimism is everything will be fine. Hope is tougher and more honest than that. It is about finding the third door when the first two are closed.

The episode closes with the concept of purpose after crisis, illustrated by two stories from her disaster work, a grandfather in Haiti and a Syrian surgeon selling gum in a refugee camp, that are among the most quietly powerful things to have appeared on this podcast.

To find out more about Dr. Mauseth's work, visit:

👉 https://www.astrumhealthllc.org

For information on the Health Support Team disaster curriculum and community training:

👉 https://www.healthsupportteam.org

Connect with Dr. Mauseth on LinkedIn:

👉 https://www.linkedin.com/in/kira-mauseth-ph-d/

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

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In this episode, Wendy is joined by Dr. Andrea Vassilev, clinician, academic, award-winning advocate and author of Beyond the Bipolar Label, who has lived with bipolar disorder for nearly 30 years. What makes this conversation different is that Dr. Vassilev brings both clinical expertise and genuinely lived experience to the table, and she is refreshingly honest about both.

Bipolar is one of the most misunderstood and misdiagnosed mental health conditions there is. It is frequently missed because people present with depression, not mania. It is cyclical, which means people can appear fine between episodes, and then be blindsided when the next one arrives. And it carries a level of social stigma that can quietly make the condition itself worse, because when the shame of having bipolar becomes layered on top of the condition, the research shows it leads to lower self-esteem, reduced likelihood of seeking help and, in bipolar specifically, increased thoughts of suicide and worse depressive outcomes.

That layering of shame is what Dr. Vassilev's book addresses directly. The conversation covers what self-stigma actually is, how it forms through internalising stereotypes and through globalising difficult experiences into fixed beliefs about who you are, and what it takes to start reframing the narrative. Dr. Vassilev also talks about identity, why a diagnosis can feel all-consuming, and why that is understandable but not the full picture of who someone is.

There is also an honest thread running through the whole episode about what living with bipolar actually looks like over a lifetime, including the 10 years Dr. Vassilev lost being seriously unwell, the ECT treatments, the careers that ended, and the milestones that were delayed. She is clear that she does not want her current success to inadvertently discourage anyone, and that honesty is one of the most valuable things in this conversation.

Practical ground covered includes who to tell about a diagnosis and how to think through that decision, how bipolar affects relationships and employment, the two biggest myths about the condition, and what Dr. Vassilev would say to someone who has just been diagnosed and is sitting in her virtual office for the first time.

Dr. Vassilev's book Beyond the Bipolar Label is available on Amazon and wherever books are sold:

👉 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Beyond-Bipolar-Label-Self-Stigma-Authentically-ebook/dp/B0FLPVJHKW/

A free disclosure decision tool and additional resources are available via the publisher's website at:

👉 https://www.newharbinger.com

To find out more about Dr. Vassilev's work, visit:

👉 https://www.andreavassilev.com

Or follow her on Instagram: @best.life.bipolar

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

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In this episode, Wendy is joined by Cathy Himlin, licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed professional clinical counsellor, and author of The Rejected Parent: Rebuild Your Relationship with Your Child During and After a Divorce or Custody Dispute, who has spent 30 years working with children and families in high conflict family law cases.

If you are a parent who has lost contact with your child, or who feels that contact is slipping away, this episode speaks directly to that pain. Cathy describes the grief of having a living child who won't see you as one of the most complicated and underrecognised forms of loss there is, because unlike bereavement, there is no clear end, only the persistent question of how to get back to your child.

The conversation covers what parental alienation actually means and why it is far more nuanced than the term suggests, including the parents who contribute to it without ever intending to. Cathy explains why children take sides, how even very young children absorb the tension between parents in ways that cause real physiological stress, and why the instinct to push harder, explain more, or argue the facts with a child almost always makes things worse.

There is also a deeply practical thread throughout. Cathy shares what early warning signs to watch for before rejection becomes entrenched, how to use the EFFT model to validate a child's emotions and start repairing the attachment rupture, and what to do when the door is fully closed, including why keeping duplicates of every letter, card and gift you send could matter more than you think.

For parents who haven't seen their child in months or years, the episode also addresses what reconciliation can realistically look like, why the late teens and early twenties are often a turning point, and how to hold hope without losing yourself in the process.

Cathy's book The Rejected Parent is available here:

👉 https://www.amazon.com/Rejected-Parent-Rebuild-Relationship-Divorce/dp/164848719X/

To get in touch with Cathy, access her parenting support programmes or find out about her work with attorneys and therapists, visit:

👉 https://www.himlinconsulting.com/about

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

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Artificial intelligence is changing fast, and a lot of people are already using it to help manage their mental health. Some of that is genuinely useful. Some of it isn't. And some of it can actually make things worse.

In this episode, Wendy cuts through the noise with a clear, honest framework: 10 ways AI can legitimately support your mental health, and 7 ways she would not recommend using it.

On the useful side, AI can help you challenge a distorted thought using CBT principles, turn a worry spiral into a practical problem-solving plan, build a graded exposure hierarchy, develop a more compassionate inner voice, organise your worries into what's actionable and what isn't, clarify your values, learn emotional regulation skills in the moment, and prepare for therapy so you get far more out of it. Used well, AI is a thinking partner, a worksheet generator, a prompt for reflection and a reminder of skills you already know.

But there are places where it shouldn't go. Diagnosing yourself. Managing a crisis. Conducting unsupervised trauma processing. Making medication decisions. And perhaps most importantly, using it as a reassurance machine, which is particularly relevant for anyone who struggles with health anxiety or OCD, because the temporary relief it provides can quietly make the underlying anxiety worse.

The principle running through all of it is straightforward: fluent doesn't necessarily mean factual. And a tool is not the same as a relationship.

Wendy also shares five practical AI prompts you can use straight away, covering thought challenging, problem solving, self-compassion, tolerating uncertainty, and preparing for therapy.

To learn more about Wendy's work, explore resources, or stay up to date with future episodes, visit:

👉 https://wendycastelino.com/

If you found this episode helpful, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.