Don't Let The Old Man In

In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we sit down with Paul Drayton (author of Ride – Or Die Trying) to dive into his ADHD diagnosis in midlife, his struggles with alcohol addiction, and coming to grips with his neurodivergence gave him purpose in the second half of life.

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Read Ride – Or Die Trying: https://www.amazon.com.au/Ride-Trying-before-during-laughter/dp/1918428441

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Intro

01:50 Pleasing Others and the Influence of Family

04:14 Discovering ADHD Later in Life

07:25 The Diagnosis and Its Impact

12:59 Overwhelm and Self-Medication with Alcohol

17:24 Realizing There's No Trauma, Just ADHD

21:03 Managing Benders and Guilt

25:09 Moving Forward and Personal Growth

37:09 Reflecting on Life and Future Goals

42:34 Love Yourself to Manage Challenges

44:52 Final Thoughts and Advice for Listeners

#sobriety #adhd #midlife

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we speak with entrepreneur and author Steve Pratt about how selling his business drove him to find his purpose after 50, which he found by running midlife experiments.

We discuss what he's tried, how its helped him and why you should try them yourself.

Read Steve Pratt's substack: https://thecreativityguild.substack.com/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 Intro

01:41 The “Lego Businessman” identity

05:38 Fitting in versus standing out

09:48 Selling the business and facing the messy middle

13:20 Letting go of scoreboards, wearables, and optimization

21:35 Exploring ketamine-assisted therapy

29:44 Doing stand-up comedy with his daughter

33:50 Taking a break from the phone—and Wordle

36:46 Sharing a vulnerable journey with family

41:03 The cost of personal experiments

43:16 Becoming fully yourself

46:13 One experiment to start tomorrow

49:52 What Steve would tell his 25-year-old self

Don't Let the Old Man In does not condone the use of illegal drugs.

#findingpurpose #trynewthings #midlife

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we sit down with behavioural scientist Nicholas Epley, to unpack why social connection is so important for overall happiness, how to make new friends in midlife, and why men shouldn't fear striking up a chat with strangers.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Intro

02:30 Research on talking to strangers

05:21 The train ride realisation

11:00 Personality, expectations, and social interaction

15:54 Approaching VS Avoiding

20:42 Experiments on talking to strangers during commutes

24:05 The role of voice in communication and understanding

34:07 Making friends in midlife and the power of warmth

41:55 Belonging, competence, and human needs

47:51 Lessons from Nick's daughter

51:53 Final tips: When in doubt, reach out

Get A Little More Social: https://www.amazon.com.au/Little-More-Social-Unexpected-Connection/dp/0593319540

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#midlife #socialanxiety #midlifecrisis

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we speak with Ian Westmoreland, a successful IT worker who left it all behind at age 59 to pursue a second half of purpose and fulfilment. We discuss what drove him to make a change, men's mental health, the honour of being awarded an Order of Australia Medal, and much more.

Learn about Mentoring Men: https://www.mentoringmen.org.au/about

Find out about Kintsugi Heroes: https://www.kintsugiheroes.com.au/

Subscribe to our newsletter for more DLTOMI: https://dontlettheoldmanin.com/subscribe/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Introduction to Ian's Life and Transformation

01:19 The Message That Changed Ian's Life

12:11 The Power of Listening and Being Heard

20:41 The Metaphor of Kintsugi in Healing

24:32 Connecting Through Culture and Stories

36:00 The Impact of Vulnerability and Emotional Openness

37:09 The Work of Kintsugi Heroes and Storytelling

44:55 Reflections on Success, Love, and Life's Purpose

48:47 Final Thoughts and Advice

#midlife #findingpurpose #mensmentalhealth

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we speak with Dr Kathryn Page (organisational psychologist and author of Good Work) to understand what is draining our energy in the workplace, why burnout looks different in men, and the importance of maintaining identity outside of our work.

Learn more about Dr Kat Page's book here: https://www.drkatpage.com/about-4

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 Introduction to the episode and guest

02:17 Growing up in a police family and its influence

07:45 Work to live versus live to work

14:56 The concept of the third space and its significance

25:42 The effort recovery framework explained

42:23 Languishing versus flourishing and how to move forward

01:02:20 Final thoughts and message for future generations

#burnout #psychology #midlife

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we speak with Mark Beretta (Sunrise TV Presenter and ambassador for the Butterfly Foundation) about young men's mental health today, how eating disorders are underdiscussed in society, and how he's reinvented himself throughout his life.

Learn more about the Butterfly Foundation: https://butterfly.org.au/

Subscribe to our newsletter for more DLTOMI: https://dontlettheoldmanin.com/subscribe/

CHAPTERS:

00:00 Intro

02:04 Early life, water skiing, and family memories

04:19 Lessons from sport and its role in personal development

06:36 Career in television and the evolution of Sunrise

10:30 Caring for aging parents

19:28 Eating disorders: what dads need to know

32:47 Reinvention and following passions in midlife

42:24 Involvement in the Australian reserves and service to country

48:24 The importance of friendships and social connections

52:43 Reflections on life, aging, and legacy

#eatingdisorders #midlife #parentingtips

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we speak with sobriety coach Sarah Rusbatch to understand grey area drinking, how our relationship to alcohol can change in midlife, and the simple way to determine the tradeoffs we do and don't want to make for alcohol.

Learn more about Sarah's work here: https://sarahrusbatch.com/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 Intro

02:05 What is Grey Area Drinking

04:06 Early experiences with alcohol

06:19 Transition from social drinking to career-driven drinking

08:16 Moving to Australia and using alcohol to fill voids

13:50 The slow decline into problematic drinking

17:32 The moment of decision to quit alcohol

24:21 Why moderation is often not an option

32:49 Defining Grey Area Drinking and its challenges

37:43 Tools and strategies for quitting alcohol

45:02 The benefits of sobriety and life transformation

01:00:18 Looking ahead: aging and living alcohol-free

01:01:28 Advice for starting the conversation about alcohol with loved ones

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In this week's powerful episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we sit down with author Oliver Christen to discuss his deeply moving book As She Chose, the story of his mother's self-determined end-of-life journey.

Learn more about As She Chose: https://www.amazon.com.au/As-She-Chose-conscious-lived/dp/1764067827

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 Introduction to the conversation on end-of-life choices

01:21 Why this topic matters: removing fear of death

02:10 Early memories of Oliver's mother

06:21 Global overview of assisted dying laws

08:46 Why Oliver's mother chose assisted dying

11:07 The criteria for voluntary stopping eating and drinking

16:41 Understanding death fasting from a spiritual perspective

20:58 Living fully and purposefully

21:52 The gap between wishes and reality in end-of-life care

25:39 The process and experience of fasting for death

28:16 Letting go of identity and expectations

30:56 The importance of presence and acceptance

33:12 Acts of love and creating meaningful moments

37:28 Supporting loved ones through physical decline

39:25 The significance of signs and nature in end-of-life

44:56 Reflections on conversations and relationships

50:39 Conscious completion and letting go

56:27 What Oliver learned about his mother

01:07:38 Final words of wisdom: live fully and have the conversation

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, Erin Buttermore makes her second appearance on the show to dive back into the imposter phenomenon, including how it creates a "capability trap" that follows people as they grow their success.

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CHAPTERS

00:00 Intro

02:47 The paradox: it never counts either way

05:06 Why imposter feelings get worse the higher you go

08:38 When the whole organisation runs on your nervous system

10:26 Self-handicapping: the other way we protect ourselves

13:08 The first question to ask yourself

14:44 We mistake distress for discipline

16:36 Achieving through yourself vs achieving through others

19:31 What this costs your family

25:32 How ambition changes in midlife

28:02 Escape fantasy or a genuine change of direction?

33:17 The two conversations to have with yourself

35:09 Why letting go is the hardest part

39:53 Self-compassion has a terrible PR problem

46:25 Shame is a very expensive fuel source

47:46 The three steps

49:13 Setting standards for the things that actually matter

57:46 What people won't let go of

58:59 Listener question: imposter in one part of life

01:01:26 The price you pay for growth

#impostersyndrome #psychology #midlife

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In this episode of Don't Let the Old Man In, we sit down with Andrew May (high performance coach to the Wallabies, Australian cricket, and some of the country's biggest CEOs) to understand how our building capacity and better recovery can be the best cure for burnout.

Read Andrew May's book: https://performanceintelligence.com/matchfit-book/

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CHAPTERS:

00:00 – Intro

02:41 – Why we don't have a burnout problem

04:22 – The real definition of burnout (and the WHO's updated criteria)

07:33 – Vitamin FLPJ: fun, laughter, play, joy

09:57 – Organisational burnout vs taking accountability

11:36 – The four types of capacity elite CEOs train

14:23 – What executives' blood tests reveal: iron, vitamin D, testosterone

16:29 – Purpose vs performance: why purpose is hard and most men skip it

20:08 – Performance-based identity vs purpose-based identity

23:03 – Andrew's own burnout story: walking away from a seven figure exit

25:12 – The five metrics that actually measure your capacity

27:59 – The "50 to the power of 4" benchmark: heart rate, HRV, VO2 max

40:55 – Wearables, cold plunges and the truth about sauna

49:25 – The capacity model: green, moderate, high and extreme risk

57:05 – Three simple things to do this week

1:06:05 – Andrew's final word of wisdom

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