Criminal masterminds? No. Criminal disasters? Absolutely.

Prepare yourself for a full buffet of bad decisions, because this week’s True Crime Tuesday dives into the dumbest, fastest-failing crime plans ever attempted. From a man who tried to break into an ATM using his debit card, to a would-be burglar who trusted Google Maps so blindly it led him straight into a police station, these cases prove that some people really are their own worst enemy.

I walk you through five chaotic crimes that collapsed instantly, sprinkled with my signature unhinged commentary, too-much-caffeine energy, and the kind of laughter that makes you snort in public. Plus the Docket of Dumb returns with fresh headlines reminding you that Earth is absolutely not the top-tier planet we pretend it is.

🎵 Song of the Week: “Broken Record” by The Sunstrokes

🚔 Crimes that solve themselves
😂 Criminals who incriminate… themselves
🧠 Zero brain cells. Maximum entertainment.

Ever wonder what happens when reality glitches? When time bends? When you walk into a hallway that definitely wasn’t there yesterday?
Welcome to The Backrooms ... the internet’s most infamous liminal nightmare, and apparently… a place way too many people have accidentally wandered into.

In this chaotic, comedic, terrifyingly detailed deep dive, we explore:

🟨 What the Backrooms actually ARE  the origin, the lore, the levels, the entities, and why everything smells like wet carpet and despair.
🟨 Level-by-level breakdown including The Lobby, Pipe Dreams, the Poolrooms, and THE RUN LEVEL (you know… the one where something huge chases you).
🟨 The wildest conspiracy theories simulation glitches, government facilities, multiverse slips, mandela-effect rooms, liminal spirit realms, and how the internet might’ve created a tulpa by accident.
🟨 Real-life Backrooms encounters missing time, impossible hallways, buzzing lights, vanishing rooms, and people who swear they “noclipped” in malls, hospitals, hotels, and abandoned buildings.

✨ Song of the Week: “The Perfect Death (Stripped)” by Lost Note

If liminal spaces give you chills, if buzzing lights make you suspicious, or if you’ve ever walked into a room and thought, “This feels WRONG…” — this episode is for you.

Listen now… before the walls shift.

This week on True Crime Tuesday, we’re diving headfirst into the wildest category of crimes known to humankind: petty revenge that spiraled so hard it turned into a felony. Because some people take “I’m annoyed” and turn it into “I’m making national news.”

Join me as we break down four recent, absolutely unhinged cases, including:
🔥 A neighbor feud that escalated into a 70-foot trench of pure rage
🔥 A Florida man who responded to a bird-feeding dispute by literally… eating the birds
🔥 A long-standing grudge that turned a quiet family walk into tragedy
🔥 And an ex-employee who took “you’re fired” way too personally and lit up the boss’s house

Plus, stick around for The Docket of Dumb, featuring this week’s most ridiculous headlines that prove, once again, humanity is not okay.

And don’t miss our Song of the Week:
🎵 “The Perfect Death (Stripped)” by Lost Note. It's an emotional punch to the soul in the best possible way.

Whether you're listening on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, or over on NightHawk Radio, this episode is full of chaos, humor, true crime, and the kind of choices that make you say, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?”

Grab a snack. Grab emotional support mozzarella sticks.
Let’s get chaotic.

This week’s episode of Don’t Quote Me… It’s Probably Nothing is a full-scale, tinfoil-hat-approved deep dive into the life, crimes, network, and mysteriously convenient death of Jeffrey Epstein; the billionaire whose power stretched across politics, royalty, academia, finance, and Hollywood, until it all came crashing down.

Join me as we break down:
🕴️ Epstein’s bizarre rise to wealth from a college dropout to a Wall Street “financial guru” with a résumé made of question marks.
💼 His high-level connections the politicians, princes, CEOs, scientists, celebrities, and billionaires who always seemed to be in his orbit.
📁 The trafficking operation how it was built, who helped run it, and the victims who fought for years to be heard.
👑 Ghislaine Maxwell’s role her recruitment tactics, the trial, the guilty verdict, her prison transfer, and what she’s still hiding.
🕳️ The death that broke the internet the cameras, the guards, the timeline, the official findings, and the conspiracy theories that refuse to die.
📄 The sealed files and redactions the evidence the public still hasn’t seen, the names that are blacked out, and the investigations that quietly vanished.
🧩 Is Epstein still alive? body double theories, intelligence connections, questionable documents, and why this case still doesn’t add up.

This episode is part true crime exposé, part political scandal, part government mystery, and part “what the actual hell?”

If you’ve ever wondered why nothing about the Epstein case makes sense… you’re not alone.
And by the end of this episode?
You’ll be asking even more questions.

🎧 Available now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and NightHawk Radio.

🎵 Song of the Week: “Chelsea” by Arcade Beach

Don’t Quote Me… It’s Probably Nothing — but this might be something.

Welcome to another True Crime Tuesday, where the only thing more questionable than humanity is what people will do for a snack. 🍟

This week, I take you on a fast-food-fueled journey through the dumbest food-related crimes the world has ever seen; from a $15,000 McNugget lawsuit to a man who stole a car just to deliver pizza that wasn’t his, a powder-sugar-covered criminal who donut-do-the-crime, and a guy who barricaded himself inside a Taco Bell “for the vibes.”

It’s chaotic, crunchy, and a reminder that hanger is not a legal defense.

🗞️ Plus: this week’s Docket of Dumb featuring criminals with zero logic and a woman who bit a camel for her hat.
🎶 Song of the Week: “Chelsea” by Arcade Beach
🍕 Listen on: Nighthawk Radio • Spotify • Apple Podcasts

Because honestly, if the crime involves carbs… we get it.

#DontQuoteMe #ItsProbablyNothing #TrueCrimeTuesday #ComedyPodcast #FoodCrimes #StayWeird #ArcadeBeach #NighthawkRadio

What if the greatest achievement in human history… was filmed in a basement? 👀

This week, I put on my tinfoil hat and go full conspiracy-mode, diving headfirst into one of the most iconic debates of all time, did we actually land on the moon?

From Stanley Kubrick’s alleged directorial debut and the suspiciously perfect lighting, to the mysteriously flapping flag, missing footage, and “C-marked” moon rocks, this episode breaks down every wild claim with equal parts logic and pure chaos.

Then, just when you think you’ve got it figured out, I ask the real question:
What if both sides are right? What if we really did go but NASA didn’t tell us everything we found up there?

👽 Alien bases, hollow moons, secret Apollo missions, and the kind of caffeine-fueled commentary that’ll make you stare suspiciously at the night sky.

🎶 Song of the Week: “Nerves of Glass” by Nervous Nikki and the Chill Pills the perfect soundtrack for questioning reality and trying not to panic about it.

Listen now on Nighthawk Radio, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts, and remember:
If you start hearing static, it’s probably nothing… or the government.

#DontQuoteMe #ItsProbablyNothing #MoonLandingHoax #PodcastLife #StayWeird #ConspiracyTheories #ComedyPodcast #NervousNikkiAndTheChillPills #NighthawkRadio

Some people lie to save themselves.
Others lie so badly they solve their own crimes.

This week on True Crime Tuesday, I dive headfirst into the dumbest alibis ever told  from the “time traveler” who blamed aliens, to the burglar who cleared his name using video evidence of… another burglary.

It’s chaotic, it’s hilarious, and it’s a gentle reminder that if your excuse involves ghosts, cats, or interdimensional travel… the cops probably won’t buy it.

Plus, the Docket of Dumb: Alibi Edition, where I read this week’s most ridiculous headlines that prove logic is optional.

🎶 Song of the Week: “Nerves of Glass” by Nervous Nikki and the Chill Pills 

Listen now on Nighthawk Radio, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts, and remember:
if your story starts with “you’re not gonna believe this,” you’re probably right.

#DontQuoteMe #ItsProbablyNothing #TrueCrimeTuesday #ComedyPodcast #DumbCriminals #PodcastLife #StayWeird #NervousNikkiAndTheChillPills

Grab your candy and lock your doors, it’s the Don’t Quote Me… It’s Probably Nothing Halloween Special!

This week, I dive deep into the real origins of Halloween. From ancient Celtic fire festivals to modern-day sugar-fueled chaos  and explore the creepiest conspiracy theories that prove humans can’t leave well enough alone.

Whether you’re here for the history, the hauntings, or the unhinged humor, this episode’s got it all: witches, capitalism, candy, and chaos.

🎶 Song of the Week: “Fashionably Late” by The Break Plans
Because if you’re going to show up to a haunting… you might as well make an entrance.

Listen now on Nighthawk Radio, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts ... and remember: if something whispers your name tonight… don’t quote me, but maybe just move.

#DontQuoteMe #ItsProbablyNothing #HalloweenPodcast #StayWeird #SpookySeason #TheBreakPlans #FashionablyLate

This week on True Crime Tuesday, we’re celebrating spooky season the only way we know how ... by mixing true crime, bad decisions, and questionable costume choices.

From the infamous Candy Man who poisoned Halloween candy, to a guy who took his Freddy Krueger costume way too seriously, to a murderer who clocked in for work at a haunted house like it was just another Tuesday, and the great Pumpkin Heist of 2017… this episode proves that every Halloween, logic takes the night off.

Then we’re closing it out with a Halloween edition of The Docket of Dumb. Five crimes so ridiculous they’ll make you want to hand out sage instead of candy.

🎶 Song of the Week: "Fashionably Late" by The Break Plans

Available now on Nighthawk Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and anywhere you like your chaos served spooky.

#TrickOrCrime #TrueCrimeTuesday #DontQuoteMe #ItsProbablyNothing #HalloweenPodcast #CaptureThis #StayWeird

Twenty episodes of chaos ... and we're celebrating by heading straight into cursed territory.

From the eerie legends of the Not-Deer and Appalachian Mimics to towns that just vanished off the map, and staircases in the woods that lead to nowhere you should be, we're driving deep into the mountains that hum, watch, and occasionally eat your soul for breakfast.

We'll meet the Wampus Cat, Mothman's overworked cousin, and a few Reddit storytellers who made us all decide, "Yeah, I'm never camping again." 

Song of the Week: "It's About Money" by Capture This

Listen now on Nighthawk Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you pretend your life isn't one long paranormal side quest.