Double Pontification

Riding the last drops of Christmas into the New Year sunset, Dick and Kevin (an Asian-American lad with a fetish for watches) do a deep dive into the Netflix romcom Love Hard (starring Nina Dobrev and Jimmy O. Yang). Talking points include comparative catfishing, AMWF dynamics, and sequel ideas for Love Harder, Love Hardest, and Rub Hard. WARNING: Spoilers ahead! 

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CREDITS
Opening Music
Song Title: Today's diary
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NwW5oPwaGo

Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

As 2021 comes to a close, Dick and J (a Canadian lass with an affinity for igloos) discuss Christmas in Shanghai, immigrant families putting their own spin on the holidays, and dating with Chinese characteristics. The classic poem A Visit from St. Nicholas gets a facelift.

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A Visit from St. Dickolas
’Twas the fortnight before Christmas, in the Delta Pi house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
The stockings were hung by the beer cans with care
In hopes that St. Dickolas soon would be there;
The fratboys were nestled all sloshed in their beds;
While visions of yumyums bounced in their heads;
And Derrick and Dylan and twelve other chaps,
Had just fondled their balls for a long winter's fap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Dudes sprang from their beds to see what was the matter.
Away to the window they nakedly ran,
Like a cast of a porno straight out of Japan.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a luster of K-Y to objects below,
When what to their wondering eyes did reveal,
But a miniature sleigh and eight girthy long eel,
With a smiley old driver so veiny and thick,
They knew in a moment he must be St. Dick.
More rapid than virgins his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Hammer! now, Humper! now Pumper and Piper!
On, Sausage! on, Schnitzel! on, Hancock and Viper!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!"
And around the frathouse, waifu pillows did fall.
So Derrick and Dylan and twelve other lads
Waited and waited… until they got mad.
“What gives,” said Derrick, “what’s taking so long?”
As he guzzled Corona left over from pong.
And then, down the chimney, it sounded like braille,
The slipping and sliding of each little scale;
St. Dick wore no pants, causing quite the alarm;
“What’s that?!” Dylan cried, “It’s as big as my arm!”
“Ho ho ho,” said Dick, “It’s Christmas, my dudes, 
Are any of y’all thirsty for Pokémon nudes?”
“Me!” yipped Garrett, “Aye aye!” followed Bryce;
“Well how do I know who’s been naughty or nice?” 
“We’ve all been good fratboys, we all follow Lent,
We even make sure to ask for consent.”  
And hearing these deeds filled Dick with respect,
that even his Pole of the South got erect. 
“I’ve saved the best booty for lads of your measure, 
Please take them from Dickolas for your viewing pleasure.”
So Dylan and Derrick and all of the bros
Compared 2D yumyums mumbling Ohhhhs.  
“Officer Jenny, Misty, and Brock…”
“Hey Dick,” whispered Dylan, “Can you lend me a sock?” 
The boys hollered like hound dogs, they giggled with glee, 
Their juices were forming a Caspian Sea. 
“I must go, my dear fellows, more presents await! 
Waifus and husbandos are big in Kuwait.”
Up the chimney he rose, while lugging his sack,
December of next year St. Dick would be back. 
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a creamy white missile. 
But they heard him exclaim, as he sipped on some drank—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good wank!”

CREDITS
Opening & Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Inspired by last episode's waifu talk with Hannah, Dick does a deep dive into childhood church experiences and why he has always been stubbornly wary of Miyazaki stans (as well as other "Kool-Aidy" pop culture phenoms like Game of Thrones). After manning up and facing his anime demons, he discusses his post-viewing reactions to two Studio Ghibli movies: Princess Mononoke and My Neighbor Totoro.

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CREDITS
Opening Music
Song Title: Today's diary
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NwW5oPwaGo

Monkeys Spinning Monkeys Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Gymnopedie No. 1 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Divertimento K131 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Hannah (a Dutch lass partial to horror movies and James from Team Rocket) returns to discuss body pillows, boy love, waifu roleplaying apps, and guys who live with cats. Dick headlines a four-part doomer noir microdrama featuring Misty from Pokémon.

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CREDITS
Opening & Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Monologue Music 
Night on the Docks - Sax Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

After mentioning American Psycho’s scandalous protagonist three episodes in a row, Dick does a deep dive into why the Wall Street specialist in murders and executions is oddly relatable. A passionate case is made for why Christian Bale should have won the 2001 Academy Award for Best Actor. Leonardo DiCaprio, Keanu Reeves, and Timothée Chalamet's jaw are mentioned.

“Yuppie is a slang term denoting the market segment of young urban professionals. A yuppie is often characterized by youth, affluence, and business success. They are often preppy in appearance and like to show off their success by their style and possessions.” –Investopedia 

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SKITS & MONOLOGUES

1. "There are a lot more important things than Timothée Chalamet's jaw" is inspired by the films American Psycho and Dune
2. "Hai, Sukiyabashi Jirou de gozaimasu" is inspired by the films American Psycho and Jiro Dreams of Sushi
3. "You like Christian Bale as an actor?" is inspired by the film American Psycho
4. "What a Wonderful World" is inspired by the song "What a Wonderful World"

CREDITS
Opening Music
Song Title: Today's diary
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NwW5oPwaGo

Irregular by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3928-irregular
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Dick and Anna (an English lass with PBF) discuss foot fetishes, Sesame Street, bronsexuals, and football matches where no one scores. "Quentin 'Patrick Bateman' Tarantino" reinterprets classic passages from American Psycho.

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SKITS & MONOLOGUES

1. "I live in the Ramat Aviv Gimel neighborhood of Tel Aviv"  is inspired by the film American Psycho
2. "A playful but mysterious little dish" is inspired by the film American Psycho 
3. "I have all the characteristics of a successful film director"  is inspired by the film American Psycho
4. "Look at that subtle off-white coloring" is inspired by the film American Psycho

CREDITS
Opening & Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Monologue #1 Music
Gymnopedie No. 1 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Skit Music
Parisian Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Monologue #2 Music
Prelude in C (BWV 846) Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Monologue #3 Music 
Digital Bark Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Building on last episode's discussion with Hannah, Dick does a deep dive into the BDE mystique of horror's silver fox: Michael Myers (Halloween). Freddy (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Jason (Friday the 13th), and Patrick Bateman (American Psycho) make game show appearances on Simply to Die For!

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CREDITS
Opening Music
Song Title: Today's diary
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NwW5oPwaGo

Game Show Music
Happy Happy Game Show Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Scary Piano Music BGM
Classic Horror 1 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Dick and Hannah (a Dutch lass with a kindred addiction to horror) discuss family bonding through scary movies, adult phobias, Japanese sexlessness, and sleeping with the lights on.

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SKITS & MONOLOGUES

1. "What's your favorite scary movie?"  is inspired by the film Scream
2. "Did you know that, Hannah?" is inspired by the film American Psycho 
3. "Keanu Reeves"  is inspired by the film Candyman

MOVIES MENTIONED
Scream, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Relic, The Descent, The Babadook, The Grudge, The Ring, Audition, IT, Creep, Misery, Jeepers Creepers, Children of the Corn, Call, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, A Quiet Place, Friday the 13th, Candyman, Host, Enter the Void

CREDITS
Opening & Ending Music
Song Title: Space out
Artist: Chiro
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP1g70PNWdA

Monologue Music
Song Title: Home for the Holidays  
Artist: TrackTribe
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5A86JYKfJU