The Power of Words in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Imagine my joy when I learned about a little secret therapy weapon called Neuro-Linguistic Programming.

What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)?

NLP is the understanding of the connection between the mind, our language, and our behavior. Our choices begin with a thought, typically followed by a feeling and then an action. So, the nature of our thoughts will ultimately affect everything. From how we interact with people to which food choices we make.

Let's do a little experiment to explore the power of words.

I want you to say a few words to yourself. But before you do, I want you to take a breath and notice how you feel.

Ok, here are the five words:

No

But

I should have

I failed

It's hard

How do you feel? Better, worse or the same?

The Power of Words When Using the Right Ones

The amazing thing is, whether you are aware of it or not, your mind and body responded to this language and your thoughts.

These are words that can cause a stress response when used in a negative context. And if you think and speak them frequently, you are more likely to feel negative. You may experience less success and gratitude. Possibly even less hope and more susceptibility to depression. So, now what?

Let's change the words!

If you swap these five statements, you could entirely shift the way you experience your life and the power of words.

#1 No becomes How Interesting/Possibly/I May Consider It/Perhaps

Exchange a conversational No for how interesting, possibly, I may consider it or perhaps.

In relationships, we often use No against each other. It's a way of flatly dismissing someone's opinion. It immediately interrupts the flow of discussion, damages intimacy and creates loneliness via disconnection. Don't get me wrong; there are times in which No is entirely appropriate.

However, I want you to notice how often and when you use it.

Using it to set boundaries or to express what you need is very different from dismissing others.

Think about what it feels like to hear No. Do you ever feel dismissed or misunderstood?

Those are the circumstances I want you to shift. Begin by using No in a more sophisticated way. A phrase such as I may consider it feels more open and thoughtful. It allows for connection and greater openness.

#2 But becomes And

Next, exchange But for And.

I was recently speaking with someone struggling with depression. I noticed this person used the word But each time I offered tools and suggestions.

Instead, I encouraged her to use the word And. I love using a word that creates inclusion instead of exclusion. If I say I want to feel better, but it's too hard, it feels very different than I want to feel better and it's still painful right now. The second version allows for hope and possibility. Which we know, from research, leads to better outcomes.

#3 I Should becomes I Could

Consider exchanging I should for I could. Should is a word that generates shame and an internal sense of obligation or pressure. If I should and then I don't, I feel like shit. If we replace the word should with could I suddenly experience a sense of choice! Notice how often you say I should or you should. Nobody likes a should-er, Lol. I've been known to take this could thing to the next level. I often say, “I would invite you to consider.” This is an advanced version of could.

#4 I Failed becomes I Learned

Try exchanging I failed for I learned. If we reinforce failure, we are less likely to get back up again. The word failure strengthens a limiting belief. It promotes fear, whereas learning feels estimable. Like I did something valuable. These words generate different internal sensations.

#5 It's Hard Becomes It's New

Finally, exchange it's hard for its new. Just thinking about how hard it is to forgive someone or to change old habits makes it overwhelming. When we consider it's merely new instead of hard, we feel more inclined to take action, and we are more gentle with ourselves. Hard leads to giving up whereas new leads to persistence. So, yeah, remembering all this and catching yourself in the moment takes practice. Its new, Lol.

Have you ever considered how it would feel to hang out with the voice in your mind?

Like, if your best friend or partner spoke to you the way you talk to yourself; how would it feel?

I would like to invite you to practice this new way of thinking and speaking. You will notice better moods, more positive thoughts, more mindful behavior a more open mind and heart.

In sum, you will feel deeper connections, more love, and less judgment. From merely using new and different words.

Oh words, aren't they amazing!!

I remember watching my daughter looking at books like “She was fascinated with words. To her, words were a thing of beauty, each like a magical powder or potion that could be combined with other words to create powerful spells.”

Relationships, as firm as they may seem, are fragile. Learn how the power of words you use can change the direction of your relationship in no time. A relationship has many needs to be successful.But, almost all these needs are subconscious.

In fact, you won't even realize you're catering to these needs of your own perfect relationship unless you're starting to fall out of love and need to make an effort just to be nice to your partner.

Romantic gestures and memories, and communication and pillow talk may be key requirements of a great relationship but there's another subtle detail almost none of us bother about. And that's the power of words in a relationship.

The power of words in a relationship

Have you ever thought about how you speak to your partner, or how you treat them in private or public?

The kind of words you choose or the way you behave can have a much deeper impact than you can imagine.

The words you choose can make your relationship a lot better, or at times, it can push your partner away from you forever.

You may communicate well, share your dreams, respect your lover and even be great in bed, but the way you use the power of words could still affect your relationship on a subconscious level.

The words we hear and the effect it has on us

The power of words in a relationship is a subconscious energy that balances the relationship. The words you choose and the way you say something can make your lover feel closer to you.

Even as individuals, words play a big part in our lives. A compliment is a compliment, but yet, the words that are used to compliment you makes all the difference, doesn't it?

On the other hand, words that you personally associate with negativity affect you more. If someone speaks about the traits of low confidence to a person who believes they're not confident, it would affect them more than it would to a person who doesn't believe it's a negative trait of theirs.

And just like that, in our romantic lives too, the words you choose while speaking with your partner can subconsciously affect their views on the relationship.

You may believe you're sensitive and sweet because you never criticize anyone or never pick an argument with anyone. But your partner may subconsciously believe that you're rude at times, or perhaps even dominant. And that's all because of the words you choose in your conversation while talking about matters close to both your hearts.

How you speak to your lover affects the way they think of you, the relationship and the way they approach their own life. Their motivation and inspiration depends on the way you choose your words around them.

Kind words make us feel safer. Criticisms make us feel weaker and low on confidence. Angry words make us angry. And reassuring words comfort us.

How do you speak to your partner?

If you want a happy relationship with your lover, you need to focus more on positive words and reassuring words. At times, when your partner is feeling down *and you know it's their own fault*, you still need to use words that will make them feel better about themselves. Bite your tongue and save the accusations and the criticisms for another day when your partner is feeling so low.

Your relationship should contribute to a sense of fulfillment, happiness, and connection. If you tend to feel more anxious, distressed, or unhappy around your partner, your relationship may be struggling. Signs of unhealthy relationships can vary widely, so this list isn't all-inclusive. But it may help point out some possible issues.

Questions to ask yourself!!

It's difficult to apply the same standards to every relationship. However, if you're looking for guidance on whether yours is healthy, there are a few things you can ask yourself as a sort of self-test. Is your relationship healthy?

Ask yourself:

Does my partner encourage me to grow?

Do we share goals for the future?

Do we want the same kind of relationship?

Can I be myself with them?

Do I accept them for who they are?

Do we give and take from each other fairly equally?

Is my life better with them in it?

Does our time together have meaning?

If you mostly answered yes, your relationship is probably a strong one.

A good woman is an investment and an immature woman is a bill. A good woman can build you, grow you, nurture you, care for you, and give you so much peace. That's an asset, not a liability. An immature woman seeks pleasure, will not be loyal, and will not respect you. She will drain you mentally and financially. Her goal /agenda is self driven, and it's never about collective building. Or your relationship with her, it is parasitic. Her soul mission is to connect to the host, suck him dry until there's nothing left, and then they move onto the next host.

The importance of expressing your emotions is a life lesson boiled down to the essence of “feel all the feelings.” Which is easier said than done, especially when you try to do it all by yourself, which is how most black people been attacking the this issue.

It's much easier to share your thoughts, the intellectual information that is in your brain, than your feelings. Both women and men can have a difficult time expressing feelings, although male partners seem to have an even harder time with heart-to-heart communication.

Sharing the depth of your feelings that are in your heart takes emotional risk and courage, as it can make you feel exposed and vulnerable.

However, expressing your feelings is also the very thing that will create closeness and connection in your relationship. By sharing what is in your heart with your partner, you can achieve deeper intimacy. https://www.etymonline.com/word/intimate?utm_source=app

How to Express Your Feelings With Your Partner

Try these tips to help you feel more comfortable and prepared to express feelings with your partner.

Accept Your Feelings

Accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong. Instead, it is the behavior that results because of the feeling that is morally judged.

For example, just because you are angry, you do not have the right to behave violently. Managing negative feelings means accepting them without allowing them to overrun us.

Describe Your Feelings

Describe the feeling by saying it or writing it down. Think about how to help your partner have empathy, or how to help them understand what it's like to walk in your shoes.

If you're having a difficult time finding the right words, remember that most feelings can be summed up in a single word, including:

Angry

Attacked

Embarrassed

Happy

Hurt

Sad

Scared

How to Put Feelings Into Words

Practice

If you are not someone who is used to expressing feelings, this may feel awkward at first. Practicing it in small steps will make it easier.

For example, start by saying out loud, "I feel angry," or "I feel sad."

Understand Feelings vs. Thoughts vs. Mood

It's important not to confuse feelings with your mood or thoughts. Feelings come and go and change quickly, while a "mood" is a sustained period of an emotional state.

Feelings convey our emotions (and are said to come "from the heart") while thoughts occur in our brains and convey what we are thinking as well as our beliefs. Feelings can also be physical sensations.

Another way to help you distinguish your thoughts from your feeling is to use the "I think vs. I feel" rule. If you can substitute the words "I think" for "I feel" in a sentence, then you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.

For example, "I feel hurt" is correct because you would not say "I think hurt," right? Whereas a statement like "I feel that he is a jerk" is incorrect. You "think" he is a jerk.

Avoid Judgment

Try to not judge your own or your partner's feelings. If you want your partner to continue to share on a deep level, it is important not to get irritated or defensive about the feeling expressed to you.

Likewise, rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. Do not say things like "Don't worry, be happy" or "You shouldn't feel that way." Doing so invalidates how the other person feels.

Verbalize

Verbalize feelings with your partner directly. Your partner can't read your mind. While they may pick up on your vibe, they have no way to know what's going on in your head unless you tell them.

When verbalizing your feelings, it's also important to share your deeper underlying feeling, not just surface feelings. You might be expressing anger but underneath feel hurt or embarrassed. This is much more crucial to express to your partner directly to develop closeness and intimacy.

Share Daily

You do not have to have deep, serious conversations about your relationship daily, but you do have to share your feelings (not just your thoughts) about what is going on with you day-to-day.

Saying that you were "late for a meeting" gives the basic information only. But saying you "feel embarrassed about being late for a meeting" helps you connect to the person you are speaking with.

While you should share feelings daily, it's important to avoid making daily decisions based on those feelings. When you are making decisions, feelings will be a part of the process, but you must also think logically and rationally.

A Word From Verywell

To be successful at sharing your feelings, you need to be open, honest, willing to make time for each other, and receptive to these talks. This needs to be a reciprocal process. You both must share on an intimate level with each other; it can't just be one of you.

If you're having trouble expressing your feelings, consider couples counseling (either together or alone) to better understand what is preventing you from taking an emotional risk and having heart-to-hearts regularly with your partner.

Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Yahuah. Therefore, if your enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. ROMAIYM (ROMANS) 12:16-21

BRETHREN, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such one in the ruach of meekness; considering yourself, lest you also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the Torah of Mashiach. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teaches in all good things. GALATIYM (GALATIANS) 6:1-6

Wherefore (as the Ruach Ha'Qodesh says, Today if ye will hear his voice, Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do always err in their heart; and they have not known my ways. So I swore in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest.) Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living Elohiym. IVRIYM (HEBREWS) 3:7-12

This I say therefore, and testify in Yahuah, that ye henceforth walk not as the other nations walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of Elohiym through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Mashiach); If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the Truth is in Yahusha: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; EPH'SIYM (EPHESIANS) 4:17-22

For the choir director, for Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

I said, “I will guard my ways

That I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle. While the wicked are in my presence

In Summary

Remember it to courage to face your fears especially when it comes to expressing how you feel. Most people take all kinds of risks in life, but when it comes to expressing their emotions is terrifying. But if having a rewarding relationship is what you want, face your fears and take a risk.

A good woman is an investment and an immature woman is a bill. A good woman can build you, grow you, nurture you, care for you, and give you so much peace. That's an asset, not a liability. An immature woman seeks pleasure, will not be loyal, and will not respect you. She will drain you mentally and financially. Her goal /agenda is self driven, and it's never about collective building. Or your relationship with her, it is parasitic. Her soul mission is to connect to the host, suck him dry until there's nothing left, and then they move onto the next host.

The importance of expressing your emotions is a life lesson boiled down to the essence of “feel all the feelings.” Which is easier said than done, especially when you try to do it all by yourself, which is how most black people been attacking the this issue.

It's much easier to share your thoughts, the intellectual information that is in your brain, than your feelings. Both women and men can have a difficult time expressing feelings, although male partners seem to have an even harder time with heart-to-heart communication.

Sharing the depth of your feelings that are in your heart takes emotional risk and courage, as it can make you feel exposed and vulnerable.

However, expressing your feelings is also the very thing that will create closeness and connection in your relationship. By sharing what is in your heart with your partner, you can achieve deeper intimacy. https://www.etymonline.com/word/intimate?utm_source=app

How to Express Your Feelings With Your Partner

Try these tips to help you feel more comfortable and prepared to express feelings with your partner.

Accept Your Feelings

Accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong. Instead, it is the behavior that results because of the feeling that is morally judged.

For example, just because you are angry, you do not have the right to behave violently. Managing negative feelings means accepting them without allowing them to overrun us.

Describe Your Feelings

Describe the feeling by saying it or writing it down. Think about how to help your partner have empathy, or how to help them understand what it's like to walk in your shoes.

If you're having a difficult time finding the right words, remember that most feelings can be summed up in a single word, including:

Angry

Attacked

Embarrassed

Happy

Hurt

Sad

Scared

How to Put Feelings Into Words

Practice

If you are not someone who is used to expressing feelings, this may feel awkward at first. Practicing it in small steps will make it easier.

For example, start by saying out loud, "I feel angry," or "I feel sad."

Understand Feelings vs. Thoughts vs. Mood

It's important not to confuse feelings with your mood or thoughts. Feelings come and go and change quickly, while a "mood" is a sustained period of an emotional state.

Feelings convey our emotions (and are said to come "from the heart") while thoughts occur in our brains and convey what we are thinking as well as our beliefs. Feelings can also be physical sensations.

Another way to help you distinguish your thoughts from your feeling is to use the "I think vs. I feel" rule. If you can substitute the words "I think" for "I feel" in a sentence, then you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.

For example, "I feel hurt" is correct because you would not say "I think hurt," right? Whereas a statement like "I feel that he is a jerk" is incorrect. You "think" he is a jerk.

Avoid Judgment

Try to not judge your own or your partner's feelings. If you want your partner to continue to share on a deep level, it is important not to get irritated or defensive about the feeling expressed to you.

Likewise, rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. Do not say things like "Don't worry, be happy" or "You shouldn't feel that way." Doing so invalidates how the other person feels.

Verbalize

Verbalize feelings with your partner directly. Your partner can't read your mind. While they may pick up on your vibe, they have no way to know what's going on in your head unless you tell them.

When verbalizing your feelings, it's also important to share your deeper underlying feeling, not just surface feelings. You might be expressing anger but underneath feel hurt or embarrassed. This is much more crucial to express to your partner directly to develop closeness and intimacy.

Share Daily

You do not have to have deep, serious conversations about your relationship daily, but you do have to share your feelings (not just your thoughts) about what is going on with you day-to-day.

Saying that you were "late for a meeting" gives the basic information only. But saying you "feel embarrassed about being late for a meeting" helps you connect to the person you are speaking with.

While you should share feelings daily, it's important to avoid making daily decisions based on those feelings. When you are making decisions, feelings will be a part of the process, but you must also think logically and rationally.

A Word From Verywell

To be successful at sharing your feelings, you need to be open, honest, willing to make time for each other, and receptive to these talks. This needs to be a reciprocal process. You both must share on an intimate level with each other; it can't just be one of you.

If you're having trouble expressing your feelings, consider couples counseling (either together or alone) to better understand what is preventing you from taking an emotional risk and having heart-to-hearts regularly with your partner.

Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Yahuah. Therefore, if your enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. ROMAIYM (ROMANS) 12:16-21

BRETHREN, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such one in the ruach of meekness; considering yourself, lest you also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the Torah of Mashiach. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teaches in all good things. GALATIYM (GALATIANS) 6:1-6

Wherefore (as the Ruach Ha'Qodesh says, Today if ye will hear his voice, Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do always err in their heart; and they have not known my ways. So I swore in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest.) Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living Elohiym. IVRIYM (HEBREWS) 3:7-12

This I say therefore, and testify in Yahuah, that ye henceforth walk not as the other nations walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of Elohiym through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Mashiach); If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the Truth is in Yahusha: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; EPH'SIYM (EPHESIANS) 4:17-22

For the choir director, for Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

I said, “I will guard my ways

That I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle. While the wicked are in my presence

In Summary

Remember it to courage to face your fears especially when it comes to expressing how you feel. Most people take all kinds of risks in life, but when it comes to expressing their emotions is terrifying. But if having a rewarding relationship is what you want, face your fears and take a risk.

A good woman is an investment and an immature woman is a bill. A good woman can build you, grow you, nurture you, care for you, and give you so much peace. That's an asset, not a liability. An immature woman seeks pleasure, will not be loyal, and will not respect you. She will drain you mentally and financially. Her goal /agenda is self driven, and it's never about collective building. Or your relationship with her, it is parasitic. Her soul mission is to connect to the host, suck him dry until there's nothing left, and then they move onto the next host.

The importance of expressing your emotions is a life lesson boiled down to the essence of “feel all the feelings.” Which is easier said than done, especially when you try to do it all by yourself, which is how most black people been attacking the this issue.

It's much easier to share your thoughts, the intellectual information that is in your brain, than your feelings. Both women and men can have a difficult time expressing feelings, although male partners seem to have an even harder time with heart-to-heart communication.

Sharing the depth of your feelings that are in your heart takes emotional risk and courage, as it can make you feel exposed and vulnerable.

However, expressing your feelings is also the very thing that will create closeness and connection in your relationship. By sharing what is in your heart with your partner, you can achieve deeper intimacy. https://www.etymonline.com/word/intimate?utm_source=app

How to Express Your Feelings With Your Partner

Try these tips to help you feel more comfortable and prepared to express feelings with your partner.

Accept Your Feelings

Accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong. Instead, it is the behavior that results because of the feeling that is morally judged.

For example, just because you are angry, you do not have the right to behave violently. Managing negative feelings means accepting them without allowing them to overrun us.

Describe Your Feelings

Describe the feeling by saying it or writing it down. Think about how to help your partner have empathy, or how to help them understand what it's like to walk in your shoes.

If you're having a difficult time finding the right words, remember that most feelings can be summed up in a single word, including:

Angry

Attacked

Embarrassed

Happy

Hurt

Sad

Scared

How to Put Feelings Into Words

Practice

If you are not someone who is used to expressing feelings, this may feel awkward at first. Practicing it in small steps will make it easier.

For example, start by saying out loud, "I feel angry," or "I feel sad."

Understand Feelings vs. Thoughts vs. Mood

It's important not to confuse feelings with your mood or thoughts. Feelings come and go and change quickly, while a "mood" is a sustained period of an emotional state.

Feelings convey our emotions (and are said to come "from the heart") while thoughts occur in our brains and convey what we are thinking as well as our beliefs. Feelings can also be physical sensations.

Another way to help you distinguish your thoughts from your feeling is to use the "I think vs. I feel" rule. If you can substitute the words "I think" for "I feel" in a sentence, then you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.

For example, "I feel hurt" is correct because you would not say "I think hurt," right? Whereas a statement like "I feel that he is a jerk" is incorrect. You "think" he is a jerk.

Avoid Judgment

Try to not judge your own or your partner's feelings. If you want your partner to continue to share on a deep level, it is important not to get irritated or defensive about the feeling expressed to you.

Likewise, rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. Do not say things like "Don't worry, be happy" or "You shouldn't feel that way." Doing so invalidates how the other person feels.

Verbalize

Verbalize feelings with your partner directly. Your partner can't read your mind. While they may pick up on your vibe, they have no way to know what's going on in your head unless you tell them.

When verbalizing your feelings, it's also important to share your deeper underlying feeling, not just surface feelings. You might be expressing anger but underneath feel hurt or embarrassed. This is much more crucial to express to your partner directly to develop closeness and intimacy.

Share Daily

You do not have to have deep, serious conversations about your relationship daily, but you do have to share your feelings (not just your thoughts) about what is going on with you day-to-day.

Saying that you were "late for a meeting" gives the basic information only. But saying you "feel embarrassed about being late for a meeting" helps you connect to the person you are speaking with.

While you should share feelings daily, it's important to avoid making daily decisions based on those feelings. When you are making decisions, feelings will be a part of the process, but you must also think logically and rationally.

A Word From Verywell

To be successful at sharing your feelings, you need to be open, honest, willing to make time for each other, and receptive to these talks. This needs to be a reciprocal process. You both must share on an intimate level with each other; it can't just be one of you.

If you're having trouble expressing your feelings, consider couples counseling (either together or alone) to better understand what is preventing you from taking an emotional risk and having heart-to-hearts regularly with your partner.

Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Yahuah. Therefore, if your enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. ROMAIYM (ROMANS) 12:16-21

BRETHREN, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such one in the ruach of meekness; considering yourself, lest you also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the Torah of Mashiach. For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For every man shall bear his own burden. Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teaches in all good things. GALATIYM (GALATIANS) 6:1-6

Wherefore (as the Ruach Ha'Qodesh says, Today if ye will hear his voice, Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do always err in their heart; and they have not known my ways. So I swore in my wrath, They shall not enter into my rest.) Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living Elohiym. IVRIYM (HEBREWS) 3:7-12

This I say therefore, and testify in Yahuah, that ye henceforth walk not as the other nations walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of Elohiym through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Mashiach); If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the Truth is in Yahusha: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; EPH'SIYM (EPHESIANS) 4:17-22

For the choir director, for Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

I said, “I will guard my ways

That I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle. While the wicked are in my presence

In Summary

Remember it to courage to face your fears especially when it comes to expressing how you feel. Most people take all kinds of risks in life, but when it comes to expressing their emotions is terrifying. But if having a rewarding relationship is what you want, face your fears and take a risk.

10 Relationship Rules of Engagement to help your relationship to survive a disagreement..

Why Do We Need Rules?

The military, the police, professional boxers, and martial artists, all must adhere to rules of engagement in their respective zones of conflict. These rules define what the acceptable use of force is.

If the military used nuclear weapons every time they wanted to achieve success, ultimately no one would survive. Similarly, you can't “go nuclear” on your partner during a fight if you want the relationship to survive.

Rules of engagement are important in your relationship to create a sense of safety. When you know that no matter how heated your argument gets, your partner will not throw the meanest words or nearest object at you, you can engage with trust.

What Are the Rules?

It is true that how you and your partner treat and respond to each other will dictate much of how it feels to be in the relationship. It is equally true that how you treat and respond to each other during an argument will have a lot to do with your relationship's long term success.

The following rules will help create the trust that is the foundation of a safe environment in which to disagree. They are written as promises you can make to each other.

The 10 Relationship Rules of Engagement

1. I will not raise my voice

2. I will not interrupt or talk over you

3. I will not criticize or call you a mean name

4. I will not issue an ultimatum in the heat of a fight

5. I will not blame you for my own behavior or reactions

6. I will not walk away before agreeing on when I will talk again

7. I will not threaten to leave, separate or divorce when I am upset

8. I will take ownership for the hurt I contribute to and apologize

9. I will work to avoid being defensive or justify my actions

10. I agree to keep the discussion focused on the topic issue

In relationship rules of engagement you must Always Remember (LUV) Listen, Understand, and Validate

Upon completion of a successful argument we have to celebrate it because you made it through and life is to short to not embrace the breakthroughs and the challenges that you face within your relationship.

The way we communicate has a huge impact on how well we are able to form and maintain relationships, get what we want or need, avoid conflict, and solve problems. Learning to recognise and understand different communication styles is key in developing effective communication skills.

There are four major communication styles – assertive, aggressive, passive, and passive-aggressive. Often, people transition between communication styles depending on the context of their interaction, the person or people that they are interacting with, or other internal or external factors like mood or distractions. That said, people tend to have a ‘default' communication style that they revert to when feeling uncomfortable or unprepared.

Assertive communication

An assertive communication style is widely accepted as the most effective communication style, as it focuses on the needs of both the person communicating, and the person that they are communicating with. Assertive communicators value themselves, their time, their rights and needs – as well as those of others. The motivation behind the assertive communicator is to express their own needs or desires, while also respecting the needs and desires of the other person.

When people communicate assertively, they are straight forward in expressing their opinion and advocate for their rights without compromising the rights of anyone else. You might recognise an assertive communicator as someone who states facts (without labels or judgments), expresses themselves directly and honestly, checks on others' understanding and interpretations, and is confident, calm, firm, fair, consistent, and attentive. Assertive communicators are also open to criticism, negotiation or bargaining.

People on the receiving end of an assertive communication style feel that they can trust the assertive communicator at their word, that they know where they stand, that they have been listened to, considered, and respected.

Aggressive communication

An aggressive communication style is focused on the needs of the person communicating, and often disregards the needs of the person being communicated to. This type of communication is often driven by beliefs such as “I'm right and you are wrong”, “I'll get what I want no matter what” and “My needs are more important than yours”.

This communication style is often seen as threatening, bossy or condescending. You might recognise an aggressive communicator as someone who seems close minded, isn't an effective listener, interrupts or speaks over the others, puts others down, or uses threats or attacks to get what they want.

People on the receiving end of aggressive communication often feel defensive, humiliated, hurt, afraid, disrespected, and can resort to fighting back, being resistant or defiant, alienating the aggressor, or becoming compliant but resentful.

Passive communication

A passive communication style is focused on the needs of the other, rather than the needs of the person communicating. This type of communication can be driven by beliefs such as “You are more important than me”, “I shouldn't say what I really think or feel” or “I should just keep the peace”. This communication style is driven by the desire to please others, and avoid conflict.

A passive communicator often acts indifferently or submits to others desires, rather than expressing their thoughts and feelings. You might recognise a passive communicator as someone who struggles to take responsibility for decisions, agrees or does what others want without question, avoids confrontation, speaks softly or apologetically, doesn't express their feelings, speaks indirectly, or doesn't speak up.

People on the receiving end of passive communication often feel frustrated, confused about what the communicator wants, or that they can take advantage of the passive communicator.

Passive-aggressive communication

A passive-aggressive communication style appears passive on the surface, but is also characterised by the communicator acting out their needs in indirect ways. This type of communication is driven by beliefs such as “I can't say what I really think, but I can show you” or “I'll please you, but I will get back at you”.

Passive-aggressive communicators have difficulty acknowledging and expressing their anger, which leads to them feeling stuck, resentful, and unable to directly address their needs or confront conflict. By using ‘behind the scenes' ways to deal with feelings of powerlessness, passive-aggressive communicators often sabotage themselves when they confuse others with their unclear intentions. You might recognise a passive-aggressive communicator as someone whose expressions don't match their emotions (for example, smiles when they are angry), is indirectly aggressive, sarcastic, unreliable, patronising, ‘two-faced', spreads rumours, gives the ‘silent treatment', or mutters to themselves rather than confronting another person.

People on the receiving end of passive-aggressive communication are frequently left feeling confused, angry, hurt, or resentful.

Having a good understanding of these four main communication styles is helpful in allowing you to develop both self awareness, and awareness of others' communication styles. Once you understand your communication style, it is far easier to identify areas for improvement – which can help strengthen relationships, reduce stress from conflict, and get your needs met.

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Well I must say to themselves “I have the ability to decide. “ And once you understand you have the ability to decide. The next thing you must overstand as a adult is the realization whether you will make changes to better yourselves as people. We have a problem with change, and things that are foreign, or new ideals (meaning a standard of perfection; or a principle to be aimed at.) even if that change even is for our betterment. Importance of knowing that the memories of your pass play in our lives like a psychological photo album within your present life. You will find yourself reliving events of trauma within multiple relationships. And through psychotherapy you revisit those critical events in order to better understand the things that are going on in your present life. Those critical events that happened within your life that helped shape or define who you are as a person and the impact those things have on your life. Sometimes it's hard to articulate past traumas so the therapist help you in other ways to help you express how those traumas have impacted your life. So sometimes they use images and simple phrases to help you tell the story and deepen your understanding of how that event impacted your life. But in order for you to truly get a understanding and really heal from the traumas you must be willing to be transparent, open, and truthful with yourself regarding these events and situations that has taken place in your life. And there you will be able to piece together how your past cycles impact your current relationships. You learn to recognize the The behaviors you had his children as a result of those traumas you play out in your adult life. Traumas such as unpredictability, abandonment, and isolation which are very abnormal things are viewed as normal in the lives of people with trauma. You learn to repeat patterns of abuse, neglect, aggression and other things that you witnessed as children. Those things to or abnormal but they have a predictability and can show up in your life just as they did when you were children. You'll begin to recognize them the problem is you were trying to solve his children are the same problems you're trying to solve as adults. For example if you go up never say your father love on your mother and show her value you repeat the pattern, in the same way you treat you're a woman is what your daughter will grow up seem and if she doesn't see her father in a loving relationship with a woman she will repeat the same pattern vice versa for men. If he grows up and he never witnessed his mother loving and respecting his father then he'll grow up seeing the same thing his relationships and his son will repeat the pattern. Who must recognize the patterns of behavior are learned as children. Kids live what they learn and experience. At some point you have to interrupt the pattern and break the cycle in order to heal and be whole. For example a woman constantly tell her husband something shes unhappy with, and he doesn't acknowledge what she's saying. And when she asked for a divorce he acts as if he doesn't know why she would want one. It's because he hasn't acknowledged or validated what she was feeling. And we must recognize that we repeat things when we do feel heard. Recognizing that we all want to be seen, heard, and valued in our relationships is the beginning of healing within them.