DRAGONFLY RADIO

So thankful for our special guest today, Anne Marie Wallace-Phillips.

She is Coordinator Hospice & Grief Support with VON Sakura House Residential Hospice

It’s like riding a roller coaster, some days you are up and some days you are down. We very seldom knows what is beyond the bend, unless of course you rode on this ride before. Plus it is almost like being at an amusement park, your emotions are running high and then all of a sudden you feel lost and overwhelmed, as you look at the long line up at your favorite ride. Yep that would be what dealing with grief might feel like for some, even the overwhelming feeling of puking up your guts! The difference is at the amusement park you know it is going to end, and the line will move forward. When you are going through grief, it never does, and you hit the Roller Coaster Effect, when you least expect it. Maybe you are driving along and that one song comes on, or you are looking for that picture of the kids on the camping trip, and you see the anniversary party. My favorite is when you are watching Grey’s Anatomy and then there is the episode where the loved one is not going to make after all the attempts, and it starts crashing the ride. We try to dry the tears, or make believe that nothing is bothering us. We put the pictures back in the box, change the radio station, or fast forward the PVR. What I do not understand is why? Who cares if the kids think we have lost our mind, or our passengers feel that maybe a new carpool is required, or all of a sudden we have shares in Scotties. At one time or another each and every one of us is going to ride that dreaded Roller Coaster, and it will be the longest ride of their lives, the emotions will go up and down, around and fast and slow, and it will never stop! But after time maybe just maybe the urge to bring up our morning breakfast may not be so overwhelming, and that feeling in the pit of our stomach that makes us light headed will pass quicker. As I said before I am not a grief counsellor or a therapist, but I do know I hate roller coasters. Till next time…. http://dragonflyadvisoryservices.ca/post/roller-coaster-effect/

One thing that is for certain, when you are caring for an ailing family member, palliative care, or long-term illness, finding time for yourself is virtually impossible. Everyone tells us constantly to make time for yourself, do not burden yourself, and ask for help if you need it. YEP we hear it all, but what do we do? We try to do it all alone, because that’s what they would want or we like to tell ourselves that. We know what the right thing to say and do, but we continue on a path of self-destruction and challenge all that get in our way! Right? Next thing we know, we have a bottle of wine on the table and think that will help heal our sorrows lol. It is so important to listen to the advice given by our peers, and look into the days ahead and know that it is okay to take a break. We all have different ways of dealing with stress, some love Yoga, long walks, a good book, or maybe just a girl’s weekend. A guy or gal might like taking a fishing trip, or bike ride off a path somewhere, the point is whatever floats your boat, do it! Take advantage of the services offered in your community if you need, impose on family and friends, just take a breath of fresh air and live a little, because we all know that those days of caring and nurturing will return before we know it. It is hard to ask for help sometimes, maybe we wonder what people will think, if I am out enjoying myself, and my mom or dad, husband or wife is lying there dying and I am thinking of “ME” I can guarantee that the loved one that is there waiting is cheering you on silently and hoping that you are having a well deserved break. WE are the only ones holding ourselves back, no one is judging us, or criticizing what we do. There are great articles in regards to caregiver self-help. It is important to allow our minds and bodies to have stress relief and solitude, to allow our own energies to replenish, before we are lying next to the loved one ourselves.

Please meet Stephanie from Springfield Missouri, she was gracious enough to be part of Sunday Share and share her personal story with "Dragonfly Radio".

She expresses her gratitude with an organization called "Lost and Found" her creativity with grief and loss. There are a few breaks in audio, sorry about that :) Thank you His Mom Strong for sharing your journey.

Check out Stephanie from His Mom Strong www.hismomstrong.com

When do we call it quits?

Have you ever questioned yourself? Wondered if you have had enough? Thought to yourself\r\ncan I take anymore? I think at some point in life, we all have, each and everyone of us have\r\nreached our wits end, thinking enough is enough. I know I have, and I most likely think it at\r\nleast once a week over one issue or another. Life likes to throw us curve balls, and make us\r\nquestion life. Some of us hit the challenge head on while others might put their heads in the\r\nsand hoping it will go away. Is there a right and wrong? If you have a family member or friend\r\nwho is ill, and you know there is no quality of life, to pray that they do not wake up that next\r\nmorning, or have mixed emotions when they do, telling yourself at least I have one more day.\r\nWe struggle with our own inner emotions regularly and allow our bodies to become so stressed\r\nover things that regardless of prayer or care, really are out of our hands and in Gods. For\r\nsome, each day that we get out of bed can be a challenge. If we have lost someone recently or\r\nknow someone we love will soon be leaving this earth, it can be hard to go about our daily\r\nactivities and pretend all is okay. So what about watching the grieving? You know they are in\r\nthe depth of a loss and trying to keep themselves together, but how much can we help? We can\r\nbe compassionate and have empathy, but what are the boundaries and when are we enabling?\r\nIt’s a tough question, and many struggle with it. You want to help, but think maybe I should just\r\nthrow in the towel, I quit ! It is an inner struggle constantly. So find peace in knowing you are\r\nnot alone, take a deep breath, replenish your body and soul in whatever way works for you,\r\nthen push yourself to the limit and do it all over again! The end result will be worth it. Just Don’t Quit.

Read more http://dragonflyadvisoryservices.ca/post/i-quit/

There are some great books today that deal with grief and losing a loved one. One of my favorites is “Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman. There are so many popular books you often wonder where do I start to read? It is said that there are 5 stages of grief. And I have found most books tell us the same.

Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

I am honestly after 10 years trying to get to the acceptance stage. I have a hard time finding peace with what happened, I understand that it did, that the decision was made by a higher source. Nothing that anyone could have said or done could change their deaths, but I do my best every day to TRY and accept what happened. I am at peace knowing that my mom is no longer suffering, seeing demons and shadows, asking “If you just give me a knife, and go I will do it myself”, YES that I am at peace with that. But it takes strength daily to find acceptance and understanding that losing someone is out of our control.

Read more http://dragonflyadvisoryservices.ca/post/the-5-stages-of-grief-will-i-get-acceptance/

As I grow with my new journey with Dragonfly Advisory Services (DAS ), I have had many conversations with individuals who have just lost a loved one. Even though I have felt the same emotions as they have maybe not necessarily on the same scale, “I Get It” and I even sometimes am not sure what to say. The politically correct thing to say obviously is “I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences”. We try so hard to find the comforting words or right statement. For myself right now I most likely never met the person, but if that individual is seeking assistance, I can only imagine how much they loved the deceased. If you lose someone unexpectedly the pain is probably so deep and raw there is no explanation of the emotion. Personally if you are going to offer your condolences, make sure you understand the means of death, you might think that’s nuts, but realistically the emotions involved vary on the means of death. From palliative all the way to murder. There are some wonderful reads on the subject, such as “Things No Grieving Person Wants To Hear, by Scott Simon Books” I am sure that each and every one of us at one time or another stopped at the door to a Funeral Home, and said “I do not know what to say” It Is not easy that’s for sure, but having your presence sometimes means more than the words could. So if you find yourself in a situation, where you have to go to a funeral home, but you are thinking of not going to avoid it, because it is easier, than facing the family and friends , think twice. You should not avoid the uncomfortable situation but educate yourself and know there is one language of grief you may not know about and it is “Silence” that unspoken language is often enough, there may be tears, unrest, but just being there helps with the healing.

Read more http://dragonflyadvisoryservices.ca/post/the-right-thing-to-say/

This week, Joy Wirta discusses karma and what goes around comes around

Links mentioned in this episode:

• Questions? Contact me at http://dragonflyadvisoryservices.ca/

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Questions? Contact me at http://dragonflyadvisoryservices.ca/

Many of us, not all, but I can guarantee some individuals when we are going through the Sunday paper and are checking out the obituaries, to see if anyone we know may have passed away recently. I find that we often ask “How old were they?” like it makes a difference…. Does it? When a loved one dies, does it matter how old they were, do you find that you have more compassion if the individual was younger of age or a child? What about a child lost in the womb, do you think that those parents do not suffer as much as a child lost in later years? If a grandparent dies in their sleep later on in years and had a great life, do you think that the family does not grieve as great? I often hear comments in passing, from associates or just in general and often find myself biting my tongue, honestly! Life sucks regardless when you have lost a family member or close friend, regardless of faith or age. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~ Mark Twain …..I love that quote, and is so true. It is like dating right? . Read more

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