You can thank Dock Street Brewery for this episode.

Linda doesn't love all doggos, or even puppers, but she'll never reveal her breed ranking. We research the origins of the internet's favorite word and realize this podcast is el doggo. Linda can't find Youtube and tells us to write like pubescent children if we want people to actually read anything. Lastly, your emails are ruining your life. Or at the very least, your credibility. BUT WE HAVE TIPS!

We squeeze in a few more end-of-2017 lists because how can we resist the best sentences and most popular dog names of the year? Also, we reveal the trendiest baby name in U.S. history; you won't believe it. If you're planning to become friends with Morgan, keep your family tree handy. She requires it for all new friends. One of Morgan's many secret Facebook groups enjoyed a holiday thread about the words and phrases family members just can't get right. Let's all make fun of our parents!

IT'S CHRISTMAS! We know you woke up early and gathered your family to listen to this episode. Big news: The name Aryan catapulted to #32 for baby boys in 2017. Happy birthday, Jesus. Everything is terrible. By the way, the most popular girl name was like Ava but longer, and the #1 boy name took Morgan by surprise (hint: Jake Gyllenhaal's dog). We also review Dante's nine circles of hell for grammar nerds. Worth noting: Linda is a Trekkie, and Morgan once yelled at a guy for calling her a “doppelganger” because she didn't know what it meant.

Brian is ruining the podcast and Morgan is in a German immersion program. We throw out our best guesses for “Word of the Year” and reflect on how naive we were just a year ago. The Economist asks, “r the kidz ruining writing?” (no) and have no fear, the NSA is verrrrry busy with important grammar issues so our country is totally safe from any kind of threat.

Linda helps a listener out by distinguishing formal job titles from stupid job titles. Morgan moonlights as a Dr., but not in the Jill Biden way and we finally find out, “What is Coco thinking???” After a deep dive into Twitter exclamation points we talk about the latest hot jam, ‘Take a Knee, My Ass (I'm Racist)'. Lastly, um, uh, huh? Byeeeeee!

It's holiday card season, and that means one thing: We find out that all our friends and family members don't know how to write their own names. NO APOSTROPHES. There is no such thing as a lawyer dog, but for some reason, police officers thought that's what a man was requesting when he said, “Get me a lawyer, dog.” Guess who the judge sided with? We love BuzzFeed's Quibbles & Bits newsletter, and you will too. The most recent email delves into mental health terms we should eliminate from our writing (and everyday conversations). Also, Pittsburgh scares children with a creepy rendition of Noah's Ark. Neat episode!

We record on Friday the 13th and things get spooky, so don't clip your nails! We take a long, disturbing look at what Facebook considers hate speech while taking even longer looks at celeb butts on Instagram. We also learn that you could read thousands of books if you stopped being an online troll and that Brian was once literally white bread. Lastly, Morgan doesn't help nerds and Linda collects her junk mail. Cool!