DTLC Radio

The skill of communication and effectively resolving conflicts - in marriage, business, or any relationship - is paramount to successful living. From the beginning, communication has been presented as THE component in healthy relationships. God first communicated to us - condescending and transcending Himself into our world - illustrating the critical nature of communication. He did so both generally and specifically, that we might know Him and be known by Him. This is also the goal of every relationship we have - in varying degrees - especially in marriage.

The Wisdom of Paul

In the Apostle Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus, he gives us an outline for effective communication. It is important to realize that communication skills can be learned  if one desires them. These skills are to be cultivated, practiced, and exercised. Interestingly enough, God has instituted marriage for precisely this reason, that we might develop holiness.

Paul instructs us, under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, on four rules for biblical (i.e. Christian) communication. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing our personal responsibility in developing these skills. In Ephesians 4:22-24, Paul makes it clear that although we have been supernaturally regenerated through our faith in Christ, it remains our responsibility to "put off" our old way of living and "put on" Christian character. This is the process of sanctification and growing in holy living. (See the series of podcasts on this subject - Episodes #50-#55)

4 Rules of Communication & Conflict Resolution

First Rule - Be Honest

Second Rule - Keep Current

Third Rule - Attack the Problem, Not the Person

Fourth Rule - Be Proactive, Not Reactive

Walking through Ephesians 4:17-32, we can see how God expects us to treat one another and communicate effectively. By taking responsibility for ourselves and replacing old habits with new, we effectively transform our lives into the ones originally designed for us. Being honest, speaking truth in love, resolving conflict quickly, focusing on solutions, and being proactive is not necessarily easy. But it is worth every effort we make. Why? Because (a) it draws us closer to each other and (b) makes us more like Jesus.

The difference between contentment and satisfaction is one of perspective. Contentment is a state of your spirit. Contentment is about conviction and knowing - with assurance - who you are, whose you are, and your purpose in life. It's an issue of knowing you have what you need Philippians 4:11-12) . Remember how our Lord taught us to pray? Our Father...give us this day our daily bread... (Matthew 6:9-13). Contentment is rooted in belonging to the Lord by faith - justification.

Satisfaction, on the other hand, is a state of mind. Again, it's a difference in perspective. I can be content in knowing my needs are met and I stand justified before God through faith in Christ. At the same time I can be completely dissatisfied with where I am in my character development. I am not yet where or who I want to be. My desire is to be different than I am presently. I want to be somewhere more certain and secure than where I am. This is more closely related to sanctification - becoming who I want to be - and having a longing for my true home - heaven!

Just Passing Through

The Apostle Peter tells us that we are not of this world - something Jesus also told us - we are just passing though. Our home and citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20). Having a heavenly mindset helps us to remember that this life is preparing us for the next. What we experience here serves to mold us in Christ's image as well as witness to others of God's grace and goodness. In fact, nearly everything you experience fits in one or both of these categories.

Knowing in my heart and spirit that I am secure in Christ frees me to pursue His calling on my life. In other words, being content in Him allows me to be dissatisfied and thus strive to be more. I'm not seeking material gains but spiritual ones. This is not about adding to my bank account but to my heavenly treasure. I'm not trying to satisfy my wants but I want the satisfaction of being all I'm called to be. Do you understand?

In this episode of DTLC Radio we break this down a bit more. At times it may be a bit confusing so, if you want to discuss it more, please contact me.

 

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References

Matthew 6:9-13

Matthew 6:25-34

Philippians 3:20

Philippians 4:11-12

1 Timothy 6:6-12

James 1:17

Related Articles

Resolved: To Be Completely Content and Dissatisfied

A. W. Tozer once wrote, "What comes to mind when we think about God is the most important thing about us." Your concept of God - and its consistency with the Bible's revelation of Him - affects every aspect of your life. In turn, who you believe and understand Jesus to be affects you in the same way, and more so.

The Message of Christmas in July

Christmas in July is not an uncommon "celebration" in our culture. Sales abound this time of year using the phrase and drawing us into stores to make purchases. But do we ever really consider the implication of the statement, Christmas in July? Do we find ourselves having an easier time of focusing on Christ with fewer distractions we typically encounter in December? Or, are we equally focused on a different set of distractions?

Whether we're talking about Christmas at "Christmas time" in December or the middle of July, the  central message is the same. The baby born in the manger - the same who grew to a man crucified on Calvary - is God in the flesh! Jesus is God. He is the "Word become flesh." He is better than the prophets and higher than the angels. He is the fullness of deity dwelling in bodily form - the perfect and exact image of God. Why does this matter?

It matters because your understanding of this reality in your own life impacts it at every level. In fact, the indwelling of the Holy Spirit "feeds" on this reality and provides you the power to overcome sin and temptation in this life. In short, your correct understanding and acceptance of who God is in Jesus is the foundation upon which you can build the life God desires for you.

Hebrews 1:1-4

One of the most powerful descriptions of Jesus is found in the Book of Hebrews in the New Testament. Spending time thinking deeply about this passage and studying its implications will have a profound influence on your life. In this episode, I share a message I delivered on this passage with the hope that it will challenge you to deepen your understanding of who Jesus is. Not just in a general sense, but who He is to you....and for you! What you believe about Jesus has eternal, as well as immediate, consequences for your life.

Grab your Bible, a pen and paper, and begin digging into the reality of the incarnation - God in the flesh - Jesus Christ!

 

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Related Articles:

What you believe about God affects what you believe about yourself

The sufficiency of Scripture - that the Bible is the very Word of God and able to accomplish all He desires in and through your life - is a lost truth in many pulpits. After reading an article by Barry Thornton on the ills of the "Emergent church", published by The Christian Restoration Association and available here, I felt provoked to respond. I was not provoked in a negative way but in full agreement with the content of Mr. Thornton's article. I agree that the Bible needs to be brought back - and in the most prominent way possible - to the pulpit. More than that, it needs to be the very basis for your and my life as a Christian!

The Truth Hidden

The premise of the article is that the Truth of God's Word is being intentionally hidden in many of the Church's pulpits. Falling into the trap of post-modernistic thinking and logic, the argument is that the church needs to "emerge" or "evolve" with culture instead of against it. The argument typically goes that the church needs to reflect the culture and be more like it in order to reach it. Never mind that this is completely contrary to the call to "...be holy as I am holy..." (1 Peter 1:16), given by God and meaning to be separated and dedicated to Him in obedience.

The results are churches that lack any degree of distinctiveness from the culture we're called to reach. Now, this could get deep into the recent arguments for the "social gospel" and other destructionism, critical race theory, and social justice movements within the Body of Christ, but I'd rather not go there. At least not yet. Suffice it to say that Christ did not call us to change the culture but to make disciples.

The trend toward postmodern and "culturally relevant" preaching has all but eliminated the Bible and God's Word from preaching and teaching in America's churches. Biblical illiteracy and ignorance is deeper and broader than at any time since the first century. The result is, unfortunately, many false conversions and people claiming to be Christian who have never been saved (see Matthew 7:13-27).

Potential Realized

Here at DTLC our motto or slogan is Potential to Transform.  This based on the truth that every believer has the potential to transform his or her life by understanding and obedience to God's Word and His will for your life. It's not a complicated secret but it is only found in the pages of the Bible.

In response to Mr. Thornton's article, I felt prompted to deliver a sermon here in Phoenix on Psalm 19. Just fourteen short verses that declare the sufficiency and intent of God's written word. I have decided to share it with my listeners and hope that it will be eye opening and challenging to your spirit. God has spoken...and we had better hear!

SAY WHAT?! What do you mean, "happiness is the worst value you can have"?

Nothing Happy About Happiness

You read that right. There is nothing happy about happiness...as a priority in your life. And yes, happiness is the worst value you can have. Why? Because happiness is a result and entirely circumstantial. True, happiness might result from experiencing good things. But what about those times when you experience bad things? Are you happy then? Typically not. And therein lies the problem.

Happiness is - more often than not - dependent on "happy" circumstances and situations. So, when we experience difficult times we tend to be unhappy. However, happiness being a "result" also means it is the outcome of being rooted in joy. It's also a consequence of recognizing challenging times as opportunities to develop character. Character specifically that develops joy and contentment perspectives regardless of our circumstances.

Your Marriage Is Not For Making You Happy

The primary relationship in which we see this ill-conceived priority is marriage. Making happiness the goal of your marriage - or making happiness a priority, period - can only lead to frustration and heartache. When problems arise in your marriage (and they will) and you see them as "interfering with your happiness," you're in real trouble. Problems that interfere with your happiness will inevitably lead to conclusions that "something is wrong." This may not be the case. In fact, something may be very right!

Scripture tells us in James 1:2-5 that we should be joyful about the challenges we face because they serve to develop our character and mature our faith. We become "complete, not lacking anything" by means of working through these issues. When you set happiness as the priority, any interference becomes suspect of incompatibility and many thus refuse to solve the problems and simply leave the relationship. We fail to see that we may have been brought to these challenges, problems, or issues by Divine Providence in order to grow and mature. God is always most interested in "conforming you to the image of Christ" (Romans 8:29). Sanctification is the primary goal in your marriage...to make each other holy (Ephesians 5:22-33) resulting in happiness.

Remember those "old school" equalizers that were key components of home stereo systems? Recall how you would adjust each individual frequency just right to achieve the optimum in listening enjoyment? I miss my old Mitsubishi rack with 15" woofer cabinets, EQ, automatic 8-cassette tape changer, turntable, tuner, and CD-player. My freshman year at Ball State University (1986), that stereo won the award for "Loudest Stereo in the Dorm"! Man, that thing could rock!

Fine Tuning

One of the components that made that system stand out was the EQ...the equalizer. It had adjustments for ten or twelve different frequencies on each channel, left and right. You could fine tune that system to get the music just right. The more time I spent learning and listening, the better I got at hearing every little nuance in each frequency. I took pride in having friends comment, "You're able to get that sound just right." There are adjustments you can make with your personal EQ to accomplish similar results.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence - sometimes called the Emotional Quotient (EQ) - is your ability to appropriately and successfully understand, manage, and express your feelings. It includes competencies such as self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and  relationship management. "Good" bosses will likely have a high EQ. The quality of your relationship with your spouse and children will reflect your own level of EQ.

The key aspect of EQ is self-awareness combined with self-control. Remember, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and a necessary result of growing in faith. This require self-evaluation and taking time to "know yourself". Although emotional intelligence addresses emotions, its focus is primarily your response to those emotions. In this episode we discuss EQ and the skills you can learn to improve in these areas.

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The following episode was referenced in this episode:

Freedom In Setting Boundaries - Episode 056

Boundaries are all about self-control. A fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). They allow you to take ownership, be responsible, and experience the freedom of living the life God has prepared for you. In fact, boundaries were originally God's idea and He expects us to set them clearly in our lives. When you fail to set boundaries in your relationships, you risk the break down of that relationship. The truth is, your relationships - especially your marriage - cannot develop or grow beyond your ability to set boundaries.

Boundaries As Ownership & Responsibility

A boundary is simply a personal property line. It marks where one thing ends and another begins; whether we're talking about actual property or personal property. Property lines are essential for being and having good neighbors. Why? Because they establish ownership: who owns what. In relationships, boundaries define who "owns" things such as feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. This is critical because - as I have repeatedly preached - you only have 100% control over your personal attitude and actions. Others cannot own your attitude or change it, unless and until you choose. By establishing ownership we can see who a particular problem belongs to, and to whom it does not.

This is also crucial to clarifying responsibility: who is responsible for what. When we know who owns something, we also know who must take responsibility for it. This should eliminate the casting of blame. Why? Because determining and accepting ownership and responsibility takes the power for changing out of other's hands and places it in my own. Taking responsibility provides the opportunity for change, and with that comes empowerment. When we see that the problem is our problem and that we are responsible for it, we are then empowered to make a change. We can choose a different attitude and a different action. We are no longer "held captive" by someone else's control or determination.

In this sixth episode of our series on pursuing personal holiness, we discuss the role of personal discipline. We understand and accept the personal responsibility that comes from our desire to get in shape physically. Likewise, we must embrace our responsibility in growing in holiness. This simply means we are accountable for developing our own personal holiness - growing in spiritual maturity - we play a role in conforming ourselves to the image of Christ.

We Learn To Be Holy

Becoming holy as God is holy (1 Peter 1:16) is something we learn and we train ourselves to become holy by self-discipline (1 Timothy 4:7). This means it is a process, there are ebbs and flows, and we have good days and bad days. Sometimes we are successful and other times we fail. The important aspect is the intention of our heart and the determination of our will. Will we submit our wills to the will of God?

The basis for our success in this pursuit is the Word of God, the Bible. Second Timothy 3:16 tells us that God's Word is the tool by which we train ourselves in righteousness, holiness, and godliness. Through the pages of Scripture we are taught to put off the old self and put on the new (Ephesians 4:22-24). We learn through training and we train by means of personal discipline.

You Have To Want It

God has made it clear that once He has established us in a new position and kingdom by way of grace through faith (Ephesians 2:1-10), we share responsibility for growing in spiritual maturity (Philippians 2:12). In our previous episode, we discussed how holiness is basically an issue of obeying Christ's commands. In fact, James tells us that apart from a demonstration of active obedience, our faith is null and void and will not save us (James 2:14-26). If you desire to be obedient, it becomes a matter of becoming disciplined to be obedient. You train yourself and "work out your salvation" to produce fruit consistent with repentance and salvation.

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Previous Episodes In This Series

Pursuit of Lifetime

God's Holiness

Personal Holiness Is Not Optional

Three Things To Remember

Personal Holiness Equals Obedience

For far too long, in our pursuit to ensure that people understand salvation is by grace through faith, we have neglected teaching Christians to obey.

18 And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (emphasis added)

Obedience Not Victory

We are too often looking to be "victorious" over our sin instead of recognizing our call to obedience. God has placed the responsibility of living a holy life squarely on our shoulders. Yes, He gives us the power to overcome but the actual overcoming is something we must do. Keswick theology - better known as "let go and let God" - is not biblically sound. There is still something we must be doing in working out our own salvation by fear and trembling ((Philippians 2:12).

Using words like "victory" and "defeat" to describe overcoming temptation and sin leads us down a path to conclude sin is greater than me. On the other hand, using "obedience" and "disobedience" to describe sin in our life places the responsibility squarely on my choices. I choose to obey...or I don't! I am obedient...or I'm not! Holiness is obedience while disobedience is sin. Pretty simple. To be "defeated" by my sin lets me out from under my responsibility. It's as though something outside of me has defeated me. Not true. Sin is inside of you and tied to your flesh.

Power to Choose

What God has done for us in giving us the indwelling of the Holy Spirit is not Someone who does the work for us. Instead, He provides the power that gives us the ability to obey and thereby overcome temptation and sin. It is very important that we realize that sin is a choice, an action. And that action is the byproduct of our thinking. James tells us, "...each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren." (James 1:14-16). Lust is another way of saying thoughts or attitudes. it's your attitudes and thoughts that lead to actions. Sin is born when thoughts make the decision to disobey.

Here's the key: YOU HAVE ABSOLUTE 100% CONTROL OVER BOTH YOUR ATTITUDE AND YOUR ACTIONS!

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Previous Episodes in This Series

The Pursuit of a Lifetime - Episode 50

Personal Holiness is Rooted in the Holiness of God - Episode 51

Personal Holiness is Not Optional - Episode 52

Three Things To Remember In Your Pursuit of Happiness - Episode 53

Three Things to Remember

In your pursuit of personal holiness, remembering these three things will help you stay focused and overcome setbacks. Perspective is everything! How you see yourself, the world, and your relationship to God affects and effects every aspect of your life. This is true relative to your pursuit for personal holiness as well. You will discover - if you have not already - that the path of holiness is difficult and challenging. Don't give up or fall back to your old ways of doing things. Stay focused on your objective and the motivations behind it.

Remember Christ's Perfect Life

The holiness of Christ is what makes Him a viable sacrifice on your behalf. The fact that Jesus lived a perfect life, which means He kept all aspects of the Law, is what validates Him as a perfect substitute. When we accept His life as lived on our behalf, and believe in His death, burial, and resurrection as part of it, we are justified before God. Through repentance and faith in Christ and His life we are re-positioned in our relationship with God.

Christ's holiness is equivalent to His righteousness - a righteousness that is imputed to us - granting us a change in position. God made Jesus who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God - 2 Corinthians 5:21

Remember You Have Switched Kingdoms

Through the holiness of Christ and your confession/reception of that truth, you have been re-positioned. Quite literally, you have been moved out of one kingdom and into another. You have left the kingdom of darkness and sin's domination and entered the Kingdom of God, of Light, and Grace. No longer do you serve the evil master but the Great Master. You are no longer a slave to sin but a slave to Christ - a slave that has been granted the privilege of being called Brother and Son or Daughter and Sister. What a gift!

Remember You Are In A Battle

The fight is real. The battle is legit. It's a real fight and requires effort, intestinal fortitude, and gumption and grit. You will be challenged and targeted...every single day. But you have the power and authority within you through the Holy Spirit to overcome and win the fight. Everyone must fight the good fight. Even the great Apostle Paul had this experience, one he shares in Romans 7.

This episode of DTLC Radio continues our discussion of pursuing personal holiness and its importance to your success.

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Other Episodes In This Series

The Pursuit of a Lifetime - Episode 50

Personal Holiness is Rooted in the Holiness of God - Episode 51

Personal Holiness is Not Optional - Episode 52