Dunce (Dunce) Revolution

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Iced coffees at interviews, Ed Sheeran canceled, Macklemore comeback tour, KN95 lesbian bar, sports teams with the word "Hawk," and Super vs. Artificial.

Phew! Fed the Al Gore Rhythm so now people will know we are making some trenchant observations.

Anyway, Wolverine's mediocre but Onimusha is good, and in a topsy-turvy world where Capcom is on a heater and Sony is trying to convince us the words purchase and buy no longer mean ownership (if you're a "reasonable" consumer) maybe that can be enough. (Narrator: It turned out not be enough.)

Oh, and the new Silent Hill is fun in that "man, what a wacky place Europe must have been" kind of way. I mean, buying your electricity on a little plastic money card and going into the cupboard under the stairs to fund your energy? Blew my mind (literally a puzzle in the first hour and I think a higher difficulty if you're an unworldly slob like me). And if you cannot stomach horror-horror, Elderfield has you covered with cozy-horror.

Games we discuss include:

• Onimusha: Way of the Sword
• Marvel's Wolverine
• Welcome to Elderfield
• Silent Hill: Townfall
• Fire Emblem: Fortune's Weave (but only briefly, since Porter said we had to wait.)

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Perhaps the greatest challenge is managing to get four adults with distinct schedules to repeatedly chunk out three hours of time for multiple nights across two weeks to play a co-op video game about walking and talking through puzzles, but dang if it weren't worth the hassle.

Really, though, all you have to say is "C'mon and join our Convoy. Ain't she a beautiful sight?"

So yeah, Big Walk is pretty great, if you have the base resources in place from your social links.

Also, Porter played Creature Kitchen and found it to be very charming, and the Steam reviews would agree with that assessment wholeheartedly.

And in an even bigger twist, Buzz finally played GTA V and realized it's really good. Everyone else remains unfazed as they already knew this.

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It takes a big man to admit when you're wrong, but unfortunately, I'm trying to reduce.

No, but in all seriousness, in the scant few days since we recorded and are now posting this episode much of the optimization and framerate issues have been addressed in Fields of Mistria, meaning that Buzz would in fact fully recommend you check it out.

With that out of the way, we also do some griping about Splatoon Raiders sort of petering out in its own post game, share our excitement for the next release in the Trails in the Sky series, and stand just gobsmacked at the bizarre decision to not include any online multiplayer in the latest iteration of Halo: Campaign Evolved (seriously, no multiplayer...in a Halo game?).

Ah well, time to go check and see if that leek guy posted anymore GTA footage.

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There was once a quote about how "a house divided cannot stand," and I am not going to look up the exact quote because I am extremely lazy and it helps show that this isn't eh-aye content generated churn - you know one of those clankers would have bothered to look up the quote and attribute it to Honest Abe. (Maybe I should look it up after all, I know one of them guys said something about not being able to tell a lie... but that was definitely about a cherry tree as the mythos goes and I know for a fact that is wooden teeth Washington (I know it was actually dead peoples' teeth and not wood), but then again Abe is also supposedly known for his honesty so...)

As the younger generation says, I am yapping. Because we are ourselves divided on Splatoon Raiders - a good single player time but perhaps it could use the multiplayer elements that put the series on the map after all? If you'll indulge someone who keeps buying Nintendo games at launch, it does feel like they haven't had the gall to do anything experimental lately. I mean Raiders is technically competent, but if you slotted it in as the single player campaign in any other Splatoon game I probably wouldn't have noticed the substitution.

Oh, and we played some visual novels by Type-Moon and Porter says the Avatar Legends the Fighting Game is hard to get behind and weirdly quiet. What is it with Nickelodeon games and having no soundbites from the shows themselves?

At least Fire Emblem is gonna let me play through all the routes in one go this time.

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It's a pretty good week in terms of wasting hard-earned yet specious currency on a digital medium that a whole lot of techno-bourgeoisie would like to be purely digital (how typical!).

Personalism [10] FAILURE

- [ That joke you made that was meant to make you seem cool and aloof about spending your wages on video games definitely landed...

Cold Read [8] SUCCESS

- [ It's not too late to save this train wreck. Say something salient and positive about how good recent releases have been.

1. "Wow, Granblue Fantasy: Relink is a game I wish I had tried earlier and I am super pumped to explore the multiplayer and new DLC!"
2. "ZERO PARADES: For Dead Spies was the cerebral and deep narrative experience I have been craving this year!"
3. SHADOWPLAY [12] "Echoes of Aincrad is definitely *not* a sad excuse for a video game that deserved better." ^EXERT
4. "Screamer is an exciting entry into the visual novel genre that manages to bring the thrill of racing games along for the ride!"

SHADOWPLAY [Rolled: 3, 5, 3] FAILURE

"Yeah, so Echoes of Aincrad is good for about 30 minutes in the demo portion, kind of goes nowhere after that. Video games!"

Instincts [5] SUCCESS

- [ Switch hobbies. Immediately. This one is over for you.

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I mean, surely you've heard the news.

We're not going to sit here and tell you something bombastic like, "It's the death of video games!" or anything like that. It's honestly just one console manufacturer feeling a little bold and trying to see what they can get away with.

Granted, it sure does feel anti-consumer and another instance of the proverbial needle moving towards having less to show for your money, but hey, it's 2026 (current year argument), so what else is new?

Beyond the current news griping, we also complain about Star Fox - a good looking game that, if using the self-proclaimed Nintendo metric of pricing games based on their worth, could probably stand to retail for just a bit cheaper.

Also, we try to convince Porter to finally play BG3...by talking about BG1. It kind of works.

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"Why must everything be so nutso-buttso expensive!" is the question on our minds as we post this episode. The Steam Machine turned out to be a bit pricier than most people hoped, GTA6 is launching at 80 dollars - Thanks Mario Kart! - or a whole benjamin if you want access to all the in-game stores and accessories, and now Rockstar Games is asking us all to preorder but your physical orders will just be a code in a box!

Despite this, we can't help but be a little excited at the game commercials we were treated with during the various Totally Not E3 Summer Games Fest/State of Play/Hexbox Showcase/Nintendo Direct/maybe some indie things. Listen, September is looking STACKED and even if it would be physically impossible to play everything coming out you know suckers like us will still fork over the cash.

Wow, all we do is talk about money when the best things in life are free. The Adventures of Elliot: The Millenium Tales is 59.99 dollars American MSRP.

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May is apparently chock full of goodness as we discuss three titles that totally impressed us:

•  Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight
•  Forza Horizon 6 
•  007 First Light 

Seriously, this might be our most positive episode ever. It's almost as if we actually like to play video games and get some kind of enjoyment from the hobby...despite what our previous 89 episodes would have you believe.

Granted, the whole calendar seems to fall off the face of the earth around the currently scheduled GTA launch in November (third delay is the charm?), but at least we have these May flowers.

Plus, maybe the rest of the year will fill in after Sony shows whatever it's planning at that big State of Play that will also be in select theaters for reasons yet unknown (the unrealistic part of me is hoping they decide to unveil a handheld console. Things were better in general when handheld consoles existed).

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We go on a real rambler this episode. I mean some all time tangents.

But Porter, who always has his finger on the pulse (I really had to resist making that into a stupid joke) saw not only went to the theater and saw that new Mortal Kombat film, the one with the guy from The Boys, but also has played Mixtape and declares it a premature GOTY.

Buzz played a game about evolving an animal that is decidedly not just a crab.

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We're talking about Saros, that action shooter rogue-light developed for the PS5 by Housemarque and published by Sony Interactive Entertainment (and who says "the PlayStation has no games"?) We really dig the combat and the zippy pace of the gameplay loop, but hotdog are those some rough looking facial animations.

So, overall It's pretty good, but perhaps only the appetizer, the amuse-bouche if you will, for even more exciting things to come out this month.

"It's gotta be a strange twist of fate
Telling me that Heaven can wait
Telling me to get it right this time
Life doesn't mean a thing
Without the love you bring
Love is what we've found
The second time around"

(And I ain't referencing the Olivia Newton-John version...Not because she's not great or anything, but if you know who covers this and you listened to the first 15 minutes of this episode... well, then you know too much!)