Effectiveness

Most of what you do in your life is your routine.  Brushing your teeth, watching television, eating dinner.

Anything that repeats, is disproportionately important in your life.  If it repeats every work day, such as a commute or breakfast, it's massively important.

A simple first step to improving your life is to make these routines better - a shorter commute, a healthier breakfast, some time before school to hug and enjoy your children.  Over time the repetition will make the effect of these improvements massive.

You've tried resolution, win-win, and diplomacy.  You've tried avoiding the conflict, and exiting the situation.  Nothing has worked.

The person you have conflict does not want resolution, and does not want the conflict to end.  They either enjoy subjecting you to the conflict, or want you to give them something you don't owe them just to stop the pressure.

There's no relationship left to protect.  You don't want a person like this in your life.

All that's left is the conflict - do you give in, knowing that you will be giving in again soon, because they will know that they can pressure you for more?  Do you endure this unpleasant conflict forever?

The problem is the conflict.  To end it, and ensure this person doesn't do this again, you must make the conflict so unpleasant for them that they will not do it again.  You must go at them in the nastiest ways that you can, and you must continue after they have asked for resolution or an end to conflict.

In other words, mirror them.  Be even worse than them.  And do it until they cannot bear it any longer.  This way, they will not start conflict with you again.

We're emotional beings, but most communication we experience is rational.  Rational communication fails to connect with the emotional side of us, and fails to convince and reassure us.

When a friend, co-worker, or person you love is communicating with you, have both conversations:  The rational one in which you respond to their concerns, and the emotional one in which you acknowledge their fear, loneliness, and uncertainty.

The emotional conversation is the one they need more.

Some decisions are urgent.  You must get out of the way of a truck, or die.

You are taking all other decisions too quickly.  You probably aren't even giving the decisions enough rational thought; but you're definitely not giving yourself time to check your emotional feedback, and you haven't discussed the decision with the people in your life who will be affected by it.

Take at least one night.  Better yet, take until you are ready.  Decisions that are made slower, if there is no deadline, are most often better decisions.

Someone has done you wrong.  Defend yourself, and make what changes need to be made to prevent it from happening again.

Then, let it go.  Put it from your mind.  Forgive, or not - but stop paying the person, and their actions, attention.

Your resentment is hurting you, not them.  It's costing you attention and happiness.

However you can do it, move your focus somewhere else.  And move your focus away as many times as you need, until your resentment fades.

You're listening to this podcast, so you want to explore more possibilities in this time of abundance.  How can you store all the tasks, notes, and appointments you make in your limited brain?

Like a car externalizes transportation and your cell phone extends the reach of your voice, a to-do list, a calendar, and a list of goals externalize your mind and allow you to remember more.

Even better:  When you put your todo list and calendar in a trusted place, you can focus on this moment now with all your attention.  Your pets, children, friends, and loved ones will enjoy your complete attention.

From time to time we get overwhelmed.  It's a combination of our wanting to do more, and life being unpredictable.  Sometimes, it's life being more than we can handle.

We shut down. We try to make sense, internally, of the chaos and fear.

While we are sorting ourselves out, what do you do to keep your life moving?  You do... anything.  Don't pick a task.  Don't think.  Just do...  something.

When should you ask for what you want?  Always!

If you're not asking for what you want, there might be some reasons, and some ways that you can learn to start asking.

Only one can be the best, and it most likely won't be you - and the investment of effort into being the best is too large.

Instead set your sights lower.  Second best is still great!  And it will take less effort, which you can put into reaching other goals.

There's more happiness in being good at several things than the best at one.

Pain is inevitable in life.  Some pain, like a fire, you must avoid.  Some, like physical exercise, you must seek out (in moderation, under the supervision of a doctor).

Emotional pain is inevitable.  It comes during and at the end of almost every relationship we have.

Trying to avoid it can only be done by limiting our relationships.  Since you want those relationships, you want the pain.

The best way you can handle it is to accept that you are going to hurt, and you are going to have to endure it.  Face the pain.  Spend the day, week, or month in emotional agony.  But know that the pain will pass, and your life will find new balance.