Navigating relationships is never easy, but if you throw some perfectionism in the mix?

Maybe a dash of people pleasing?

Plus a little conflict avoidance on the side?

Well, now you’re talking about a bit of a minefield.

Today’s guest, Certified Sex and Relationship Therapist Caitlin Cantor, is here to help us show up messily, imperfectly, and even badly in relationships, avoid overcontrolling, and have the hard conversations we would so desperately rather sidestep.

Get ready to feel safe and seen, learn how to get your needs met, grow together with your partner, and have a satisfyingly sexy sex life.

Where do I sign up? 🙋‍♀️

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “The skills that work well for you in a lot of areas of your life are different than the ones you need for relationships." — Caitlin Cantor “It’s a partnership, not a twinship, which means two different people coming together." — Caitlin Cantor “Perfectionism is a manifestation of shame." — Caitlin Cantor “If we can’t allow ourselves to be good enough, it makes sense that we’re not going to allow someone else to be good enough." — Caitlin Cantor WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• How to have hard conversations, especially as a recovering perfectionist

• Why control sets us up for disappointment

• How we self-sabotage by “testing” our partners

• Why it’s essential to create meetable expectations and needs in relationships

• Getting to know our shame voice

LINKS

Caitlin’s Couch on the web

Caitlin’s Couch on Instagram

Catlin’s Modern Sex blog on Psychology Today

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

You know that feeling.

The one where nothing is working, no matter what you try — or how hard.

Nothing helps.

Nothing shifts.

Nothing makes it any easier, makes you feel any better.

You feel hopeless.

Helpless

Anxious

Scared

And you don’t know what the hell to do about it.

Before you scream or tear your hair out (Well, scream if you need to.), let’s take half an hour to ride the waves together.

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “Maybe there isn’t an answer." — Ashley “There is no perfect answer. There’s only our imperfect best response." — Jenna “Awareness is about expansion." — Ashley “The fact that no one moment will last forever is the one piece of comfort that we can hold onto." — Jenna WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• All about that feeling when nothing is working

• When we’re most likely to feel that nothing is helping

• Our go-to strategies when all else fails

• How to deal when you just can’t

• Bringing awareness to our hopelessness and helplessness

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

When you hear people talking about “healing,” what comes to mind?

Trying ayahuasca on a wild South America adventure?

Sitting on a cushion at a silent retreat?

According to today’s guest, Love Healing Coach Shyma Jundi, it’s neither of those things but rather a daily practice of harnessing the power of anger, releasing trauma, and learning to see triggers as feedback.

If you want to know what kind of healing is possible in your life, i.e. probably not some magical blank slate, then join us for this illuminating — and empowering — conversation.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• The true meaning of healing and what it really looks like (Hint: It’s not a blank slate.)

• Harnessing the power — and the upsides — of anger

• Supercharging healing through self-love and self-compassion

• How to release the trauma of past pain (if not the memory of it)

• Seeing triggers as feedback and indicators for future happiness

LINKS

Shyma Jundi on the web

Shyma Jundi on Instagram

Shyma’s free meditation

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

The two most cringeworthy sentences in the English language for a perfectionist and people pleaser?

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“I need to give you feedback on something.”

Eeek! No!

*Screams internally* 😱

If the idea of receiving criticism makes you want to run for the hills, then welcome. You’re in good company.

Criticism is truly a recovering perfectionist nightmare — and also, an unavoidable part of life.

So, pull up a chair, pop in your earbuds, and join us for our best strategies on how to manage criticism — and grow from it.

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “Critique has the most mileage for growth." — Jenna “Honest, loving feedback is a way to learn, grow, and evolve." — Ashley “Don’t let it effing stop you." — Ashley WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• The relationship between accepting compliments and accepting criticism

• How critique can supercharge growth even more than compliments

• Why feedback and criticism carry so much more weight when they are attached to a metric

• Why it’s important to consider the source of your feedback

• How to manage perfectionism when it comes to getting negative feedback

LINKS

Insight Timer

Brene Brown

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

As perfectionists and people pleasers, it’s so easy for us to start shoulding all over ourselves without even realizing it.

We find ourselves focusing on everyone else’s needs but our own, escaping into conflict avoidance, and desperately trying to maintain control over our lives and the lives of those around us.

Our guest this week, Kristi Coughlin, is here to share how she has created her life and business to be the starting point of a ripple effect of happiness, beginning by prioritizing her own.

What could be better than that?!

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “I choose to be happy, and no one else can control that for me, so I can’t control it for anyone else." — Kristi Coughlin “If I focus on my own happiness, then that is the starting point of a ripple effect to other people so that they can be happy as well." — Kristi Coughlin WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• How positivity and creativity can be born out of grief

• Social media as a conflict avoidance tool

• Self-reflection as an antidote to perfectionism

• Motivation versus motihation and body wisdom as guides to our intuition

• Learning to choose our own happiness despite people pleasing

LINKS

Manifest with Ash

Effect Positivity

Effect Positivity on Instagram

Effect Positivity on Facebook

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

In today’s episode, we pull back the curtain on our quirks and our perfectionism by going completely unscripted and asking each other anything.

No question is too profound, too silly, or too off-limits.

Does Ashley overshare about her most recent Costco run?

Yes.

Does Jenna go deep on her biggest life lesson?

Also yes.

We hope you’ll play along and answer the questions with us — and then share your responses on Instagram, in our inbox, wherever you like.

We can’t wait to learn all the deets about you!

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• What it means to us to be ridiculously human

• The before and after of Jenna’s biggest life lesson

• An outcome of Ashley’s work with a client that she didn’t expect

• How we are most often misunderstood

• What we don’t know about each other

• What our billboards — or neon signs — would say

LINKS

19 Podcast Interview Questions to Use + 5 Steps to Come Up With Yours

The Ridiculously Human Podcast

Manifest with Ash

American Slacker Podcast

Desus and Mero

[email protected]

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

One of our go-to daily tools for connecting with our intuition and seeking the answers within are tarot and oracle cards.

What can we say, we love a good card deck!

Ashley even created her own deck of journaling prompts.

In the spirit of our love for all things cards, today’s guest is one of our absolute favorite creators of tarot and oracle card decks, Chris-Anne Donnelly aka @pixiecurio, creator of the Light Seer’s Tarot, The Muse Tarot, and the Sacred Creator’s Oracle decks.

In this episode, Chris-Anne shares her thoughts on being a creator right now, what it means to be seen, and her top rituals for managing judgment, comparison, and criticism.

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “When we have desires that we have no direct access to, cards will give us that access." — Chris-Anne Donnelly WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• Creating in the time of COVID

• How to disidentify who we are from what we do and create

• Using tarot + oracle cards to decrease self-doubt and increase self-trust

• Rituals for managing judgment, comparison, and criticism

• How to connect and align energetically so we can manifest being seen

LINKS

Lindsey Allen Designs

Manifest with Ash

Chris-Anne Donnelly @pixiecurio on Instagram

Chad the VA @chadanthonyc on Instagram

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

If you’ve been wanting to connect more deeply and consistently with your intuition, we’re about to share the secret sauce for when and how to find it.

As it turns out, intuition is only accessible and available to us in the present moment, the here and now.

When you’re recalling the past, you’re either reminiscing about positive memories or regretting negative ones.

If you’re imagining the future, you’re fantasizing about positive events and future tripping about negative ones.

In this week’s episode, we invite you to notice when you’re leaving the present moment and share our best strategies for bringing yourself back to your intuition.

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “We’re not ignoring the wisdom of the past when we use our intuition because it’s present. It’s present in who we are in this moment." — Jenna “There is a fine line between reminiscing and regret and a fine line between fantasy and future tripping." — Jenna WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• What intuition is

• Why intuition only exists in the present

• Reminiscing versus regret and fantasy versus future tripping

• Which intuition pitfalls we are most prone to

• How to notice when we’re leaving presence + intuition and going into reminiscing, regret, fantasy, and/or future tripping

LINKS

Middle Finger to Perfection Episode 121: Addicted to Love with Katie Grimes

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

In this episode, we shine a light on one of the functions of perfectionism that we don’t often discuss, namely its ability to mask underlying anxiety and depression.

Our guest, psychologist and author Dr. Margaret Rutherford, has written the book on the topic, Perfectly Hidden Depression.

This conversation with Dr. Margaret is one of our favorites on the podcast to date.

We resonated deeply with how she describes perfectionism and how to challenge it, and we think you will, too.

HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK OF THE GOODNESS… “Shame is a helpful emotion if it lasts for 10 seconds and leads to a change in behavior." — Dr. Margaret Rutherford “Your vulnerabilities don’t define you any more than your strengths do." — Dr. Margaret Rutherford WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• The links between perfectionism and depression

• Why depression can often look different in perfectionists

• The difference between perfectionism fueled by a striving for excellence and perfectionism fueled by fear and shame

• What it means to unlock the emotional closet

• How to stop being too hard on ourselves

LINKS

Rachel Rodgers We Should All Be Millionaires Club

Nicole Bonsol: Brand Healing for Healers

Lindsey Allen Designs

Adria DeCorte, Message Clarity Coach

Brene Brown

Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now by Maya Angelou

Dr. Margaret Rutherford on the web

Perfectly Hidden Depression by Dr. Margaret Rutherford book

The SelfWork Podcast with Dr. Margaret Rutherford

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.

Have you ever been told that you’re too much?

Too…

Emotional

Sensitive

Over the top

Loud

Intense

Deep

High strung

High maintenance

What does being too [fill in the blank] even mean?

Who gets to be the arbiter of too anything-ness??

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ABOUT IN THIS EPISODE…

• What it even means to be too much or too [fill in the blank]

• Who benefits from the framework of too much-ness

• What fears drive us to protect others from our emotions

• How to allow space for our own emotions while also holding space for others’

• Moving past the belief that we are too much or too [fill in the blank]

Share the Eff Perfect love with a fellow perfectionist, procrastinator, or people pleaser by hitting those buttons on the right, babe!

And because we’re in this together, be sure to take the Eff Perfect Pledge.