Eldercare Illuminated

This podcast was recorded before the coronavirus pandemic. The need to understand the many faces of grief and how to treat each other kindly after a loved one dies is magnified under our current circumstances. Whether you are working remotely or on site, you, your family, and your co-workers may experience losses or be called upon to share condolences in this time of uncertainty.

Join Eldercare Illuminated host Lenore Tracey for a conversation with Amy Tucci, President and CEO of the Hospice Foundation of America. Amy shares her knowledge, experience, and advice for individuals and families grieving after the death of a loved one. Whether someone you care about dies suddenly or after a long illness, the experience is painful; it requires time to understand and incorporate the loss into one’s mental and emotional framework.

Download additional resources to help understand and deal with grief from the Hospice Foundation website at https://hospicefoundation.org/Grief-(1).

Managers and employees can find specific information on how to be helpful when a colleague has lost a loved one in the Hospice Foundation’s booklet Grief at Work: A Guide for Employees and Managers, which can be found at https://hospicefoundation.org/Grief-(1)/Grief-and-the-Workplace.

About Our Guest:

Amy Tucci is the President and CEO of the Hospice Foundation of America (HFA), headquartered in Washington, DC.

She started at the Hospice Foundation in 2004, directing its national Living with Grief® educational event and has been responsible for many educational programs on advanced illness care and grief for both the public and professionals. She has edited several books on end-of-life topics, considering issues such as ethics, pain management, child and adolescent grief, and spirituality.

In this episode of Eldercare Illuminated, Torchlight’s Eldercare Practice Leader, Lenore Tracey, answers questions about the limitations on visiting nursing homes and assisted living facilities as well as the importance of social distancing for caregivers and seniors during the coronavirus pandemic.

Guest host Stefanie Boucher usually presents Torchlight’s Exceptional Parenting Podcast, when she’s not writing about the challenges of raising children and navigating education issues for children with and without disabilities. Today, she looks for ways to explain social distancing and how to convince a stubborn loved one that visiting the grandparents is just a bad idea.

As promised in this episode, we’re including links to a couple of graphical representations and expert explanations of how social distancing works:

This BBC video explains social distancing using dominoes: https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/51989370

A coronavirus transmission animation, from New Zealand’s online magazine, The Spinoff: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/45/Covid-19-Transmission-graphic-01.gif

An in-depth scientific article in the leading medical journal, The Lancet, “Scientific and ethical basis for social-distancing interventions against COVID-19,” Joseph A Lewnard, Nathan C Lo, Published: March 23, 2020: https://www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099(20)30190-0/fulltext

Johns Hopkins Medicine explains the importance of social distancing, self-quarantine, isolation, and “flattening the curve”: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/coronavirus/coronavirus-social-distancing-and-self-quarantine

Check the CDC’s website, https://coronavirus.gov, for the most current information and recommendations.

Are you currently hesitant or unable to visit your loved one due to the coronavirus pandemic? Is your loved one feeling more isolated than usual as a result of social distancing? If so, music may be able to help him or her fight loneliness and even boost the immune system!

Mary Sue Wilkinson spends her days bringing live music to assisted living facilities, memory care units, and nursing homes. In one of our most popular episodes of Eldercare Illuminated to date, Mary Sue shares her thoughts about the role of music in caring for someone with dementia — and the opportunity to enhance your loved one’s life in myriad ways through live and recorded musical
experiences.

The Rolling Stones’ lead guitarist Keith Richards has said, “Music is a language that
doesn’t speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it’s in the bones, it’s in
the bones.” For individuals with dementia, music can spark what’s in the bones to rise
to the surface for moments of clarity and happiness.

About Our Guest:

Mary Sue Wilkinson is the founder of Singing Heart to Heart™ and the Young at Heart Music Program. As a career educator and professional musician, she discovered the power of music to awaken memories and bring joy. Today she specializes in using music in dementia care. Her book, “Songs You Know By Heart: A Simple Guide for Using Music in Dementia Care,” her sing along CDs and her E-Book “Finding Memories through Music: A Family
Interview,” as well as other resources are available on her website: https://www.singinghearttoheart.com/home.

What do you do when your husband comes home with a surprise? He’s got cancer. Host Lenore Tracey opens Season Five of Eldercare Illuminated with a conversation about caring for a spouse with a serious illness. Life is going on with its usual ups and downs: kids’ ball games to cheer at, reports due at work, snow to be shoveled, and groceries to be bought. Then the universe throws a wrench in the works.

Guest Rebecca Throop shares what she learned and how her family got through an unexpected caregiving challenge. Rebecca talks about both the practical considerations and the importance of community when a life partner becomes ill. Learn from one caregiver’s grace and fortitude.

About Our Guest:

Rebecca Throop, mother, wife, marketing professional, and caregiver extraordinaire, is responsible for fundraising, marketing, and communications for one of the 10 state-designated community mental health centers (CMHCs) in New Hampshire. She divides her busy life between work, family, friends, and Maggie — her four-footed, furry dog companion.

Rebecca shares another important story in her TedX talk "Change Your Language - Save a Life" delivered in Portsmouth, New Hampshire on January 3rd, 2020.

Have you or your loved one gotten one (or more) phone calls from someone saying they are from Social Security? Join host Lenore Tracey and elder law attorney Cathy Sikorski to learn more about these scam calls and how to handle them.

Need a concrete way to respond to this type of scam call? Consider the following:

1. HANG UP - no need to say a single word!

2. Try one of the following options; print it in big letters and place it by your and your loved one’s phones:

“We don’t respond to telephone solicitations. Thank you.” HANG UP.

“I will call the Social Security Office to verify this call. Thank you.” HANG UP

Sacrifice politeness to protect your social security number and other private information!

About Our Guest:

Cathy Sikorski has been a caregiver for the last 25 years for seven different family members and friends. A published author and humorist, Sikorski is also a practicing elder law attorney. Her legal expertise and sense of humor have made her a sought-after speaker where she tackles the legal issues that affect those who will one day be or need a caregiver (which is everyone).

Cathy’s first book is a humorous memoir Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial (killer) Caregiver. That was followed by Who Moved My Teeth? - a humorous and informative book with practical and legal tips for caregivers and baby boomers. Cathy maintains an active blog “You just have to Laugh…where Caregiving is Comedy…”.

In this episode of Eldercare Illuminated, host Lenore Tracey talks about her own experience bringing her mother home to live with her toward the end of her Alzheimer’s journey.

The decision to bring a family member home to live with you is a big one. It works for some families, and it doesn’t for others. It may work in the beginning, but not at the end of your loved one’s journey; or it may work only at the end.

Lenore shares how her family made the decision and the ten items they considered each time they contemplated moving mom home:

- Amount and type of care needed
- Amount of supervision required (especially with a dementia diagnosis)
- Safety
- Activities and opportunities for the caree’s social engagement
- Physical environment: stairs, bathrooms, noise, privacy, etc.
- Family members’ schedules and availability to help
- Impact of professional caregivers coming and going in your home
- Expectations and needs of relatives and friends for visiting
- Pets
- Respite for yourself and other family members who are helping

About Our Guest/Host:

Lenore Tracey is Torchlight’s Eldercare Practice Leader. She has been writing about and providing eldercare for more years than she cares to count.

Entrepreneurs Joy Zhang and Madeline Dangerfield-Cha observed the anxiety and stress caused by social isolation and loneliness on college campuses. Smartphones notwithstanding, many college students find themselves aliens in a new world when they begin campus life.

At the other end of the arc of life are older adults. Mobility problems, hearing or vision impairment, the devastating loss of a spouse, or a sense of alienation from the fast-paced, technology-drenched environment leave many seniors challenged by social isolation and loneliness.

Joy and Madeline recognized the problem and envisioned a solution. What started as Visiting Students Services for Hire in the San Francisco Bay area is now Mon Ami – a business that pairs young people with adults who need a companion, technology support, an exercise buddy, or household help.

Join Eldercare Illuminated to explore an exciting cross-generational approach to addressing social isolation and loneliness.

About Our Guests:

Graduates of the Stanford University Graduate School of Business, Joy Zhang and and Madeline Dangerfield-Cha discovered that lonely people don’t need more toys and gadgets — they need other human beings. With very different backgrounds (Joy’s experience as a dementia and hospice volunteer and Madeline’s in education and digital marketing), the two discovered a hole in the fabric of eldercare that did not have a high-tech answer. Mon Ami pairs college students with elders living in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and in the community. Mon Ami companions, the adults they visit, and the family caregivers all benefit. Voila!

Join this episode of Eldercare Illuminated to learn what an elder law attorney or an estate attorney can do for you — and how to choose the right attorney for your situation. Host Lenore Tracey interviews elder law attorney Cathy Sikorski to get the inside scoop on the tools and documents these professionals use and when you might need them. Cathy also shares three important questions to ask when you or your loved one are selecting an attorney to work with.

About Our Guest:

Cathy Sikorski has been a caregiver for the last 25 years for seven different family members and friends. A published author and humorist, Sikorski is also a practicing elder law attorney. Her legal expertise and sense of humor have made her a sought-after speaker where she tackles the legal issues that affect those who will one day be or need a caregiver (which is everyone).

Cathy’s first book is a humorous memoir Showering with Nana: Confessions of a Serial (killer) Caregiver. That was followed by Who Moved My Teeth? - a humorous and informative book with practical and legal tips for caregivers and baby boomers.  Cathy maintains an active blog “You just have to Laugh…where Caregiving is Comedy…”.

Eldercare Illuminated launches its fourth season with an interview of professional
musician Mary Sue Wilkinson, who spends her days bringing live music to assisted
living facilities, memory care units, and nursing homes. Mary Sue shares her thoughts
about the role of music in caring for someone with dementia — and the opportunity
to enhance your loved one’s life in myriad ways through live and recorded musical
experiences.

The Rolling Stones’ lead guitarist Keith Richards has said, “Music is a language that
doesn’t speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it’s in the bones, it’s in
the bones.” For individuals with dementia, music can spark what’s in the bones to rise
to the surface for moments of clarity and happiness.

About Our Guest:

Mary Sue Wilkinson is the founder of Singing Heart to Heart™ and the Young at Heart Music Program. As a career educator and professional musician, she discovered the power of music to awaken memories and bring joy. Today she specializes in using music in dementia care. Her book, “Songs You Know By Heart: A Simple Guide for Using Music in Dementia Care,” her sing along CDs and her E-Book “Finding Memories through Music: A Family
Interview,” as well as other resources are available on her website: https://www.singinghearttoheart.com/home.

When handling the bills and the paperwork are just too much for your loved one and you are too busy or too far away, consider hiring a Daily Money Manager. Professional money managers are advocates who help people sort out bills, health insurance, magazine subscriptions, and more to create a system that works for everybody.

Host Lenore Tracey meets up with Money Manager Barbara Boustead to learn what these professionals do – and don’t do – and how to find one.

Enjoy the podcast and check out the American Association of Daily Money Managers (https://www.aadmm.com/) to learn more.

About Our Guest:

Barbara Boustead, LCSW is a social worker who shifted her focus from working with youth to helping seniors and older adults, military personnel, Veterans, and people with disabilities and chronic illness, including mental illness.

After learning first-hand how important it was to organize and stay current with medical, legal and financial documents for her aging mother, Barbara founded her company, Mary’s Daughter LLC in 2011. Based in Madison, Wisconsin, Mary’s Daughter helps individuals and families with their daily money management and organizing tasks.

Barbara is an active member of the American Association of Daily Money Managers (https://www.aadmm.com/), leading the organization’s Southern Wisconsin chapter.