No aspiring orphan should be without a copy of Gertrude Chandler Warner's 1924 classic, The Boxcar Children. Her bafflingly successful mystery adventures were a huge part of ABK's childhood. But what will Eleanor make of these candy-sweet tramps and their highly-idealised life on the run?

Content Warning: Like edgy comedian Ricky Gervais, we do not censor this whimsical kid-lit podcast. Please don't play it to your children unless you're a cool parent who lets them swear and stuff.

They're soft, they're white, they're somewhere between cute and creepy —  it's Eleanor and Alasdair. And for this episode, we read Tove Jansson's 1946 adventure Comet In Moominland (Kometjakten) translated by Elizabeth Portch. 

We ask, what does it feel like to touch a Moomintroll? How do you pronounce Tove? And is there any better response to environmental catastrophe than baking a cake?

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Here are Eleanor and Alasdair, coming down the stairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head. That's right, Eleanor has murdered Alasdair. But not before recording this month's episode all about A. A. Milne's 1926 classic Winnie the Pooh.

Will Eleanor be able to contain her disdain for the 1966 Disney movie? Will Alasdair's Alan Bennett impression comes out more like Les Dennis doing Mavis from Coronation Street? And are ANY Winnie the Pooh quotes genuine? 

In the words of A. A. Milne, "I pity the fool who gets on a plane."

Just like women be shopping, E. B. White. And White's 1952 novel Charlotte's Web is a blackly comical tear-jerker about a spider coming to the aid of a pig who doesn't want to be eaten. Are Eleanor and Alasdair fans of spiders? Or are we absolutely terrified of them?

Well, what do you think? Based on everything you know about us, do you think we like spiders?

Eleanor and Alasdair step into the trousers of time, with Terry Pratchett's 1996 novel Johnny and the Bomb. Five inept British teens find themselves in World War Two with bags of time on their hands.

Was Johnny and the Bomb "The Bomb"? Or will it bomb in our estimation? And who were the real baddies in WW2?

(It was the Nazis.)

1957–1968 was a golden age of big cats breaking into kids' houses and smashing up the joint. For this episode, Eleanor & Alasdair read Dr Seuss's The Cat in the Hat and Judith Kerr's The Tiger Who Came to Tea. We aim to decide, scientifically, which of the two books is best (with absolutely no favouritism shown towards the one we obviously like more).

Will we like the American one?

Perhaps we'll find it much more fun?

Of course, there's not much chance of that.

'Cos Eleanor hates that creepy cat.

Eleanor and Alasdair are fighting! Eleanor is in love with Kenneth Grahame's The Wind in the Willows, but for Alasdair... it's complicated. The 1908 classic is a tale of motorcars, misadventure and yearning glances on the riverbank. But is it really a kid's book? Or is it a boring work of art?

Poop! Poop!

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She's small. She's ginger. She's very hard to get out of your house. No, not Eleanor Morton. We're talking about Arietty Clock, the tiny teenage protagonist of Mary Norton's 1952 novel The Borrowers. The Borrowers are a diminutive people who love stealing almost as much as they love the British class system.

But has this tale of curtain-climbing social climbers aged well? Find out in Series 2 of Eleanor & Alasdair Read That.

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The stone table cracks and Eleanor & Alasdair return to Narnia. It's time to pass judgement on The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe. Eleanor sings the praises of the dodgy beaver costumes in the 1988 BBC adaptation and Alasdair gets annoyed about a stupid kids' film for babies. But is C. S. Lewis's book a Turkish Delight? Or is it a Turkish Delight (derogatory)?

We recommend you go back and listen to Part 1 before this episode. (Unless you're one of those people who thinks you should read The Magician's Nephew before the other Narnia books, and you prefer it when callbacks make no sense.)

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Always-winter-but-never-Christmas starts earlier every year, doesn't it? Eleanor and Alasdair read C. S. Lewis's furniture-based children's classic The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (1950). And we've split this bumper Yuletide edition of the pod in two.

In Part 1, we recount the story of Lucy's adventures in Narnia, in what a cynical person might call too much detail. We enjoy a platonic hot-tub with Santa. And, for some reason, George Bernard Shaw replaces Liam Neeson in Taken. We hope you enjoy this episode, and join us in Part 2, for a mixture of incisive literary analysis and some truly appalling New Zealand accents. Sorry, accints.

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