Elite Rugby Banter

The boys are back as they run the rule over the third round of Rugby World Cup pool games, with Australia bombing harder than the Bok "Nuke" squad. Otherwise, some largely uninspiring games set the stage for some interesting pool exit permutations.

Theme: 80s TV Show by @monstroid

Phil and Ant, our two Rugby World Cup correspondents and travellers, are hosted this week by a very jealous and lonely Andrew back in Joburh. They moan about French beer prices and the underwhelming Pacific Island performances (other than the Flying Fijians), but also delight in a Romanian romp and the general World Cup atmosphere on the ground.

Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

Andrew chooses pudding over podding and birds over balls, leaving Phil and Ant to rule the roost and run over the opening weekend of the Rugby World Cup. Tempers are kept in better check than journos being triggered over disco lights, but excitement for the next two months overflows as Phil and Ant prepare to make their ways to France!

Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

Andy, Phil and Ant run through each of the pools, putting their predictive prowess on the line, highlighting the key players and the definition of success for each side. Fair warning - there are some hot takes befitting of the European heatwave and some mildly spicy disagreements.

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Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

The Springboks won by a world record margin against the All Blacks to end their RWC prep on the perfect note. The team dissect the tactics that produced the victory, grapple with the inconsistent disciplinary applications (like did Farrell shine his shoes?), and deliberate on whether some of the individual performances warrant a World Cup rethink for the Boks best XV, if that's even a thing...

Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

The Springboks overran minnows Wales while the English tackle technique is proving contagious. Eddie "Indiana" Jones has bigger fish to French fry and what a ruse from the Wallaroos. The Bulls Daisies are pushing up the women's game locally, while the Cheetahs Force the issue in Bloemfontein. The Boks look for a psychological edge against a Frizellless All Blacks while testing Canaan's Moodie in the middle.

Andrew has a meltdown while Phil and Ant barely manage to contain themselves as the team run the rake over the Owen Farrell non-sanction, the absurd Wallabies World Cup squad, the lack of almost all first-choice international flyhalves, and New Zealand completely forgetting that they have a domestic league on the go. Some sanity is restored with the return of Springbok captain Siya Kolisi for the Wales warm-up game.

Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

Hot off the press! Phil, Andrew, and Ant give their immediate reaction to the Springbok squad announcement, with some still in shock. No Pollard, Am, or Lood - but Andrew has been secured as the team kicking coach so there's that. It's not all doom and gloom.

Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

With the Rugby Championship out of the way, the gang run the rule over the World Cup warm up fixtures. The Wallabies rediscover their basics, Argentina regress, Manie Libbok loses his kicking boots and then finds them again, Samoa have better ex-All Blacks and Wallabies than Tonga while Fiji's homegrown heroes get it done, Japan see red again, Wales get an unforgettable win over Borthwick's lost boys, and Ireland rejoice in a post-Sexton preview.

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Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.

The Rugby Championship is all wrapped up, with the imperious All Blacks turning the Wallabies into Joeys and the Boks just winning a contentious joust in Jozi.

Andrew and Phil run through the last results, reflect on the state of play after the abbreviated tournament, and start to turn a meaningful eye to the Rugby World Cup and the warm up games to come.

Who will put their hands up in Buenos Aires and force their way into the RWC mix?

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Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.