Episode 19 - Current Struggles

Em doesn’t have an issue speaking about her past with regards to her eating disorder. She can easily talk about when she was at rock bottom, about her time in residential treatment and about her relapse. But talking about the things she still struggles with today is extremely difficult for her. Difficult enough that she procrastinated recording this episode - a lot!

We did eventually record though (sorry for the delay!) and she was brave and talked about her current struggles. Things like body image, feeling guilty for resting and how difficult it was for her to watch her friends graduate college a few weeks ago while her eating disorder has left her with a different timeline.

Four plus years. She’s come a long way. Even so, struggles are always still part of the recovery process.

Episode 18 - Hope

“After feeling disconnected for so long, my mind and body are finally coming back to each other.” - Home body by Rupi Kaur

Emily just had her senior art show which was themed after her eating disorder recovery and the mind and body connection.

We discuss the show and the relevancy of her work to her recovery, but this episode is mostly about hope.

It’s Ems personal story of being told during recovery that recovery would be worth it and at that time thinking that was a bunch of bull shit but four years later actually making it to the point of having a senior art show which happened to be themed about recovery and FINALLY understanding that recovery is actually 100% worth it.

Keep going! You didn’t come this far to only come this far.

Episode 17 - The Difficulties of Eating in Public

We got a direct message from a friend who asked for some advice about getting past difficulties eating in public.

Eating in public can be difficult for all of us - whether we have experienced an eating disorder or not. Examples include: eating at a new restaurant, attending a work or school function, having to share a meal with people we don’t know, or sharing a meal with that annoying and strong voice that tells us we don’t deserve to eat.

In this episode, we discuss some of Emily’s most difficult eating in public experiences and what helped to get past them.

We share some tips and tricks we learned from personal experiences.

We hope this episode helps listeners move from avoiding outings and having uncomfortable eating experiences to being able to enjoy sharing food and making memories with friends and loved ones.

Episode 16 - Intuitive and Mindful Eating

Wow. It’s been exactly a month since our last podcast. We had a busy and eventful Eating Disorder Awareness week which delayed recording the podcast, but we’re back for episode 16.

After over four years, Emily still struggles with hunger and fullness cues and while she is weight restored, has learned to do the opposite of what the voice tells her to do, and has faced and conquered most of her fear foods, she still works with an eating disorder nutritionist with the current goal of making eating intuitive and mindful. This does not come easily for her. As a matter of fact, she struggled today with both lunch and dinner and, as a result, was inspired to make this the topic of discussion for our episode.

In this episode, we discuss all stages of her recovery: restriction, residential treatment and the meal plans there (purpose - weight restoration), the move to meal plans at home, (facing fear foods) moving off of a meal plan (continued food fear challenges and

making her own food choices), and finally trying to eat intuitively and mindfully. After four years, it’s still feels like she has difficulty learning / completing this final step in the recovery process.

We discuss what happens when she tries to eat mindfully in the present day and how her past history with anorexia has impacted her ability to nourish herself without struggle and guilt.

Eating. For most of us, we do it without thought or issue. It’s almost as easy as breathing. But for others, it’s an uncomfortable and difficult task. We get you. Wherever you are in your journey, we understand and are sharing our personal experience so you know that you are not alone.

Episode 15 - Why calories on menus are harmful

The Student Union at Emily’s college has been under renovation for the past few months. They re-opened recently and going there is now a triggering experience for Emily and others.

We talk about why - the main reason being the new diet culture messaging at their new “Freshen” restaurant option - including posting calories, words like “clean” and diet culturey pictures of seemingly “fit” people exercising.

Diet culture is everywhere. But what happens to someone in eating disorder recovery when it is presented loud and clear at one of the only available places to eat on campus?

Emily talks freely and openly about how seeing this impacts her food choices, feelings of guilt and urges to have symptoms.

We will be trying to fight to educate the people making these decisions, both on her college campus and elsewhere.

Give this episode a listen and join us on our quest to change the world by helping eliminate the horribleness that is diet culture. It’s a seemingly impossible task, but together we all can make a difference - one step at a time.

We didn’t come this far to only come this far!

Episode 14 - Why Weight Gain Has Been a Good Thing

Emily has had a particularly difficult weekend. Recovery is not linear. Even when you’re in solid recovery. She’s been on the struggle bus for sure and has had some triggers and even some eating disorder behaviors that have resurfaced after a very long time. It’s honestly been a little scary for Mom.

So what better way to try to get out of the valley than to talk about all of the positives that have come from weight gain.

For her, gaining weight (weight restoration) has been entirely positive. It’s been an extremely difficult process which included a lot of fighting the eating disorder voice with challenges and fears to conquer along the way. The end result however was being able to understand body cues, having a strong enough body to move in enjoyable ways, having a brain that allows her to remember, enjoying times with friends and having opportunities that weren’t possible before. The most impactful positive isn’t even listed. Give this one a listen to find out what it is.

Shout out to @bobbykazz for doing a podcast on this topic. Listening to it again literally got Emily through her struggles this weekend and was the inspiration for creating her own list.

Episode 13 - Rant!

On this New Years Day we are posting our episode on our thoughts on the trailer of the new Netflix documentary “You Are What You Eat”.

Our podcast started because Emily called me one day and told me we were recording our first podcast based on her need to rant about her experience climbing a 14er (14,000 feet) in Colorado and how her eating disorder was present and strong the entire way.

So now that we have done a few episodes, when Emily was ranting about seeing this trailer, we knew we needed to hit record.

It’s our shortest episode to date (all the more reason to give it a listen) but we rant about our frustrations with diet culture and the harm these documentaries cause for people with eating disorders.

Episode 12 - Reflecting after four years.

In this episode Em and Mom talk about their very reflective week as four years ago, on December 13, 2019, Emily entered residential treatment for her eating disorder.

Because Emily is on break from college, Em and Mom were able to record this one together in the same room. We feel this resulted in a lovely conversation where we were both able to be vulnerable about what

that time of our lives was like - hopeless and desperate for Mom and numb and unaccepting for Em.

We talk about how far she’s come and some of the strategies that helped her along in recovery.

We spend some time talking directly to Moms and children in this difficult place now - both empathizing and providing hope and encouragement.

Em and Mom have both become different and better people since that day four years ago. Most people that didn’t know us then wouldn’t have recognized us. And the journey continues. We didn’t come this far to only come this far.

Episode 11 -

“Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy”.

This episode is reflective of what it was like for Mom to go through the time when Emily was sick and in treatment.

We discuss the stigma of mental health and how that made this experience extremely lonely and difficult.

Mom is extremely vulnerable in this episode and discusses personal situations and instances where she felt alone and helpless.

We also discussed what you can do or say if you know someone going through the same journey.

And most importantly we discuss what you can do to not feel that you are going at this alone.

This may be Moms favorite episode to date.

Em and Mom Episode 10 - We’ve reached our first significant milestone! We’ve officially hit double digits and have made it to episode 10. In this episode, we talk about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday and why it is so difficult for someone in eating disorder recovery. We share our personal experiences maneuvering through recovery and triggers on the holiday that is focused solely on food. We also give some tips and tricks for helping to make the experience more about enjoying the time with friends and family and less about food anxieties. We hope this helps you have a truly Happy Thanksgiving.