Embracing Your Season: Raising Littles and Understanding Teens with Paige Clingenpeel

Are you a parent of a teen? Join us on this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, with host Paige Clingenpeel and daughter Haylee as they talk about things every teen wished their parents knew. There are different atmospheres and pressures that teens have to deal with that can create stress and can be overwhelming for them like, school, extracurricular or sporting events, home life and the social media aspect as well. Teens are surrounded by so many things and we as parents need to be listening and mindful of what they need in this season of their lives.

Paige Clingenpeel

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Where does mom guilt come from and how can we overcome it? On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, host Paige Clingenpeel addresses that sometimes we compare other’s highlights on social media with our reality, we set unreasonable expectations for ourselves and we deal with mental health struggles. Mom’s, you are not alone and we all deal with mom guilt throughout all seasons of life.

Paige’s Takeaways:

Top 3 Mom Guilts: 

1. The Comparison Factor - It is found when we assess similarities or differences between us and people around us. It’s how we evaluate our success or how we fit in. We compare our realities to people’s highlights on social media and that can become detrimental and condemning to us.
2. Expectations - What we put on ourselves or what we think other people want for us. We can’t fulfill those expectations so then we start condemning ourselves and judging ourselves. There are expectations that are influenced by this invisible load of motherhood. 

Examples of Invisible Mom Load:

• Managing the calendars, schedules and routine.
• Always being the “go to” parent or default parent.
• Anticipating everyone’s needs.
• The one who has to take the time off for sick kids, appointments, etc.

1. Mental Health Struggles - Our thoughts and feelings can lie to us. Our feelings can be very convincing but it doesn’t mean they are accurate, realistic and not always healthy. There's nothing wrong with going to see a counselor or therapist or even a doctor for your mental health. 

How We Can Combat Mom Guilt:

1. Be kind to yourself - Give yourself grace and celebrate the good things.
2. Accept your current season that you are in. Every season has a purpose.
3. Ask for help! Ask your partner, friends or family for the help you need if you are struggling. Discuss your upcoming week with your partner and let him know how he can help.
4. Practice Sabbath - It’s an emotional place of rest to just be still and trust that God has us.
5. Seek help from professionals.  Feeling heard and seen is a powerful way to process and heal from things we might be experiencing.
6. Eliminate negative influences - This could be family and friends or even social media. Think about who you are allowing to speak into your life.
7. Be cautious and mindful of what we are speaking over other moms. 
8. 
   

Paige Clingenpeel

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Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It's Impossible to Be Spiritually Mat

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Leslie Schilling, author of Feed Yourself, joins host Paige Clingenpeel on this week's episode of Embracing Your Season. Leslie is a Registered Dietician, Sports Nutritionist, Nutrition Specialist and specializes in eating disorders. They discuss her book and Leslie shares advice about parenting, health and diet culture. Health isn’t just about diet and exercise or the food we put in our bodies. It is so much bigger in terms of mental health, connection and listening to our bodies.

Paige’s Takeaways:

1. Don’t be afraid of food. Food fears are actually more unhealthy than the food itself. If we are looking at food like it’s dangerous, that is going to cause stress.  It's going to eliminate the ability to eat healthy foods or to give our bodies the food that it needs.
2. Make additions to your eating, don’t tell yourself that you can’t have something. If we are telling ourselves “no” that’s going to make us lean into rebellion more and eat those things or supplement with something else. Just add to your diet instead.
3. Take a moment and listen to the cues that your body is giving you. Our bodies are divinely designed. They are designed with purpose and on purpose. If our bodies are telling us we need something or we are hungry, listen! WE need to treat our bodies with honor and respect and listen to it.
4. WE are modeling for our kids. If you speak ashamedly about your body, about your weight, about your clothes, your hair or your appearance, our kids are going to pick up on that. This goes for both girls and boys so be mindful of what you are saying. This can affect mental health as well.

Paige Clingenpeel

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Leslie Schilling

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Book: Feed Yourself

Diet Free Introductory Letter

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Letter For Assignment In Diet Culture

Food Police Letter

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On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season host Paige Clingenpeel has special guest and personal friend, Whitney Bandemer on the show to address being vulnerable, asserting your needs and figuring out how to find trusted people to help you make the best and wisest decisions in life. Whitney is a wife and mother as well as a former attorney, an organizational architect, experienced people leader and owner of WB Consulting LLC. 

Paige’s Takeaways:

1. We should have a multitude of counselors in our lives in order to make decisions and have a community that can help us be healthy and whole.  A multitude of counselors is important because we have blind spots.  We have biases that we bring into our day to day lives as well as bigger decisions we have to make. We need trusted people in our lives who have discernment. We also need to choose wisely who we allow to speak into our lives.
2. We have to be open and honest about what we need from the people in our lives or in our relationships. Communicating like this can help our relationships across the board. Help them understand what their role is in the conversation.
3. How can we implement some of these things for our kids now? How can we help them grow in their vulnerability or grow in their needs? We need to be modeling this well and  share our emotions appropriately so they can see what emotions look like. When they see that we can be vulnerable and share deep and hard emotions, they can learn from that. Teach them who they can trust. Helping them from a young age, identify what makes a trusted friend, a trusted adult, someone they can walk alongside with in life because they aren’t always going to come to us.

Paige Clingenpeel

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On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season host Paige Clingenpeel has a great conversation with Dr. Michelle Anthony, Executive Pastor of Families at New Life Church and Dean of FamilyMin Academy. They discuss parenting from a spiritual perspective, partnering with God and partnering with others which are topics from two of her books, Spiritual Parenting and Becoming A Spiritually Healthy Family.

Paige’s Takeaways:

1. Parent from a spiritual perspective - Our world is designed by a creator. That means we have been given the gift of our children and God is going to equip us to parent these kids well. God has chosen us to be this little one's parent and gives us a better viewpoint on how this world has eternal value. We are raising kids to be disciples of Jesus so they can go on and transform this world for His glory and His honor.
2. We are partnering with God - The God of the universe didn’t only give us these kids but he isn’t leaving us alone in this.  He walks with us and gives us wisdom. He gives us a body of believers that can walk alongside us. Have mentors that can speak into your life to help us parent. Don’t parent in isolation!
3. Six dysfunctions of parenting styles - Not saying “no” or controlling our kids, being hypersensitive to them. These things actually are handicapping our kids. When we don’t say “no” or we micromanage them and don’t allow them to fail or take steps on their own we are actually discouraging them from autonomy and making choices that are valuable for them. 

Questions to think through:

• What dysfunctional parenting styles have I taken from the generations before me?
• What are things I am choosing on my own?

These questions shouldn’t necessarily be done in isolation. You can ask mentors,    counselors, dear friends that have lived life with you. What are some of the answers  they might give you that we might have blinders to? This will help us to be better parents as well as a healthy, spiritual person.

Paige Clingenpeel

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Dr. Michelle Anthony

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Spiritual Parenting - An Awakening For Today’s Families

Becoming A Spiritually Healthy Family

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Clinton Faupel, Co-Founder and Executive Director of RemedyLIVE is joining Paige Clingenpeel on this week's episode of Embracing Your Season. RemedyLIVE is a technology and faith based, non-profit that produces interactive events for people ages 13+ that are struggling with mental health issues. Clinton shares a wealth of knowledge in having those hard conversations with our teen’s about their secret struggles with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.  Sometimes all it takes is someone to listen.

Paige’s Takeaways:

1. Don’t live in isolation.  When we stay in isolation it increases the lies that we believe exponentially. When we are alone it is harder to fight our struggles by ourselves. RemedyLIVE is a great resource for us all to use to address mental health struggles and find community. 
2. We need to practice active listening.  Just listening is one of the best predictors of health in your relationships with your child, teen, and even with your spouse. Sit side by side with your child and just listen.  Active listening can increase the success of your connection with your child. Recognize whether your child is in a war or peace time. This is helpful for navigating feelings and offering solutions that will be heard by your child.
3. Make a commitment to get off your phone and be present with your family. Be intentional with the time we have been given with our kids and love them well.

Paige Clingenpeel

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On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, host Paige Clingenpeel has a great conversation with author, speaker, and ground-breaking social researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn.  As a mother herself, Shaunti understands the value and importance of connecting and understanding our children and teens. She shares about her research in co-authoring the book, For Parents Only, which encourages parents as they navigate the hard world of parenting. 

Paige’s Takeaways:

1. Attitudes - They are usually a sign of our kids struggling with a pain point that we get the opportunity to lean into as parents.  We can ask the question, “What is going on in the heart of my child?” What we see on the outside is a reflection of what is going on, on the inside.

• Boy’s struggle with the pain point of, “Am I good enough?” They are involved in a lot of performance based activities which can cause this type of tension. Give them a safe place at home to communicate these tensions they are feeling.
• Girl’s struggle with the pain point of, “Am I lovable?”  They have the desire to know if they are worth loving. We can help them by incorporating words of affirmations to help them know that they are loved and special.

1. Listen - Listen to them and let them know that thyr are seen and known. Lean into the emotion that our kids share with us. Ignore the problem or conflict, instead lean into how the conflict is affecting them emotionally.  Listen, ask how they are feeling, ask if they need help finding a solution.  If they aren’t ready to share with you, wait twelve hours for them to process and check back in with them.
2. Love - Our kids want us to know that we are loved and they appreciate us.  They might not know how to tell you or show you but they do love you.

Paige Clingenpeel

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Shaunti Feldhahn

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Book - For Parents Only

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Are you a single parent or do you know a single parent? Did you know that 34% of households in America are single parent households? On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, host Paige Clingenpeel talks with special guest, Robert Beeson as he shares about the Solo Parent Society, a resource and support system for solo parents. He discusses how being a single parent to his three daughters for many years affected his decision to start this support system to encourage, equip and have a safe community for other solo parents to be a part of. 

Paige’s Takeaways:

1. We all need to be seen, known and supported in community.  Places to find support and community can be through the solo parent app, churches, neighbors or close friends. We are designed by God to be known, seen and loved.
2. Recognize that your child needs you to be healthy.  We model for our kids how we take care of ourselves by self-care and creating safe boundaries in relationships with others. Our kids are watching how we interact in relationships and that trickles down to them and how they think they should be treated.  There are lots of resources available online about how to take care of yourself.
3. Don’t try to be both parents. We need to have or invite other trusted people into our kids' lives of opposite gender because we were not created to do it all by ourselves.  Forms of trusted adults can be guidance counselors, teachers, youth pastors, even therapists. We need to surround our kids intentionally so they can be spoken over by other people that come alongside the solo parent.
4. If you are a single parent and your heart is desiring companionship again, make sure you are not pursuing a dating relationship to find completion.  Define what you are looking for in dating someone. Whether you are married or single, a spouse will not complete you or make you whole because we are created beings in the image of God.  That is who you are! Relationships are work and not complete freedom. 
5. 
   

Paige Clingenpeel

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Robert Beeson - Soloparent.org

Book - Going Solo

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What does identity mean? How does identity impact our lives and the lives of our kids? On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, host Paige Clingenpeel shares answers to these questions as well as steps to implement them not only in our lives as adults and parents but also how to help our kids navigate finding their identity as well.  We have to dismantle the lies that have influenced our lives and start speaking truth over ourselves and our kids.

2-Step Process to Identity:

1. Dismantle the lies that have influenced, distorted and destroyed your authentic self. Some lies you can identify fairly quickly but others are planted so deep in our hearts that sometimes we don’t realize how they are impacting our lives.

Question 1: What do I fear most?

Question 2: What do I believe my weakness to be?

Additional Questions for Believers:

Question 3: What does God think about me?

Question 4: What do I believe the character of God to be?

1. Speak truth over yourself by combating those lies we addressed in the first point. We were born on purpose, for a purpose, by a creator.

Ways to Help Our Kids Find Identity: 

1. Giving encouragement that is not based on their performance.
2. Practice asking questions about their opinions even when they are young. This helps with identity development.
3. Asking forgiveness for any lies or any negativity that you have spoken over them.
4. Giving them opportunities to fail. Failure is part of life and it improves the next opportunity to be successful.  Failure does not equal a lack of value or self worth.
5. Our behavior has a big impact on our kids. Start modeling it for them.  They see the way you talk about yourself or treat yourself.  Love yourself and love others.

Paige Clingenpeel

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Book - Gospel Fluency Handbook

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On this week's episode of Embracing Your Season, host Paige Clingenpeel has a great chat with her good friend, Tiffany Gardner. Together they discuss navigating the holidays and setting boundaries. There is fun in family gatherings but there can also be high stress and triggers. We can often have different perspectives and expectations when it comes to setting boundaries which can either result in the holidays being a beautiful reunion or a perfect storm. 

Takeaways:

1. Getting to know your child in all ages as they develop and grow into an independent adult.  As parents, we want to celebrate their individuality but our rules will change and adapt with all the growth as well.
2. Boundaries are healthy and important! Explore what are healthy boundaries in your relationships in general and your marriage.Talk to trusted people, therapists, mentors and advisors that can speak into setting healthy boundaries in your life. Plan how to implement those boundaries in a kind, loving but firm way.
3. Choosing the right timing to communicate those boundaries. Don’t discuss it during Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe write it out beforehand and be very intentional about the timing.
4. What if someone is coming to you to establish and communicate a boundary? It can hurt a little bit to have this conversation that is being brought to you.  Be mindful that this person wants a relationship with you.  Honor them by listening, asking questions for clarity and receive it in humility reminding ourselves that we value them to respect the boundary. 

Paige Clingenpeel

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