In the discussion, Alyssa Keegan and Mike, a therapist, explore the complexities of modern dating, focusing on the differences in men and women's desires and behaviors. They discuss how societal norms and hookup culture influence these dynamics, with men often seeking casual relationships without commitment and women craving emotional connection and intimacy. The conversation also delves into why women often choose unavailable partners, suggesting it's a result of past hurt, self-sabotage, and a fear of vulnerability. They emphasize the importance of emotional vulnerability and authenticity in relationships, advocating for choosing partners who align with one's values and being open to the possibility of being hurt.

1. **0:00 – Welcome & Why Dating Feels So Hard**  
   Mike introduces *Emotional Alchemy – Episode 8* with guest **Alyssa Keegan, LPC**. They frame the episode around modern dating, hookup culture, and how to bring more compassion to yourself and others.

2. **0:52 – Hookup Culture vs. Women’s Craving for Connection**  
   Alyssa argues that many men benefit from hookup culture without committing, while women often crave intimacy and long‑term connection, but still participate in patterns that undermine their own values.

3. **3:31 – Why We Keep Choosing Unavailable Partners**  
   Exploration of why women (and people in general) repeatedly choose emotionally unavailable or self‑centered partners, even when healthier options exist. The allure of the “challenge” and the scarcity of integrity.

4. **6:40 – When the ‘Safe Man’ Feels Terrifying**  
   How low self‑worth and old wounds make truly safe, available partners feel scarier than risky ones. Being “always prepared” by never fully opening up, and how that keeps the wound unhealed.

5. **10:05 – Alyssa’s Story: Holding Back vs. Going All In**  
   Alyssa shares personal relationship experiences—times she held back versus times she was fully vulnerable—and how both endings hurt, but full honesty brought peace and no regrets.

6. **13:00 – ‘Unfuckwithable’: Armor, Control, and Hidden Longing**  
   Mike’s story about dating a woman wearing an “unfuckwithable” bracelet. They unpack what it really means: performance, inaccessibility, and a nervous system that both fights surrender and longs for it.

7. **14:26 – Strong, Independent… and Exhausted? Masculine/Feminine Energy**  
   Discussion of women wanting to be led and feel safe, yet being pushed into hyper‑independence and “masculine” roles. Distinguishing secure masculinity from hyper‑masculine wounding and performance.

8. **21:04 – Inner Child, Warriors, and Integrated Wholeness**  
   Mike describes integrating his tender inner boy with his protective warrior. They reframe many “masculine” or “tough” behaviors as fearful inner children running the show, in both men and women.

9. **26:20 – From ‘Me’ to ‘We’: The Masking Phase of Early Dating**  
   Alyssa explains the early “me” phase of dating: guarding, testing, and masking deal‑breakers to avoid scaring someone off. Mike explores how this can accidentally push away open‑hearted men and reward game‑players.

10. **30:56 – Breaking the Cycle: Choosing Vulnerable Strength**  
    They close by exploring how defenses create more wounded pairings, the idea of the “sacred warrior” who protects while staying open‑hearted, and why true strength lies in brave vulnerability, not in being closed or “unfuckwithable.”

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 The conversation explores how a young man’s struggle with alienation, addiction, faith, and disconnection is transformed through genuine empathy, community, and mentoring. Rob describes growing up in a traditional Catholic context, feeling unseen by religious and institutional supports, and turning to substances and struggling with an eating disorder. A turning point comes when his Zen-monk therapist offers not advice or dismissal but presence—being “with” him in his suffering—which becomes a model for healthy masculinity rooted in empathy, relationship, and mutual vulnerability rather than stoicism and performance. The episode highlights how many men appear “fine” on the surface while feeling deeply alone, how abandonment can lead to self‑harm and isolation, and how consistent, caring relationships (therapists, friends, partners, Sangha) can literally change life trajectories. A core theme is that what most men need is not fixing, but someone who truly sees them, stays with them, and walks alongside them—showing that empathy is not weakness, but a powerful, masculinizing force for healing and connection. 

In this insightful discussion, Lyndsey delves into the emotional and somatic intelligence of boys and men, challenging common misconceptions and exploring effective strategies for fostering emotional awareness and healing. With a focus on systemic change and practical parenting techniques, 

Lyndsey emphasizes the importance of connecting with one's body and emotions, highlighting the transformative potential of ketamine-assisted therapy. This video is especially relevant for those interested in autism, emotional intelligence, and innovative therapeutic approaches.

Important Moments:

01:04 - Misconceptions About Boys' Emotional Behavior
06:16 - Importance of Emotional and Somatic Intelligence
11:07 - Practical Strategies for Parents
16:12 - Engaging Men with Their Emotions
21:27 - Broader Cultural and Systemic Implications
26:06 - Application of Ketamine-Assisted Therapy
30:54 - Power of Mind: Making Therapy Accessible
36:09 - Healing and Self-Knowing for Men
40:57 - Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Building Community with Mike Shawe and AcroJames: Interview Summary

• In this interview, Mike and James discuss the importance of continuous self-investment and flexibility in skill development, emphasizing the need to step out of one's comfort zone to grow.
• Mike and James highlight the significance of embracing opportunities for growth and gaining diverse experiences, challenging the notion of always being a small fish in a big pond.
• Positive Impact Movement (PIE Movement) was created by Travis, Andreas, Nathan, and James in late 2020, to bring support and positivity to the community
  • The Positive Impact Movement has created a space where men can support each other, hold each other accountable, and celebrate each other's successes.
• James is a professional acrobat, teacher, and performer who creates a welcoming environment in the acro community. He organized the Acro Freedom Festival, uniting people from different locations and backgrounds.
• James's motivation comes from personal experiences with loneliness and bullying, driving his desire to help others find community and joy in play.
• Mike and James discuss the importance of play in adulthood, how many adults forget how to play, and that play and flirting are essential for fostering intimacy and connection in relationships.
• 18:22 James quote "If you miss something, say something nice to yourself and just enjoy every mistake because without the mistakes, you don't learn anything. So, if you can enjoy the process rather than be destroyed by the process, you're only going to get further. And I think just always making sure that people are along that path, the community is just built so much easier because then nobody is putting people down; they're only encouraging each other, which means they bring out the best in each other, which means that they contribute to each other in a much better way. And yeah, I think that's one of the really fascinating challenges about, I guess, partner acrobatics for the hobby community in the general population, and acroyoga in general, especially at festivals." -  AcroJames aka James Heugh
• Physical play in partner acrobatics and acroyoga teaches empathy and social skills.
• Embracing the process and learning from mistakes is crucial in these practices.
• Progression and celebrating small victories is emphasized along the way.
• In their discussion, Mike and James highlight the rarity of close, supportive friendships among men, emphasizing celebration of success, accountability, teamwork, and filling in each other's gaps.

So often we are at a loss for words. We don't know how to express how we feel or what we're feeling. One incredibly important tool to learn how to listen to the poetry of our souls is to actually read and write poetry. Lauren Ducrey explores her own journey into poetry and we explored how to use poetry to help you heal and grow as a person.

Anya works with men to help them heal and grow and become more competent adults. Being a mature man is tough in the 21st century. Men are still expected to be apex humans with professional success while also being emotionally intelligent and embodied whiel at the same time getting very little to no guidance on how to be attuned to themselves and of course women.

I spoke with Naomi Yano. We explored the ins and outs of connection, self regulation and why it's so hard to find a partner and healthy relationships amongst other topics.



Here's a little of her bio:

Registered Psychotherapist and Clinical Supervisor in private practice in the Toronto area

Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT) and EFT Supervisor Candidate

Master of Science in Couple and Family Therapy

Works with adults (couple and individuals) with a focus on anything to do with relationships, including attachment styles, repetitive patterns, and infidelity.

Author, interviewed at the Toronto International Festival of Authors (2021), currently writing about her own trauma recovery from perspective of client experience and therapist expertise, memoir/self help. A short e-book is currently on Amazon and Kindle Unlimited.

Founder of Emotional ICU - providing free resources to empower people to understand what is happening in their brains and bodies so they can make sense of their experience, and recognize what they need to cope and heal

Mother to a wonderful teenager, enjoys hiking, loves flowers, and finds joy in Latin dancing. Wants to keep growing in compassionate awareness of self, other living beings, and the planet, and help others do the same.

Jason has a background in a variety of fields including marketing, techno Djing, and sound engineering for horror films. He values curiosity and he's leveraged hardship as an opportunity to grow into the man that he is today. His current work with EEG software that allows people to track their brainwaves. His commitment to art is one I hope resonates with you.

One of the powerful moments was his discovery of how some of his own suffering was in part because he was not connected to his path. Once he took the leap into his art he found his jealousy of his peers dissipating. Art is creation and for so many, the art of creation is in itself a journey into the divine. He talks about his own experiences of awe.

We're here and we're jumping right in! This is a space to explore complex and culturally relevant ideas.


I spoke with MariJean (MJ) Wegert about her research regarding the way men and women define safety. Often Men define safety as purely physical while many women focus more on emotional well-being.

We spoke about how men feel powerless in the modern world and the impact it has on both men and women. We explored the impact of trauma on relationships and the fear that arises.

We explored the impact of the #metoo movement on both men and women and the potential next steps on how we can create greater healing in our world.