The shock put me into immediate overload, which caused me to power down my phone for the night, only reaching for it once sure It was something I had to write about, and certainly it was, as I hollowed out the nearly extinct cantaploupe in the kitchen sink, sure that I was doomed, after once again some satanic force had ended my only income, possessing my short lived employer with its usual antics—lovebombing, then hating me—and worse making me hate myself, so much so that in had retreated into none other than the likes of binge watching 30 Rock, which was at the very least almost a laugh, in the worst of moods, but at least somewhat high enough spirits, that I could cope—until, that is, I noticed, something particularly odd about Conan O'Brien during his cameo appearance—odd, meaning, surprising, at least, that is—as he seemed to stand a full head over Alec Baldwin, who I always thought seemed particularly large… and so, at best, curiosity began to kill the cat—and kill the cat it did.

Google, How Tall Is Conan O'Brien?

GOOGLE

He's 6'4

Oh, wow, that's ridi—

GOOGLE

—and [Redacted] is 6'.

OH.

Fuck.

Oops.

GOOGLE CON'D

I knew you were wondering.

FUCK.

Thanks alot Google.

I had been curious, but wouldn't dare ask, and it had been by complete and total accident that I had gandered at such an atrocity as to what I had already suspected—this [Redacted] person was and had always been, by the hands of God, and exquisitely perfect man.

Perfectly ideal, that is, no less of a comforting gesture, in that the sudden onset and rampant attraction which had flattened the collection of scene and stories written in, for and about [Redacted], into an atrocity of parables and incomprehensible anagrams, analogies, and allegories— no such a world I might belong to at all, for if [Redacted] was at all not the man that I had hoped, certainly also I was not the woman I had hoped in any way at all that there would be sense in any of it; The sunken hole in my stomach where my soul used to rest sunk heavily, a gesture which could only mean to move on, and write something else. Perhaps a scene which had been rolling around in my head for some weeks, so incomplete and with consistent interruption that I worked whether or not it could or should be written—but there it is again.

‘Fuck, now I know he has a huge dick'

Standard rules and messaging rates may apply:

Ū/SUPACREE

You're a miserable son of a bitch, do you know that?

JIMMY FALLON/THE COSMIC AVENGER

I know that.

The aliases have been captured, and are handcuffed with their arms above their heads, back to back, as to keep them from using their powers to break free.

You're making me nervous.

It's not like I'm going to do anything.

Here, fishy.

Ooh.

Don't bite this. ⚠️

…

You're a shark,

I'm Chum in the water

No fat bitches

I must have scared you off

For certain

A Jack o lantern

A Jack of all trades

A mad hatter

An alchemist

Some

Scientific recollections

On

The theory of genetic attraction

It must be time to find a man

The chaos, destruction, and sadness had yet to turn to music yet but I was due at any moment to vanish without a trace into some realm where even the satanic and horrible masses that I had been tied down to could not find me, beyond that of the trolls in the parking lot adjacent to my window and the world below, I was sure that the motorcycles would bellow as I wallowed in my underwhelming polished apartment, which at least now felt somehow more like home after having to go out of it, and with all on pause as I waited to replace the cards from my wallet, seemingly long lost as I was from any hope that I might see my son again. The sadness refused to turn to music at all and instead welled up into tears in my eyes—it had been so long since I had lost something of importance that I knew something was of and wrong—making the judgement that my ex husband had tried to curse me with luck that was damaged, anytime I did well, met someone, or started to become happy without him— but, even if I was broke, I was happy without him, the only traces of him the broken and ugly battered people, racing around on motorcycles to over compensate, and of course, the women I wish I was, but could never be—his demons, also—the kind of woman he always wanted, but could never have—and of course— if there was ever a chance in hell at a perfect man, I would have to somehow become that.

I liked the Jimmy Fallon with the mullet the most.

Same.

He was the best,

Why are the rest of them like bald?

Idk.

Ishii is bald.

That's true, but, I think it was something like

Kind of in the same way Skrillex can shapeshift into anything but a regular traffic cone, Jimmy Fallon/The cosmic avenger can't clone himself—which is why he usually has like—-

No hair?!

No, it's like a weird, buzz cut or whatever

Yeah. So.

Wait.

If that's not Jimmy Fallon

Is it?

I don't know, fuck it.

311-18434268

OOOH—Fallon, you fucked up!

I didn't? I what?! I what?!

You—you know what you did.

I didn't do anything! It wasn't me!

IT WAS YOU. I KNOW YOU.

You—don't know anything.

You idiot, I know EVERYTHINT.

The jig is up!

Listen, I can explain!

No—no explaining, Jimmy Fallon!

YOU are NOT FUNNY.

I am—a comic.

YOU ARE NOT FUNNY.

I LAUGHED HARDER AT A SALAMANDAR THAN YOU.

[Salamander]

That's actually a

You know what?

That tiny fat Jimmy Fallon almost did it

Yeah, almost

Almost a laugh, eh?

Heeeh.

I mean, when it's bad, it's bad and—

Okay, I'm

Assault with a deadly weapon

Stalking

Psychological terrorism

And

My ex had a baby and nobody even told me about it

I thought that's what you wanted!

I wanted that exactly, but I wanted to at least be TOLD about it

This should do the trick

Do the trick

UGH.

THE SNEEPLEZ ARE COMING.

THE SNEEPLEZ ARE COMING

OK, what the FUCK are SNEEPLEZ?!

I don't know but

RUN

I just found out what a shmeckle was, and now i'm wondering exactly. How many of them is worth what.

don't look at me.

Okay, that kid is terrifying

Who, what—the kidd

Wait, go back, why is Fallon infinite all of a sudden.

Well, he was, and then…

DAMMIT.

What. This is your luck. Not mine. I didn't

PULL THE PLUG ON

I prepared tofu over the sautéed spinach and Brussels sprout kale medley I had made just the night before; I hadn't yet been to the gym, however, I would not go, until my Amazon package, containing the nutritional supplements and workout equipment I had ordered —falling just under a dollar short from being able to afford a new lifting pad—not evening having put together that the awful pain in my neck and shoulders might have come from my thinking that squat lifting two 45s with no protection, as I had seen some others do would do no harm—and although it had been days since I had had a ‘rest' day, it wasn't enough. According to Kylie Jenner, models often worked out 4-8 hours a day, like other athletes, and required to be 90 to 110 lbs—though I was far above age to even imagine a career as a model—I still at least wanted to become as small as possible.

First Saint James,

And now St Patrick's

It's a shame,

To play to the candid camera

I was framed, like Roger rabbit

I was blamed by bad, bad habits

It's a sister act, I tip my hat to the fans

And have none

My numbers dropped

As I scrambled at best to blame

For half of what I had yet

An internet presence

Past or present tense

The algorithm corrects

My Arcadian rhythm hasn't yet

I forget as I listen

To what always plays in the back of my head, anyway

A repetitive silence

He's got a good taste in girls,

Fascination with words,

and immortal preference for dismemberment

Embellishments

…

Interest in cryptocurrency

Where were you when I was a punk?

Either cuddled up to my mother;

Or curled up in a ball,

Trying to learn how to walk,

Just to run from her—

Or under something

Forgotten,

Had I not the lungs to call for someone to watch me

Or even a party,

A theology of sorts,

As I lost all the world's appeal

By the age of four,

When school started,

Probably

Maybe, even

The start of a fart,

Or the swirl of a thought,

Sail away,

I'm an unwelcome failure

I left [Redacted] alone,

On moral obligations, by admissions

A standard set for respect, besides my own transgressions

Expressions of love of man and animal,

Influx of output and perfectly capable of nonchalance, but not

Were the works and words of artform,

Demolished by cause of a hazard,

Wreaking havoc on lost God's

Prepare for the apocaplse,

Either by train, a fall, or by gun

Under all of the money

In The Galley

The housekeeper dremt of playing piano

But could not overcome the rotten body

The tree stump of a mother

Left to become nothing of Pocahontas

Or Pocatello

Either one, assumed of such

A potato

The moral of the story,

A new understudy

And Marlon Brando

Curiosity killed Johnny Depp

And what have you got to know

Other than to Zoom

Or assume that the hat is atop

Something or someone you want

But these star studded ones

Covered in lovers from dawn until dusk

Nothing wanted at all, besides love

Which could not be done by a man

To such a body

Summer Allfruit Jam

(Trfruit)

Come on, Jack, we don't have time for this!

I can't! I don't have any blocking for this scene!

UGH.

Fine, whatever—

[Jack Black Follows]

WHO! WHO DOES HE FOLLOW?

I don't know. Hold on.

Dammit.

You can tell by this dude's music he just knows how to fuck.

Fuck it. I'm in a weird mood anyway, should I I watch mau5's super cringey CNN interview?

Probably.

It's either that, or Fallon.

I'm not watching Fallon,

Like fucking ever.

Alright, cringey CNN it is.

I'm totally okay with feeding this obsession.

Tom Hanson

What does

Because it feeds me back.

What if the left and the right got along?

What if I showed up at my show,

In nothing but a thong?

What if I went bright

I once thought my aspirations

Were delusions of grandeur—

Once thought psychic visions as vivid hallucinations

Once thought auditory transformations as mutations,

Instead of and rather than

Musical endeavors

Once thought my proclivities

As sexual deviance

—the defiance of order,

as defined by The Order.

Worth an incognito

Who I've got to know, even

The televangelist's anthem has it—

What, like a nurse and a psychologist daughter

Thought this guy was hot

Theory of Genetic Attraction

By

Doctor CS Monroe

Quick, where did I study for my doctorate

At Harvard Law

I got a doctorate at Harvard Law School?!

Doctorate of Law

This exists, somehow, I believe

Synethetics and Multidimentional Reality:

The Algoithm Simulation Theory,

Evolved

Why!

Please don't let my dreams come true.

Really, even the dreams about Deadmau5

Well, except those—

Except that last one.

What was the last one?

He was scary.

Irish, German, and norweigien, really?

Really.

Are you sure—not even like hint of

Fuck it, it's not your face

You're so old

It's your soul.

Which, notably, might be even older, except.

GET OVER HERE, you DUMB MOTHERFUCKER.

MOOOOOOORRRRTTTRYYYYYYYYYYY.

There he is!

Like, Pacific Islander?

Nope.

Mm. Really. Not indigenous, at all?

Not that I know of.

BEFORE:

COLONIZERS:

die.

INDIGINOUS:

Ok.

COLONIZERS:

Except you.

[insert beautiful Native American woman here].

CONT

…you can stay.

ok.

*dies in childbirth*

History successfully erased.

WAIT.

…Hello.

Oh FUCK,

What did you do?!

I hit “erase”

Do me next!

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

JIMMY FALLON stays late to fish the altar stone from the fountain at the rock—he waits until early morning when no one is watching, however, a janitor, he discovers, has been watching—this janitor, a multidimensional traveler, is from the TVP series, , at which point PATRICK has moved into the brownstone building owned by VIVIAN, and as he lives in the penthouse apartment, we discover Vivian's family and friends, a gifted network of psychics and mediums, have began weaving anplan which will forever alter the twisted cycle in the oracle of the eye; one of these psychics, a mystic, is MAYA RUDOPLH, who, just after JIMMY FALLON has fished the alter stone from the fountain, appears, with the IMPENATRABLE TEN, or rather, the other 9 of them.

MAYA

give us the stone, Jimmy,

AH [explitive]

It's after hours, dude.

Like, fuck it, you can cuss now.

—you can swear.

You know I can't—it's still a conflict of interest,

I'm under contract.

Your oath with us far overrides any bond you have!

You know that.

And you know that I can't give you this alter.

[he stands in the fountain, the pant legs of his suit unrolling unevenly, clenching the alter stone in one hand firmly, balled into a fist]

Is this the cosmic avenger?

No, this is Patrick!

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

Nevermind,

I don't have time for this

You see these diamonds in my eyes

That means I shine for this

Turn water into wine for this

Make and serve dinner

Bake dessert fiz irst

Finish n sip syszurup

Skip the slip

Lizards

Thistwerks biizerk

Swerve yer learning curves

Ya sure deserve this

I don't be counting out bars

For the verses

Iceberg under the surface | | |

You're the worst

You deserve the

Don't want none of that swag

All black

No brands

All black

What's that

Don't ask

Step back

Just look at these hands

Inside

Outside

Slide to the left

Uptown

Downtown

I'm up next

I'm a look around for a minute,

Then dip

Come take a trip

Skip:

A new mission

I got to

Turn around

Put it down

Take a breath

Put it back

Like damn

What's that

I run it over and over (uh)

I better run for the coast (unh)

If it's not open it's closed (it's not open)

When it closes another one opens (I don't know) idk

2. Hubble | The Celvet Wave

Yous a dick rider

I am the decider of deciders

I am the inspirer

I still go side to side with it

I'm higher than the hirer:

‍♀️ I fired you

Eyes are getting wider and wider

Wisest of the wiser, I sir—

I surf-board, I sure does

Ride ya

Tidal

That's the [Title]

You can't tell me nothin

I throw you in the dumpster

I don't want to know you

I don't owe you nothin

Nonsense!

I'm a walking art project

You end up in the garbage (uh huh)

(Alright )

(You know what it is)

What it is— where we going

What it is

Where we going

I was in the 212

Like,

“Call me when the sky is blue”

Devil is a liar, boo

Double multiplier: two

(Times two)

Made the Times Square a cube!

(Times two)

(Tututu)

I'm not gonna die till my eyes are

Nylon

Multilinguist, extinguished Klingon, Engllish

KonichiwavhThis:

My show's on

No hoes exposed so I throw some clothes on

Improv pros so I blow the show off

So swole the whole house come down

The whole house come down

The whole house come down

Woah

Hi my blood

Heavy like hot rain

Waffles & Surup tho

First 4 counts,

Clips

What the FUCK— DEX,

(I got no Rolodex, not yet)

I thought we were friends!

Fuckthatshit

(You're my sister, you're a snitch!)

BangbangYouredead

I'm the bay harbor butcher,

Don't push me!

That's how it ends (it is what it is)

Can't make amends (I'm a genius, I guess)

Drop the body

Hide the prints!

Now you're stuck inside my head

I'll be back!

No you won't

Miami, ocean

Deb is gone, now

Deb's a ghost

Put some rocks in,

She no float

(Salt water)

Illuminati, swear to God

(Work harder)

Illuminati what the fuck

Swear to God I wrote the plot

What show you on?

The one I wrote

Illuminati stole my notes

Now I'm Deb,

And Deb's a ghost

I call him Dexter,

He the butcher

Take a picture,

Slit your

*screams*

I see what you mean

Ice cream truck;

First season,

Deb's a prostitute, (I'm a COP)

Finale season

Deb's is gone,

Deb's a ghost

I am Dexter

Slit your throat

Illuminati stole my notes!

Illuminati bugged my phone

Caught me plotting

I wrote new blood

Woah sir,

I'm awesome

I know I wrote the plot for this

I am not an officer,

Not Illuminati

Hahaha

Charade you are

I wrote the plot

(Yes you are)

Be careful sir!

I wrote the plot!

Somebody stole my google docs

And hacked my phone

Now Deb's a ghost

Case closed.

The case went closed

Cause Deb's a ghost

Harrison is in Los Angeles

My new shit is coming on

Not Illuminati

God is plotting all the shows

I ever wrote

Deb is gone, cause Deb's a ghost.

Better tha urs

Hey victor

I licked her

Get a taste of my elixir;

Like damn,

I miss her!

You're worthless;

Papers, get served

Surfs up

I just swerved

At work, just

Do no disturb

Put diamonds under this earth

You're nervous;

Suck my dick, sir

Uh!

Like damn

Wait, this my track

Nevermind just roll that back

Like

Uhh

What was the hook

Now this is the hook

New password:

Notebooks

Like yeah—

What's good?

In Brooklyn reppin my hood

Like yeah

What's good?

Alaska,

Repping my hood

Like yeah,

What's good

So Cal

I'm back in my hood

(South Side)

Like yeah

What's good

In Cali

Back in my hood

(That's my hood)

I am the new drill sergeant

No McDonald's, bro

Don't want that

I got oats all on my stomach

I got cornbread

All in my notebooks

Damn

Got that?

Bananas

I make bread

That's word—

You're pigeons

I'm rich,

You're broke

We're not synonyms;

I'm the one who stole your divedends!

WOAH

What's that?

Code words,

I'm so indegenous

Smoke signals

I blow remedies

I flow so hoes stay friends with me

Snow globe

Just don't throw hands at me!

Yo!

New York shit:

Yeeted the pizzas

New York shit

Eating the pizza.

New York shit

Back in Manhattan

New Person

Black don't crack

Don't crack

Don't crack

New hotel

Back at the plaza

That's a rap

I'm a rapper

I put the canon in camera

Hammer pants

Hiding the ass that you can't touch!

Hey victor

I licked her

I'm sick of the metal defectors

And shift work

Shit hurts

Get cursed

I just surfed

YO.

(Loudy)

Bubblegum

Put em up!

This is a stick up

So Put em up!

Stick you up

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

I pull up

Swift, I'm like Taylor

I pull up

Sticky like bubblegum

Stick you up

Here I come

I got a lot of em,

Hats and my habits is bad

But I rob you doe

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Colors on colors

But on my rims

And my e da?

This is chrome

I aim at your dome

Like

“Where are you from?”

Bitch are you dumb?!

I don't even know you

Get me a roll of the bubblegum

Some for the homies

Now open the drawer

Like you're poppin a bubble:

Gun/

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Look

Put em up!

This is a stick up

So Put em up!

Stick you up

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

I pull up

Swift, I'm like Taylor

I pull up

Sticky like bubblegum

Stick you up

Here I come

I got a lot of em,

Hats and my habits is bad

But I rob you doe

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Colors on colors

But on my rims

And my e da?

This is chrome

I aim at your dome

Like

“Where are you from?”

Bitch are you dumb?!

I don't even know you

Get me a roll of the bubblegum

Some for the homies

Now open the drawer

Like you're poppin a bubble:

Gun/

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Bubblegum

Look

2 forte

Guess the surfs up

Watch me surf on Sunday

After service

(Church on Sundays)

Pop up clubs, yuh

Pop up all day

Pop up /pop-tarts

Pop up all day

I'm that guy

Can't close my eyelids

Watch me fly by

Friday, I'm up

5 days, ain't no day job makes this pay meant

I got places to be

I just shapeshift

Can't explain this

Limited action

Guess this is

Limited attraction

I got limited edition hats

In my backsplash,

That's clutch

Huh

You brought a gun to a knife fight

One punch man

Got 3 hole punch

That's right

Now I'm up every night

I got five eyes

Remember that time that you

Lied on me

Lights on

Get this

I spin subliminal images

Interest in the interest

I mutated to Skrillex

Get it?

The best time to wear a striped sweater:

Is never!

You better do better,

I'm never ever ready for sweater weather

Tell Ever Ed Edd and Eddy

Get ready for bed,

Cause well fed and after dinner

Dessert — I'm definitely the bread winner

Smirk

Shout out to cool herc

My heart is purple, cause the world hurts

Went into the army and deserted em

I probably deserved to win,

But I was not as

Worth it as her, to sleep with

Bitch which side you is in

8 male sandwhiches in

My new kitchen

Pay attention

I love meat,

But I don't eat chicken!

Click click click

I take your picture

Paparazzi

This is it

I guess I'm Michael

I'm a thriller

I was big

But I got thinner—

What's up

2 forte

Guess the surfs up

Watch me surf on Sunday

After service

(Church on Sundays)

Pop up clubs, yuh

Pop up all day

Pop up /pop-tarts

Pop up all day

I'm that guy

Can't close my eyelids

Watch me fly by

Friday, I'm up

5 days, ain't no day job makes this pay meant

I got places to be

I just shapeshift

Can't explain this

Limited action

Guess this is

Limited attraction

I got limited edition hats

In my backsplash,

That's clutch

Huh

You brought a gun to a knife fight

One punch man

Got 3 hole punch

That's right

Now I'm up every night

I got five eyes

Remember that time that you

Lied on me

Lights on

Get this

I spin subliminal images

Interest in the interest

I mutated to Skrillex

Get it?

The best time to wear a striped sweater:

Is never!

You better do better,

I'm never ever ready for sweater weather

Tell Ever Ed Edd and Eddy

Get ready for bed,

Cause well fed and after dinner

Dessert — I'm definitely the bread winner

Smirk

Shout out to cool herc

My heart is purple, cause the world hurts

Went into the army and deserted em

I probably deserved to win,

But I was not as

Worth it as her, to sleep with

Bitch which side you is in

8 male sandwhiches in

My new kitchen

Pay attention

I love meat,

But I don't eat chicken!

Click click click

I take your picture

Paparazzi

This is it

I guess I'm Michael

I'm a thriller

I was big

But I got thinner—

What's up

I walk on the boulevard

See my name on walk of stars

This tattoo my code of arms

Now I'm on the walk of stars

School of rock

All of you Dan suck my cock

Rick and Morty

M the doctor back to future

Now I'm Marty

What year you think this sprinter is

I don't really give a shit!

I want it so I bought it

This shit is ten thousand verses

“Deliver us from Eva “

What?!

She's like, evil, I tell you!

Ooh, I've never seen Eva Longoria as a villain before…

Kinda.

GABY

You're not wearing that, are you?

Why( what's wrong?

Take it off now,

Why what's wrong.

Take it off now, or I'll kill you.

With what, you're like 4 foot—

[she rips open her dress revealing a GOD BODY

AAAAAAHHH, MY EYES

[traffix outside crashes]

[plane falls from sky]

Kinesthetics.

[helicopter crash—

Bigfoot is a peeping Tom; falls out of tree]

That was worth it.

Yeah.

V.O.

Once you start training in transit trainers,

There's no going back.

Two waist trainers, really.

What, did you really think I was like—

Jennifer Aniston

I just thought you were two inches fatter.

What?! It only adds like a centimeter!

A centimeter is two inches on camera.

I'm not doing anything on camera.

I beg to differ.

Don't beg, Jimmy Fallon

In that other dimension:

PLEASE.

NO,

PLEASE, just—

NO. JIMMU FALLON. I'm not a writer.

TINA FEY

*gasp*

AMY

Shuunber

—sure.

Last night I set a fire ther burned at at lesst 750 degrees

1477 degrees—

GO

OH SHIT.

13 stories above Brooklyn,

Atop of ancient holy lands I'm sure existed some several hundred thousand years ago

HERE?

LAND IT HERE.

WHY HERE.

Because it's there!

There's nothing there!

LAND IT TIGHT

GET IT RIGHT

GET IT RIGHT,

Get it tight!!!

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

The beauty and the age in the wisdom

Of a salt and peppered christendom,

The crown upon whose heavy head may shatter

As the glass, holding are the hands upon my heart

hereforth, ever since I did sit at the throne,

though only to hold the cape from the ground

As his majesty passed

Then when Billie's sounding like Beyoncé

And you shut the toy chest on your old life;

Sometimes you gotta grow up,

and face it,

Save it for the baby,

Cause somebody's gotta save him

Gotta be a hero in your own world

Going down from 20 just to Zero

Just to count it all up again

Here comes the cello,

Getting older,

Getting jealous

And my old hopes,

Are just bottle openers,

Shows closing,

Open up an envelope of mom

Here's hoping for the right time, to come up

On a rooftop

My mind's gone,

But my heart is whole

My soul comes on sundays, sometimes

The super soul

The soup is on, Easy like sunday morning

When my soul comes

Out of nowhere

A lot of work,

And a job well done

Lets be honest, I don't even know how to write this.

Where's my sides?!

WHERE'S MY SIDES.

You don't get SIDES with this;

It's just CHICKEN.

I don't eat CHICKEN.

It appears as though, however–

You do.

Ok, I gotta get off this playlist.

I…

i

gotta .

“The Wal*Mart Wars”

Hm.

…

………….

….

*face*

… no.

No. l–

What is this place.

{After a wild night which apparently spiraled out of control,

great , there goes my peace.

Not forever, though, maybe.

FUCK THIS PLACE.

I HATE THIS PLACE.

Everybody hates this place.

But the album is called

“I love New York”

Yes, thats

Technically

How it's pronounced,

though

It's stylized like

I _ NY

Cause.

EXT. MIDTOWN MANHATTAN. DAY

Oh, wow, this is beautiful.

THis is great.

I love this place

FUCK THE FEDS.

CUT TO:

EXT.Typically WHEREVER ELSE

Anywhere ‘above' like 187th?

Lets just call it 180th, be safe.

BE SAFE!

NIGGAZ.

ah shit, i gotta go.

BITCH–

But lets just be honest,

It's technically ‘above'

But it's really

[THE BRONX is a literal extension of the Underworld]

Oh no.

srsly tho.

X_c

Anyway.

FUck man,

Do you think i'll ever get good like that.

Idk what equipment is this

Hmm, lets see, that's approximately

$8,000 USD of CDJs

wow

yep

That's retarded

Yep.

And you still need a mixer.

fukt.

OKay, I would literally sell my soul for this.

Consider it done.

wait , really?

YES. you earned it.

Wait, I–

What?!

You earned it…

Uh oh.

Take care now.

Shit.

[BILLIE ELLISH is trapped inside WALMART]

Uh oh.

Fuck.

what is this place.

INT. WALMART. WHENEVER

EMPLOYEESLAVES

WHAT TIME IS IT. THERE'S NO WINDOWS IN HERE.

That's not funny

IT'S literally a synonym, we might as well make it a portemantau

MEanwhile, in this other dimension,

So that i don't offend anybody…

Actually, you know what?

Be offended.

Quit that stupid fuckin shit

and follow your dreams!

Wait really?

Wait, really?

Sure!

If you want!

…i guess.

AMERICA

NO.

INSTANT HOMELESSNESS

ok , nvm.

Damn.

I know, right.

wtf r u guys watching.

Shut up.

All Wal*Mart Employees are actually top secret government agents.

x ∞ >.< (we'll just use Billie Ellish as the alternate, but really it could be

Could it really?

Shut UP, PLURNICORN.

Wtf is a PLURNICORN

We'll see.

[Upon Realizing s/he is trapped in a mysterious place apparently extremely public

Wait, you've never been to a Wal*Mart Before?!

NO.

I grew up in LA

Rich as fuck

And i've been famous since I was liike 12,

Or something.

Right.

That is–kind of terrifying.

LATER:

WHY IS IT SNOWING INSIDE.

WHERE'S THE EXIT.

THEY HAVE GUNS?!

oh wow, they have GUNS.

WHY DO WE NEED GUNS!

KA-BLAM.

BECAUSE THEY HAVE GUNS.

Bang-bang!

Ptttttttttt—sttt.

And they have guns.

Actually, these are just– confetti cannons.

*pop!*

Lol

All ya'll girls is toddlers

I like long boards and longhairs

Lawn mowers and lawn shares

Aw hell nah, God forgot Cher

I got the Blair witch project

On Blair,

I hope I scare you

How dare you.

Your girl looks like a naked mole rat.

I got my soul back.

You blue eyed bastards stole everything

From the whole blacks,

Hold that thought

I'm at Whole Foods market

throw in the Amazon algorithm off

With marked dollars

Look at God at Walmart

On them rollbacks

You old hacks are cackling

I'm shackled to old habits

Hold hands with me, rabbit

I'm just a silly rapper

really, are you?

Maybe.

Cut the verse of

Reverse God

Now I'm the devil

I'm still lost in the Amazon cart

I sharted all up in your pop tarts

Before you warmed them up, pops

Just for the sake of the art,

Heart to heart,

It's a war on love

And the white girls won with nothin but

Buckets of

Whatever's up there

I wouldn't know

Cause I'm stuck job searching

And running,

Trying not to have a tummy

So some gummy worm will love me

First their sour, then they're sweet

Then nobody,

Trolli

Holy moly I could use some more petroleum in the ocean!

Said nobody

But the globalists are performing your programming

Which you're worshiping

I put my eye on the dollar

So I could watch you all

Crumble and fall

Don't you know

The apocalypse is happening at the mall

Of all the places

How's that for a stream of consciousness,

You salamander

I asked Anandar back

But I went past that chapter

Have a chap

Or a chapstick, for four times four dollars

A bottle of water will cost you a fortune

(But at least the drugs are in it)

Get it

It's recycled piss

Distilled? Which is it, Mr,?

The mystery box was literally lifted into

My dinner from a fishery filled with nothing but niggers in it—

I want a refund, before I catch that

Fucking curse of poverty from — what'd you call it

salmonellahallibut

One hell of a cough from someone on the sidewalk

But guess what?

The devil's in your pocket or your palm,

And that's the omen and the psalm rolled into one

Cause God is awesome,

But my mom is fuckin toxic

And that's how I fuckin got here

Blow my head off,

Slit my wrists

And write a song

While jumping off a bit

When all you need is money,

But the world costs more than

It's worth, and words are nothing

But another fucking problem in your Google documents

I look at my son and see a God,

But half of Satan's in him,

Oh man

Robotics

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

{First Person Shooter}

A “pussy” is a character or player which has been shot but survives, either once or several times—the “Pussy” then becomes a priority target for other teams, and the successful assasination results in a large bounty, plus the team leader of the opposition g team's automatic annex of the team in which the Pussy belonged to—the Pussy is technically the defacto team leader, however, will usually still allocate decision making to the Captain, who protects the Pussy by keeping them guarded, and it is important that the Captain consult with the pussy remotely, as not to put the team at risk. The Pussy is given such decoration and power because of their “purple heart” status, and the ability to find special missions, objects, weapons, and portals within the game world the other team players cannot see or do not have access to. There is typically only one Pussy per team, as due to the high bounty, they are quickly ‘offed', the captain losing their status as the team merges with the team who successfully offed the pussy—however, the Captain is then given an ultimatum to return to his status by Avenging, other players given the option to kill the Captain of their own team for higher stakes, which will take the players into higher rankings than that of which they were demoted from before the Pussy's offing, however, the players also have an option to deny joining the revolt, which may result in the former opposing team captain's assasination, and savaging of the captains posessions, weapons, and status— the reason for denial of joining the result simply being that the player will lose their ranking, and safety of being on the larger team, under the safety of the formerly opposing team's flag.

In Enter The Multiverse —

Wait, who else has been shot besides apparently CC?

DILLON

You've been SHOT?

CC

Yeah! Didn't you see that hole in my butt?!

DILLON

Everyone has a hole in their butt!

CC

I meant my cheeks!

DILLON

What—? Oh. I thought those were just cute little dimples.

CC

Yes, The left cheek naturally has a dimple—

DILLON

—

CC

the right cheek though, has a bullet wound in it!

DILLON

That's…asymmetrical

CC

I was asymmetrical, then I got shot—

DILLON

That's—what?!

CC

Funny how shit works sometimes, DJ.

what is your life.

It's your life, but backwards— which is why I'm not a famous DJ, I'm just your friend.

That's—yeah—

Now, come on.

We gotta go get this fucking Pussy.

That's—-

[obviously, JIMMY FALLON is a pussy.]

Correct

SKRILLEX is a pussy.

Fair.

Is

Idk, we'll figure it out. Go back to that other thing.

Which other.

The other thing. The other thing.

At that party…or rather, kind of—after.

That acid that never hit Beyoncé

I don't feel it.

Man, I'm a terrible influence(r)

Just take it.

Nah, I'm good—

PUSSY.

-_-

Give me three.

K.

—suddenly hits BEYONCÉ.

BEYONCÉ

…I got this.

[BEYONCE] however, does not

Ohh, shit.

— “got this.”

A very stranded, very sober Johnny depp stumbles upon what appears to be a college frat party, where the only thing they have is light beer, and nobody even recognizes him as a celebrity, because the attendees are all gen z

What's even after gen z?

The fucking apocalypse.

Anyway.

The acid hits Beyoncé on her way to make coffee, which extends the trip from the living room to the kitchen infinitely.

Multidimensional Anne Hathaway hulks the fuck out and saves the day by ruining everything, which actually fixes everything— and *spoiler* helps Jesus to remain as the king of kings at beer pong.

Lol

In the late 90s in New York City, the keystone cast of Saturday night live learns of each other's formerly sexret psychic abilities, and uses the radio technologies of Rockefeller plaza to develop a research center for the telepathically gifted, eventually discovering and perfecting time travel.

Supacree (the kid version) appears in and out of her ideal and desired realities, baffling ‘the Hollywood people' and later ‘the New York people', becoming the legendary central figure of the Illuminati, as the original timepiece — a pyramid shaped extra terrestrial vehicle which contains an ascended hyper conciousness, which

I can't remember how it goes, did the supacree leave to find the Skrillex, or was it the other way around?

I think it was both ways at some point, but the whole thing was this, just in case I never wrote it but just saw—

These space god (humanoid evolved) are some kind of scientists/ doctors— there are four timepieces, each representing an era upon our planet; earth, which is distant but sacred— these four time pieces each depart their given “docs” in time to appear on earth at specific

Fuck this is hard to explain

Times in history, at which the first worlds, or previous human eras were known to have been destroyed— these time pieces travel through time space with the full record of these events in order to alert the current human era of its imminent doom, as an attempt to prevent such disasterous events, typically war, which will lead to the annihilation of the human species; these Gods, one male and one female, a king and queen, a married couple are the rules of the humankind, technically worshiped as a whole as one God, with whom the human design was modeled after, however, the true source of all things is the cosmos, known and unknown, in its totality—neither man or woman, but the force of creation.

Anyway, what else is happening

Oh.

All of the celebrities are stuck in—

[the festival project] in some way, shape, or form until its creator finishes it—and though it in itself is infinite, its 'finishing' notates its eventual production, which

lol. That never going to happen.

Because.

Let's face it.

I'm scared of

…rich people.

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

I'm scared of

The effect of the race war, which has been to pit the white woman against the black woman, which allows and maintains the continuation of war mongering male dominance over the entire planet, which remains as a destructive force of greed, racism, and inequality.

So why try?

Hi, I'm looking for—James Cannon?

I'm James Cannon.

Really? Your name is James?

Yes.

Oh..hah. That's funny. I had an uncle named Tracy once—I thought that was weird. I guess this is sort of like that.

No, it's not,

Well, anyway, here.

What's this?

You've been served.

Of course.

Later, James!

“Haha”

—Now it's funny.

Gotcseven stops to just sit in this

Listening to some nigga with a list speak in Spanish

Something's been different since cooking with Jimmy

Something's been different,

I cooked up chaos

Instead of ambition

I cooked up a job,

But is a crock pot, I got a long time to let it simmer

I remember trying to remember,

But couldn't get back there

Not ever

Sucks like a penis

Or wishes them with one is,

Huh?

Nevermind, ye is back

Nevermind, the K is whack

I might as well just smoke some crack

Go back to that hole

The coffee's not cold, but the cup is old

I think it might have rusted…

That shit is diagusting and I should trust it, but trust me

It's money over nothing

Fuck New York

I think this show's about to go back on line

You think I'm late but I'm right on time

With 9 cold opens

I don't know him

No,

Don't open the drawer up!

Don't go there'

You fuckin poser

Check my posters,

I'm the dopest hope out of nowhere

She got them

Tights with the hearts,

Them

Patent leather platform Mary Jane's

I know you hate me, baby

But can you blame me?

I'm just a toy in your basement!

Your bitch is basic

Watch your tv out it s for they become words

Watch your words, for they become actions

Watch your actions, for they become habits

Watch your m habits, for they become your character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny

What we think, we become.

Cool. Apparently I'm about to become

Skrillex

Beyoncé

And Jimmy Fallon.

That's…that's cool with me.

Joyce Meyers

“A Brief history of the future”

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

The Madness

It had come on suddenly, almost as if out of nowhere, and…

As I lay bleeding

A fleeting dream,

Or a memory

(Aren't we even?)

I could be just…

Repeating sequences from my memory,

But

‘Seriously, simmer down'

He says

I put the soup on simmer for awhile—

Can't remember where I fell from

Very high up

In love with the

Ideal of

Being in

My own world

With my

Idol or icon?

No,

Role model,

For something,

But that's not possible,

Cause that's not the job

I want,

Turns out

‘God love him'

I called out

‘God love him'

I called out

‘God, love my son'

Cause God does love

God goes love

But—

Something happened to

All of us

I wonder what

I shouldn't have come

To the washroom

So earlier

I could have just

Curled up in a ball

Unhurled a whole wold

I was brought up to

Know nothing of it

If it comes up

If it comes up

—that's abuse you know

The scare tactics of

Weak men

After nothing

Now come back

I woke up with music

And I hold love

If love comes

But God don't love ugly

—Cause ugly men

Scare people

When they can't find

Love

And Love

Becomes ugly

When you beat her up

With

Whatever that noise is;

Boys will be boys

And posers will be posers

I've got a whole bunch of losers on

Bikes at my window

Who like feeling powerful

But actually have no power at all

Other than to cause hurt

That's all they do

Poor souls,

Satan owns them,

You know

I pray for the man to just

Go home,

Be happy

But you know ,

I've been called up before,

Ravaged

Weak men seek revenge

And strong women eat cabbage

On Passover

So what do you know about love

I know

The more that I love

The more love will come to me

So I keep doing this over and over

I know that I love him

That's a four leaf clover

I found him on a 40 day fast

Or longer

The one one the mountaintop

The one

Weak men drive

Art show cars

Just down one road at night

I think I have a stalker

Don't go too far

Don't read too hard into it

Your own story

It just doesn't make sense

To know this stuff

Before it gets disclosed on Wikipedia pages

Don't get too close to the windows these days

When Satan's paging you

And waking them up just to keep hating on you

You must be confused girl

I never would have dated you!

And I hated you on Saturday night

For breaking fourth wall

And being out of character

The other cast members were right

They should have fired you

But viewership from women

Or girls, rather, other obsessives

Of

The [Redacted] fanclub

Had you mad as fuck at the world

And God

Tripping over that rug

Into my dungeon

I should have wrote you off

Like that coughs slut,

But look what happens

When you're a genius with a big butt

And big love, pulling magic tricks

And dick jokes out of a hat—

I have a habit of getting off track

And distracted

Hate being black

But has to have been

To write this canon on

[Redacted],

The has been

—guess you just want

What you can't have

And all I wanted

Is everything

Everyone else seems to already have

A family.

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

Written and Preformed by C'cxell Soleïl

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

El Machina Caballero”

Wait, you're married to Catherine Heinowitz?

I was

Like THE Heinowitz? As in Rebecca Heinowitz?

—Katie Heinowitz!

YES.

Like the guys who made Church Factory!

You're a Sasquatch.

I know.

All the TV people are smaller in person

In one way or another—

Live or behind the scenes

Believe me

The tv people need you

Just as much as

You need your TV

Please believe me

Everything is not what it seems to be

As Seen on TV

[The Tv People Theme Song]

Yes.

What is WRONG with you?

Something.

Marc Shultz?

I fucking guess.

You're Jewish?

If I wasn't before, I am now!

You can't be seeious.

All I see

And all I am

Is you and I

Inside The Eye

___

This is mescaline.

Okay.

I take this when I get too—(he spins his finger) spun around, wound up.

I get that.

You want to go with me?

No, but I'll watch over you, at least.

That's all I ask.

Patrick and Esha under the guidance and guise of the eye are best friends, have become bound by blood in such a sacred oath that one does not function without the other, and although moving without restraint or restriction independently, grow magnetically and enigmatically together by force of nature, as we learn to understand that the connection precedes the bond by which the sacred oath has bound them, and also is

Also is what! Goddamn!

Idk, lost my train of thought.

The irony of irony, is that Patrick tends to get away with his bizarre and off the wire behavior, because he is surrounded by people who love him for his talent and open heart— his downfall often being that the only person who doesn't love Patrick, is himself.

1-888-788-0099.

You know what DNA stands for?

Do not attempt to talk to me when I'm fasting.

I'm not in my body, almost at all.

Trying to get God to talk in English is like,

A task,

Do not attempt.

I don't know what channel you're on.

Ah, the dreads.

The olden ones seem to have known I was coming.

More coffee.

No, no coffee.

Breakfast is—

No,

I need you fasting for this.

For what.

Come on.

That's not my God.

You know what. I know that. Your God is money.

Go back to California!

I WISH, if I could have an apartment like this in California, I would have been gone, however

There is a lot of love in New York.

That's the reason it's still standing up.

When is this?

I don't know.

Couldn't have gone too far back, you know—

I was still at least 3 days in

And three days out,

And completely full of shit,

Which must mean I'm

WHERE'S JIMMY FALLON.

I'm Jimmy Fallon.

No, the REAL Jimmy Fallon.

Go, quickly.

Yes, sire!

You know, I'll scratch your eyes out.

That might take a long time;

I have eyes all over this city.

Uh, line?

Come, ishii, and Quickly.

How did I spell that again?

One way, or another,

All the series are going to collide with all the series,

At some point!

Listen, Emmitt…

Yes.

I'm going to need you to explain this experiment to me.,,very—simply.

It is simple! You know this!

I know this trick!

Follow me.

I need a safety.

I'm oooh, shiny!

Whatever. Come on.

This is FUCKED UP

THIS IS FUCKED UP

THIS IS FUCKED UP

FUCKED UP

TRUMP CITY, USA

Just fucking kill me.

SETH.

Rogen, or Myers?

Both of you.

What?

Really?

Yes.

Okay.

GO,

So you know all this to be true, right?

Yes.

Correct,

So if you know that,

Then you know I'm not the real Jimmy Fallon…

Exactly.

I trusted you!

Trusted me for WHAT.

Not to LOOK.

Look.

No.

Look at me.

NO.

Oh good, the piano bar.

I told you she was gay.

I'm not gay, I'm just.

Please, just one drink with me.

NO, Satan, Jesus.

Okay, Jesus, relax.

Quit saying your own name.

I OWN YOU.

You are my SLAVE.

Okay. That's….

That's not okay!

You killed my boss!

Is this like a 3D thank you card, or something?

He writes my checks!

Did you check his pockets?

Severance pay, maybe.

How many days is this fasting?

I don't know, maybe like

1, 2

Two days? I can do that.

Three hundred and 80

MESSAGES.

Hey, this is—

BEEEEEEP.

Messages erased!

Hey! What the fuck!

You can't have these things, Jimmy!

That's just my stage name!

Listen to me

Was it Connie?! I hope it was Connie!

JUST—SHUT UP.

Come with me.

Why r u following me?!

GARY! GARY! SAVE ME!

Okay, this is strange, but the subtle SpongeBob references in this series

Now make everything crazy.

If I kill myself today, you know, he wins at everything.

Why would I kill myself on my wedding anniversary.

Why would you kill yourself on my birthday.

Cause,

Plus One,

Because, Johnny, I loved you—

And I never told you that.

Actions speak louder than words.

Way, way louder.

This is a class action lawsuit from

96 celebrities.

What are you suing me for?!

Nothing?!

MY CORNBREAD RECIPE?!

SERIOUSLY?!

Who the fuck is driving this thing?

It's not me, actually.

You should ask the conductor—

I'm just having an out of body experience.

Okay, that cop did look like Dillon Francis.

I thought Dillon Francis was Satan.

I thought so too, but then—

NICOLAS?!

AHAHAHAH.

Oh no! He's taken another hostage.

Yep.

Poor thing!

NICKELODEON

WOULD YOU DO THIS.

Uhhhh—- maybe

DOUBLE DARE.

FUCK, MAN!

Okay, whose driving?!

Satan, take the wheel for a second.

Okee.

*instantly crashes*

Instant death!

Instant infinity—

Dammit.

I'm telling you, god is actually winning this thing.

WHERE IS HE?!

Jim, get out of New York City,

Take your family,

Take everything with you.

Okay.

I'm—

Wait WHAT.

What did you just say?!

Nothing,

I'll kill you, you know.

GOOD.

Hello?

This is the Illuminati speaking.

Okay.

Meet me at.

What is this,

I don't know.

The Heineken factory?!

I'll give you $36 dollars, every time you say.

Why are you doing this?

I don't know:

That's right! You don't know!

Are the eyes in yet?

Not yet.

Are the headmasters here?

Almost.

Great. This is going to be a great project—

I CANT DYSFUNCTION.

Don't you mean.

You can't “function “

Well—

Yes, and no—

It's just

MY EYEs!

MY EYES DONT WORK.

But it's amazing, it's almost as if—

You know what.

I like these traits.

I'm keeping them.

NO, LET ME GO.

No, little man.

Stay in the box, like you're supposed to—

Oh and—

NO, DONT SHUT ME—

imm not shutting you off. I'm just turning the volume—doooown..

No, wait—

(But quiet)

Ya. I also wish I was white.

YUCK.

What am I doing like this?

Idk. Kill yourself.

Right? I wish.

BLACK IS BEAUUUUUTIFUL.

Yeah. It is. But—

Look, don't—

Avoid these creatures.

Hey baby!

wtf is he saying.

Idk. I think he speaks English.

Switch to English.

Uhhh, who am I again.

The band made her smile,

But the dancer made her laugh.

She liked the band;

But the dancer made her laugh

The band made her happy,

But the dancer made her laugh

I don't follow a man, unless—

The music, yes.

Follow that.

He's got my heart in his hand

And she's got the world in her eyes

And he's got his hands on my heart

The sermon of sorts,

The rock and the kite

THE FOURTH REIGHT HAS RISEN!

THE SOUTH WILL RIIIIIIIIIIIIZE

OH SHIT, I almost forgot this guy

WILL FERAL.

lol.

That actually happened.

You shouldn't fast like this

City sickness, city sickness

Perhaps you should move to Ohio, dear matron, if all you can say is

Words with hatred

When I loved you in the first place.

Hey, Satan.

But I just couldn't take it

The white devil had his day in my

Spiritual Parisian

The nuptial edits.

The wedding band,

Remote controls and

Architects

Sages and pages of

Architects

Art directors,

Casting agents

And I just can't handle it

I just need managers

Booking,

Writing books

And keeping close tabs

On their dialects

Who dialed you in God

9/11

Who dialed you in on 420

The devil himself

And my mom must have warned them

She warned them with

Fireball

A cannon

Never had a

Catastrophe

You summoned her, didn't you?!

WHO? Which—

My MOM!

No, MAYA, actually no!

You did!

You

I did not

Look, SEYONCE wants you to dance with her.

Dance? I can't.

That is tragic.

He's a GOD, I tell you that!

Did I tell you that?!

Now, fist bump the trash can.

Nah.

Dammit.

Fuck, man.

Yes, I win!

That one scene where Patrick sells all of esha's guitsrs—

You sold all my stuff?!

What is that, anyway?l

Liked”, a shrine!!?!

What?! Fuck you!

—fuck you.

I'm a collector!

Well, guess what?!

Now you're a contributor—

What?!

You want your precious, fuckin—

It's a collection

Yeah, well your collection is sitting in an exhibit at your favorite musical in Manhattan

How would you know what's my favorite—

—let's just say I guessed —

Fantastic.

you—

I donated them.

You what—

You don't have to thank me, either—

One day, that museum will be honored and redededicsted entirely in your namesake

I fucking hate you,

How would you even know these things.

Somethings you've yet to see,

But I've seen them, and believe me

The Eye is Aching for it

For what?

The tears in his eyes have turned into l glowing halos, and the whole world becomes something other than what it was, the office, fading into what seems to be a single soundstagec and as the halos in his eyes begin to transform into other worlds, the present becomes the past, as he has been altered—to becom The One; the original Predecessor of The Eye.

I don't—

What show is this?

I don't know.

[The Festival Project]

…did you dream last night, Esha?

…what do you mean?

Did you dream?

I did dream of him,

Last night

Two dreams I dreamed

A weeklong song, I sung

An aching heart I woke with

I KNEW THERE WAS HONEY IN THIS.

—just—hold onto this for a minute, would you?

Sure, I—

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa

So that's where I left it. Hm.

THE VEGAN VERSION USES AGAVE AND ROASTED—

shhhhhh. This is my recipe now.

My secret recipe.

Don't spoil it.

Sh!

OH, ROASTED—

ssh!

I'm shook.

Oh look. There he is again.

Fuck!, dude how did you do this?!

I don't know!

Run!

SHOOT HIM.

what.

Just—

Shoot him.

I got the gangstas

With the pizzas

YEET.

No, try something else.

What, you don't like this one?

No, it's not-

I YEETS THE PIZZA

I EATS THE PIZZA

Oh, apparently they were Lizzing at this shit yesterday.

For WHAT purpose. That's not funny.

Remember:

Comedy is always tragic—

What.

What's this.

Oh, that is funny,

When it isn't you.

It's true.

It did seem my baby at one point had a death wish.

Oh, look,

Yay.

Go baby!

You're doin it!

Woo!

Now watch this:

[baby attempts to run into oncoming traffic ]

Mommy

NOOOO!

Haha.

I remember those days.

My baby fever is out of control.

LOOK AT HIM

W0000000W

LOOK AT THESE JEANS

YUM.

LOOK AT THESE

hair, he has nice hair.

Try not to scare her:

AH.

Fuck.

Yikes.

Okay, I can't see again, which means.

I'M BLIND!

She took— MY EYEBALLS.

Here, use mine.

Thanks, uhh—

Satan.

Oh, thanks Sa—

Wait.

But my friends and fans call me

SKRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL

THATS THE X!

What?! THATS YOUR X?!

NO.

WELL, yes, but

THATS “THE X”

Aw, man.

What the fuck, God.

I swea,r an extra small

And I'm still too fat

Let's go to McDonald's

I LOVE MCDONALDS

OH.

Hey.

Oh, I remember this it's

EXIT

NO

EXIT NOW, before my

*before my life gets hacked.

lol fuck these fags.

Seriously, it's like

Well, I'm on my own time

NY

YOURE ON MY TIME

YOURE ON CITY TIME

YEh, exactly.

This is

NO, THIS IS MY TIME

always let the white girls go ahead of you;

They're trying to be angrily mean and flamboyant, but trust this;

She's going to tell you how rough the waters are by taking the journey before you

And though she will not show it

Maybe ever

She loves you

As her sister

As a woman

Okay, you little black bitch

Am I little now, the other day I was FAT

8mm

I'm gonna kill you.

Great, my life is ruined.

Ok. I just want like

Cereal

Some English muffins

Like,

Oatmeal,

Quinoa, I don't care

Whatever

This ruins you, you know.

That's ok. I'd rather be killed by every white girl in the Illuminati, than by my ex husband again.

Seriously, is this not torture to you?

It is, it's just

This is MY magic.

That's the—that's the white devil, it's pretty much,

I told you this

lol

I love New York

This white girl—

I actually liked her

She was a bag lady,

Uptown,

You could tell she was just-/

Stuck in this fucked up world too long,

Cause I smiled at her,

Cause I liked her

Crackheadedness, I guess

But you could tell she wasn't on crack

Cause she didn't have the crack swagger

You know, the—

*crack swaggers*

That shit.

And she was just like

Cracked.

Probably cause she lived uptown.

I personally prefer anything below. 80th

She was somewhere like, Above 96th,

And I was just like—

Lost, with no phone, on God Mode like

Well, my eyes don't work and I no longer speak proper English,

I'm some kind of bird, I guess

And I'm lost as fuck

Taking the extra long way home because,

I was literally trying to go

One fucking place

On what is literally the worst day in history:

4/20

Not only because it was Hitler birthday,

Or because everyone is now smoking like government funded weed,

Which could never be a good thing—

But because the only train,

Or one of the only train lines

That goes directly from this one place to my house

Was just— magically

“Out” that day

Cause, you know—

New York City.

And this lady gets on the train,

Just fucking rambling,

And I laughed—

Actually out loud,

Because,

I left my house at like 10 in the morning

And I didn't get back until almost midnight,

Just trying to get to this one place

and like—

Couldn't.

Or, actually by the time I did

I was just—

So fucking hungry

That everything around me

Was some kind of

Something I made up

Or was working on writing—

This also happens when I'm fasting

Everything just turns in to

[the festival project]

Which I thought

Nobody else in the world even knew or cared about except for God

And the aliens that have been writing it—

Which is usually

Come on.

Where are we going?

“Staples”

EXT. ONE WORLD TRADE CENTER. DAY

AWTF

NO.

They put his NAME on a BUS.

Why would they do THAT?!

If you're a whole bus,

Then I must be the motor…

Satan is my motor

His name on a building—

Oh hell no.

This is the wrong place and time

Something is wrong!

NO.

FUCK THAT GUY

FUCK THIS DAY.

Just —

Dissociate! Dissociate!

Uhhh—-

I gotta go back in time and stop myself from getting married.

Why?!

Cause!

Everything is his now.

We like him better than you.

NOOOOOO.

KILL YOURSELF THEN.

I tried.

I was like

“Look, Ali”

He was like:

“Over here”

Oh.

EXT. ST PAUL'S CEMETARY, DAY.

Where you going?

Idk.

What is that sound.

Idk.

ELON

ALIAS?

Uhh__

I don't have an alias for you, son, I'm sorry.

You're just

ELON MUSK

ELON! ELON!

Oh, my—christs, what's happened to you?

I don't know!

My eyes! My eyes!

Mmmmm.

Rye bread sounds fucking awesome right now.

Tight.

*sniffs*

Tight. Tight.

WHOOPDEWOO.

Yep.

You know—WHOOPDEWOO.

WHOOPDE—

WHOOPI.

What the FUCK. WHAT. I was.

Well. That's good.

What.

I don't know what I'm looking at but

I'm starting to like these eyes.

What! Whose eyes are these??

Idk. But once I found out I was using Satan's—

WAIT, like, the DEVIL?!

Yes, Jason Sudakis.

yes.

You can come.

Where are we going?!

To get alcohol poisoning.

There is a song

Kissing the barrel of a gun

Protect the land, they sing

However,

It is he that banishes

The truth from nature

The apocalypse has been upon us

Since the collapse of these mighty towers

The collapse of the mighty dollar

I'ma still

Riding MY

BICI—

BLAM!

AHHHHH!

You shot me!

I'm sorry son! I thought you were black!

I am—

Kinda—

Or was.

*dies melodramatically*

NOOOOOOOO!

We shot one of our own!

—Kinda…

Fuck man,

I'm gonna get so fired for this.

Or like, at least laid off…

Well, let's just hope it's a paid leave!

[two racist cops—

Ahem—

Decide rather than going to jail, they will just shoot anybody who comes to the scene of the crime

Damn, this gets levels

Cause

—to summarize, eventually the standoff ends,

And when they get to heaven

The kid they shit is God(s)

“God The Judge”

Welcome to my world

The only law of the land, is

There is no law

Bound by the law,

Is the land you've let behind

All for the better

The lost souls

They know not to harm one another

From the suffering,

It's up they come

From whence there on,

We rise up

Leave them in the dust

From behind

Let's to suffer under us

Suffer under us

You know what I want?

A malotov cocktail

For all of the tales

I have yet to tell

And I never will

Cause you've lost my trust

There's none of us left you know

Where we left you

The world we left to suffer under us

Serivice, you servitor

I see it in your eyes

I am in another realm

So high above you

That you can't deny my diety

You can deny my animal

My wild side

My life inside my life inside my

DIE!

—just die already

Trust me, I'm trying.

I'm just a horse I,

Race—-

—Course

These nigga is racist

These bitches is heated

Cause she see I need him

It's all DJs on walls

Broken mirrors

And broken bottle

Alcoholics

Mescaline

And city sickness

[Esha's addictions resurface, Patrick's use peaks at its all time high— ]

She ravages the grocery store in search of comfort foods—

Patrick is arrested after destroying an entire Liquor store

I just had to

Run a Madonna

Why you thinking about my husband— at all!?

I wish I knew, madam

I wish I knew the answer

I just had to

Suffer through

An album called

Forgiveness

I got get this

I don't have nothin

But suffering to do

And I've already done that so,

Shut up

I couldn't have ever fathomed

A cannon so handsom

I have a bazooka

Bubblegum

It matches you cannon

See,

That's how far up I am—

Fall back

That be

Of course not

That's his father,

Don't you know?

I had to ask,

Have you passed on, sir?

And if you have—

How is your son?

That's my hat, though

I only know them

Once they become broken

No promises though

On the whole order of it

See how far

This is my home

This is my temple

You are my archer,

Who holds now and arrows

These are my horses

These are my stables

Run, rabbit, run

For I am not stable

Run, rabbit, run, rabbit

Sit at my table

All hail the archer

King James, your majesty

I called you Saint,

Because,

This is my masterpiece

This is my hand,

And this, is my label

Come archer

Come one and all

Sit at my table

I called you Saint

Because I am unstable

I painted this picture,

Come sit at my table

A land made of glass,

And the casket, the cradle

I made you up, because

I became able to

Ableton

I only hate you

Cause I can't have you

I'd only date you

If it weren't random

Damn, this is tragic

Taking my hand like that

Showing me magic

I'm not taking it back;

You're a maniac, man

And imm mad at you—

Handsome professional

Dads have it best

I guess father know best

And she's perfect

The family is golden

Her aura was always my horrible

An honor it was

To serve, you, sire

The patriarch

Of such a remarkable

War with us

The hers, and the girls

Vursus,

Woman lust over what are overuses are

Sure enough

Assuredly a certain

Azure after all, is coming up

I'm coming off this fast, man

But to be grandfathered into

The master craft

By the madmen of

Manhattan

Is

Damn.

I was hungry.

Well DUH.

Just shut up and run, would you

Shouldn't have uttered it

Once is a curse,

It's enough

Just to be as unloved as I ever was

But this one is fucking up my consciousness

Of all the award I never won

And everyone around

Is the mother of his sons

But,

Where does that come from?

The comfort was torn from her heart,

Where she left it,

On the alter,

Still bleeding

And his heart never beats for her

Evil, she thinks

If the keeper of the keys

She had bathed/

Or had mated with—

But she sees this:

“Stamatina”

And know there's some Jesus

In this Genius

And the trickery

That just may be as fatal

As Mother Nature

In his genes,

The super creeps and creperies

Another demolished apostle

For falling in love,

She collects, of cours

Albums as tokens

In the exchanges, she lays all her eggs

The jogs toning her legs for the right one,

And all out of protein

She gobbles the apples and ashes,

Ambidextrous

Dexters watching all this as the butcher of

Some harbor

Stuck in New York,

New story,

With the same old habits

All this was a tragic

And unhappy accident

As cellibacy creeps up

In the form of

Some imaginative masturbation

Fascinated with the fashion

And architecture of summon city

A portal gun,

One dollar bill

Some pills

Some fuckin remedy for

Whoever that shapeshifter

Posing as Jimmy Fallon

Actually is

Cause none of this

Can never

And never did happen

And.

When your spirit is floating down that tunnel towards the light—

You know what's behind the light?

It's not God, it's—

LORNE MICHAELS

(ME)

Uh oh.

—and I don't know how you did this, but—

{Enter The Multiverse}

[The Festival Project.™]

COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2024 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. ©

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©

-Ū.

I been telepathically programming bitches

To mimick this addictive obsession with [Expletive]

If anything just to hop up on his dicks in

Get his attention

And end his

Ahem

Apparently awful//awesome marriage edits in multidimensions, for the unmentionable shit that might just hit too close to home, for some

What

Be a parent to your son,

They said

I said,

Hey, man

I'm just a dear old dad with bad habits

It's a trap, you know!

You can't trust us bitches

I took pictures of this bitches ass

To put on top of the dead presidents

Hell yes, I said

Get dressed man,

It isn't hygienic,

All that shit we just did,

Remember?

I live in a trash can!

(It's a dumpster but)

[IT's actually really nice in here, what the fuck]

Damn, alright what is that

Idk

#RIPJImmyFallon

I was fasting like a maniac when that hashtag happened

You just can't come back from that,

You just can't ever

Get back to the dad joke

The man told.

That pulled you out of that last fast,

Like I did

From that man whole!

FLAGPOLE

FLAGPOLE

—what?

OHFD.

*OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

-The Rock And The Kite

As told by

Who's that guy

Uh.

TESTPILOT.

I need some sages

And stages

And sages in this bitch!

I need some

Pages and

Playlists and

Paiges in this bitch

It just goes

On an on for days,

This just gets crazy in this bitch

Can't say

Expletives because peacock is paying for this bitch!

Nevermind,

Lets just do Netflix?

Pass.

Amazon Prime?

This costs too much for us

I'll do this : every dime I own,

Will go straight up your but

I

Is that an innuendo for ‘anal.plug'

No, don't be gross!

But I'm supposed to be gross

(Going back and forth with Alec Baldwin)

You win.

Win WHAT

You're the best.

All your brothers are the off-awkward versions of you.

*YES*.

30+ Rock

ID please.

Here you go.

Sorry. No go.

What do you mean.

We're 21.

I'm actually 23, but.

No can do.

This lounge is 30 Plus

30 PLUS?

WHATTHEPLUG.

Yup.

Sorry kiddos.

I'mfilthyDRUNK.

I'm an ADULT.

Pfft. That's what you think.

Are you serious!?

Serious as a heart attack; which,

I'm at higher risk of actually having,

Because I'm allowed in here. So

Consider yourself lucky!

PSH! I could have a heart attack if I want to!

PSHH.

PSHHHHHHHH.

Hold your liquor, punk!

I'll hold you—all night long!I

—see you in like a decade!

PSSSHSHUTUP.

Shh. C'mon, lets go.

Apparently, though

According to some voice inside,

He's miserable

I call it insertinct*

Or psychic inclinations,

But perhaps that just my

Hormonal fluctuations

And high hopes to open up a portal

And jump into some

Seriously self deprecating behavior,

Or some other alien shit

Who the fuck can say, anyway

You can't say any of these things publicly

-1And actually expect to get away with them.

You're just an asshole,

That's a whole ass scandal waiting to happen

I'll just light a candle and pray about it

“God will work it out,” I said

I'll just keep working out

Avoiding bread, and figure out how to get out of debt

Maybe crowdfunding?

Somebody wake him up, yet?

Nope, nothin.

Mm. Poptarts.

That's why I called it

“The Allegory of [Redacted]” after all

He's practically infinite except for

That part

And-1

That's that nigga!

Are you sure.

Fuck yeah,

JIMMY FALLOn(s)

Fuck you, dude.

SUNNI BLU (shrugging)

Whatever.

All they played was Fallon in the pen, bro.

Really?

YeahYeah. And Sesame Street. And he even on THAT mo'fucker.

Aight.Aight. you want ‘em.

I got ‘em.

Straight shot?

Straight and clean.

Aight, then.

Well, alright then.

[JIMMY FALLON is shot in a driveby.]

“First Person Shooter”

First person shooter is a live action open world game where.

{BLAT}

OH NO.

AHAHA.

Wait. The guns are REAL?

The whole world's in slow motion.

Nobody's supposed to know this kind of stuff, you know—

Nobody's supposed to go there

–I hope she doesn't post or publish this anywhere.

Sure, that's what they all say,

But hey, you could never love me anyway

I'm on my way up

I'm on my way up to Heaven

Fuck this

It's just this shit

Over and over again

All for the sake of the artform,

All of up in arms,

No comfort

non conformist,

With no money

and no hopes left,

Just a bunch of

Too much, conscious

And time on her hands

Shes got

One hand on the gun

Underworld

The other on the Trigger

Which means

Each hand has a gun in it

Gun in it

Gun in it

EXT. MEXICO. DAY

[Crying inconsolably in a hammock]

COSMIC AVENGER

(as a bird)

I WILL AVENGE THIS!!!!!

Man, I miss that bird,

I wonder if he ever sings

“I miss that girl”

Gosh, he followed me everywhere

I loved to hear him there,

Even when I moved,

He found me

Must have been God in that bird

Must have been God on that mountain

talking some shit about

Jimmy Fallon

–That was a long fast.

(The fucking longest)

My veins, they ached

At least a week, I think

Some haloed being,

Urging me to urgently

just spill the blood

for sweet relief,

Wavering, I needed something

Soothing, pleading

Leaning in my weakness

Back and forth ,

And that was when

The fascination displayed

With affection the affliction

of infliction and in reflection

of James turned Patrick

Her turned to the successor

He returned up to the surface

The servitor became the alter

After all and only in ever after
The Procter, A doctor astonished him

In neverland, somewhere beyond Asension

Where the story starts and ends,

Here.

Oh man.

This Jimmy Fallon dude is gonna fucking hate me

Who is that again?

I don't fucking know, honestly.

Hello, John.

Woah.

Don't open this box.

Okay.

woah , this just came in crystal clear..

[A young and disheveld looking, tired young man turns on the television; Some sort of special, hosted by a popular commedienne and actress sparks his interest almost magnetically, and even seems to call to him.]

Why, Hello, Jim.

I'm–I'm Jim.

Well, you're James.

I am James!

For now, actually.

Well, forever, actually…

Wtf is this.

This is a parallel dimension, I guess, where everything that happened to me, just happens to this guy, and I'm—

wait , who are you then.

I'm glad you're watching this.

Wait, who are you?

I'm you!

I–doubt that.

Don't.

Huh!

Fuck, that's when I started wondering about–

HEY.

What the fuck, man.

Did we ever figure out Jimmy Fallon's Skrillex?

Not…yet, but…

No. No. no. NO.

It's not like i've tried to.

You see,

As they say

This Fallon

Is the front man

for a larger operation at hand

Hold onto your hat kids,

Here comes the axe,

Have your heads ready

To get disconnected at the neck,

Cause this shit gets

NECK- BREAK.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Crazy.

No political affiliations, ever!

Your inattention to the deficit, the prerequisite

Inquizitive kid, this one

A wizard at this, that

He waxes and waxes off,

Smokes with his left hand

And slaps the shit out of that

oncoming diaster with his right

SLAP.

AaaaaaaYY.

That's for–the bike incident.

Okay. alright, Fallon. You win.

That's fucking right, and I'm gonna keep winning.

Now get your shit together.

Oh.

And stop calling me Fallon;

My name's Patrick.

What is WRONG with him

(I'm doing this method)

I don't think this dude is eligible to play this character at all, but i'll just dedicate it to him—

He is devistatingly attractive, and apparently super-professional so,

Of course

They had to hire him for SNL, but also….

THIS SHIT NEVER ENDS, DOES IT?

NOPE.

MORE CORNBREAD?

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAA

YES PLEASE.

his punctuality is perfect;

His punchlines, astounding

In actuality, he's kind of an asshole

Abandoned Catholosism for entertainment

It's just engrained in him to be deranged,

Rearranged his images for campaigns against hatred

Hey, lets save this for another lesson,

Okay, kids?

The worst part is

I think i'm a genius

The other worst part is,

Nobody can read this

The other worst part

Is the worst part of all

I got words

But no money to dream with

It's just sequences of sequence

Beyoncé dancing with coffee

The plot thins and gets thick again

Cause my budget alternates between ketogenics

and cost-effective carb days

My neighborhood's getting worse

It's covered in trash and littered with ignorant [explitive]

Motorists interrupting arcadian rhythms

And all i want is some dick

And fried chicken

I'm so tired of this

The American Nightmare

Could be a dream, but then i'd be

Up there

On stage

A fast forward
I been up for four days

Hard working as ever

In a hard hat,

I'm so blazed

And these days

Tina Fey just says

“Hey” every now and again

Cause i've been obsessed

With her success/or

It fuckin sucks, man

It came on suddenly

What if i told you I've been attached to this project since the beginning

When's the beginning?

Uhhh, i'd say,

:”get out of my head, Jimmy Fallon, you're an imaginary Psycho fucking fart created as a result of my brain collapsing after imminent death from a successful suicide?”

Is that a question?

It had a question mark on it for inflection.

Well, inflect this: you're right. I fucking–hate you.

Okay! I'm assuming you also hate yourself,

And you're also Skrillex.

Okay, you're only correct, because that's entirely accurate,

And also, you're Jesse Eiseinberg.

Okay.

OKay.

OKAY?

OKAY.

Fuck, I hate you.

I fucking hate you.

MEANWHILE,

Everyone's Grammy Awards begin projecting strange messages to its recipients.

What the fuck, dog.

The more of them you have…

[ L E G E N D S ]

What if Kurt Cobain

Kept you up at night,

screaming

“Let me out”

But you don't know how

So you turn on the tube,

Just,

Kind of confused

Just to do what you do

The truth, it alludes you

Don't even know who this dude is,

But he's cute

Don't need this stupid music

Would you just