Entrepreneurs UNstuck with Kathryn Ely

Do you every feel stuck?

Entrepreneurs Unstuck is here to help you, the entrepreneur who is stuck, unable to take the next big step in your business or is killing it in business but your personal life is a mess-so that you can have the complete and fulfilling life of your dreams.

On today's FIRST episode I have Adam Scheauble. Adam is the host of three podcasts and an entrepreneur with big ideas. Adam does not just create big ideas though. One of his strongest superpowers is being able to go from an idea, to a plan, to action in a heart beat.

Adam Schaeuble is my podcast coach and has helped me make this important pivot on this podcast, so who better to interview on the first episode. Today on the podcast Adam shares his entrepreneurial journey and what he has learned along the way.

Adam helps short the learning curve for entrepreneurs who are struggling to have it all.

If you would like to be the guest on the show and have Kathryn help you get "Unstuck," apply here! To join Kathryn's monthly mini-mastermind, click here.

Meet Adam Schaeuble

Adam Schaeuble aka The PHD (previously heavy dude) hit a rock bottom moment in his life where he weighed 327lbs. He then went on his own 100lb weight loss journey and as he was on this journey he started to inspire people in his home town to join him. He started a gym and a bootcamp program and helped his home town lose over 35,000 lbs in five years. Now he's the host of the top ranked health podcast The Million Pound Mission where his goal is to inspire one million pounds of healthy results (which he tracks on his website (MillionPoundMission.com)

 Adam is known for helping females(and a few men) over the age of 30 that are super busy being employees, entrepreneurs, partners, friends, and moms. These are the people that tend to put themselves and their health last on the priority list and Adam teaches them how to escape the Black Hole of Weight Loss Doom which is where most people get trapped in the vicious cycle of losing weight and gaining it back over and over again. Adam impacts his community by teaching them his 7 Necessary Steps For Long Term Weight Loss Success that have produced a total 55,000 lbs of results for his clients and community members so far.

Check out his website here, and follow him on Instagram @lowcarbhustle and subscribe to his podcast on iTunes.

In This Podcast Summary

• Adam's business transformation
• His struggles and how he has moved past them
• One thing that is causing Adam some "stuckness"
• How Adam enjoys his relationships, while pursuing his entrepreneurial dreams

Adam's business transformation

Adam got his degree in exercise science and started a gym, which he ran for a decade. He went on to help his hometown lose 35,000 pounds.

Adam started to lose his excitement for it though and handed his gym over to his lead trainer. He realized if he's not enjoying what he's doing, he's not operating at his best capacity. Adam immersed himself into podcasting, which he was already involved in. Being mentally prepared to dedicate more energy to his side hustle of podcasting helped it evolve into a full-time gig. Adam knew it was time to turn the page so that he could continue to impact people the way he did at his gym.

His struggles and how he moved past them

While Adam does get in his head about things, he tries to do it with a smile and enjoy the ride.

Right now it's saying yes to too much. As opposed to the beginning of his podcasting journey when he was often begging podcasts to be a guest, he's got lots of opportunities that are packing up his schedule. He wants to help everyone. As a result, his calendar is completely booked. However Adam sympathizes because he's been in that position, and feels guilt around saying no because of it.

One thing that is causing Adam some "stuckness"

Adam admits he doesn't like saying no to people was a result of wanting to be liked by everyone. He doesn't like friction, letting others down, or disappointing people. He's also been on the receiving end of plenty of "no's." In order to get out of this fear of judgement, Kathryn suggests that Adam connect others who can fill in for spots that he's getting opportunities for. What better way to add value than to connect someone who is hungry and available with someone who has a need. Using his natural talent for connecting and networking, Adam is able to say "no, but I know someone else who can" making it a win-win for all involved.

How Adam enjoys his relationships, while pursuing entrepreneurial dreams

According to the Kolbe test, Adam is unique in that he is a systems and process oriented creative. His work hours weren't necessarily bleeding into his family time, but he was taking on more in the same amount of time. That naturally led to being less present, more exhausted and stressed during family time. However he recently explored using the services of a VA to delegate tasks that he would begrudgingly complete after procrastinating. His organization and systems weren't developed over night, either. It took years of developing and navigating through the growing pains to get where he is today.

Are you enjoying this podcast?

If yes, would you please review and rate it on iTunes here? Thank you!

Useful links:

• Three Powerful Questions You Must Ask Yourself Right Now | IT 065
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Adam, I am so stoked about you being here and sharing your wisdom with us today. I've met a lot of bright people in my life and you are at the top of my list, almost with my husband, but you aren't just bright, you're quick and creative. 

I think one of your strongest superpowers is being able to go from an idea to a plan to an action in a heartbeat. So I can't think of anyone that I would rather have as my first guest on Entrepreneurs Unstuck. Thank you for being here.

Adam:

Kathryn, you know, I'm a big fan of you and what you got cooking. So I'm just glad to be here to contribute. And I appreciate those compliments.

I accept them. I I really enjoy getting to connect with people like you. And that's kind of what we all have to do as entrepreneurs is help other people shorten their own learning curve with our own unique ability and skill sets. So that's kinda what we both do. 

Kathryn:

Well, you definitely do that too, for me, for sure.

So I would love it if you could take us through your entrepreneurial journey to where you are now.

Adam:

Well, it depends how far back do you want to go. Cause I was straight up that kid, like in second grade, like this explains me really well. I saw an opportunity where I had whole bunch of friends and we all liked to like draw and stuff and I was like, Hey, let's all make greeting cards.

And sell them in the neighborhood and everyone's going to love it. Cause we're a bunch of like eight year olds selling greeting cards. Somehow I got like, I was like the CEO and they had to give me a cut of the cards that they sold. And like today this wouldn't fly, we were just going around eight years old knocking on stranger's doors and like just us by ourselves, back in the eighties.

And yeah, we made a pretty healthy profit and that lasted for a few months. Then we went on our way, but I've always had that entrepreneurial spirit.

Sophomore year of high school and that was the only time I've ever worked for anyone else on it. So I'm basically unemployable. I'm like a wild stallion out there in the entrepreneurial world. My entrepreneurial journey started as in the fitness industry as a gym owner and a community builder.

From there, we got into the podcasting space where I looked at that as a medium or a tool to impact more people. That's what we're focusing on today. So I'm a recovering gym owner. I'm a full-time podcaster and a full blast unemployable entrepreneur.

Kathryn:

know you're a part of Winject Studios, and you've got a lot going on there.

Now tell us a little bit about that.

Adam:

Yeah Winject is awesome. It's my first like official collaboration with other podcasting entrepreneurs. My partners in there are just as wild and full of energy as I am for people in the podcasting space. But we're basically looking for a place where podcasters can come for community and the ability to learn from each other to collaborate and create a collective impact.

We're organizing that because we believe in it. There's obviously lots of opportunity for everybody involved. It's always a win-win situation and you're somebody that's experiencing some of that. With any opportunity now, like, you know me well enough to know that I do a lot of stuff. There's a process to it.

It's like, all right, if I add this next thing to my plate, what kind of do I have to take off my plate. Cause there's only 24 hours in a day and I've had people tell me, like, how did you discover the extra five hours in the day that you're getting? Because I don't know how you get all this stuff done.

The real trick of it is being very strategic with my time. Being very efficient with my time. Using processes. I've got three podcasts now. I'm helping set up a podcasting network with Winject. I've got businesses in different lanes with my health show versus my business shows and the key to it all, and I'm doing it as a solopreneur.

Like I don't have any VA's yet. I'm actually, I think I'm going to hire one for the first time on Monday, which is in two days from now. But making it through 600 plus episodes of all my shows without a VA that blows some people's minds. 

Kathryn:

Definitely want to dig into that a little bit later on in the conversation.

Right now another thing that I think you are the period at is pivoting. I have so many clients who get caught in that sunk cost fallacy, believing that you should keep doing what you're doing, because you've invested so much time and money into it instead of shifting to something else, even when they know it's not working for them.

Tell me what it is that makes you able to pivot. And is it easy as it looks for you?

Adam:

 Well, this is a great question. Maybe I can just give an example, like with my gym, that's what I went to school for. I got my degree in exercise science and I started a gym. I did it for a decade and I helped my hometown lose 35,000 pounds.

You talk about sunk costs. Like there's a lot of emotional sunk cost and investment there with the relationships, but in 2018, 2019, I'd walk through that door,  I'd be like, I don't feel this anymore. I'm not excited to be here. I've kind of said what I had to say.  I felt like I accomplished what I came to do. Major impact, and I was slowly pulling out of the business and my clients were feeling that.

I feel like I drug it out a little longer than I probably should have. Like, that was a mistake where I stopped doing the weigh ins and I had someone else do it. I stopped teaching so many classes and I was having somebody else to it. That community that had shown up for me and my energy that they wanted to plug into that they became a little disgruntled.

So the last six to nine months weren't super happy times. And the one day in late 2019, I struck a deal with my lead trainer. And I said, this is your ship now I want you to take over. I'm just going full blast into the podcasting space. So like that friction was there. If I'm not having fun, if I'm not enjoying it, I'm not operating at my best capacity.

Like what you've seen me when I'm at my best. And like, we've had a few coaching sessions where it's like full creativity mode and we're both like mind blown. We get so much done and it just wasn't like that anymore with the gym business. I knew I wasn't able to impact people the way that I wanted to anymore.

And it was just time to turn that page. To transition, I look at what I am excited about. What I have learned and how I can create processes and systems and programs and teach other people and help them walk the path a little bit more efficiently than I did.

So as I was wrapping up my gym career, my gym ownership career, I was doing a lot of podcasting and that's why I already had that next thing kind of, I didn't just pump the brakes on the one and start something new. I had already started the podcasting journey. I just knew that that was the thing that I wanted to go into. I wanted to make it a full-time gig instead of a side hustle. That's a great place to work on transitions or potential pivots is have a side hustle, but you have to be able to kind of mentally handle that as well.

Kathryn:

Yeah. So I love how you give yourself the grace of listening to not just what your thoughts are, but how you feel about something, right. When deciding what your next move is. I really love that. It's great that you were able to accomplish what you wanted to accomplish with the gym before you moved on.

Has there ever been a situation where you didn't reach your goal or didn't accomplish what you wanted, but still knew you needed to pivot? And give me an example of if there is one. 

Adam:

Yeah. As I was a gym owner, I was really trying to figure out selling what I knew in the online space in the health space.

Which is ultra competitive and ultra hard to stand out with. And it's hard to market like you can't run Facebook ads with before and after pictures, they don't let you do that. And that was my like bread and butter with the hometown market. People knew these people that were losing a hundred plus pounds and they just all wanted in. I couldn't show that to the masses online that I was trying to attract. Especially like through my podcast.

I created so many programs, products, courses, trying to figure out the health market. It was just like beating my head up against the wall. I was making some money, but I wasn't making like career money or enough that had me confident in like, Oh, like I could do this full time.

And it was real hit and miss people would come in, they would go out.  I had three different memberships and I just kept on trying to tweak it, tweak it, tweak it until I realized. Like, all right. Is it worth it to keep pursuing this or do I just do a slight pivot? That's when I discovered like the whole niche, the power of the niche.

I'm like, I need to dive in and stand out in a little bit of a different way. Like in the health space, that's when we branded down into low-carb hustle. So we had a double niche where we're speaking to entrepreneurs in the low-carb space. So it's not even like health, technically speaking any anymore.

We're trying to coach entrepreneurs that are in the low carb genre or people that are trying to be influencers or experts in that space. So that's just an example of, I mean, it's not necessarily a failure like Tony Robbins says, like there's no such thing as failure, as long as you learn something.

So it's just like, learn, learn, learn, pivot, pivot, pivot, build up little scar tissue, figure it out. And then every one of those learning opportunities usually comes out for me as a podcast episode. Like this is what I teach people. talk about all the time. I'm like, listen, if you're in the health space, I'm gonna shoot you straight.

You can't charge as much as if you're in the business space. We've had this conversation, it's like people in self improvement and health will not pay as much as the person that wants to learn how to make more money or how to start a business. Just facts. So I can teach that to people like you and go, all right.

If we are a little frustrated by this, we need to find a way to serve entrepreneurs and serve businesses. That's what I've done with even the pivot with my health podcast, but more so with podcasting business school and my business based podcasts.

Kathryn:

Yeah and that's exactly what I'm doing here.

It's not like my area of expertise has changed as a licensed counselor. I know how to get to the bottom of what is keeping someone stuck, whether it's personally or in business. Because we don't check ourselves at the door. What is that saying? Wherever I go there, there I am, you know?

I look at the word failure in the very same way. If you can analytically look at what you've been through without beating yourself up for it and find little nuggets to take away from it, then there never is any wasted time. So I love that out of that little bit of a struggle and a little bit of this not working the way you wanted it to, and that not working the way you wanted it to you discovered the power of the niche or niche. So time well spent, right?

Adam:

Yep. 

Kathryn:

I know so many of my clients are perfectionist who procrastinate, many buy into the myth that procrastination is somehow a result of being lazy. It's really caused by setting the bar too high, then criticizing yourself when you don't reach the impossible goal, which is negative reinforcement.

Now, I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this question, but for the benefit of everyone else, I want to go ahead and ask it. Do you ever suffer from procrastination because you appear to be one of the most productive people I've ever seen?

Adam:

Well, there are certain elements of procrastination and I've even got like a brand new thought about this since I've been exploring the whole virtual assistant opportunity.

I feel like a big point of procrastination is the email inbox for people. It's just overwhelming. Like I look at my wife's phone and she's got 5,000 unread messages and I'm like, Oh my God, this is crazy. So I hit inbox zero every single day. 

Why I do that.

First off the way I use a Gmail app called boomerang and it starts off free. And then if you do use it a whole lot, like I do, it's like $15 a month. So what I do with my email inbox is if it's not something that I need to look at or answer that day, I boomerang it to the day that I do need to look at it.

So essentially when I'm up in the morning between 5 and 5:30 and I start working, only the things that I need to look at an answer right then are in my inbox and everything else shows up after that. I do a quick scan and I boomerang it to when I need to know it. So I'm not doing very much email every single day, and I'm only answering things or taking action on things that need to be acted upon right then and there.

So that's one way that I stay efficient and I avoid procrastinating. I just know, like whatever's in the email, I got to take action on today and that's just the flow that I'm in. The newer thing that's sparked into my mind. I've been talking to this VA and of course I have the greatest system before I even get into the VA thing.

I'm like, all right, here's how we're going to do this for two weeks, I'm going to just make notes every single day on things I could potentially delegate to you. The signal, like the mental signal that I was looking for like procrastination equals delegation. So if there's something that I kind of want to put off or don't want to do, I'm putting that on the delegation list and we're going to explore that opportunity with my VA, like, could I teach her how to do this and just delegate it.

So that's kind of the newer idea I've been exploring. It hasn't been implemented yet, but I feel pretty good about it. But, I mean, there's a reason we procrastinate and like you're the expert in that area. Like whatever that friction is that scar tissue, maybe we lean into that and look at it and like, is this something that I shouldn't be doing?

Is this something that I could delegate that someone else should be doing? Little things, like one of my shows my low carb hustle show, we have sponsors. For whatever reason, like maybe I was a disgruntled secretary in my previous life or something. I procrastinate and hate printing out these invoices and then signing them and then scanning them and sending them back.

It takes five seconds. They're paying me money to do this. And I'm like, Oh, I have to print a thing out and sign it and scan it, kill me. And for whatever reason, that's something that I was like, okay, I can delegate this. Cause I don't know why it just bothers me. So that's that's another example, I guess.

Kathryn:

Most of the time though, you are so decisive and productive. Like I said earlier, able to go from like, getting an idea in your head to creating a plan, to taking action on it. What do you think it is about you that makes you so decisive and productive, or that has helped you create a system to be that way?

Adam:

I'm a big fan of like, the efficiency tests and personality tests and profiles and all that. And the one that really kind of perked my ears up was one called a Kolbe assessment. Have you ever done the Kolbe? The Kolbe. 

Kathryn:

I haven't, but you're the second person to mention that to me, so I will be doing it.

Adam:

They have a whole bunch of them and I don't even remember which one I took. But I know that I'm a three, six, seven, three, and what they told me was having somebody that had almost equal and high middle numbers is one of the most rare things that they see because the two middle numbers talk about how you like or dislike organization, but also creativity. 

Normally super creative people aren't super organized. But I am. So they're like, what you like to do is create things or have big ideas, but then you love to put a system around it and then you can teach someone else that system. And they said that is just like, it's the rarest combination that they see, like less than 5% of the people that they test have those two high leading middle numbers.

So I'm kind of a freak of nature, I guess, with that. But I mean, I think anybody can do this. If they find the other person that fits that puzzle. Like if you aren't that person, I don't think you need to force yourself into being that person. I think honestly, that's how I've gotten this far along with that, having a VA is I have those two assets.

So, but if you're the idea person you need to partner with or hire that person that likes to create a process and kind of wrap it up and then teach it to whoever it needs to be taught to. And if you are that person, you need to partner with the big idea people so you can put systems around their ideas and you're adding value to each other.

So I feel like that, that explains it a little bit, at least. 

Kathryn:

Yeah, it absolutely does. It completely makes sense to me. So as perfect as you look, I know that no human is perfect. So, is there anything that you are struggling with right now on your entrepreneurial journey?

Adam:

Yeah, for sure. I struggle with stuff all the time.

I get in my head about stuff. But I try to keep a smile on my face and have a good time along the way, regardless. So like with me right now, it's saying yes to too much. I get a lot of opportunity. It's interesting because I remember the first year of my podcasting journey, I was begging for anyone to let me on their show.

I'm like, give me a platform. I have so much to say, just let me talk. I was just like, trying to figure out how do I get on other shows? How do I like, I know that what I have to say is high value. Flip it to now, like I still have that hungry drive inside of me and I also know where these other people are out there asking me to come and speak on their platform.

I know where they're going and I want to help. And I want to help everyone. And it's like, Oh, I guess I'll just give up my calendar to these people. Like they're opportunities that I know I should probably shouldn't be saying yes to and I hate to not say yes, but maybe in my mind, I'm like, maybe I can say not today.

Cause it's super packed, but in a month, yes. Like I get asked to speak on Clubhouse 12 times a day and I've only spoken at once. I got clients when I did, but I'm like, I kinda got enough clients right now, too. Like that's going well too. So it's that enough versus more. And I feel the guilt of it around it.

Kathryn:

Let's dig into that.

Adam:

I saw your eyes light up a little bit.

Kathryn:

Yeah. We're going to get to what's going on underneath that so that you can really get a hold of it and make a determination. Do you think it could be that it's important for you to be liked by everyone? What is it about saying no, that's so difficult for you?

Adam:

Well, yes, I do like being liked by everyone. I don't like friction, I don't like letting people down, I don't like disappointing people. Like I'm terrible. Like back in the day, I would never break up with a girl. I would just act weird until she broke up with me. Cause I couldn't handle that shit. Firing employees, worst ever.

I was terrible at it, I hated it, I had some really bad experiences with it. So I've got some scar tissue builds up there for sure.

Kathryn:

What's the worst part about saying no? What does that mean about you if you say no to someone?

Adam:

I know how many nos I have gotten from people that I had hoped would share a platform with me. So I kind of like see myself in somebody that's asking me. I respect it so much. I will never be that, like, I'm just not going to email them back person.

Like even the podcast booking agents that I know are just spamming and half the time they don't even say my name, but like dear podcaster. I'm like, come on, you didn't even say my name, but I'll send them a reply. Like, I appreciate this opportunity to have someone on my show or to speak on someone else's show.

But I'm not doing that right now or whatever. So everybody gets a heartfelt response. I'll at least be able to do that and be respected. I fear that negative voice out there. Like they go on social or they form an opinion about me. They'll tell more people than even my super fans will tell good things about sometimes.

Kathryn:

So fear of judgment of others.

Adam:

Yeah, for sure that, yeah.

Kathryn:

I'm wondering if, when people ask you to do things and you feel the need to say yes, if it would help you to think about the fact that they need someone to do what they're asking you to do, but it doesn't always have to be you that gets it done if it's taking away from your own agenda and your own path and your business.

Adam:

I like that. Yeah, ideas just start automatically popping into my head. Cause I'm a big value add guy. But I also have a Rolodex of hundreds of people that could fill a spot that that's needed. So if somebody hits me up, I get hit up for online summits a lot, in Clubhouse a lot.

And people are like, I'm looking for people to speak about blah, blah, blah. I'm like, well, maybe not me, not right now, but let me introduce you to my friend, Kathryn, who can speak on the same topic. Then they hit you up and said you know, instead of me, if you're looking for opportunities. I feel like I'm at least adding value, bringing the positivity.

Kathryn:

Because most of the time the guilt comes from us putting so much pressure on ourselves and us giving ourselves more power and credit than we have in situation. As if they need us. Well, if a friend called to ask me to give her a ride to the store, does it need to be me that takes her to the store?

Or does she just need someone with the car? So it's sort of assessing that situation. Is it just me that they need for this? Or do they need someone for this?

Adam:

Yeah. 

Kathryn:

And that can help decide what you want to do about it and whether or not you want to put any guilt on yourself about this situation.

Adam:

I like that idea a lot, because then it's almost like a double value add where I'm helping the person asking and I'm helping a person I'm referring them to, that I know is available and hungry to do it.

Kathryn:

There you go. And what do you do better than network and put people together.

Adam:

True. 

Kathryn:

You walk away feeling good about yourself, but you've kept your own agenda clear for what you need to prioritize to move forward.

Adam:

Yeah, I love it. 

Kathryn:

Well, thanks. So what is your definition of success?

Adam:

To me, I feel like success is somebody doing what they love to do with like the time parameters that they want to do it in.

I look at it like filling up cups. So I want my cup to be full to the brim, not spilling over, not empty. I want my family and relationship cup to be full, not spilling over, not empty. And I want my community and business relationships cup to be full, not spilling over, not empty. That's the trick is that balancing act of getting, sometimes we ignore one of those cups and it gets empty or we put too much in and it overflows.

So finding that balance where you're always engaged, passionate, having fun, feeling fulfilled in those key areas of our life. It's pretty easy to take on too many clients. And I love it when I have the right amount and the bills are paid and that's fun, but too much is that cup's overfilling and it's spilling out and then it's taking away from the other ones.

Then that creates a compounding effect of negativity. So that's kind of how I'm viewing it right now is like finding that balance in each area and really focusing on that.

Kathryn:

So really by looking at all the domains in your life, prioritizing, which ones are most important and finding the time on your schedule to make sure that you take action toward each of those.

Adam:

Yeah. 

Kathryn:

Love it. So let's dig in a little bit deeper into a way for you to figure out more, what do I want to say yes to. What do I want to say no to so that I can have the schedule and the balance I want to be able to take care of my personal life and thrive there as well. Cause it sounds like your plate in your entrepreneurial business life is kind of overflowing right now and there's some regrouping going on.

Correct? 

Adam:

I agree.

Kathryn:

One thing that's getting in the way is I must say yes for people like me, or I must be likable and you can have that thought, do they need me, or do they need someone else? But let's look at some of the other factors. What is most important to you when it comes to work? Is it the flexibility and freedom of having different hours free during the day?

Or is it maximizing the amount of money that you can make in a particular number of hours in a week?

Adam:

I like the time freedom to be honest, like that's why I'm an entrepreneur is like, I can't see myself working a nine to five. I like to be like, all right, I'm going to work for two hours and here's the theme of those two hours.

Then I'm going to get my exercise in, and then I'm going to go pick up my kids from school and then I'm going to be a dad and I'm going to do another two hours once they go to bed or whatever. Like, I like being able to structure that and having that freedom. I've got unique views around money as a whole.

Like, I'm not one of those people. It's like, let's see how much I can crank. Nothing against that at all. Like that's just I look at it as like once, once I've got enough, then I'm good. Like a good example is when I sold my gym, I took the first six months of 2020, not purposely trying to make any money.

I did this little experiment where I was like, all right, I know how much it takes for us to live. Once I make that much during a month, I'm just going to kind of chill and just be as much of a dad as I can. It's like a six month pseudo sabbatical. And it was an interesting experiment.

It really opened up my eyes. I'm like, wow, I don't have to work that much just to cover our bills. Then I can just have all this other time to be me and to be a dad. And then I was like, all right, after the six months, I'll start thinking about new ideas, projects, things like that. And that's where this giant explosion of creativity came because I'd give myself that much time just to kind of reset.

So I feel like that kind of explains my views around money a little.

Kathryn:

 How do you decide what is enough money?

Adam:

Well, for me, obviously, like I'm very dialed in with like how much it just needs for like bills and things like that. And then I am very into like power investing in retirement, making sure like I've got goals there as far as like getting, making sure that we're covered there, like maxing out my 401k and my IRA and all that stuff. 

So that's what I base all of those goals around. I'm not the I'm saving up for a Corvette type of guy. I have like the nerdiest car ever people are like, Oh, you drive an electric car Tesla. Like a Nissan leaf.

And they're like, what is that? It was the first electric car and it looks like a frog. I drive around a frog and it's really little and I'm six foot four and 240. I go to pick up my kids from school and the teacher's like, how do you fit inside of that Mr. Schaeuble? I'm like, I don't know. I got good limbered legs, I guess. 

I'm not a big let's see how big of a house we can get. Nothing against that. It's just not who I am. I love studying minimalism. And one of my favorite quotes or definitions of minimalism is you maximize what adds the most value in your life.

And you minimize the rest or anything that would get in the way of that. That's how I am. I'm not a big material thing guy. I have 80 items with the clothing. That's my wardrobe, like right now, more than 10% of my total clothes. If I get a new hoodie like something like this has to go, it goes out the back end.

Cause I don't want to have like all these decisions and my wife loves it cause she has the entire closet. I have two drawers that I keep all my clothes in two drawers. I roll them up tight, like army roll, boom. Put it in there. So yeah, that's, that's how I roll.

Kathryn:

Yeah. I love that. I think my son is a natural minimalist too.

He does the very same thing. I'm not going to bring anything new into the house until I get rid of something or vice versa. So how many hours a day would you say you're working right now and how many hours a week?

Adam:

Okay. So ideal situation it's different each day because my wife and I tag team the kid school situation, as far as taking them to school, picking them up from school So, for example, like Mondays and Wednesdays I take and pick up from school and then we do like after-school activities.

I run the kids through workouts and stuff cause that's just how we roll. So like those days I probably only work for four and a half to five hours total. During each one of those days. And then Tuesday, as you know, is my big like connection day with my community and with my clients.

That's where I'll put in a mega day. Like I start early you know, before everybody wakes up, then I help get the kids breakfast going and all that. And then I come back and I'll work from 11 to 8:00 PM, right. Maybe even 9:00 PM straight through. So that's a bigger day than Thursdays. Kind of in-between, that's more like a six to seven hour day, depending on the kid situation.

Now, if the school calls and says, Hey, we're e-learning this week, then everything goes out the window. At the beginning of the pandemic last year, I was at home doing e-learning. I'm teaching kindergarten and fourth grade, all of a sudden and adding that in to the situation. So I've been trying to give myself some grace around that.

And ideally I've tried to take at least every other Friday off, so I have a three-day weekend and no work Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then if I'm doing like project work or sometimes client work or interviews like this on the alternating Fridays. 

Kathryn:

It really sounds like you, you are not having many problems at all when it comes to your business life or your personal life.

It's so well orchestrated, like everything is intentional. Everything is mindful. What told you it was time to get a VA?

Adam:

Some of my peers and mentors, they saw it. I did a little strategy session with a couple of my friends, JJ  and Doug Sandler. And they're like, Hey, you've got a lot of things cooking, which we love. You got a lot of ideas, which we love, but you may be spreading yourself thin and you may have diminished results because of how you're spreading yourself.

I just described it. I'm not the guy working 18 hours a day every day. I have barriers, but I pack in as much as I can. And maybe I could pack in higher quality activities during those times that I've got scheduled out to work. And that's what they're saying. Like, Hey, just talk to our VA Ashley.

She's super cool. Just have a conversation. That's all we ask. And it's like, all right, cool. I talked to her and I was like, Oh, and then we were doing that whole experience experiment with me, jotting things down on how she could help me out. And I'm like, okay, I see how this is this could be very beneficial.

Kathryn:

Yeah. So I see that a lot with my clients. It's not just how many things you have to do, or how many hours you work. It's the pace at which you have to work that can lead to so much stress. What I'm hearing from you is it's not that your work hours were bleeding over into your family time. It's just that you kept saying yes to more and more things that you were squeezing into the same amount of hours.

Adam:

Yes. And that does stress you out and then your family time and your personal time isn't as effective. You don't have that quality because it's like lay on the couch and recover time.

Kathryn:

Because you're just absolutely 100% spent now. Yes. Before we wrap this up, is there any other sort of nuggets of advice that you've learned, the hard way that maybe you could share with entrepreneurs who are a little bit newer to the game?

Adam:

Yeah. I mean, you can talk about how I am now, but that was a process of getting there. It wasn't snap your fingers and all of a sudden I've got all this organization. Like when I was the first three to five years, I think it was more like four or five years of me being a gym owner. The gym exploded like the membership exploded, and I'd never seen that much money in my life before I was unprepared for that.

I went from me figuring it out to having 30 employees. That was a shock. Most of them were like twice as old as I was. I was in my mid twenties and they're in their forties, fifties. These are adults and like I'm having to like fire people. I had somebody that I find found out was taking like cocaine before they were coming to work.

And like trying to just teach classes. I'm like, how does a 25 year old have that conversation with a 45 year old? It was just like crazy, but it was going so fast and it seemed like five years. I blink my eyes and like, it's just totally different. And over that five years, I worked myself into the hospital three times.

One time fell asleep while driving.

Kathryn:

 Oh, wow. 

Adam:

Next time. I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, passed out and whacked my head on the sink and I was out cold with the door shut and my wife couldn't get it open. Cause I'm a big ass guy and she couldn't push. She's just, you could see in the crack that I'm just there on the floor for like seven minutes out.

And then I came to moved enough. She got in there, I passed out again, like kept passing out. So that was a whole thing. Then the third time was anxiety thought. I was having a heart attack Christmas day. I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital and they said, you're the healthiest, damn person we've ever seen you're just super stressed out. 

So there was a learning curve that of me being that guy that was working all the time, just cranking caffeine and just trying to figure it out. Like this was before like easy payments, everyone paid you by check or cash pretty much. And I remember showing one of my buddies, I don't know, I had my wallet out for some reason.

And there was just like wads of checks in there, like hundreds of checks. And he's like, are you a drug dealer. I don't even have time to go to the bank and these checks. Like, that's how crazy it was.

But I'm grateful for all that and learning like, okay, like I learned how to take care of myself and that's why I'm so structured now. I damn near died from not being structured in the early days.

Kathryn:

What you really could have used then was a coach to help you with boundaries so that you could maintain your health and your physical wellbeing and your mental wellbeing.

And so you learned that all of that in such a hard way, that you're so good with organizing and having bright line boundaries for yourself now. 

Adam:

Scared the hell out of me. So I had to.

Kathryn:

Absolutely. Well, I have enjoyed this conversation so much. Thank you for being my very first guest on Entrepreneurs Unstuck.

Adam:

Kathryn I'm super excited about this show. Like you're going to serve the people like me that needed a you back in the day when I'm passing out and all that stuff, like you're gonna save entrepreneurs from being that person that works himself into the hospital. And I'm really, really proud of you for doing this.

I'm excited to be number one here on the show. And can't wait to see where you go next with it.

Kathryn:

Thank you so much for being here and before I sign off, I want you all to all think about what is one action that you can take today so that if you took it, you would move your life in the direction that you want it to go, go do that and meet me right back here next week.

The post From Ideas to Action with Adam Schaeuble | EU 01 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want?

Have you ever asked yourself these three most powerful questions?

These are not questions I ask myself every day, but when I am feeling antsy, like there might be a shift going on inside of me, I take the time to not only ask myself these three questions but to find the answers.

On this week's episode I explore and answer these three powerful questions AND…

Announce the pivot I am taking with the Podcast and who I aim to serve.

Don't miss this LAST episode of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast and the BIG REVEAL of the NEW podcast that you can still find right here each Wednesday!

In This Podcast

• Who am I?
• Why am I here?
• What do I want?
• New podcast: Entrepreneurs Unstuck

Who am I?

I'm a woman, a wife, and a mother who is continuing on the journey of following my values and listening to my inner voice in the pursuit of my dreams. And ignoring the next negative self-critical voice that tells me I can't.

Why am I here?

I'm here right now to help others discover and live their dreams. To understand and believe they do not have to just get by in life. I'm here to be a sounding board for my children. Helping them uncover who they are and who they want to be. I'm here to support my husband and encourage him to live his dreams.

What do I want?

To take all that I've learned through the process of hosting this podcast, counseling and coaching clients, and specifically help entrepreneurs realize their dreams in business and also have the personal lives and relationships they want, but are struggling to have. This is the next part of my journey doing exactly that.

New podcast: Entrepreneurs Unstuck

You can still find it right here, just under a different name. I will have entrepreneurs on the show who are killing it in business, but lack satisfaction in other areas of their lives, such as relationships. I'll also help entrepreneurs who are stuck because of perfectionism and limiting beliefs, not able to take that next big step or leap so that they can thrive in their business.

We will talk about what has worked for them. I will help them with the areas that are not working for them. We will be exploring what works in business and in life. To go from stuck and stagnant, and dissatisfied to unstuck thriving and running on all cylinders.

Useful links:

• Full of Shift with Kate Kneifel | IT 064
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Meet Kathryn Ely

I'm Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I'm enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the "shoulds" like "women should always care for others" and "taking time for yourself is just selfish".

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want? Have you ever asked yourself these three most powerful questions? Now, these aren't questions I ask myself every day, but when I'm feeling antsy, like there might be a shift going on inside of me. I take the time to not only ask myself these three questions, but to find the answers.

It is so easy in today's world, especially for a perfectionist to buy into the sunk cost fallacy. Which is believing you should keep doing exactly what you're doing because you've invested too much time and energy and money to shift to something else. Even when what you were doing is not working for you.

This keeps us from making a pivot, even when we know we want to, or know we should. So when I asked myself these three important questions of who am I? Why am I here? What do I want is important that I let go of the sunk cost fallacy and allow myself to explore whether I've achieved a higher level of understanding about my purpose in the direction that I want to take it.

That is one of the great things about letting our values be our guide.

When our values are our guides, we never get to the finish line. We never fully achieve our values. We continue to take steps toward them, but we never finished them. I think this is great because it means we always have an opportunity to grow, expand, and level up. I mean, if we ever could be perfect or reach the finish line, when it comes to living our values, where would that leave us?

What else would we have to do in life? I've seen a pattern in my clients, whether they suffer from anxiety, perfectionism, or they are simply not satisfied with their lives. Typically one of two things is going on, causing them the most discomfort. Either they are not satisfied in their pursuit or career domain.

Or they are unhappy in their relationships. Other domains matter of course, but it is these two most important areas that give us the most trouble. In the pursuit or career domain, the biggest problems stem from limiting beliefs, shoulds, and negative core beliefs. Each and every one of us has something deep inside of us that we dream of doing, but it gets buried underneath these layers of shoulds, self-doubt and negative self-talk.

Should point us in the direction we think others want us to go with our lives. Like being an accountant, because it is a stable job that pays well and makes our family happy when your true desire is to be a fashion designer. Now it's fantastic for you to be an accountant if you love accounting, but not if you don't. The negative core beliefs fuel that awful voice that tells us we aren't good enough or smart enough to pursue our dreams.

We bury these dreams because our brain tells us it is too scary for us to take action toward this thing that we truly want. The more we want it, the scary it can be to think about it if we are left alone to do it. The other areas of our lives that cause us the most pain and difficulty is our relationships. Our family, intimate love relationship, parenting, and friends domains. Because connectedness and acceptance of others are the most basic of human needs.

When we don't have these needs met, our lives are a mess. So as I have looked at client after client, while sharing this process of getting them to move from where they are stuck, suppressing their dreams, and not enjoying fulfilling relationships to where they want to be. This is what I've seen. As we move from self-doubt and negative core beliefs towards self-love and self-worth, it becomes easier to feel the longing and to hear the voice of the dreams that have so long been covered up. Ultimate satisfaction in life comes from the combination of letting yourself chase your personal dreams while having and enjoying connected deep relationships with others.

Now my inner voice has been coming up lately, noticing a true passion that would not have revealed itself if not for this podcast. I want to help entrepreneurs chase their dreams, have the fulfilling relationships they are missing, and find that ultimate satisfaction in life. The ability to pursue their dream business while finding deep connectedness and relationships.

So when I allow myself to ask and answer these three important questions, this is what I find right now. Who am I? I'm a woman, a wife, and a mother who is continuing on the journey of following my values and listening to my inner voice in the pursuit of my dreams. And ignoring the next negative self-critical voice that tells me I can't.

Why am I here? I think I'm here right now to help others discover and live their dreams, to understand and believe they do not have to just get by in life. Right now, I'm here to be a sounding board for my children, helping them uncover who they are and who they want to be. I'm here to support my husband and encourage him to live his dreams.

And I'm here to serve my clients, helping them uncover their dreams and actually live them.

What do I want right now? I want to take all that I've learned through the process of hosting this podcast, counseling and coaching clients, and specifically help entrepreneurs realize their dreams in business and also have the personal lives and relationships they want, but are struggling to have. This is the next part of my journey doing exactly that.

I hope you will come with me. The new podcast is called Entrepreneurs Unstuck, and you can still find it right here. Just under a different name. I will have entrepreneurs on the show who are killing it in business, but lack satisfaction in other areas of their lives, like their relationships. And entrepreneurs who are stuck because of perfectionism and limiting beliefs, not able to take that next big step or leap so that they can thrive in their business.

We will talk about what has worked for them. And I will help them with the areas that are not working for them. That aren't where they want them to be. We will be exploring what works in business and in life to go from stuck and stagnant. And dissatisfied to unstuck thriving and running on all cylinders.

So if you're an entrepreneur who finds herself or himself self stuck, email me at [email protected]. And I will send you an application to be a guest on the show. I hope that you will be here with me next week for the first episode of Entrepreneurs Unstuck, in which I interview my friend and coach Adam Schaeuble until next week, go out and take imperfect action toward the life you want.

And I will see you right back here next week.

The post Three Powerful Questions You Must Ask Yourself | IT 065 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

I love Kate. I simply love her. I was honored to be a guest on her podcast a little while back. If you have not listened to her podcast, check out her show and our episode.

Meet Kate Kneifel

Kate Kneifel is a therapist, small business owner , former teacher and loud laugher. She's obsessed with the process of learning and what helps people move from insight to action in their daily lives, a concept she explores as the host of her podcast, Full of Shift.

Check out here website here, follow her on Instagram @full.of.shift, and check out her e-Book here.

In This Podcast Summary

• EMDR therapy
• 3 most common obstacles
• Morning routines
• Kate's perfectionism

EMDR therapy

EMDR is a very specific type of therapy that Kate is passionate about. It stands for eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing.

EMDR has been for over 30 years, which targets different stuck memories or traumas. 

Sometimes we don't have the resources needed to process memories or traumas and they become stuck.

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, which is the eye movement. This involves tracking your eyes back and forth, left and right, while you are focusing on a difficult memory or belief. You're then able to access both sides of your brain, the right and the left side of your brain.

The difficult memory is then reprocessed and stored in your brain in a big filing cabinet.

You can still access the memory, but it's not as activating, or triggering, as it was before.

3 most common obstacles

Kate mentions the three most common obstacles that stop us from creating new habits and reaching our goals.

 One of the key components that I come back to all the time, is a lot of people start too big.

1. We start way too big. Then when we can't follow through or we don't follow through we shame ourselves. We think all is lost going even slightly off track, rather than recalibrating and continuing to forge on.
2. Too perfect of expectations. Not anticipating discomfort or viewing discomfort as failure will prevent us from developing new habits that will help us reach our goals. Accepting that obstacles will come up and having a back up plan will help get you back on track.
3. Viewing obstacles as drudgery that we have to get past. A lot of times they can be an opportunity to inject a little fun. Make habits fun, playful, and enjoyable rather than dragging your feet to complete them. Honor what your body, mind, and heart are telling you. If one day, you can't work out, don't beat yourself up and think the whole day is off. Provide your body with the rest it needs.

Morning routines

Kate has an in-depth morning routine that she's built upon since she was 12 when she started daily journaling.

She is typically up by 5 and her routine starts with three stretches while making coffee or tea. Kate then goes upstairs to light some candles to symbolize her intention and her own inner spark.

After 10 to 20 minutes of reading a nonfiction book, she'll journal. Currently she's also tracking creativity, fun, and relationships. Depending on what her day otherwise entails, she'll meditate for 10 to 30 minutes, and then finish it off with a work out. While she has her core pieces, she gives herself the flexibility to take out pieces here and there.

Kate's perfectionism

Kate wrote a children's book years ago, when she took a break from her Master's program to write for a year. While in a writing group, she submitted her book to an agent. The writing process itself brought both Kate and her children joy. When it to the event in which she'd receive feedback from an agent, she immediately got into her perfectionistic tendencies. She took the feedback to heart and began feeding herself negative self-talk and doubt. She immediately got in her head and shut down, stashing the book away for the last 10 years. Instead of rewriting the book, writing a different book, trying something else out, Kate completely missed out on an opportunity to play and experiment.

Progress over perfection workshop

Do you hold your self to unreasonable or unattainable standards then criticize self when don't reach that stand? Do you compare yourself to others? focus on parts of you that you want to change? Do expect perfection from others? Often let down because of loft expectations? Might be a perfectionist. Perfectionism can cause anxiety, depression, disordered eating, problems in relationships, and more Join this 5 part Progress Over Perfection workshop for bite sized, interactive assessments.

Books mentioned in this episode Are you enjoying this podcast?

If yes, would you please review and rate it on iTunes here? Thank you!

Useful links:

• Women Who Wow with B. Michelle Pippin | IT 063
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Welcome to the show. Kate. I'm so happy to have you here and to have the opportunity to have another conversation with you. Thank you so much for being here.

Kate:

Oh my gosh. I'm thrilled to be here. I said I had so much fun talking to you before for my show. Like, yes, anytime you want to talk I'm game.

Kathryn:

Well, I've really been looking forward to it cause I enjoyed our last conversation so much. Now I know you are a licensed counselor and I know a little bit about what your practice is about, but please tell our listeners a little bit about your journey, why you got into counseling and what your focus is.

Kate:

Yeah, absolutely. Well, currently right now I am a licensed clinical social worker and I own a private practice here in Indiana. I specialize in anxiety and depression, but more specifically, I do a lot of EMDR work, which is a specific type of therapy that traditionally is used to address trauma.

But it can be used for all kinds of different things. So that is EMDR I would say it's kind of a passion of mine. But for me, counseling was a second career. I started out as an elementary and special education teacher. I come from a family of teachers.

Actually kind of a like fun fact is my mom was a special education teacher and we taught in the same school together and she was actually in my room. She was the inclusion special ed teacher. I was the general education teacher. So we worked together in my classroom.

Kathryn:

That just gave me chills. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard that.

Kate:

It was such a unique experience. What I loved about teaching is I was very much drawn to one, of course, as a teacher, you're very interested in how people learn. But my background in special education really gave me the insight into all these different ways our brains can learn. Like some people learn best this way, but for other children, this isn't going to work at all.

But if you do this, all the lights are going to go on. I really got into the learning piece there. But then also I found, at least when I was teaching elementary school, I was very drawn to my kiddos that had behavioral issues. Specifically for whatever reason, I was particularly drawn to little boys that were really struggling in the classroom behaviorally. Because of that relationship I had with my mom too, that she was a special ed teacher and I was general education.

We were kind of like a dynamic duo team to work with some of these kids. But what I really noticed is I wanted to spend more time on that end. Like really diving deeper into not only the brain and how we learn, which was really that teaching piece, but also just the emotional component and how that emotional component is so tied to the behaviors, how we show up with our behaviors.

But also if we're able to learn or not. How much emotion is tied to that. That's what led me really, I've had starts and stops at first. I was going to get my master's in special education. Then I took a few classes and I thought, I think this feels more like my mom's path. I need to find like what my path is.

My path was really more the counseling. I actually switched to social work then. That's when I moved more on the focus on, the emotional and mental health side, paired with how we learn.

Kathryn:

Oh, I love that story. And I especially love how you allowed yourself to pivot and you were so flexible along the way. You didn't say, because I've started this because I've started in this direction, I can't listen to myself and change and go in the direction that feels right for me. I love how you made that pivot and had that flexibility. As a parent of my oldest child ADHD, some real struggles in school with behavior.

I appreciate so much your interest in that. I really do. I'm fascinated with behavior. What needs drive our behavior, right? Why we do the things that we do. Like you said, how emotion is tied to it. It sounds like EMDR is to you what acceptance commitment therapy is to me.

So I want to hear a little bit more about. What fascinates you or draws you to that type of therapy and how it helps anxiety and depression and not just trauma?

Kate:

 Well, I love talking about EMDR. I love acceptance and commitment therapy too. I mean, I know you and I were like, talking about that.

Before I move on to EMDR though, real quick. I just want to make an important distinction because I still appreciate how you were saying gosh you were so flexible and I love how you were able to pivot. Here's the thing. If you took like an overhead view of my life at that time with some of these changes, I mean, I was tantruming a lot.

Almost like, I mean, struggling with what do I do? I think sometimes, the willingness to sort of stay in the struggle almost. I mean, I really did a lot of wrestling and I think some people have this idea, especially when we change a lot, that it comes easily. Or yeah, I was just able to pivot. Or I'm super flexible.  

Which I mean my family and people who know me well sort of chuckle.

For whatever reason, I've been able to kind of embrace that. I just share tha  I know that that life path can be hard if you're trying to find your path. If you're crying and frustrated or what I call tantruming a little bit. This isn't working out. What's wrong with me. I should have this figured out by now, whatever it is.

It's okay. Like that can also be part of the process. Just like stay with it.

Kathryn:

I'm so glad you shared that, that distinction. To me, that's even more impressive than when it is easy to just pivot right, is to have the awareness that even though it's difficult, and even though it can be a struggle.

You made it through that struggle and you found your way and you didn't stop tuck tail and run. You went through it. 

Kate:

Yeah which actually transitions really well to EMDR interestingly. So EMDR, as I mentioned, is a very specific type of therapy. It stands for eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing.

Which I always laugh because when you tell anyone what it stands for, it doesn't really give you any more information. But that's what it stands for. It is a type of therapy that has been used for over 30 years. What it does is you were able to target different what we would call like stuck memories or traumas. 

So when there was a memory or an experience that overwhelms our nervous system, our brain will do the best that it can to process that experience or memory. However, sometimes we don't have the resources needed to process it through all the way and it becomes stuck.

The way that I'll often explain this to clients for the first time, if we're talking about EMDR, is almost to imagine like in your prefrontal cortex here, this forehead part of your brain, almost like you have this little splinter that's sticking out and it just kind of sticking in there.

It's not a huge deal, but if you were to tap it or smooth over it, you might get a big reaction. What EMDR does is it uses something called bilateral stimulation, which is the eye movement. You track your eyes back and forth, left and right, while you are focusing on a difficult memory or belief. What happens is you're able to access both sides of your brain, the right and the left side of your brain.

What happens is through the process of this therapy, the splinter is like pulled out. So this is kind of the reprocessing and the desensitization part. Instead of this difficult memory or belief sitting like a splinter in your brain that gets triggered at different times. It's pulled out, it's reprocessed, and it's stored in your brain in like a big filing cabinet.

You take out a drawer, put that file in and you can shut the drawer. You can still access the memory, but it's not as activating as it was before. Now the way that it can be used for trauma, it's been studied with PTSD. The foundations of EMDR is people were coming back from being an active duty in wars.

They were going to therapy, they were taking medication and it just wasn't helping. They weren't able to get back to their daily life, they weren't able to function. EMDR was first studied with people had PTSD and there was such a big response, they started using it for other traumas.

Now those traumas can be big T little T traumas, but it can also be for some like perfectionism, right? Like I know on paper, I look pretty awesome. Right. I have this great family, I've got this business. I'm pretty healthy, but it never feels like enough. Or I totally feel like I still feel like I do one wrong thing and I feel like a piece of doo-doo.

I know it doesn't make sense, but it is absolutely how I feel. EMDR can really help shift some of those really stuck beliefs or experiences, memories. As a result, I just am like obsessed with it. I love it.

Kathryn:

That is fascinating. I mean, I learned a little bit about it when I went back to school to get my master's in clinical mental health, but it always seemed to me like the most mysterious type of therapy. How does that work to actually like track someone's finger and have your eyes go in back and forth while accessing the memory was just like, I don't know it was the coolest thing, but it wasn't anything that I ever learned in detail in school. Did you learn it in detail in school or was it something that you researched and, and found more on your own?

Kate:

Yeah, this, so EMDR is one of those things where one, I just want to highlight, it sounds totally like for lack of a better word, like wackadoo. It sounds so woo and weird. 

When I went to training,  it's got tons of research behind it. This is a solid evidence-based practice. And yet even when I went to my training, I was like, Ooh, we'll see about this. Because with being trained in EMDR with so many other things as a therapist, you go through the therapy first.

As you're getting trained in EMDR, I was receiving EMDR therapy. I will tell you that therapy was still to this day, some of the most profound moments of my life. I mean, and I'm not exaggerating.

Kathryn:

Oh, I believe you tell us about like some of those moments or kind of paint the picture of what you experienced when you went through it.

Kate:

Yes. With EMDR what makes it so wonderful for trauma or just for addressing those stuck spots is a key component of EMDR is keeping the client within a window of tolerance. You want them to be activated, meaning we're talking and we're addressing something that isn't something that you would just like bring up in everyday conversation with a friend or even a close friend. 

But it's not way up here that you're like totally overwhelmed and you're thinking I can't handle this. You're staying within the zone of regulation. What was interesting when I went through it for the first time is one:

I was very skeptical, even though I paid good money to go get traded it. It sounded woo to me. I was skeptical. Two: when I first started and this highlighted some of my perfectionistic tendencies is I had this huge fear, Kathryn, that I was going to be the one person in the world that was going to do this therapy wrong.

As a client. They're going to do the eye movements and I'm not going to be able to do it. Nothing's going to happen. I don't think I'm gonna be able to do this right. Which this concern of doing EMDR, right because it is so different is very common.

What happened was when I first started with my first session where I was the client, nothing happened. And I was like, see.

The person who did it wrong. The trainer came over and there's adjustments that you make. Oh, no, that's fine. For me, eye movements did not work really well. I was very distracted. I was a little like ADHD myself. So you switched things up.

You can tap alternately on your knees as well. So they switched that up. The flood gates for me just opened. Now, what is fascinating and what was so impactful for me is with EMDR, you let your brain go where it takes you. So part of EMDR is your brain knows what needs to be healed. And so it goes to the spots that it needs to go to.

Sometimes that spot seems very random. So for example, I grew up in Minnesota. My brain kept on kind of going to snow and big snowfalls, and then it would go back to the issue that I had. Now that I was working on that we were targeting. But the other piece of EMDR that is so powerful is it's also tied to your body.

So you start with this awareness of, when you think about this difficult thought or memory, where does it show up in your body? And we know when something is cleared because you feel it in your body.

Kathryn:

That is so cool.

Kate:

You literally feel. And so, for example, not everyone is going to have this powerful of an experience.

This was a long session that I had, but for me, I went from so locked up and I was so nervous to do this, that I had actually talked to the clinician ahead of time. Like, I don't know. I'm really worried about doing this wrong. I don't know. I'm really kind of scared to do this. I went from that, to just like this tingling light. It was like 50 pounds had been lifted from my body.

So much so, I had this feeling of like, Oh my gosh, am I weird? Like what is happening to me? It was truly my body processing through and kind of almost like just the stuck spot. You can almost tell it as like it's stuck and then it clears and it's like that is really incredible.

Kathryn:

I want to do that. It's something I need to do and it's definitely something that I want to experience. Thank you for painting that picture. It was very vivid in my mind. That's amazing. Definitely want to try that sometime. So when I was on your show "Full of Shift," which everyone needs to listen to, by the way, I kind of realized that we were kindred spirits. Perfectionist, who were also kind of obsessed with habits.

Is it fair to put you in that category of being obsessed with habit?

Kate:

Yes, absolutely. 

Kathryn:

So let's get into that. I'm dying to dig into that. What do you find so fascinating about habits and how humans and their habits work?

Kate:

Well, I mean, I'm so fascinated by habits. It goes back to behavior. But that so much of our behavior can really be habitual.

Either we're conscious of it or it's subconscious. Our habits can really make or break us. It is something that it can shape our lives in such a huge way. You can make, Full of Shift, the whole concept of the podcast that I'm so obsessed with is small changes, making a big impact.

Kathryn:

Yes.

Kate:

You think about when we brush our teeth every day, what would happen if we just stopped brushing our teeth? I mean, that's not good. Your teeth would fall out, or you'd have all this pain in your mouth from cavities or different things. But just brushing your teeth, helps your teeth stay clean and healthy.

Your mouth stay healthy. Then you can eat, you can sing and talk without pain, all of those things. I've just been really fascinated by habits and noticing people who I really admire, their lives. They tend to have some really intentional habits that exponentially benefit them over time. I've always been just so curious, like what enables some of these people to stick with some of these habits?

Why do we have like the same goal time and time again that we just can't do. Even if we really want to, like, we feel like we're motivated and then for whatever reason, we just fall off. That is a really big thing that I'm interested in. One of the key components that I come back to all the time, is a lot of people start too big.

It's just way too big. Then we shame ourselves. We start up way too big, but then we can't follow through or we don't follow through then. It's well, it's all my fault.

Kathryn:

Not just that, but the second we get off track, we think all is lost.

Kate:

Yes. That's my second piece. So too big and too perfect.

Right. Which of course that's why you're saying it. Because you're all about the perfectionism, but not anticipating discomfort or seeing discomfort as failure or not anticipating failure, period. 

Kathryn:

Not seeing the obstacles that are necessarily going to come up or even if you don't see the specific obstacles, just knowing that they are going to come up and having a plan for what you're going to do to get back on track when they come up.

Kate:

Absolutely. Yes. Key component of I think any kind of habit development is being able to say, okay, ahead of time, what are the anticipated obstacles? Cause the thing is, we know what they are.

But sometimes we don't know, we know. For example, I had a situation I worked as a school social worker for awhile, and I just noticed that I was starting to really hate my mornings. Some of my morning routine was just falling off.

So I wasn't making my lunch as much. I I was working out in the morning, but that was kind of falling off. I thought, kind of what is going on here, like this was working and all of a sudden it isn't working. What's the obstacle here. Now, some people might say like, initially might say, well, maybe you're not getting enough sleep.

Maybe you're bored with your workout and you know what? It had nothing to do with either one of those when I stopped to really think about it. Here's what was going on one, I realized I didn't really enjoy the mornings anymore because I hated my wardrobe. I thought I was not excited about what I was putting on my body to go out in the day. That was number one. Like I just like, didn't like getting dressed for work and all of those things before were kind of, I hadn't put my finger on it. Like how annoyed I was getting dressed for work. And then two, I wasn't making my lunch because I had gotten bored with the same old, same old lunches.

Again, that wasn't exciting me. Now, when I switched those up, I looked up some different recipes for my lunch. I decided first with my closet, I took all the stuff out that I just didn't like. I took it out. Only the stuff that I like is going to be in my closet. 

I'm going to be intentional about adding new items to my closet. I love thrifting. So that's like a huge thing for me. That's fun for me too. That was able to move me forward. I think sometimes we see obstacles as like a drain or this drudgery that we have to get past. Really a lot of times they can be an opportunity to inject a little fun.

Or like a spark of joy into your habits too. I think we miss that a lot. Making something fun and playful and enjoyable.

Kathryn:

Absolutely. So what is your like favorite morning routine that you've found that just really works for you?

Kate:

Okay. I'm going to be really honest. I have an in depth morning routine.

I will share it. I get up and lately I've added just some stretches, like three stretches while I'm doing my like coffee or tea. Kind of alternate between those. I get up early. I typically am up by five. I've always been wired that way. That's just kind of what I do.

I do some stretches, do my tea, coffee. I come upstairs. Right now, because it's winter in the Midwest, I have a a light box that I turn on. I light candles every morning. For me, the candles are an intention of like my own inner fire, my own spark. And so I always light a candle every morning.

I do about 10 to 20 minutes of reading, depending on how much time I have typically have a nonfiction book, then I journal. So I've been journaling every single day since I was 12 years old. I mean, I've missed some days during vacation or things like that, but that's pretty much what I do.

I also track right now. I have some kind of three characteristics that I'm tracking which are creativity, fun, and relationships. And I just track that real quick zero to two, like, what was it like? Did I get those things done the day before?

And then I do anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes of meditation, depending on what's going on. Then I work out.

Kathryn:

Super star morning routine. You are covering all the bases. I was just, almost jumping up and down when I was listening to you, tracking your relationships, your fun, and your creativity.  Were those the three?

Kate:

Those are the three I'm tracking right now.

Kathryn:

 Those are some of your eight domains. I check in with my eight domains weekly to see where I might need to shift. Where I might need to give them some attention or action. I love that whole extensive morning routine. Before I share what mine is, I want to know is that something that all came together at once or is it something that you've sort of habits stacked or built upon one thing and then another thing, and then another thing. How did it come about? Cause that's a very intricate routine.

Kate:

I just want to be really open. I share that and I feel a little self-conscious about it. I'm gonna be really honest because sometimes I have this own little narrative in my head that like, Whoa, you are really high maintenance.

You need to do that much in the morning. I just shared that because if anyone else fit, if anyone else feels that way, I just want to say, Hey, there are other people out there that maybe sometimes think that too. But it does really align with my values and what really brings me joy and peace and a sense of grounded-ness.

But there are times where, even though it's so good for my soul. And I know a lot of people like try to implement more of a routine, but sometimes I'll notice I'm almost like hard on myself for it. So I have to really recognize it and make some space for it and be like, okay, let's remember, you get to be you.

It's okay. Whatever that looks like. And so I will say, I journaled almost every day since 12. I've always been a morning person, so I've always had some kind of morning routine. Whether when I was little, it was getting up and watching like Woody Woodpecker and the Flintstones before school and like curling my bags. I wanted time to do my best.

I mean, priority. But over time my bare minimum is to get up before my kids are up to at least journal. That's always been the bare minimum. Now, as I've had my private practice, I have much more flexibility. My day doesn't start at my practice now until most days nine o'clock. Mondays it's earlier.

So I didn't have as much time when I was working for the school system. But now that I'm able to do it,I just stack things. And I really use, going back to habits like BJ Fogg has a, he calls it the ABCs. Anything new habit. You find an anchor like after I do this, then I do this.

After I do my journaling, that's when I put on my workout clothes. After I get my tea, I come upstairs and light the candles. I really use that, but then there's some flexibility. There's some core pieces that stay there, but then other pieces I've taken in and out as a meetup.

Kathryn:

I love that you give yourself the flexibility there too, because you know, when it comes to habits and routines, we can get so rigid with ourselves. If I don't do all of this, I'm not going to have a good day. It doesn't need to be forced. It needs to be flexible and fluid so that you always give yourself the space to change it, to be what you need for that day.

I didn't use to be a morning person, but COVID has forced it. And I've realized it's been to my benefit. My youngest son is a swimmer and their practices have been moved to before school just because there are only so many lanes in the pool and we had to distance kids and make it safe for everyone.

So now I get up at 4:45 and that starts my day, but it's a very similar. When I get him to practice, that's when I asked myself my morning questions. I've shifted my morning questions recently to spend a little bit more time thinking about what I need in the day as well. So it's always been, who do I want to be today?

How do I want to show up for those I love today? What do I want to accomplish? And what action will it take. Recently I've really wanted to tune into myself a little bit more so I asked, what does my mind need today? What does my body need today? What does my heart need today? Because I have a tendency to focus on only what my mind tells me. I've realized I really need to listen and be forgiving and flexible with my body.

Most days I go for my workout straight while my son swimming. And that's what my body, my mind and my heart needs. Some days, I know that I've got so much work to do or something on my mind that I'm going to feel better throughout the day if I sit in my car and get on my computer and get something done in that quiet time.

So I'm trying to show myself even more flexibility by asking, not just what is my mind telling me that I want, but what is my body and my heart telling me that I need.

Kate:

Right, because I think there's such a big distinction from like what we need to do during the day, like the to-do list versus our needs.

I don't know about you, but I mean, being a mom, being female, there's such a socialization to meet everybody else's needs. We're so often, trained to look outwards and address all of the needs around us. That sometimes then, I feel like I work with clients and I noticed this myself.

Then you think like, well, what do I need? Or is it okay to meet my own needs?Feeling guilty about meeting your own needs. Sometimes there's a need, I've done that practice before too. For example, you know what, I need to be really angry about this, like permission to be angry for two hours.

Whatever it is. It's not always like prettying things up. Sometimes it's just that checking in and that practice of checking in can be so liberating for people, especially if they haven't done it for a long time.

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely. What do you think is like the number one way that gets in an individual's way when they're trying to set new habits and reach their goals. What is their like biggest stuck point or tripping point in general?

Kate: 

I don't know if I know like a number one.

I mean, I think that kind of the heavy hitters. I do think it's, we talked about, too big. The other one is too perfect. Not thinking about discomfort, but also not anticipating failure. But the other one that I talk about or that I think is really this idea, I call them sexy goals. And the reason I call them sexy goals is people doing things because they think they should. 

A classic thing is like, this is going to look really good on like social media if I do this. Some things that I think can sometimes fall in, like the sexy goal category would be like whole 30. Whole 30 is great. I love Melissa Urban, but sometimes it's like, this is going to look really good for me to do this.

Other people are doing it, but it's not truly tied to a core value or really who they want to be.

Kathryn:

Yes, I would completely agree that. That's how I would have answered that question would be that we can't see to reach the goals that don't align with our values because willpower only gets us so far.

We have to be deeply connected to the why that we are doing something that's difficult. Or it it's just too hard to get there. 

Kate:

I think sometimes we won't know if it's a sexy goal or not. For example, I have a goal or something that I would like to do that might be, and I'm saying goal and habits, a lot of times habits lead you to a goal.

But I've had this idea in my mind that I would love to ride across the United States on my bike. Like I've had this kind of goal forever. It sounds good. Like fun to say it, people kind of like, Ooh, like they think I might be like really fit or whatever, but then I read a book about it and I was like, Ooh, I don't know if I would actually like that.

Like, you're hot, you're dirty a lot. I still haven't written it off because I love being outside, I love riding my bike, I love freedom, I love long, big endurance events. So there's some things that still might tie into my values, but I have started to recognize that might be a sexy goal.

This idea that I'm training for to ride my bike across the United States. I'm not sure if that aligns or not. 

Kathryn:

Yeah. I see what you're saying there, for sure. When I was on your show, we talked about perfectionism, right? And there was some stuff that you really identified with.

What perfectionistic traits do you think you have?

Kate:

I really didn't think I was a perfectionist before. And then I was starting to kind of feel like it. I think that whole feeling of setting yourself up with these unrealistic expectations and then kind of either opting out because it's too high or claiming you're not enough because you can't meet those expectations. That really resonated. As far as I love to learn, I love to have fun, but I can also like suck the fun out of something so fast by making it harder than it needs to be, or setting kind of these benchmarks that don't even need to be there.

It's no reason why I have a podcast that is, small changes make a big impact. Because I know for me as like having some of those perfectionistic tendencies, keeping it small and keeping the momentum is such an important piece.

Kathryn:

Yes. So can you think of a time when your perfectionism really showed up and maybe kept you from doing something that you wanted to do because of a fear of failure or fear of making a mistake.

Kate:

I wrote a children's book years ago, so I decided, so this is part of the tantrumy piece of my journey. Even when I went to go get my social, my master's in social work.

I took a break for a year to write. And I just really wanted to focus on writing for that year. And so I found this opportunity with this one writing group to write and submit a children's book to an agent. So I had so much fun writing this book. I wrote this book, my kids were little, I would read them different drafts.

We had a blast. The kids had a blast. I had a blast, I loved it. But then I went to this event where you submitted the book and you went to this event with other people, other authors. Or other people submitted their writing. And it was kind of a mingling event.

And then you got your book back, they give you a hard copy of it back with notes from the agent. Well, the perfectionistic tendencies of like, I'm not enough, who do I think I am? Why did I even do this? Why did I think I could do this? I mean, flared up huge. I could barely be present with these other authors because I was so self-conscious.

And so in my head, all I did the whole time was like, these people are so much better than me. They have this published, they've done this book, like. Why am I here? I mean, I really just got, so in my head. Then I got, they called the title of my book, which it was called the burping princess and see you laugh.

I was so in my head, Kathryn, that I felt this shame, even the title of the book, I was like, I'm so embarrassed. And I got the book and there was just normal feedback on it. Normal feedback. I saw that feedback and I just totally shut down. 

I put the book away and now I don't know where it is. I wish I could find it. I did a podcast episode about this for one of my podcasts. Might've been when I did an earlier podcast and I wish I could find it. I would love to look at it through the eyes of what I know now that was probably 10 years ago.

But what happened was perfectionism, shut it all down. So instead of rewriting that book or writing a different book or trying something else out, I completely missed out on this opportunity to like, play and experiment with that.

Kathryn:

Oh, if you ever find the book, let me know. I want to read it.

I love the title.

Kate:

Now I am able to look back on that is just that it's part of the journey. It's part of the process, kind of those bumps. I look back now, I'm like, Oh geez, bless you. That did not have to be so precious. You were fine, but at the time, wow, it was really rough.

Kathryn:

Yeah. That's so easy to do. It's so easy to pull ourselves out of the present and into our heads and get stuck. Now you have something fabulous for our Imperfect Thriving listeners. Don't you.

Kate:

Yes, the "Full of Shift" podcasts there is a free ebook. It's just the "Full of Shift" ebook and how to kind of make meaningful change, small changes, making a big impact.

We talked about a couple of the obstacles that people encounter as they're trying to develop new habits, or as they're trying to reach a goal. What the ebook does is it walks you through these different obstacles.

How do they show up in your life? How have they showed up in some past habits you've tried to establish or pass schools. Because here's the thing, all of the different times we haven't followed through. It's amazing information for us to use.

Kathryn:

Yes.

Kate:

I know you said on my podcast, like your super power was finding patterns and then be able to connect those dots.

We can do that with our past experience, with trying to develop habits or trying to reach a goal. It really provides a roadmap for us. Like, Oh, these are my common obstacles. Fantastic. Then we can work on, okay. How do we work with that obstacle as you move forward? So that's really what the ebook does and allows you to just explore things. Hopefully with a little different filter than maybe you've been using when you're thinking about habits and goals in the past.

Kathryn:

Oh, that's fantastic. Thank you for sharing. I will put the link to that in our show notes so that everyone knows exactly where to find it. Y'all go grab the ebook in the show notes for today's episode. Even though I could just talk to you for hours on end, to wrap things up, I always ask the same question.

What is one imperfect action that you suggest we can all take today to move closer to our best life?

Kate:

I love this question. Okay. Here's my suggestion. Wear a hat. And you know what? You were wearing a hat today.

Kathryn:

I am it's Friday, so it's hat day.

Kate:

There's more to this story though. Wear a hat.

This is why Martha Beck. She is an author and a life coach that I just love. In one of her books, she talked about really one way to embrace discomfort and just sort of shift your patterns of behavior is to do something different. She gave an example of this couple that was arguing and they would get in the same argument all the time.

She said, next time you get into an argument, I want one of you to grab a hat and put it on. I think they had, like a cowboy hat. So they got into an argument, the wife put on like the cowboy hat, disrupted this pattern, and created this discomfort that things started to shift and change. So my recommendation is, sometimes we need to start really, really small.

Like maybe it is wearing a cowboy hat to the grocery store. What would happen? If you wore some kind of different hat to the grocery store. Or what if next time you want to yell at your teenager for their messy room, you put on a hat before you go up there and just kind of see what some of those differences are.

It can be like, just noticing how you feel different. You can use something like a hat. You can be like, well, I'm going to wear red lipstick to gait today. And just see how I feel wearing red lipstick. Doing something different and noticing what comes up can be a really safe way to just take a baby step into discomfort, but also kind of shift up some of our patterns of behavior too.

Kathryn:

Okay. I love that suggestion because you are right. We get in patterns. We are a part of a family system. We're a part of all these different kinds of systems. Without even being aware of it, really, we do the same thing in the same situation, have the same triggers, the same reactions every time. We cannot ever get a different result unless we make at least a small, tiny change. 

I second that motion wear a hat, grab a hat today, something different. See what happens as a result of it. And then take that data that you gained from doing that one small different change and use that moving forward to see what other kinds of change you can make. Kate, I have absolutely loved talking to you again.

Thank you so much for sharing your time and all of your expertise with the Imperfect Thriving audience.

Kate:

 Oh, it's been so fun. Thank you so much for having me.

Kathryn:

I'll have to do it again soon.

Kate: 

I hope so. That'd be great.

The post Full of Shift with Kate Kneifel | IT 064 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Did you know 80% of businesses fail? People are following instructions, but they're the wrong instructions. In this episode of Imperfect Thriving, Kathryn speaks with Michelle Pippin on what gets in the way of women entrepreneurs, the musts for pushing your business forward, and the best way to create demand.

Meet B. Michelle Pippin

B. Michelle Pippin — a mother of three and wife (of one!) — is known for her "NO EXCUSES…. JUST RESULTS" approach to business success. Small Business and Marketing Expert, B. Michelle Pippin has been featured on shows like Good Morning America & ABC News Now, and can be found offering advice in the pages of countless print publications such as Forbes, USA Weekly, National Business Journals, Inside Business and more.

As the founder of "Women Who Wow", she is relentlessly committed to producing "unreasonable results" for her clients. Her passion for being an entrepreneur and the ability to create a life you will love is palpable and contagious. Never one to follow the beaten path, she is a true renegade in the field of entrepreneurial success. … walking each client through the process of creating more money while having more time to do what they love. Her high-energy, inspiring messages are peppered with humor and story-telling, but grounded by her "always practical" strategies and real-world, right-now solutions founded in biblical principles. Follow her on Facebook here.

In This Podcast Summary

• The best way to create demand
• What stands in the way of female entrepreneurs
• Three musts to move your business forward 

The best way to create demand

Create a brand or a voice that's recognized. That means, preach more and teach less.

We're oftentimes trying to prove ourselves as smart. Information is like a dime a dozen out there.

If you're only giving teaching information, people don't recognize your voice, why they might want to hear from you, or even learn from you. Preach at least as much as you reach. Get your voice out there so that people recognize it. Become a thought leader so that your brand or voice is trusted. Misinformation hurts people.

What stands in the way of female entrepreneurs

There is a longer space of time between idea and implementation. There's a shelf life on our ideas. Don't sit on an idea for too long. Start putting action and strategy into place to implement the idea. We also often get too caught up in emotions. Don't be led by them, rather feel it, and take action anyway. Emotions are fleeting. You'll also be able to shorten the gap between idea and implementation. Surround yourself with women who don't tolerate mediocrity. Our behavior and actions are greatly affected by the five people we spend our most time with. Surround yourself with people who are in line with what you want to become.

Also remember, you don't have to earn your way into any room or program. Walk in like you own the place, like you're one of those admirable people and you belong too. Stop the addictive thought pattern of inadequacy in its tracks.

Three musts to move your business forward

The first must is to have a hit list. This isn't about having an impressive email list. This is specifically targeting those who you can directly approach about your offer who will say yes. Reach out to those 50 people you know are perfect fits for your offer and invite them versus sending out a blanket invite to a huge list.

The second is is look at your systems in your business. Do you have a system for bringing in new leads? Do you have predictable obvious, common sense systems in your business? Consider what strategies you have that are producing what you want. Doing anything without a rhyme or reason won't yield results or leads because there is no real strategy in place.

The third must is to assess every day if your actions are naturally, normally, and obviously leading to what you want. Daily actions should lead up to where you want to end up. Reevaluate your daily actions are in fact aligning with your goals.

Progress over perfection workshop

Do you hold your self to unreasonable or unattainable standards then criticize self when don't reach that stand? Do you compare yourself to others? focus on parts of you that you want to change? Do expect perfection from others? Often let down because of loft expectations? Might be a perfectionist. Perfectionism can cause anxiety, depression, disordered eating, problems in relationships, and more Join this 5 part Progress Over Perfection workshop for bite sized, interactive assessments.

Are you enjoying this podcast?

If yes, would you please review and rate it on iTunes here? Thank you!

Useful links:

• 5 Tips to Up Your Self-Care Game Right Now | IT 062
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Welcome to the show, Michelle. I am super excited to have you here today. 

Michelle:

I'm thrilled to be here.

Kathryn:

So I've read your blog. I love it. I know a little bit about you, but for those of my listeners who don't, please tell us a little bit about you and how you became a woman who wows.

Michelle:

Yes. So I'm an accidental entrepreneur. I was a social worker, married to a public school teacher and got pregnant. I had this thought is no judgment on how anybody else raises their kids. Like to each their own. For me, I wanted to be the primary caregiver for my child. Right. Like, I didn't want to miss anything. I didn't want a babysitter. I didn't want a nanny.

However, we looked for family money. Like we didn't just assume nobody had family money. We were diligent. Like we looked for family money to see if there were, if it was any divide, there is nothing there. We had it at the time, $213 in savings, which we had, like that was in savings. We had tucked that away.

Right. That's what we had built up. It was our life savings. And I took a quarter of that 50 bucks and I invested it to start my own business. And this was 22 years ago. This was when you heard rumors of people who worked from home, but you didn't actually know anyone. This is before people used email. It's before anybody could have a website that was like a regular person.

So I had no role model. There were no coaches to help me back then, and I just had to gut it out. And so that first year, by the way, I would have never said I was in business. I was just like a stay at home mom, cobbling together an income. In that first year, I pitched myself as an at-home secretary because the term virtual assistant hadn't been created yet and long story short, like I did everything.

I typed water reports for us embassies overseas. I did, by the way, you don't ever want to drink water at embassies overseas. I know, but yeah, it's a good piece of information. I will never forget it. I did resumes and I did just like bookkeeping and I learned new skills and I was on, anything for money to work.

If you asked me if I could do Microsoft access, I said, yes. And then I went and bought a book for dummies on Microsoft access. And that first year I made $63,000. And I didn't even know that I was a success. Cause I was just like getting enough to make ends meet. And it was later that I learned I was in business for myself.

I was really not a very good secretary. So I started an HR business with no experience in HR, but a degree in HR. And I loved that it made more money than I ever thought. I was essentially like selling employee manuals and things like that. But I hated the work. I mean, like for me, I'm free to be you and me.

I'm very like fly by the seat of my pants. So HR like dotting every I and crossing every T like, gouge my eyes out. I was young ignorant, I guess. I just shut that business down. I literally like called all my clients and said, Hey, I'm not going to come back. Like, if I owe you money, it's in the mail.

Like good luck to you. Right. I could transition them into marketing clients, but I knew that I wanted to help other people in business make money. The reason was by that time I had started reading business books. I started learning that all the crap that was told to us in business books didn't apply to me and it was dead wrong.

I was like, Oh my gosh, all of a sudden I saw that, you know, people say for the five businesses fail. All of a sudden I got it. I'm like, all right, 80% of businesses fail. No coincidence, 80% of the crap we're told about business is dead wrong. So these are people who want to be successful and they're following the rules.

They're following the instructions. They're just the wrong instructions. I started getting a little bit irritated, like how long before women entrepreneurs in particular start realizing that the rules and the people they're following are leading to an 80% failure rate and started questioning that crap.

That's kind of my story. So after my HR business, I became a business coach and a copywriter. Largely I was more consultant than coach. I'm kind of a crappy coach because I'm more interested in the outcome than your journey. Right. And then eventually. I just didn't want one-on-one clients anymore. And so I created women who wow, it's one of the fastest growing associations for high drive women entrepreneurs in the world.

We started with 37 members and now we have members in every state and eight countries. I'm just so proud to be at the helm of these women, because we've really made women who wow a place to begin, a place to become, and a place to belong. I don't know about you. But if you are a high drive woman, if you're listening to this, like, you know that there are certain places you go where you're kind of tolerated and not celebrated, you're kind of a little bit too much.

You're kind of like you don't quite fit in. I've always felt that way my whole life, but as a high accomplished woman, entrepreneur, I found fewer and fewer places that I am and my success was celebrated and not resented or tolerated. 

Kathryn:

Yes. I definitely want to ask you more about that, but my mind can't even keep up with all the follow-up questions I have that I want to know about your story.

So, first off, what made you have the courage to take one quarter of your savings? Now $50 doesn't seem like a lot, right? But it is when you only have 200. When all you have is 200, what made you have the courage to invest that in yourself? 

Michelle:

To be totally honest. I never looked at it as investing in myself.

Like, what I really bought was like a $32 roll of stamps and like some random other stuff. So it was like, I was in my worldview at that time I was investing in tools. My dad worked side jobs as a roofer and a framer growing up. So like investing in tools was like, common sense, right? If I wanted to start making money in this way, I need a tool to do it.

And the tools I needed costs about $50. For me, it would have taken more courage for me to leave my kids at a daycare. Frankly, I couldn't have done that and I didn't know any other option. I had nobody leading me, but the other was unimaginable to me. I had a stay at home mom. I was in love with these kids, right.

Kathryn:

Yeah. So what I'm hearing is it was easy to do because you were driven so hard by what you value. What you valued most was being the one there to raise your children. So it wasn't even a question in your mind about what you were going to do to make that happen.

Michelle:

Exactly. Like to me, my kids, I bore naturally like with midwives instead of doctors and stuff. I didn't leave a plan B for like a doctor who'd give me an epidural or, you know what I'm saying?

Like, and maybe people think that's ignorant, right. Something could have gone wrong. But for me, it's like, if you leave room for a plan B, that's when you need a lot of courage and stick to it, or whatever. And to me, I'm like, I got two options. I'm literally going to have to start looking for a place to drop my kid off.

Or I'm going to think something else up. And I grew up very working class and I always saw my dad, he worked at a factory job, but he also had tons of side jobs, like he would roof or he would frame or whatever. I grew up understanding that if you were willing to work, you could make money.

And so even through college, I did put myself through college. I was broke as a joke. I mean, I didn't even know how to be that broke, but I kind of had the philosophy. Like if I needed money, I could make money. I could write someone's thesis. I could pick up an extra shift at the restaurant. I could do whatever.

Right? Like there were always ways I could make money. And so at that time, I didn't think about starting a business, but I was like, what are the different ways I can make money? I had my, anything for money tour is impressive. We got a little creative with it, but it went off.

Kathryn:

I love that. That's one of the things that I do with my clients is we look at our eight domains in our lives and really get down to what it is they value. Not what other people tell them they should value, but what they value. And then that becomes your compass. It makes all of your decisions easy. Right?

Michelle:

 It's huge. Because as women, I think I read that your kids are grown like mine.

Kathryn:

I have a 15 year old, a 22 year old and a 20 year old. So two almost grown.

Yes.

Michelle:

So I have a 22 year old one who will be 20 next month and then a 18 year old. But you know how, like when they become even higher middle school in high school. Decision fatigue is huge, right? Like that's the hardest part of parenting. I feel like, and it's hard as part of it nearly anything. And so I agree, like when I can just look at decisions based on alignment, it's like, if I line everything up, then there's no issue.

So for me, like the decision making is pretty huge because I just make sure it aligns with where I am now and where I want to go. And the straightest path possible is the easiest. 

Kathryn:

Absolutely. And we're, we are satisfied with ourselves and with our decisions when we are congruent with those values. If we steer away from them, everything sort of falls apart.

But when we're congruent there, it works like clockwork. I completely agree. So you also mentioned how 80% of the rules and the techniques out there about how to be in business are wrong. What should we follow when we're women entrepreneurs trying to get out there and make money?

Michelle:

 Yeah. So the first thing is like, I deliberately made women who wow affordable for anybody who seriously in business. But if you don't have any money at all to invest and you just are really thinking, I don't know what to do.

What I'm doing is not working is look at what everybody else is doing in your specific industry and do the opposite. That's a great place to start. So like, as an example, when I was a coach, you would have never, ever found me with like a link on my site that said, sign up here for a complimentary consult.

Why? Because everybody else had that. And I knew coaches weren't making that much money and I needed money. And so like, I just didn't do what everybody else was doing. I'm big on like common sense and practical, pragmatic thinking. So for me, it's like, I want to make sure in any area of life, but certainly in business as well, but in marriage and fitness, like whatever. Is the normal, natural, like expected outcome of what I'm doing, what I want.

Right. Does it line up essentially? And so to me, it's like, people will say. You just need to get your name out there and I'm like, Hmm, well, what does out there mean, how will I know if I'm out there enough. It takes money to get my name out there. Right? I'm more interested in getting my clients in here, come visit me at blankety-blank dot com.

I'm more interested in that. And so just that one little flip of the common narrative, like I had to get my name out there. Wait a minute. Do you really want to get your name out there? Because I do not get paid for you to know my name. I want you in here where I can help you with you.

And so I just want to make sure everything is common sense. And if everybody's doing it, remember it leads to an 80% failure rate. So don't do it. The other thing too is if you're like me, when the coaching world kind of first became a thing, and I started looking at people who like were standing in front of their private jets, I later learned that jet was like repossessed that day.

Kathryn:

Those are rented for the photo shoot.

Michelle:

Right. Well, back then, you couldn't do that. You know what I'm saying? Like you couldn't as much, but now, I mean, obviously it happens all the time. But the thing is like, if you signed that you're watching. Whether it's me or somebody else. I always look for what they're doing, not what they're teaching.

Right. And that's almost like a magic trick. It's like, I'm thinking, no, no, no, no. I want to look at what you're doing, how you're showing up, because money and success always leaves a trail. Sometimes we can be following people and we're even paying them. They're teaching us to do this and do that and follow this and across this T and dot the I.

And in truth, you have to be like, wait a minute. What are they doing? To have that success and we don't get paid well. You don't get paid handsomely to be a doer of a thing, right? Like you've got to really start to build in some positioning within your market and building demand for your voice and all of that stuff, which is pretty easily done.

As long as you take a direct path to it. 

Kathryn:

Yes. I absolutely love that. So I was reading your blog post, why we are not making the money we deserve. I work with perfectionists who believe that what their brains tell them of I'm not enough. I believed it when my brain told me that for 49 years. I've only been away from that thought for a couple of years now.

You mentioned never thinking I'm not enough, but rather thinking I'm too much. I find this fascinating because now that I'm confident in my purpose, now that I've made this big transformation that I made over the last few years. I feel that thought creeping in sometimes of I might be too much for people.

Right. Versus I'm not enough. I don't hang onto it or believe that it's true, but it passes through my brain. Tell me more about when you first realized that you had this thought and how it affected you.

Michelle:

Oh, I think my whole life. So my parents are amazing parents. I always say that like my confidence as far surpasses my actual ability, but I prefer it that way.

 Because there's a lot of them, people who are so, so able, but they hold themselves back by being a perfectionist. By earning another certification, another degree or whatever, and like, God woman, why are you trying to prove so much? Just go out there and be. Like just go out there and impact people.

So for me, even as a young girl, you know, not to shine too bright, does that make you?

Kathryn:

It absolutely does. You should be quiet, be in the background and be sweet.

Michelle:

Right. And this was not from my home. Right? Like my home did not do this and I'm talking purely social staff. Absolutely. Too pretty, don't be too popular, whatever.

Right. Because what happens is all of a sudden you are like shunned and shamed for being too much. Right. In college, like I was tolerated, not celebrated, right. I've always been fully myself, which is sometimes resented in the entrepreneurial world. Like. I'm sort of a dark horse. Like I don't pay to play.

I don't pay to get in a room like with Daymond John, or to share the stage with Susie Orman or to have Gary Vaynerchuk even come and speak on my stage. I don't pay for that stuff. Like I develop these relationships and people might not know my name, like who is that? Right. They resent. Cause they paid handsomely to like climb this ladder or whatever.

I've experienced it everywhere, but the truth is. I don't see it almost as being a thought that passes. I think I am too much for some people and I'm okay with that. I want to be okay with my too much newness because I'm just right for a perfect market. I just want to talk really quickly to your clients who are listening to podcast about perfectionism. For me, I got into business because I had to make money like.

It was nothing else to be totally honest. This was a profit venture. I think that's pretty pure for business. I appreciate my spaghetti days is what I call them, but I definitely appreciate that because it kept my focus on profit and income streams, which is a very healthy focus for being an entrepreneur.

What I can tell you from that perspective is that perfectionism is the enemy of profit. It is the absolute enemy of profit. If you're okay with that, then maybe start a nonprofit, maybe start a ministry. You don't want to keep pretending you're in business and allowing perfectionism to Rob your business of its potential.

Kathryn:

You are so right. It holds us back from spending money and investing money. We spend too much time thinking about things and not enough time actually doing and learning from those things. I could go on and on about how perfectionism holds us back in business. For sure. Tell me a little bit about how, what you offer in your business to your clients, to your people has evolved over these years from those spaghetti days. 

Michelle:

Yeah, principles are principles. If they're truly principles, if they're true all the time and everywhere they're applied. It's funny that you asked me that because right now I am re-releasing my first digital product that I first released in 2010.

I'm re-releasing it as the 2020 version. I'm selling it for the same price. And it really is like, I go through it. I'm a little embarrassed by the videos maybe, but all the content is still the same. So what do I help women do? Like one, I helped them clear the cobwebs of all the things that they think they have to do in order to be a success. That they don't really enjoy doing and newsflash aren't working so that we clear their schedule.

Then we create aligned action plans. I am big on helping them become more of themselves and bring more of themselves to market. I know this sounds cliche, but I've been talking about this for nearly 20 years. As we have Amazon coming on the scene, as we become a whole lot less geographically dependent on working where we live, being more and more you is so much more important than it ever has been.

It is the only thing that will create demand. For your work. Right? And so a lot of people are like, well, how can I not get Facebook to shadow ban me? How can I make sure that my posts are seen. I'm like, you know what woman, you need to create a voice that people come looking for. Then they're going to find your tail on Facebook or Instagram or wherever you're showing up.

They're going to be looking for you. You'll know you've done it, right. When let's say you usually send out your post, 6:30 in the morning and it's 6:40 and you've got four people. Like, are you okay? I haven't gotten the email, they're waiting for it. Right? You need to build that demand.

Then your brand kind of supersedes all of the changing algorithms and whatever Zuckerberg is doing or whatever. Because people are preferring. One, they recognize your voice, then they prefer it and now they demand it. Then you don't have to worry about all those other things that keep us busy and sometimes broke.

Kathryn:

Yeah. So what would you say is the best way to create that demand?

Michelle:

The first would be creating a brand or a voice that's recognized. That means, and I've been harping on this for like the last six months with my higher level people, but I'm like, you need to preach more and teach less. A lot of the times.

And again, it might go back to some of the perfectionism stuff, right? Like we're always trying to prove ourselves as smart. Right. So we have like this acronym named system, you know, I'm saying, and we detail it to death and by the time you launch it, like nobody's even interested anymore. And by the way, information is like a dime a dozen out there.

If you're only giving teaching information. Seven steps to lose four pounds in seven days, 14 days to blank. If you're only doing that, what happens is, is people don't recognize your voice or why they might want to hear or learn this from you. So the first thing is to really start preaching, at least as much as you're teaching. Really get your voice out there so that people recognize it.

Kathryn:

What I'm hearing is that we are relying too much on what we know and not who we are. We need to give more of our opinion and not just the straight up facts.

Michelle:

Not just your opinion, but your experience. You want to rail against what other people are getting wrong in your industry. If, for no other reason than the fact that misinformation hurts people.

 I mean, I don't so much care. Like I'm not a big, I live pretty simply I'm in a rural town. I am not really a big shopper. I don't get into cars. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's not so much I'm doing this now at this point. Cause I need a new LV bag. It's not that. It's more because there's heartache that accompanies the misinformation.

There are really accomplished and driven women who are feeling bad about themselves. They just cannot get the financial piece of their business and they feel rejected by their market. It's like there's heartache and stress and strain and self-esteem issues that come along with that. So I rail against it.

I ask any of your listeners, what are people getting wrong in your industry that you know, are wrong and that people are listening to, and it's costing them. Whether it's in health or finances or marriage or anything else and rail against that. You've got to be willing to let them hear your real voice after that you keep showing up and they begin to prefer hearing.

Learning, whatever they need to learn from you. Why? Because they trust that you'll give them something that they cannot find elsewhere. I tell people with women who wow, I'm like, you know what? You can go to a million different business coaches doing a million different masterminds and associations, but yeah.

I have no shame in saying you cannot get anywhere else, what you get from women who wow. That's absolutely true because I'm not anywhere else. Then the third part of that is that building that demand. That really does come into a balance of some paid where people are paying for access to you and a mixture of that paid and free.

We get into a little bit more of a nuanced thing there, but that's sort of the process. 

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely. That brings me, me to my next question, which is I see so many women branching out into their own businesses because they're tired of being told they're too nice in corporate America.

They're tired of being limited by others. They're tired of their flexibility being limited by these particular hours. Limited in their incomes. Only to then limit themselves because they don't know their true value. Do you see that? If you do see that in female entrepreneurs, how do you help them acquire that self-esteem or that self value that has to be there if they're going to make money. And has to be there for them to find their own voice and their unique ability to offer?

Michelle:

It really breaks down one into kind of what businesses are going into. A lot of people are leaving corporate America and they're going into like a consultant, coach, speaker kind of personality based business. On that end, it can feel very intimidating. Cause I'm not saying to you right now, like if you and I were on a sales call and I'm like, Hey, I'm selling this widget.

Here it is, it's four inches long and it does this. Do you want the widget? And you say, you know, actually I don't want the widget. No I'm saying, do you want me right. Not a harder sell, but it's a harder rejection when that happens. So that's one part of it for that one really quickly. It's like, no is just a, not now.

Particularly in the consultant expert business. A lot of times people are rejecting your offer. Not because they're rejecting you, but because they don't have confidence in themselves to make that investment. Like we think it's us, but it's not. A lot of times is that they need, and again, the preaching versus teaching, when you preach, you build their confidence and their belief in themselves.

So they buy more regularly. Right? Well, part of it, we are bringing corporate America mentality into our entrepreneurial world and it has no place. Right. So we think we're going to do things for free at first, and then we'll inch it up and we'll climb the ladder. There is no ladder. There's no moral or otherwise obligation to climb a ladder in the entrepreneur world. Leap to the top.

There's no reason to start out charging less than you're worth. I would venture to say that even when your confidence there's you have what I call like a confidence lag or confidence lapse, which means nothing. It only means that you're human. Don't read into it. It's not some big sign just means you're human.

When you have that, what I want you to understand, particularly if you need money right now. Like you do not have to get that confidence sorted. You can take confident action, even when you feel unconfident, right? You can price confidently, scared, and it's like, do it anyway. Right? So to me, I feel like they're bringing in this corporate mentality of climbing some ladder.

They need to own who they are. When they are in doubt, when they think, Oh my God, I can't pull this off. Practice in a mirror practice. Say it confidently, act confidently because that builds confidence. 

Kathryn:

Yes. I could not agree more. Like I want to say amen to all of that because what I helped my perfectionists do is to understand that how they do in business, how much money they make, how they value themselves, how they price themselves and their services begins and ends with what they think of themselves.

I help them separate. Get rid of that thinking. Because it's thinking then emotions and then actions. If you have the wrong thinking, you're going to have the wrong actions that aren't going to get you where you want to go. No matter how hard you try. I completely agree about the confidence part.

I tell all of my perfectionists, you can't learn your way to confidence. Confidence comes from doing the hard things that align with what you value. You doing the hard things teaches you. Wait a minute. I can rely on myself. I can trust myself to do the hard things. Then you see that confidence level starts shooting up, up, up and up.

Michelle:

Confidence is a habit and an action. I have a full program called betting on you. And here's the truth. In any situation, physical, financial, emotional. I want to bet on me. I've learned to bet on me. It's the safest choice I can make. Right. But that didn't start that way. I grew up very confident, but in entrepreneurialship it's different and it can be simple if you're doing it right, but it's not easy.

There's a lot of things we have to wrestle through. Like if your bills aren't paid elsewhere as mine were not. Some anxiety over money and then there's like rejection stuff and all of that. I can tell you the difference between, like when I made five figures a month, six figures a month, I can tell you the main difference was I did not allow my emotions to dictate my actions. 

At five figures a month, you can cut out five figures a month and you can still like get in your head. And, Oh, I don't feel like this today. At six figures a month, when you see someone at that level. 

You know what the biggest difference between them and you is not their certifications or how much money they're spending on Facebook ads. I don't even do that kinda crap, but like, what is important to understand is that our drama. We don't get into the drama so much. It's like I say, do you want to buy the widget and you're like, Michelle, I don't like that widget. I hate the color.

It sucks. And I'm like, alright, next, right next, I'm moving on. But when you're not succeeding at that level, you get a little bit into your story too much. I'm like, I'm not a two year old. I can take actions aligned with what I want, even when I don't feel like it. Even if I don't feel inspired. Another thing is a leftover, which could be a good thing from the corporate world is like, Ask yourself.

Would I tell my boss, the crap I'm telling myself, like today, I don't feel inspired. Can you fathom calling your boss and saying that? Absolutely not. You just gotta treat it like it's a real opportunity and it's all up to you and you'll train yourself to prefer it being all up to you. 

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely.

So the other thing that I wanted to ask you is. As female entrepreneurs, what would you tell us that the three things are that we could use most to move our businesses forward? Like the top three things that we should be doing?

Michelle:

The first one I would say is a hit list. Even to this day, even though I have an impressive email list and all of that. I would never launch any program or product or event without a hit list of 50 people.

I've been true to that my entire life. What I mean by that is not an avatar and not a group of people and not 50 people on your email list you're going to email all at one time. What I mean is 50 people that you're going to invite to say yes to your offer, like right away. You're ahead of the game.

Why? Because most women entrepreneurs, we hint about our offer. We post on Facebook. We unveil some really shiny bright sales page. But we don't look at people and say, Kathryn, I'd like you to buy, right? I think this is perfect for you. The one would be a hit list. It's simple. It's direct. It doesn't matter where you are in your business.

If you have something that you're proud of, why not invite 50 people to take a look at it? It's crazy not to. It is a great moneymaker. 

The second thing to do is look at your systems in your business. I'm a hippie kind of, you know what I'm saying? I'm free to be unique. I didn't realize the systems I had in my business, but I'm a creature of habit.

I did a years ago, but it's still very relevant, a seven systems training. Systems that are in, at work and at play in my business at all times. Really look at the systems like, do you have a system for bringing in new leads. A lot of times people will say, I feel like I'm selling to the same people over and over.

And I will say, well, what are you doing to get new people? And it's like, well, I post on Facebook. Yeah you post on Facebook to the same people you did yesterday, right. Or I do X, Y, Z. And so like, do you have systems? Do you have predictable obvious, common sense systems in your business. You want to look at that.

In fact, the pre-work for the new 2020 program, I'm launching from a 2010 product is I reveal in the pre-work my system. And I'm like, look around you. What are you counting on? Is it a hope and a prayer? Do you have strategies that are producing what you want? Because a lot of times that's a big eye-opener for women entrepreneurs that they're just doing a bunch of stuff, but there's no rhyme or reason.

They're kind of just hoping to get picked up or hoping to get seen. There's no real strategy there. 

The third is to make sure that every day you're asking, like, so for instance, if I wanted to lose 20 pounds. If I want to lose 20 pounds and I'd look at my daily actions. So I would say, well, today did my actions line up with the fact that I want to lose 20 pounds?

Well, not if I ate a box, a little Debbies and didn't work out. Those actions line up for gaining 20 pounds. So really like assessing your day, if not planning it that way, it's like, do these actions, do they naturally, normally, and obviously lead to what I want.

Kathryn:

 Yes, absolutely. Totally agree with that.

I like to use a morning mindfulness routine at the beginning of the day to ask myself, what do I want to accomplish today and what actions are going to get me there. Then at the end of the day, assess exactly what you're talking about. Every day is a little bit of a scientific experiment. I'm not holding myself to be perfect and do it all right in that day.

But what can I learn at the end of the day from what I did or didn't do.

Michelle:

Yeah. You know what's horrible. And maybe this alight just shocked somebody who's listening into a new habit, but we often do this literally once a year at the end of one year. That to me blows my mind. Like we only plan, we only look at our vision.

We only write out our goals. We only assess a a plan once a year. And it's like, man, if I could just even get women to do it once a month, right. Like one of them, things that I do within membership is I have what I call an entrepreneurial espresso. It's meant to wake people up to their potential and all of that is delivered every morning.

 I don't want them to just have mindfulness and just concentrate and just see their vision and just see their potential once a year. Oh my gosh. Like if you did that think of how good you feel after that new years business planning meeting. We need this daily.

Kathryn:

Absolutely. It's not enough to go out and do if you don't analyze and assess it afterwards. To see whether it's getting you where you want to go, or whether it's not getting you. 

Michelle:

Persistence is only a valuable trait if you're persisting in the right or the right direction. It can be pretty detrimental otherwise. 

Kathryn:

That kind of reminds me of like an old cartoon where you see the character running so hard in place before they actually take off?

Michelle:

 Yeah. There's a whole lot of women entrepreneurs on what I call the treadmill of business. Right. They're cheering each other on and they're huffing and puffing and they're sweating. Nobody's noticing that the scenery doesn't change year after year after year.

Kathryn:

Busy as they can be, but just not moving anywhere. Absolutely. So what do you think stands in the way the most for women entrepreneurs, when it comes to their success in their careers.

Michelle:

 Yeah. I think one, there is a for women entrepreneurs versus men and meanwhile there are a few good men, male entrepreneurs.

They used to come in and say, do you take men? And I would say like, if you can write a check to women who and your wife be okay with it fine. Right. But yeah, I think there's a longer space of time between idea and implementation, right? That's a big one. Success is cooked up in a messy kitchen and we just need to embrace that.

One is to shorten the time between idea and implementation and everybody listening knows what I'm talking about. You're in the bathtub and you get an idea to email this person, a video message. Or you get an idea for a product or whatever. There's a shelf life on our ideas. It's like the mana that in the old Testament, like it grows moldy if we save it too long. All of a sudden that great idea we were thinking was amazing. It's going to finally be the thing two days later. What were we thinking is because the shelf life ran out. So that would be one thing. The other thing is we get too caught up in our emotions and I'm a very emotional person.

I'm a very loving and physically affectionate and available mother. All of those things. But I'm not led around by the nose, by my emotions. I can feel something and take an action anyway, and I call it adulting. But a lot of times we give too much credence to how we feel, but the truth is emotions are fleeting.

If I'm feeling like a loser and I'm unconfident this morning. I'm not gonna feel good, confident by nursing that emotion. I'm gonna have to take action. So I think that taking dominion over our emotions is shortening the time between idea and implementation is too. And also surrounding yourself with women who do not tolerate mediocrity in any area of their life.

Like that was the biggest thing for women who wow. I know I started it, but I got great value out of the fact that I'm surrounded by women who aren't playing business. They're not doing business just to tell their husband what they did all day. They're actually like creating jobs and creating success and taking the world by storm and creating the life that they really want.

They feel proud of it. I'm surrounded by a bunch of proud and accomplished women. It's easy to feel virginal when you are surrounding yourself with prostitutes. I'm from a very small town. It would have been easy for me to feel successful. Like I'm killing it. If I stayed like local and small.

Because I was doing things they hadn't even thought of doing, but I want to keep growing. Surrounding myself with women who stretch me is a really great idea.

Kathryn:

Yes. They say that our behavior and our actions are greatly affected by the five people we spend our most time with. I think it's definitely important to surround yourself with people who are in line with what you want to become.

If you have a different vision of yourself versus exactly what you are right now. Cause that's just going to keep you stuck there. Right? You need to find the people that are already where you want to go for sure.

Michelle:

I have a bonus tip. Can I say it?

Kathryn:

 Oh, absolutely. I'm all for bonus.

Michelle:

I just want to remind women that you don't have to earn your way into any room or price point or a program or anything like that. You can just walk in like you own the place. A lot of times, like people have asked me like how I got gigs with big famous people and I'm like, you know what? I just walk in. Like, I'm one of them. Before, you know it like Damon John is wondering who is that person?

 Cause I'm not coming up asking for an autograph. Like I act like I belong. It's been a habit of mine. Whenever I had the inkling that I needed to be better or different or more educated or somehow earned my way, I'm like stop. That is an addictive way of thinking. And you'll never be enough if you have that.

So I was like, stop I'm enough right now, I'm going to walk in like, I'm one of them. The truth is I've had relationships with people who are at the helm of these industries and they're just like us. They have doubts, they have bombs, they have flops of their launches. They have all sorts of things.

Kathryn:

 Absolutely. I love that so much. So I'd like to wrap up the podcast with a couple of different questions. First. I want to ask you where we can find more about you online.

Michelle:

Yeah, so the fastest place really is to go facebook.com/womenwhowow. That's plural women who out I give daily resources for women entrepreneurs there.

I'm enjoying Facebook a little less, all of our resources gone there. It's daily and it's free. I'd love for you to go there. If you'd like to talk with me, m.me/womenwhoout. I would love to hear more about your business. I would love to invite you to join women who out I can tell you that you will not regret it.

There's a ton of memberships out there. We have a 74% retention rate. Our members are over 70% of them are six figure earners or more. They didn't all start that way. We're very simple and build success around you. But those two places, the m.me/womenwhowow, the facebook.com/womenwhowow are probably the fastest, best ways to get in that's with me.

Kathryn:

Okay, great. And I will make sure I include all of that in the show notes. There are a couple of other things that I like to do at the end. Would you be up for a little rapid round of questions?

Michelle:

 Yep.

Kathryn:

 Okay. Awesome. Country or rock music?

Michelle:

Country.

Kathryn:

Who's your favorite artist?

Michelle:

Oh, my gosh, I never have a favorite artist.

I would have like favorite groups of artists. Alabama, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Reba McEntire, old school. 

Kathryn:

Old school, real country.

Michelle:

 Yes. I was country before country was cool. 

Kathryn:

It's kind of funny because the way you look reminds me of Miranda Lambert, I'm sure you probably get that a lot.

Michelle:

I get that a lot.

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely.

Jeep or Mercedes?

Michelle:

Probably a Jeep.

Kathryn:

 Are you more visual or auditory?

Michelle:

Auditory. I'm actually legally blind without my lenses in. I want to be visual.

Kathryn:

 Yeah, definitely. Neutral or bright colors? 

Michelle:

Neutral. 

Kathryn:

Cardio or weights? 

Michelle:

Cardio. 

Kathryn:

Mick Jagger or Nelly? 

Michelle:

I really don't care for either one of them. I don't dislike either of them, but like I'm ambivalent towards both.

Kathryn:

Who would you fill in the blank with? 

Michelle:

Are they both music stars?

Kathryn:

 Yes. Mick Jagger, Rolling Stones. And then Nelly more rap.

Michelle:

Oh, gotcha. Yes. I would think like, I also do like some rock, like red hot chili peppers. Beastie Boys, nineties kind of stuff. 

Kathryn:

Yeah, definitely. 

Michelle:

But it's funny. I've only been to one concert my whole life and it was called the Hoard Fest and it was like a bunch of different people, but I've never loved one artist.

So much, except for Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers, or Alabama, and I've never been any of their concerts. I've really never loved many artists enough to sit through. Like, I like it three songs that they do. So to go to a concert where  all their songs would be boring to me.

Kathryn:

Oh my gosh, I love a good concert.

I was trying to make a list of all the concerts that I've been to starting in middle school for my kids to see. It was like 30 something at least. I couldn't even remember that. I liked the feeling of being in the presence of people that are excited in the live music. Love it. Snow skiing, or water skiing?

Michelle:

Snow skiing. 

Kathryn:

Popcorn or candy at the movies?

Michelle:

Candy. Milk duds. 

Kathryn:

Caff or decaf.

Michelle:

Oh my gosh. Caffeine for sure. 

Kathryn:

All day long. Roses or tulips?

Michelle:

Tulips. 

Kathryn:

Beautiful. So I've appreciated having you here today. Absolutely loved our conversation. I want to finish up with one more question. What is one imperfect action we can all take today to move closer to our best lives.

Michelle:

Yeah. So my dad used to say, do something, even if it's wrong. Action is the way to get whatever it is that you want. You're not going to get it by thinking about it. So take action. Even if it's wrong, don't worry about the wrong action. We all make the wrong action. There is no straight line to success.

To be honest with you, it's always going to be a zigzag. The key is to keep those zigs really small. That means taking daily action, assessing that action. Did you get closer to the goal? Not as close to the goal. Also to borrow from the future. If you are only relying on what you need to do today on a fear or anxiety or some emotion you're feeling, then you're kind of going to stay in maintenance mode.

But I always like to go, like, what would the multi seven figure entrepreneur do. What would that woman do? That's what I choose to do. I align my actions in that way.  I don't look forward. I look backwards. It's like, if this were my reality, what would I do in this instance? That applies to whether I'm going to fire a client, do a launch or anything like that.

It applies. It's like, what would she do? I borrow from the future in that way. It keeps my zig really small. It's not a straight line. It keeps it small.

Kathryn:

Absolutely reverse engineer your actions from where you want to go. I second that motion. Do something today. Even if it's wrong, you'll learn from it and you'll know what to do next time.

But if you just keep thinking about it, you're never going to get there. I'm talking to all you perfectionists out there who think you have to 100% totally understand and make the right move. The right move is just making a move. So I completely second that motion. And I just want to thank you for being here, Michelle. I had the best time.

Michelle:

Yeah, me too. Thanks for having me.

Kathryn:

Absolutely. So until next week, go out and take imperfect daily action. And I will meet you right back here. Same time, same place.

The post Women Who Wow with B. Michelle Pippin | IT 063 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Why do women struggle with self-care?

Do you find you have so many things to do each day that you never get to the things you want to do for yourself? Like exercise, eating healthy meals, getting a pedicure, cozying up on the sofa in front of a fire place?

Why is it so hard for women to put ourselves first at times?

In This Podcast

• Why do women struggle with self-care?
• Why self-care is important
• Self-care tips

Why do women struggle with self-care?

Women discount the toll that emotional labor puts on us. Between work, kids school, and everything else we have to do, we feel like we have to constantly be on guard and ready.

Women tend to feel guilty or self-indulgent if we take time to take care of our own needs. 

We are taught that women should put others first. Self-care messaging in advertising directed at women is generally a sales pitch for something we don't need.

The message is, "you deserve it." We then associate the practice of self-care with pampering or being indulgent. It is not a want, it is a necessity. 

Why self-care is important

Self-care is our right. It is vital for health and well-being. Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our health. It weakens our immune system and inflames the body. Chronic stress makes us more susceptible to colds, weight gain, sleep issues, stomach ulcers, depression, diabetes and heart disease.

Understand that just because have been programmed to put ourselves last, doesn't mean that we continue on that path. We are arguably better caregivers when we take the time to care for ourselves first. Simply put, it is identifying and meeting our needs. We can't show up for the others the way we want to when we are depleted.

Self-value and self-care are inextricably connected. If you value yourself highly, you will prioritize your own self-care. Recognize if you do not value yourself as much as you could. Fill out ultimate self-value worksheet here to remind yourself of your own worth and why you are special, important and deserving.

Self-care tips

1. Practice self-compassion. Start by checking in and listening to your mind, your body and your heart.
2. Mindful eating. Put some time and energy planning the type of foods you want to put into your body. Feed it the necessary fuel.
3. Get in touch with your values. What are you values when it comes to your own self-care?

• Do you want to be a healthy role model for your children?
• Do you want to have the energy to pursue your life purpose?
• Do you want to be the best version of yourself?

4. Prioritize self-care and make it a non-negotiable. Set boundaries to protect it. Schedule self-care on your calendar before your week fills up. Then when your schedule is full, protect your self-care time. Don't give it up. 

5. Change how you talk to yourself. Become your own best friend and cheerleader. Be kind, be forgiving. Care enough about you to take care of you and believe that you are worth it.

Useful links:

• Let's Be Curious with Debra Kasowski | IT 061
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Meet Kathryn Ely

I'm Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I'm enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the "shoulds" like "women should always care for others" and "taking time for yourself is just selfish".

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Ernest Hemingway said, "The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special, too."

Why do women struggle with self-care?

Do you find you have so many things to do each day that you never get to the things you want to do for yourself? Like exercise, eating healthy meals, getting a pedicure, cozying up on the sofa in front of a fire place?

Why is it so hard for women to put ourselves first at times. To listen to our bodies, our hearts and our minds and give ourselves what we need?

Self-care has never more important than it is now. The New York Times reported that 1 in 3 jobs held by women has been designated as essential. Women holding these jobs are often underpaid and undervalued. Even those women not on front lines are experiencing disproportionate amount of emotional labor with job, plus children at home doing online school.

Between work, kids school, and everything else we have to do, we feel like we always have to be on guard. We always have to be ready.

I love that term emotional labor. I think we as women discount the toll that emotional labor puts on us. 

We tend to put everyone else first – children, spouse, parents, friends, even pets because we have learned that is what a good woman does, right?

We feel guilty or self-indulgent if we take time to take care of our own needs. 

Does this happen to you? I know this is something I have struggled with over the years. I remember when my first child was born. It was difficult for me to take the time to take a shower because I felt like I needed to be available at a moment's notice to meet his every need. 

Not only are we taught that women should put others first,  we often see the message of self-care in advertising directed at women, generally as a sales pitch for something we don't need.

We are told, you deserve it. So it makes sense that we would associate the practice of self-care with pampering or being indulgent. It is not a want, it is a necessity. 

It's time to view self-care differently. As our right. After all, it is really just taking care of yourself, which is vital for health and well-being.

More specifically, self-care means identifying and meeting your own needs. Most of the time, we don't take the time to even identify what we need. What fills us up inside.

Through my practice I help many women, and men, move away from anxiety and depression and toward more satisfying and fulfilling lives. When we look at the domain of mental and physical wellbeing, I often find that women are not taking care of themselves the way they want to or know they need to. I have seen a pattern in these clients. The reason they never get to their own self-care is because of a lack of self-value.

A limiting belief that often gets in the way from women in self-care, is self-care is selfish. And we definitely don't want to be selfish.

Self-value and self-care are inextricably connected. If you value yourself highly, you will prioritize your own self-care. You will listen to your body and your mind and give both what they need to recharge, to be the best version of yourself for you or for those you love and take care of. If you do not value yourself highly, then exercise, eating healthy, or just taking time to do whatever brings you joy or lifts you up does not happen. It is the one thing that you never get to on your list of to do's. 

So why is self-care so important? Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our health. It weakens the immune system and inflames the body. Making us more susceptible to colds, weight gain, sleep issues, stomach ulcers, depression, diabetes and heart disease.

Let's face it, when we are stressed and worn down, convenience beats good choices. I know you know what I'm talking about. If I am running around frazzled and I have over scheduled myself, I am much more likely to grab something out of the pantry or refrigerator that is not a great choice. Not only is our body suffering due to the stress and inflammation, we are more likely to not exercise and to eat unhealthy foods when we are stressed.

We can't show up for the others the way we want to when we are depleted. We must fill our own cups and let others drink from the saucer instead of letting everyone drain our cup dry.

When we have been trained not to value our own self-care, how do we break the habit of putting ourselves last?

First having the understanding that just because we have been taught to put ourselves last, does not mean that we have to continue to do so. Putting ourselves first at times does not mean we are selfish. You can still be an amazing, and even more effective caregiver, by taking the time to care for yourself. You are the only person who can put your self-care first. 

Second, is recognizing if you do not value yourself as much as you could. I have the ultimate self-value worksheet attached to the show notes that you can print and fill out to remind yourself of your own worth and why you are special, important and deserving .

Now what are some ways we can practice self-care?

I intentionally use the word practice because self-care is an acquired skill and it does takes practice. 

1. Practice self-compassion. Start by checking in and listening to your mind, your body and your heart. When you wake you in the morning ask your mind-what do I need today? Ask your body what do you need today. Is it rest, is it exercise, what is it? Ask your heart what is needs? Does it need connection with those special to you? Does it need to reconnect you with why you should love yourself? No one know better than you what you need. But often times we only ask our minds and we leave the other parts of us out of the equation.  So ask your body, ask your mind, ask your heart needs today. That is tip number 1. Tip number two is…
2. Mindful eating: Eating transitions from a mindless practice of filling the void — both physical and emotional — to a pleasurable experience of tasting and enjoying food. Less food is needed to feel satisfied, and addictive foods lose their power. Put some time and energy planning the type of foods you want to put into your body. How do you want your body to perform for you? Feed it the necessary fuel. This is one way that you can show yourself your own self-value. That you value who you are by valuing what you put in your body. That's tip number 2, practice mindful eating. Tip number three is…
3. Get in touch with your values. What are your values when it comes to your own self-care?

• Do you want to be a healthy role model for your children?
• Do you want to have the energy to pursue your life purpose?
• Do you want to be the best version of yourself?

Why is self-care important to you. If you are clear on the why, it is much easier to follow through with action. Tip number three, get in touch with what you value when it comes to your own mental and physical wellbeing. Tip number four…

4. Prioritize self-care and make it a non-negotiable and set boundaries to protect it. When you make a doctor's appointment or dentist appointment, you put it on calendar and schedule around it. You don't say, I'm going to go to this appointment if nothing else comes up that bumps it out of the way. You put it on your calendar and go to the appointment. Your self-care time is every bit as important to your health and overall wellbeing as going to the doctor and dentist. Schedule self-care on your calendar before your week fills up. Then when your schedule is full, protect your self-care time. Don't give it up. 

What happens when you do everything you can for everyone else all of the time?

People take advantage of you even if they don't do it intentionally. They keep pushing the boundaries until you draw a firm line in the sand.

It is easy to never draw that line when you are not clear on what you want and what you need. Protecting your well-being is essential to self-care.  By setting boundaries on your time, your space, the people you surround yourself with and your energy, you can teach the people you care about how to treat you.

When you do this consistently, people will know when you're unavailable because you're taking care of yourself. They will learn to respect this and they will learn to respect you. In fact, they may learn a new practice themselves.

Imagine you are a woman who takes time every morning to spend the first hour of her day in self-reflection, exercise, and reading. Setting herself up for an amazing day.

How do you think she will feel as the day unfolds, even if she faces some obstacles that could derail her? She is going to feel self-assured. Self-reliant. And dare I say, empowered. That is tip number four. Prioritize self-care, make it a non-negotiable, and set boundaries to protect it. On to tip number five…

5. Change how you talk to yourself.

Another important piece of self-care is the way you express yourself to yourself. How do you talk to yourself?

It starts with becoming your own best friend and cheerleader. Be kind, be forgiving. Care enough about you to take care of you and believe that you are worth it. There are many ways to take care of yourself behind a bubble bath. Beyond a manicure. It might look like:

• A walk in the woods or on the beach, feeling the sand beneath your toes. Walking your dog around the neighborhood. 
• Just being still for a while, taking a moment out of your busy day to listen quietly to a guided meditation.
• Buy yourself flowers, arrange them, and sit with a cup of tea just taking in their fragrance.
• Slow down your pace. Breathe deeply. Become more mindful of what you're doing and enjoy living in that present moment. Enjoy that experience, however small it is.
• Move your body in ways that relieve stress for you. For some, this may be running and hiking. For others, it may be yoga or pilates. It might be stretching or lifting weights at the gym.
• Be creative. Whatever that might mean for you, engage in an activity that you love doing.
• Allow yourself the grace to take an hour, or an afternoon, and immerse yourself into something fun and mindless. We don't always have to be productive. Sometimes being unproductive is the most productive thing we can do. 
• Surround yourself with people who make you laugh every day.
• Get a new hairstyle. Get a massage. 
• Most importantly, find time to allow yourself to dream. 
• We dream as children. It's automatic to be creative and imaginative. Somehow when we become adults, we drop it as child's play, as something that we don't need. Believe me, I used to not take the time to dream. Just taking a few moments several times a week, to dream about what I want my life to look like in the future motivates me to move forward. So especially take time to dream. 

If you are new to this, try different things to fill up your cup. Treat it as an experience. See what works for you, then do more of it. Remember it's a practice, we're not going to be perfect at it. 

My hope is that the one imperfect action that you take today is take the time to value yourself and show yourself some love. Ask yourself, what do I need today and give yourself the time and the grace to do it.

And I will see you right back here next week. Go out and take imperfect action toward the life you want. 

The post 5 Tips to Up Your Self-Care Game Right Now | IT 062 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Do you know the benefits of being curious?

There are many benefits of curiosity, according to Great Good Magazine. Some of these benefits are:

Curiosity helps us survive.

Curiosity expands our empathy.

Curiosity boosts achievement

Curiosity helps strengthen relationships

Curiosity improves healthcare

Curious people are happier

We are naturally curious as children but on the way to adulthood we can lose our natural curiosity. On this episode of IT podcast we have Debra Kasowski.

Meet Debra Kasowski

Debra Kasowski, the charismatic host of the thought-provoking podcast, The Millionaire Woman Show, is committed to enriching the leadership potential of her clients, essentially guiding them to go within to capitalize on their true personal power, so they can achieve the measurable success they desire in business, and in life. After graduating with distinction, having earned a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, this award winning, 3X bestselling author, 2X TEDxspeaker, Forbes Coaches Council Contributing Writer, and Certified Executive Coach spent many years as a clinical manager exceling in leadership development, before founding Debra Kasowski International, a world-class training and consulting venture focused on helping individuals, aspiring business owners and solopreneurs develop the winning "success habits" that transform human potential into sustainable profits. Visit Debra's website here, subscribe to her YouTube channel, and give her a follow on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

In This Podcast Summary

• Why we need curiosity
• How we lose curiosity
• Questions that can help us get curiosity back

Why we need curiosity

If we can come from a place of a learner and have curiosity, we can discover so much more. Questions make our brain switch to a place of problem solving. Debra describes our brain like going through files in a computer when we're doing a search.

Your brain is a problem solving machine. If you're not feeding it that natural curiosity, you'll create anxiety in your own head because your brain is going to create problems for you to solve.

You start believing those thoughts. Getting curious about our thoughts and why they crop up can help uncover the origins of the negative self-talk. Doing that deeper dive allows us to rewire.

How we lose curiosity

When we were kids, we used to ask why about everything. We were in a place of discovery and exposed to new situations.

It's just like, when you go back to your school, after you've graduated or many years later, you realize how small those desks were. But when you were there, the world was so big. So that's why you asked questions.

However, it might've been a coach, parent, or anyone you looked up to. You asked a question and they might've said it was dumb, or why would you ask such a question. It leaves us feeling humiliated, embarrassed, and possibly shamed. So we stop asking questions and that curiosity gets stamped out.

Questions that can help us get curiosity back

If you find yourself questioning the validity of your question, ask yourself where that doubt is coming from. Ask yourself is it really a dumb question after all? Oftentimes we get stuck on our current circumstance. To get our curiosity back, ask yourself where am I right now? Get clear on it, but also don't let it define you. Determine where you want to go based on your values. Where we have struggle in life is where we're not making decisions aligned with our values. That is where we get frustrated. Similar to when you get frustrated with another person. It may be that they don't have the same perspective or there's miscommunication, but at the end of the day, you might want to ask yourself, is there a misalignment in our values?

Start thinking about where are you right now. Being able to recognize every circumstance that you move through is part of the journey and not just the destination. So many people fixate on the destination.

Books mentioned in this episode Progress over perfection workshop

Do you hold your self to unreasonable or unattainable standards then criticize self when don't reach that stand? Do you compare yourself to others? focus on parts of you that you want to change? Do expect perfection from others? Often let down because of loft expectations? Might be a perfectionist. Perfectionism can cause anxiety, depression, disordered eating, problems in relationships, and more Join this 5 part Progress Over Perfection workshop for bite sized, interactive assessments.

Are you enjoying this podcast?

If yes, would you please review and rate it on iTunes here? Thank you!

Useful links:

• Mind, Body, and Spirit with Jack Stafford, the Self-Help Songwriter | IT 060
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Debra, I'm so excited to finally have you here. Welcome to the show.

Debra:

Thanks so much for having me, Kathryn. It's a pleasure to be here.

Kathryn:

I know you as a podcaster, a bestselling author, a business leader, but I was wondering if you would take us back to who you were before all of these glamorous titles. And give us a little story about how you got to where you are today.

Debra:

Well, depending on how far back the one thing I'll throw in there is I'm a farm girl from a small town in East central Alberta. Who always had big dreams. I liked the city lights, but my core is country at heart. When I left home and went into university, there were some challenges.

I was one of those people who was an overachiever, which still in my path and bit off more than I could chew. In my second a year in university, I went from sciences and contemplating, what am I going to do, to going into nursing. I wanted to be a physician. So I thought, okay, maybe it's just a different path.

I got into nursing. A nurse for over 25 years and got into leadership while I was in the nursing capacity. It led me to coaching. It led me to doing two Ted talks and writing three books. Those are all things I never dreamed of doing and think this is what people need to remember is that…

Sometimes those opportunities didn't exist. LikeTed talk wasn't even born at the time, when you're dreaming of your career or it was never brought to my attention that yeah, you could write a book too. I liked creative writing class and things like that, but never to think that you too could be an author. Growing up in a small town, it was doctor, nurse, lawyer, teacher, secretary. 

When I got to university and I'm like engineers, what's an engineer. You get exposed to all these other opportunities. So I think we fumble along, but also when we know that the world is evolving as well, and new opportunities exist that didn't exist before.

Careers that people are talking about, I'm going to be a gamer. 25 years ago, who would say they were going to be a gamer. That this is actually a professional career for people. So yeah, I think a lot of it has been by accident. A lot of it has also had some intention behind it.

I became a podcaster cause I was sitting in an audience at a business conference and this guy was talking about how you too could have a podcast. And I was like, how hard could it be? 30 days later, I committed that I was going to have a podcast and I did, and here we are over coming up to five years in June that I will have been podcasting and interviewing phenomenal guests, connecting with people all over the world.

It's really about being open and seeing where the journey takes you.

Kathryn:

Yeah. I love how you said that about how they're things that come up in our life that 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, we couldn't even imagine as being possible. And I work with so many clients with anxiety who want to control everything about their future, right?

Every next step. Control everything. And when you do that, you don't leave yourself open to the possibilities that you haven't even thought about yet. So I love how of what has happened, right. Your life, or sort of happy accidents. And some things were very intentional, but all of them led you to exactly where you are today.

I love that. 

Debra:

And I think we hang on to that need for certainty. Right? We want to have certainty in our lives because we feel that okay. If I'm certain about it, I can demonstrate I can do well at it. Versus being okay with making mistakes and wrongs. I think that shame or when maybe we were scolded as kids that doesn't allow us to give ourselves that grace to say, I'm learning. I can get up. I can do this again. I'm going to do better the next time. But the thing is that people forget that they faced uncertainty before and they're still here. Right? So it just demonstrates that you can definitely have uncertainty, but still be able to handle it with the tools, but also grabbing new tools as you face different circumstances.

Kathryn:

Yes, absolutely. Let ourselves be beginners at different things, right? Perfectionists want to jump to being an expert. So they never allow themselves to make mistakes and to try new things. I'm totally in touch with that. Your latest book is called "Let's Be Curious: Ask the Right Questions, Get Better Answers, Create What You Want."

I absolutely love that. Tell me what led you to write that book.

Debra:

Well, I was sitting in a coaching session with a coach and she was asking me something and I was a bit frustrated. And I said, I just want people to be curious. Let's be curious. Let's be curious, and to a number of responses. And she said, Deb, do you hear yourself? I said, what are you talking about?

And she goes, do you hear yourself? You keep saying, let's be curious. And I looked at her and I'm like, that's it, that's the title for the next book. It came partially from frustration from people asking me questions. And I love when people ask me questions, don't get me wrong because I ask a ton of questions myself. Are they asking the right people?

Do you know what she thinks about this? Why is she asking me this? And I'm like, No, I don't because I'm not her. I need you to go ask that person, that question. And it was more so because they were afraid to approach that person. So they figured if I knew the answer, they didn't need to go.

And it was like, no. Or they wanted the answer without doing some research behind it. And this one was triggered by my daughter when she was in grade nine, she was studying benchmarking and math. I read the textbook, didn't completely understand it. And she's like, well, how do you do it? And she was getting frustrated at me.

I said, did you go through your notes? Yes. Did you check YouTube? Why would I do that, mom? Why would I go on YouTube? And I'm like, well, when I was your age, I had an encyclopedia. I didn't have the internet. So if I needed an answer, I needed to find a way to find the answer. And I just looked at her and I said it, and if you have a resource in front of you and you're not willing to tap into it, I'm not going to help.

And I walked away. 20 minutes later. She's like, ah, mom, mom, watch, I can teach you benchmarking. Lo and behold, she found a video of a teacher here, even in our city, just not in her school who had this beautiful demonstration of how to do it. So she went to school and she taught all of her friends. Then she went and showed it to her own teacher who posted it so people could understand it just because that teacher explained it so well.

Now before they come and ask me a question, my kids will be like, okay, mom, this is what I did. I researched this. I still need to ask you a few questions and I'm great with that. It's when people don't want to take the time to do a little bit of that research to show that initiative behind what's possible.

It's like that, you can give people fish, but if I teach them to fish, they're always going to have abundance. So I want people to have the tools to ask the right questions to the right people at the right time. And knowing that you can always ask a follow-up question. Disregard you might have the voices from the past saying, well, that's a dumb question.

That's a stupid question. There is no dumb or stupid questions. There are questions that are not asked. Now that to me comes to  the stupid or the dumb is the questions that we don't ask that we know we should be asking to really get to what we want. 

Kathryn:

Absolutely. see so many clients who have anxiety and suffer from perfectionism and this all or nothing thinking. This extreme thinking.

They're so overwhelmed by life. And we live in such a busy, fast paced world that most of these clients become overwhelmed when they look at their to-do lists. Especially when they look at long-term goals, they immediately tell my tell themselves, I don't have time. I can't do that. So by this statement, they're telling themselves, that they have all of these time limits and it stops curiosity in there in its tracks.

Because if you're telling yourself you don't have time to do all of the pressing important things in life, you're certainly not going to take the time to be curious, learn something new for the sake of learning it. I have lots of theories about why we've stopped being curious, but I want to hear what you have to say about it.

Why you think people have stopped being curious?

Debra:

I think part of the reason why that I address in the book, I like to consider myself like the Cheshire cat. In Alice in Wonderland, just hovering with that smirking grin that there's so many questions to be asked. And often when we were kids, we used to ask why about everything.

Cause we were in a place of discovery. Because we were exposed to new situations. It's just like, when you go back to your school, after you've graduated or many years later, you realize how small those desks were. Right. And when you were there, the world was so big. So that's why you asked questions. But it might have been a parent.

It might've been a coach. It could have been someone you looked up to and you had asked a question and they told you again that it was dumb or stupid. Or why would you ask such a question that you felt humiliated, embarrassed, possibly shamed. So you stopped asking and I'm a recovering perfectionist.

It takes me every day to remind myself. Progress is better than perfection. One of the perfections I think, or what I refer to as avoidance procrastination is that we avoid doing something because we think it's not going to be perfect. And the people who learn the most learn from the failures that they've had versus the successes, because success just teaches you that it worked.

Whereas when people fail or make mistakes, they're learning opportunities for us to reframe it and say, okay, I learned what doesn't work, but it helps me become a better critical thinker. It helps me become better at troubleshooting when things aren't going right. 

Then I can realize that what do I need to do differently that's going to get me closer to helping it work. So when we give ourselves that permission to fail, permission to make mistakes. We are more apt to, and when you put pressure on yourself and you have that self-talk and beating yourself up saying that was a dumb question. You are going to prevent yourself from asking, because you've had this belief that someone's going to think it's dumb.

And when you have a belief that you're hanging onto and feel the shame that comes with it, even though it's not with that person, you're carrying it from other experiences. You're not going to ask the question and you're not going to get the results that you want. So you really need to go back and say, okay, where is this coming from?

Am I really asking a dumb question? When we have a question, the question often lies in the answer. We know what answer we're looking for. Otherwise, we wouldn't be disappointed if someone gave us an answer that didn't match up. 

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely. I can say amen to every single word you just uttered.

Along with that necessary permission to fail. Permission to be a beginner, the mindset shift from this is failure to this is just data that I can put back into the equation to do it better next time. Right. Along with that, I think, especially with perfectionists is we become afraid to ask questions because we're so critical of ourselves.

We imagine that everyone else is going to be that critical of us too. When it's just us projecting our own self-criticism onto the world. 

Debra:

Very harsh in our judgment. If we can stop and come from a place of a learner and have that curiosity, we can discover so much more because questions make our brain switch to a place of, okay, let's look for the answer.

It's like going through the files in a computer, when you do a search, that's what your brain does when a question is asked. It's like, okay, let's find the answer. 

Kathryn:

And if you don't allow yourself that curiosity and those questions, your brain is a problem solving machine. If you're not feeding it that natural curiosity, you're just going to be creating anxiety in your own head because your brain is going to create problems for you to solve.

Debra:

You start believing those thoughts. We have 50 to 70,000 thoughts in a day and they're like popcorn. Like we don't think linearly. We have ideas popping all the time and it's a matter of what we choose to internalize. Now, if I don't choose to hang on to a thought or ruminate on a thought, I'm not allowing.

In my Ted talk, I talk about how I love neuroscience and I use the analogy of a wheelbarrow. So if I have a thought and I think about it over and over. And for those of you who use a wheelbarrow in a garden or on a farm or wherever you might use one. Or even think of tires, if we go on the same path all the time, we're creating a groove, we're creating a path.

That might not have been there before, but now if I want to change a habit and not ruminate on a thought, I need to get that wheelbarrow out of the rut. So I need to keep, starting to think different thoughts and allowing those thoughts to be more in my mind sight. So I can focus on that end create a new pathway in the brain.

So it's really fascinating when we think about when we want to change our habits and we want to change that self-talk. We need repetition. Repetition is mastery. So if we're going to repeat anything, we should make sure that we're focused on empowering ourselves with supportive language. The words we use so powerful and being curious as to where is that language first coming from?

Because we got to interrupt the influence of where that thought came from. In order to make sure that we're taking the actions that we want to feel confident. We want to feel motivated and ready to take on the world. 

Kathryn:

I absolutely love that. I work with clients all the time about first of all, uncovering their limiting beliefs.

What are they saying to themselves that is keeping them stuck in a life that they don't want. Or keeping them anxious or keeping them depressed. And if they stick with me and do the work long enough to where their head is now above water, they're no longer suffering from crippling anxiety, panic attacks, or depression.

If I can get them to stick with me long enough, what happens next is where the real magic occurs. That's when they can start thinking, dreaming, and being curious. When you can't breathe, all you want is air, but once you get that air, you can really start expanding your comfort zone, thinking outside of the box, dreaming and being curious about a life that you weren't ever able to imagine before.

Debra:

One of the things I find, Kathryn, is people get to a place of labeling themselves. Instead of saying, I'm living with anxiety, they think I am anxiety. You can fill in whatever blank you want to put in. But living with is very different than labeling yourself as this. And when you label yourself, you limit your capacity to see yourself anything differently.

Kathryn:

Yes, we create these very tightly held pictures of ourselves. This is who we are. This is what we're not good at. This is what we suffer from. And we hold onto those pictures so tightly that we don't allow for change or for growth. So I also help clients kind of loosen their grip around that picture of themselves.

So that you can allow the growth necessary to get to that life that you want. What are some of the questions that we need to ask ourselves to create a life or a career that we love? 

Debra:

One of the biggest things is really getting clear on what it is you truly want. I remember doing one exercise with a client and we were sitting in a coffee shop and she's like, I don't know what I want.

I said, okay, here's a paper, here's a pen for the next 10 minutes. We're going to do this exercise. And I said, no, filter you right steady for the whole time. The whole 10 minutes. All I did was. What do you want? You can do this at home. You do this with a friend, but remember don't backend them or anything like that.

Cause you will get frustrated. And every two minutes I would say, what do you want? What do you want? And what do you want? And when that 10 minutes came up, she dropped the pen and she said this is what I want. I just want to go to Jamaica. And it was fascinating. Like we looked at the rest of the list.

We could evaluate and find out what were some of the priorities, but the Jamaica thing was so important to her. And I looked at her and I said, when did you look up how much Jamaica costs? And she goes, well, I haven't what do you know about this? Well, I don't.

And it's like, well, how do you know you can't afford your dream? How do you know you can't have this right now? Well, about a year later, she messaged me and I saw pictures online that she got married in Jamaica. 

Kathryn:

Oh, wow. 

Debra:

But it was fascinating to me that we get ourselves so stuck on, we look at our current circumstance.

So one of the questions is where am I right now, to really be clear on where it is you are right now. But not defining yourself by your current circumstance. Looking at where is it that I want to go. Getting really clear and knowing what your values are so important. 

Because when you know your values and ask yourself and do exercises and value identifiers. You can really dig deep. When it comes to making decisions of creating what you want, you're going to make choices. This is where your decision-making gets really strong with being curious is that you're going to make choices aligned with your values.

Because where we have struggle in life is because we're not making decisions aligned with our values. And that's where we get frustrated and can't understand what is going on. Just like when you get frustrated with another person. It may be that they don't have the same perspective or there's some miscommunication, but at the end of the day, you might want to ask yourself, is there a misalignment in our values of why. Maybe there's a personality conflict, because that's often what the case is.

So really thinking about where are you right now? What do you want get really clear? And those values are important, but being able to recognize every circumstance that you move through is part of the journey and not just the destination. So many people get to the destination and they're like, Oh, that's it.

Versus seeing who they become in the process. In becoming an author of, "Let's Be Curious," so many different opportunities came to me that I didn't even realize, Through the podcast being interviewed on different shows, going to book marketing seminars, meeting people from all around the world. The opportunities expanded.

But if I was to only look at my current circumstance, my own city, it can be very limited. So we need to start thinking globally. Even though we live locally to really expand our thinking. 

Kathryn:

Absolutely. You and I do very similar work. Especially my female clients, oftentimes they forget to ask themselves all day long.

What do I want? We get these shoulds in our head, these rules that we think we need to live by. We just get up and we live by them every day. And so I use the eight domains to help my clients find clarity and what they value in every single area of their lives. That is their compass to make their decisions.

Oftentimes for homework in between sessions, all I say is. I want you to notice how many decisions you make in a day by default. How many things do you just accept that are opportunities to make a choice that is in line with what you want? Just ask yourself as many times a day. What do I want?

Debra:

It's very fascinating because as women, I could even say after my kids were all born and I wasn't planning on having any more. There is that kind of loss of identity. You have all these different hats of wife, mother, sister, daughter. In the workplace and a career and all of a sudden it's like, who am I?

You've given so much for everyone else. It's so easy to lose touch with what you once loved. I love that they come to Kathryn and really focus on getting really clear on what it is that they want. And it, it really starts with getting curious,

Kathryn:

I bet that you've seen this with clients in business, speaking of aligning with your values. If you don't set your goals in line with what you value, you're not going to get much satisfaction when you actually reach those goals.

When you go off your path to chase, whatever that new shiny thing is, you get there, you achieve it. And you're like, I thought it would be better than this. Have you worked with clients on that particular type of issue?

Debra:

Yes. The clients that I've worked with were very much focused on business things. It's funny how, when people come to coaching, they think that a lot of it is business focused, but it ends up being a lot about just interpersonal relationships.

How they're taking care of themselves, their perspectives and being able to challenge those perspectives and offer them a different viewpoint. Because often what we think is truth is the only viewpoint that we know is our own, but when someone can offer us a different viewpoint, we can suddenly start seeing the world differently and maybe put a little bit less pressure on ourselves and saying, Oh, well, that's not how they see it.

Oh, that's how they approach things if they've made a mistake and to give themselves that grace. One of the things that I wanted to just touch on that you said Kathryn was about the shoulds. I'm in my second round of doing 75 hard that Andy Frisella put out there and it's about mental toughness, more than a physical transformation program, but it's a mental toughness.

One of the things that I love that I'm aligned with, what he shares is are you living your life by your shoulds? Or are you living your life by your musts. Things that you want to keep promises to yourself. I think this is where we go down a rabbit hole as women is that we are not paying attention to keeping our own promises to ourselves.

We need to set boundaries to ensure that we take care of what we love. And want to give out our dreams and goals and not sacrifice those. Because when we are living in a life of fulfillment of our own dreams and goals that only ripples to the people around us. So we want to ensure that good boundaries are put in place.

The musts that I'm talking about, those are the commitments that you make to yourself because often  people might put, Oh, gym, on the calendar, I'm going to gym. I'm going to work out. Then someone phones up and says, Hey, can you do this? Can you run this errand? It's like, Oh sure.

They canceled themselves. I want people to think that you need to keep yourself on the calendar is just as important as anything else. Years ago, I was working with a business coach and I said, the kids are with me all the time. I can't understand that. They're like, mom, I want you, I want you.

I'm like, we have conversations in the car. We're going to all the sporting activities. And I was like, I don't get it. And I said, how much more do you want? And she said, Deb, you need to put each member of your family on the calendar. I'm like, what are you talking about? She goes, they each want your own quality time with you.

So I did it. One day my daughter wanted to go shopping. We went shopping. One son wanted to go mini golfing. Then the next one said, Hey, I want to go mini golfing too. And with the last trip to the mall to go mini golfing, he and I both got us whole in one on the same hole. He was so excited and we took selfies with the phone and everything.

And when we got home at supper time, I was asking everybody what their win was. I said, so what was your wind of the day? And she said, Oh, I did this and my other son. Oh, we went golfing. And the young, the one that I last golfed with, he goes, you put me on the calendar. 

I turn around, cause my eyes filled up with tears. Not realizing how much this quality one-on-one time was. Now they're young adults and I'm like, Hey guys, we're on a date. I'm like, I need to make sure you notice that we are spending that quality time together. That is the same thing that we need to do for ourselves.

Because inside, you're crying out saying, you need to put me on the calendar. I need to be as important as everything else you put on the calendar. And when you start doing that and keeping promises to yourself and putting boundaries for those who attempt to cross it saying, you know what, I'd love to help you, but I need to do this first.

I have a promise to keep, and that's when transformation will truly happen. Keep that appointment on the calendar. You're just as important.

Kathryn:

Oh yes. Amen. Absolutely. When I notice a client always canceling themselves, they're always last on their own lists.

That to me is a cry for help to increase self value, right. To learn that you're worthy of putting yourself first. Cause otherwise they're going to keep canceling it. Another thing that I see is even if I get a client in line with what they value and they start taking action toward what they value, if they are living by their shoulds then they are living someone else's agenda.

Someone else's rules someone else's life, and they're not going to be happy until they're completely aligned with who they are. 

Debra:

100% totally agree. 

Kathryn:

Is there any particular mindset shift that you've made over the years that made  the most positive impact on the life that you have today.

Do you remember any kind of an aha moment or a shift that took place?

Debra:

There's been a number of shifts. They all happen at different times., I think the 75 heart program for sure was part of it. One of the biggest shifts for me was I have done triathlons, Olympic sprint.

I have run 5k 10k, half marathon. I'm not a fast runner by any means, but I had run a 10k and I signed up for a half marathon. It was in a city, a few hours away. I didn't know the route. I parked my car. I went to the start line and all I told myself was, well, you're going out. And there's only one way back to your car because there was no nobody's going to pick me up and drive me.

Right. I'm not even putting that as an option. So I knew whether I walked crawled or whatever it was, I was going to get to the end. I finished that feeling so empowered because wow. I had done a few others and then one day I signed up for a marathon, you know, 42 kilometers, 26.2 miles and people are like, what made you do that?

It was the next thing to do. Like, I don't know if it was a checkoff list, but what I knew from that half marathon is when I signed up, you consider it done. So in my mindset, I had to come from a place of considering it done. And actually, as I'm sharing this with you, one of my biggest shifts.

I was training one day and I was listening to the podcast where Tony Robbins was interviewing Siri Lindley. World champion triathlete. She was talking about her story and how she had been in all these competitions, but felt that there was something missing that emptiness. 

What she had realized was that need for approval from others. That need for outside validation, she no longer needed it. It was approval from self. It was self validation. And I was like, that's it. As I was running, I remember stopping. And I'm like, that's it. That's exactly what I need. So I signed up for the marathon. I did not tell my family members.

Part of the reason for that is my family members, they're also competitive as well, but when I came to the end of some races, I would look for them. I'd wonder where they are. And they were usually ahead of me at the food tent, getting food, or they're visiting with someone.

And they weren't always there when I was finishing. I just was so disappointed because I wanted to say, Hey, can you see me? I did it. This time, I didn't tell anybody actually until like nine o'clock the night before. I had even texted my husband at the time. I said to him, I have a confession to make, but little did I know that his phone was dead and when he charged it in the morning, I got this message back was 'confessed what' I'm like, I'm 7k into my marathon.

And he was like, Whoa, why didn't you tell me? Well, my son and he, they were in an endurance bike race. I wasn't going to tell them because I knew that they would cancel. I thought, no, I'm doing this for me. Like I said, I'm not fast. One of my girlfriends signed up, so I wouldn't hurt myself.

She coached me through the whole thing. Another girlfriend, she had finished her half, had her food and charged her phone and came back so she could take pictures of me crossing the finish line. When I came to the finish line, there was practically nobody around except for the volunteer, holding my metal.

He looked at me and he asked me if he could give me a hug. And I'm like, absolutely. He hugs me and he says, that was a long way, wasn't it? I'm like, it sure was, but for me it ends up being a metaphor for life. There is times when, we want that outside validation. We want somebody to see us. To value us, but the most important person that needs to acknowledge that is you.

It was me. It was like, yeah, it is a long way. How many times have I felt like, I don't know if I can go anymore. A friend will phone or someone will come alongside me and say, Hey, are you okay? And you regroup, you dig deeper. You keep going. Is it easy? No. But is it worth it? 100%.

Because that, even though I don't can't guarantee you, I'm going to run another marathon. The fact that I finished the distance. Cause to me it wasn't about the time it, I had no expectation other than having that metal around my neck, because it had our beautiful branch on the metal. When my girlfriend said you could have ran 5k and got the same metal, but it doesn't have the same significance as what I pushed through to finish it.

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely. That's a beautiful story. I think there's a lot that we can take away from that. I bet after you did the marathon, the half marathon didn't seem that difficult. 

Debra:

It doesn't.

Kathryn:

By doing the next hardest thing. By stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something hard, several wonderful things happen to us.

First of all, we're proud of ourselves and we need that. We need to appreciate and be proud of who we are as individuals. The next thing is that everything else you've done before that becomes so much easier. Walk in the park. The third thing is it fuels us forward to do the next hard thing.

Debra:

The iron cowboy taught me, when he was running his 50 triathlons, 50 States, 50 days. He taught me one big thing and it reminded me why while I was doing this. We all can do hard things. We do hard things. He was doing that. His mom was just starting to run a 5k and she says, this is hard.

He said, mom, I get it. But she's disqualifying. She's, my hard is not as hard as yours. And he said, no, mom, my hard is my hard. Your hard is your hard. I carry that with me all the time that we. We can't look out and compare ourselves to other people. Because their hard is different than ours.

Our resiliency is different. Our goals are different. So you can't go into comparison because the hard that we choose is our hard. I did phase one of the 75 hard. Or live hard program, and it involved taking a five minute cold shower for 30 days. At first I'm like, Oh, how am I going to do this?

At first I put the timer on for five minutes and that five minutes was the longest thing ever. Then someone sent me an Instagram post and it was all about cold showers and how she made a little playlist.  I'm like, Oh, I can do that. So I found two songs that would be equivalent to five minutes and I had a little bit of extra, just enough to pop myself back into the shower.

I basically danced in the shower while I washed up for five minutes and I didn't pay attention to the time. So much so that I can have regular showers now that I crave and I'll turn down the shower just even for 30 seconds to have that feeling again. What we think is once hard by day nine, I was like, Oh, I can do this.

This is not a problem. Right. It's that initial thought of cold shower? Oh my goodness. And the temperature's cold. But cold or hard becomes irrelevant.

Kathryn:

Yes.

Debra:

It's amazing. When you get into it, you don't pay attention to how hard it is when you're moving into action.

Kathryn:

 Yeah, absolutely. I could not agree more.

I have absolutely loved talking to you today. Really enjoyed this conversation, and I want everybody to know where to find you online, where to find your book. 

Debra:

Absolutely. So you can go over to my website at www.DebraKasowski.com. Right now you can get a three-part video course called making habits stick, completely free.

It's three parts, and it's going to help you pay attention to the derailers. And really put focus and consistency into some of those goals and dreams. Also join me on social media and I would love to connect with you and hear about how you enjoyed our interview with Kathryn. I love that. So social media is a great I'm on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

So feel free to touch base with me as well there. My book is on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, wherever you get it your books in, you can find me there. "Let's Be Curious: How to Ask the Right Questions. Get Better Answers So You Can Create What You Want."

Kathryn:

I will make sure that I have a link directly to the book in the show notes, along with all of this information.

So everybody knows exactly where to find it. I like to finish up the episode with the same question, which is what is one imperfect action you suggest that we all take today that would bring us closer to our best lives.

Debra:

That imperfect action is trust yourself. To really know what the next best thing is.

The greatest return on your investment, whether it be time, whether it be money, whether it be one of your resources that you have and move it into action. We can minimize risks. We can do our due diligence. But then if you're holding out waiting for the perfect condition, it's not going to happen.

So you need to move imperfect action to see what's going to happen. And you realize you can ask more questions. You can adjust the course along the way. Nothing is really crucial unless someone's dying or going to jail. So really putting it in perspective that it's not catastrophic to move into action to see if something will work or not work. As long as you do some homework and have that preparation behind it, you're not going completely blind. As you put in the effort and gain more competence, as you're preparing, you're going to be more confident and you will surprise yourself.

Kathryn:

Absolutely. I second that motion. We all need to just get out there today and take that action that we've been holding off on that we've been thinking about for so long. Today is the day. Do not let your brain tell you you are not ready because it will try. Just go take that action. Debra, thank you so much for spending time with us today.

Debra:

Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. 

Kathryn:

Okay, so everybody y'all go out and take that one imperfect action. Get moving on that thing that your brain has been telling you that you are not ready for. And I will see you right back here next week.

The post Let's Be Curious with Debra Kasowski | IT 061 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Have you ever searched for a deeper mind, body and spirit connection? Jack Stafford has and he puts what he learns into songs that help others.

Meet Jack Stafford

Jack Stafford is a singer-songwriter on a mission to serve others and help people overcome the materialistic message that's distorting modern society. Jack's new album "Deeper" is a series of self-help songs that will help people get perspective on the current crises plaguing our world. The songs are inspired by his own life experiences and mental struggles. Jack lives in southern Italy, and when he is not making music, he is practicing yoga, teaching meditation, gardening, cycling, or studying metaphysics. Check out his website here and give him a listen on Spotify and iTunes.

In This Podcast Summary

• The mind, body, spirit connection
• The voices in our heads
• Jack's mission…and his podcast

The mind, body, spirit connection

A self described Troubadour, Jack would play live music in houses for friends and family.

As his life got more spiritual the dialogue of the songs changed and he completed a trilogy of albums about the body, mind, spirit. A natural problem solver, Jack got into Ayurveda, Indian medicine, which helped solve a lot of his health issues. From there, he moved onto his next "problem" or the negative self talk in his head. He calls it "enemy number one," and acknowledges it's an ongoing process, not an easy fix. Jack drew inspiration for his songs from Vipassana retreats, 10 day silence retreats. He also has a solid meditation practice. He was able to separate the voice in his head from what was reality.

The voices in our heads

The voices in our head have an ongoing dialogue. It becomes a problem if you agree with your voice, the "I'm not good enough" thoughts. There is no argument then.

If there are two voices having that dialogue, one of them must be you or none of them must be you. If you're permanently happy, then there's no problem. If there's one voice, it isn't a problem. 

I got some separation between the voice that it is. I am not this conscious mind. I am not in the voice in my head. I am not this dialogue.

Jack's mission…and his podcast

Because of COVID, Jack had to get creative about his music since he couldn't perform in people's living rooms. He was already using podcasts to promote his music, so the next thought was to have his own.

As a documentary songwriter, Jack came up with the unique concept of writing songs about his podcast guests and their conversation.

He started in July 2020 and has 60 episodes to date. With 3 interviews a week, he's writing 12 songs a month, or an album a month. His first lockdown project was a music video with 90 people from all over the world singing different verses of the song lyrics. Jack turned a problem into an opportunity.

Progress over perfection workshop

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Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Jack Stafford, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. 

Jack:

It's lovely to be here. 

Kathryn:

That voice. I absolutely love it. So I want to dive right in. Your songs are amazing. And I've read that they're driven quite a bit by the manipulative materials and messaging that we're getting in society today.

I want to hear your thoughts about that. 

Jack:

Okay. Well, I should probably give you a bit of the backstory then, because I've always been kind of a documentary songwriter. Always documenting my own life and the struggles that I've been in and I've been working on this. I was a troubadour traveling around the world.

I played house concerts. So go to people's living rooms and play concerts in their living room for their friends and family. And I tell the stories about where I'd come from and how I was traveling usually by bicycle. Or, by train or, or even sailing around Australia, for example. And so it was kind of a super Troubadour, you know, always telling the stories of my life.

As my life got more, shall we say spiritual then? The dialogue of the songs changed and I completed a trilogy of albums about the body, mind, spirit. If you know what I mean? I was very into Ayurveda because I'm sort of a problem solving person. 

I wasn't too healthy.

By going very into Ayurveda, the Indian medicine, that helped me with a lot of my health issues. Once that was fixed, I moved on to the next problem. Which I have some on my mind, which I've had quite a few problems with as I'm sure many of your listeners also can verify. It's number one, enemy number one, the voice up there.

I haven't fixed that one yet. It's still a work in progress, but I've got some separation, which I think is very important. 

Kathryn:

Very important. We'll talk more about that for sure. Go ahead. 

Jack:

And then I got more spiritual. I was going to this society called the Aetherius Society, which has a kind of modern spiritual message. And yeah, so, and then I've been writing songs about that. I just started this new project called pod songs to try. Because I've been in Italy in the South and it's been quite a strict lockdown. For a year now, I've been in my pajamas and there's not much to do if you're a touring musician.

You can't go into people's living rooms and play them a show. So I had to think of another way to get into people's living rooms and legally. Because I was using podcasts such as your wonderful show to promote my music. So I thought I should have my own show.

Because I enjoy it so much and I can't go out and meet interesting people, so they should come to me. But as I'm a musician, obviously that has to be that in there somewhere. And as I'm a documentary songwriter, you can see where I'm going with this. Yeah. I ended up writing songs about the guests, so I have people on, and then I write a song about them and the conversation.

I've been doing that since July last year. And I'm up to now, I recorded my 60th episode. So I've been doing three interviews a week, so there's 12 songs a month. That's an album a month, 156 songs a year. All about these people that I'm interviewing. I'm getting a lot of university professors, teachers, authors.

You name it. All types of people because I can't have the same person on. I can't have more than one biologist, too many physicists. It's a bit repetitive. So. That's kind of a rambling answer to your question. 

Kathryn:

I love it. It was a great answer. And there are so many facets of it that I want to dig into more.

So let's look at the mental part of the spirit. I want to hear a little bit about some of your struggles there, what the voice in your head tends to typically tell you about yourself and how you've found space there? 

Jack:

Well, I did some of the Vipassana retreats those 10 day silence retreats. Have you heard of it?

Kathryn:

No, I would like to though. 

Jack:

Yeah. You just go and sit in, sit in a room with a hundred other people, pre COVID for 10 days in silence and concentrate on your breath. And sensations on the body. That's pretty intense. Yeah. And it did that a couple of times over spread out over a few years as well as a lot of reading.

I wrote songs about it and I built up a solid meditation practice. And just, as I said, got some separation between the voice that it is. I am not this conscious mind, I am not in the voice in my head. I am not this dialogue. So that's really helped. 

Kathryn:

And I don't have to believe it. Right. You don't have to believe what it says as if it is the gospel truth. Which many of us do. For years my brain, well, for 49 years, my brain told me that I wasn't enough. It took me a lot of work on myself throughout my master's program, to even figure out that that's what my brain was telling me. Is there any one thing that you struggled with the most there?

Jack:

Well, I think the multi, because it's not just one voice. On my podcast, I interviewed Stephen C. Hayes who developed acceptance commitment therapy. 

Kathryn:

I mean, I'm about to jump up and down. He's the master and that is the type of therapy. Like he inspired me to open my own private practice and that is type of therapy that I use because I don't think anything else works like that.

Jack:

Wow. 

Kathryn:

So tell me more about that.

Jack:

Okay. Well yeah, he was a great guest. He was my second guest. And because these people, when you say, can I write a song about you. Even celebrities, they say yes, because it's such an unusual thing. So yeah. And I wrote a song about, about act and all the different facets of it.

Like you mentioned, your mind's a bus thoughts, the passengers they're disrupting your driving and causing a fuss. Keep your destination sign, always in mind. You write down all the different voices, like it's a dialogue. And then, because the problem there, if you agree with your voice, I'm not good enough, then there's no problem.

There's no argument, but the problem is this choice. Two voices. Oh yes. Sorry. Oh, no, you don't. And so if there's two voices, obviously one of them must be you or none of them must be you. So that's a kind of a good way to understand it. If you're permanently happy or up, then there's no problem.

If there's one voice, it isn't a problem. 

Kathryn:

Yes, absolutely. I cannot believe you had him on your show. That is amazing.

Jack:

Check out the song. It's a hit.

Kathryn:

Oh, I'm definitely gonna check out that song. 

Jack:

It's on Spotify, everywhere, iTunes. 

Kathryn:

Oh, I can't wait. That's awesome. So your new album, tell me a little bit about your newest album.

Jack:

Well, that has been replaced. So I've done five albums with these pod songs now. 

Kathryn:

So your 6th newest album. 

Jack:

Who ho knows what it is, but the pre-pod song album is called Pod songs, my show. So the last album that I released was called "Deeper." And this is all about, you're not the voice in your head.

Are you the master of your mind? These are just some of the titles, but passion. Cause I came from quite a Buddhist influence and so yeah, those kind of analyzing the voice songs. 

Kathryn:

That's great. And I've watched a video from "Deeper" where you had what at least 90 people from all over the world.

How did that go?

Jack:

That was my first lockdown project. And that was because I couldn't film a music video that I had planned. So I can get all my friends to sing the song for me and they can they can mouth the words. And it's about the voice in your head and the worry background worry going on.

Cravings or aversions different things, different versions. I couldn't get everyone to sing the whole song cause you have to memorize it. You can't be looking at the screen and reading. It was terrible. So I divided up all the different verses by age group.

So the children's seeing the first part. Teenagers, middle-aged, old people. And then it's a beautiful effect because the song is about worrying yourself to death and you can see it happen. 

Kathryn:

Yes. And I saw that and I loved that representation of starting with the youngest and going to the oldest.

Jack:

It was just a problem, just happen because of a problem. And I only did all these projects because of problems. And all these problems are making me better and improving me. So bring them on. 

Kathryn:

Exactly. I've come to the conclusion that if you just decide to look at every problem as an opportunity, something incredible can come out of it.

And you're a living example of that. So I know I've read that you live in seclusion in Italy. Did this come about because of COVID or before COVID.

Jack:

No, no, everyone's coming around to my way of living now.

Kathryn:

You were social distancing before it was cool. 

Jack:

Yeah, exactly. I'm leading the trend here. I need a virus to keep me in my house. 

Kathryn:

Absolutely no followers here for sure. Only leaders. So you've had jobs as a copywriter, musician, fashion designer, obviously you are incredibly creative. Do you think with that sort of creativity gene comes sensitivity?

Jack:

Yeah, I think so. I mean many problems as well.  Because I ran many of these projects, simultaneously. So, I was just always taking too much on my plate. And that's one thing I've discovered later in life is if you put all your energies down one single channel, focus it, then you can move mountains because I was always very fragmented in the past.

Kathryn:

All over the place. And so that led to some burnout, correct? 

Jack:

Yeah. I mean, it was inevitable. Yeah. 

Kathryn:

Paint me sort of a slow motion picture, a slow motion video  of what that looked like for you, how you realized you were in burnout and how you saw yourself at that moment. 

Jack:

Well, it's difficult to say, but I mean, I think that the more capacity you have in the more skills and the more energy the faster you can go on the treadmill.

So inevitably you're going to crash. I never really stopped, I kind of kept going through it. I broke up with my girlfriend, sold my house. Kind of split and went around the world for two years. Because the energy was still flowing, so I just kind of spun off like a chip in space, and I've been traveling for two years.

Now I'm kind of like a bouncing ball, bouncing slower and slower and slower. It's taken me eight years in Italy now to really stop. Now I've not no momentum, but I still have the energy. So I'm working on this pod songs project. 

Kathryn:

Did you land in Italy because it's an easier place to slow down?

Jack:

No, it's actually quite difficult. What the story was. I met my girlfriend when we were traveling around eight months around Asia, cycling around Asia,  playing on the streets, busking for food and dumpster diving. Then she had to come back to Italy to finish her exams. And so I came back with her.

And when you have the kind of this type of personality it's difficult to just sit and do nothing. So I kind of railed against it. When you take someone to a sleepy village, when I've been used to, fretting doing lots of things is quite difficult. You can put someone in paradise, but they might not be very happy.

It's taken me a long time to bring myself down and to the frequency of the pace of life here.

Kathryn:

Yeah, absolutely. I can see that for sure. Tell me a little bit more about, is it Aetherius Society? Am I pronouncing it correctly?

Jack:

Yeah. Yeah. 

Kathryn:

Tell me a little bit more about what that is and how you learned from that, how it's affected you.

Jack:

Well, that's a big one. Yeah. I mean, that could be a lot to take in for some people, but I'll give it a go. So I was in India and I started waking up at 3:33 every night on the dot, that was kind of weird. So, what does that mean? Waking up that time, it could be like a spirit guide or an angel.

I mean, I had nothing, no experience of anything like that before. And you Google it as you do with all things. And it says, look for synchronicities in your daytime. So I did, and I started seeing Kundalini everywhere and I was staying behind a Kundalini yoga center. 

Someone said, read the serpent power, which is a bit very famous yoga book about Kundalini. So I did, and I started watching this because it's a very complicated book. I started watching a YouTube class from this guy in Miami. So called Naomi Davis, who was the mystic mystic knowledge channel on YouTube. He's an American quarterback, huge guy.

So there's me in India, getting my enlightenment from know you expect at least a Guru to come in the room or something like that. But that's the way it works now, you know? So anyway, he was doing like, I'm never into metaphysics or anything like that, but he's a like a Yogi. He started from three years old, doing mantra and pranayama to activate the Prana flow in his body and open the chakras and raise Kundalini.

Get all these superpowers, which in for us superpowers and some people, you're born with it. Or it comes on spontaneously, but with yogis, they have these exercises, these Pranayamas, and they get clairvoyance from a methodical way. It's a metaphysical science, meta science to get it.

Anyway, his Guru was an Englishman from Yorkshire. So there's me in India getting advice from a Yorkshireman via a guy in Miami. That's crazy, I couldn't be making this up. He is the yoga master for the theory and for the Aquarian age we're in now.

He's the most advanced Yogi that we've had. He has cosmic elements to his teacher, that when we're born, sorry, when we die, the opposite, the body you have enlightenment and cosmic consciousness. So, but then we know we go on to interplanetary existence. There's this cosmic element to the teachings.

You kind of evolve off this planet. So that's that cosmic element, which I'm sure is a lot to take in. So. Maybe that's as far as we should go. And if people are interested, they can check  Aetherius.org is the website.

Kathryn:

Yes, that's a great place to go check it out. So what would you say maybe were your three biggest takeaways from your spiritual journey?

Jack:

Knowing that you're in a lifecycle on this earth, because I noticed you had some guests on your show about, the other realm. Life after death, when you die, you don't die. You go to the astral realms. You die there and you reborn here. You die here and you're reborn there.

So you're in two stages of reincarnation and the Astral realms. Where are they? They're exactly in the same place. There are different frequencies of the electromagnetic spectrum. So they're solid, but they're just at a different frequency of existence. When you die, you go exactly here with your astral body, and then you come back and then you go there and you come back. Once you've raised Kundalini naturally or fit or forced it.

Then, and you've done it enough times and you've achieved cosmic enlightenment and cosmic consciousness. Then you can leave the lifecycle of this earth. So it gives, it gives you an understanding that there's a purpose to all this classroom that we're learning. What you took to graduate through surface to others.

Where then you can you don't have to be keep being reborn, which will be nice.

Kathryn:

Yes. That is so interesting. Like that is an area that I have not done any study in. So you've really primed my interest, like to go learn more. That is so cool.

Jack:

Yeah. Because if you believe in reincarnation and everything has a beginning and everything has an end, and if we're in reincarnation, there must be an arc.

I mean there must be a curve. So what's at the bottom. What's at the top. Where do you go? I mean, If you think more about it, if you go okay. I believe in reincarnation. Because these people have near death experiences and they speak to their loved ones. So what's behind this, how's it?

What's the process? This book called "The Nine Freedoms," which tells us these stages and that's the most advanced teaching that's ever been given. And you can get that from the  Aetherius Society.

Kathryn:

 Oh, okay. Cool. When I talk to clients in my practice, I'm always espousing the fact that we are one whole mental, physical, spiritual being, you really can't separate.

Right? The mental from the physical. How has your spiritual journey, your spiritual enlightenment affected your mental part of you? Your outlook. Tell me how the spiritual has affected the mental. 

Jack:

Well, to take myself less important. To get some separation there that this conscious mind is not me. I'm the spirit and then the soul.

Don't take myself so seriously. I'm just this collection of experiences speaking to your collection of experiences. 

Kathryn:

Yeah. I'm very in touch with that. I have so many clients who, we stay in our own heads, worrying about the judgment of others. So much time in our own minds, doing that when those others aren't spending all of their time, worrying about us.

They're doing the same thing. So I think that's another aspect. If we realize that everybody is not thinking about us, we don't have to take ourselves so seriously. We can get out of our heads and back into our lives a lot easier.

Jack:

If you have your mind properly trained, I mean, imagine the power.

Half an hour, you're going to sit down and learn the piano or whatever you want to do, and you will learn French for an hour and you. Do you want to do Just imagine the power you can, if you were in charge of the mind, it's a lot. 

Kathryn: 

It really is. When you find that clarity and can separate yourself, like you said. Find space between you and that voice. Make the choice and know that you have the power to believe what it's saying or not get tangled up in it. Then you can really focus on your goals, your values, what you want in life versus what you're scared of. And what's holding you back. 

Jack:

And it's really service to others. So the shortcuts, the way you have to get over this is just pour yourself into service to others. Because then you really don't have to worry about anything. The happiness will come, money will come food.

If you're cooking for 20 people, there'll be a bit leftover for you. Everything, all your problems are solved. 

Kathryn:

Absolutely. I could not agree more. Because the other thing with my clients who have social anxiety, they're so worried about the judgment of others. They don't want to go talk to someone because they're afraid they're going to be awkward.

And I just tell them, this is not the only thing I tell them. But one of the things I tell them is just think about the other person. Think about what you want to know about the other person. Go ask. When you do that, a conversation will follow. There will not be anything awkward. If you let go of yourself and focus on the other person.

Jack:

That's fantastic. Yeah. I mean, you're helping people all the time. Every evening, instead of watching TV, you're out, doing something for this, keeping an old person company. Helping someone with single parent. Driving someone here, just packing your time with all these activities, then you have any time for your own worries.

Kathryn:

No and it almost becomes this selfish is not the word that I want to use, but the more I do for other people, the more selfish I feel about it because I know afterwards I feel even better than they do.

Jack:

Yeah. Yeah, of course. Fantastic. There's absolutely nothing like it. Yeah. So I'm wondering if you would be up for a little lightning round.

Jack:

Oh, go for it.

Kathryn:

I know that I want to know a little bit more about who you are and what you like. I'm thinking listeners might also want to. First of all, where are you from? Where were you born?

Jack:

I was born in Lincoln. In England.

Kathryn:

Okay. And did you grow up there or were you all over?

Jack:

We moved to Barris and Edmunds in Suffolk when I was 11. Lived there till I was 21, and then I moved to the Netherlands and I lived there for 10 years. Then I went traveling for two years and then I came to Italy for eight years.

I think that's close enough. 

Kathryn:

That's better than I could do for sure. Soccer or cricket?

Jack:

Soccer.

Kathryn:

 Meat lover, vegan, or somewhere in between?

Jack:

The closest I can get to vegan, vegetarian definitely. 

Kathryn:

Snow or sand? 

Jack:

Hm, I'd say snow.

Kathryn:

Sunrise or sunset? 

Jack:

Sunrise. 

Kathryn:

Cats or dogs? 

Jack:

Dogs. 

Kathryn:

Spaghetti or ravioli? 

Jack:

Spaghetti.

Kathryn:

Who is your favorite musician?

Jack:

Bob Dylan. I love Bob Dylan. Yeah.

Kathryn:

Yeah. I could totally see that. So tell me where our listeners can find your music and find you and just get more of you online. 

Jack:

podsongs.com is the best place to start. Okay. But if it's on all the songs are on every Spotify, iTunes, Deezer.

The podcast is everywhere as well. So, but like, the center of it, the spoke the hub in the wheel is podsongs.com 

Kathryn:

 Yeah. I think your podcast is going to become one of my new binge listenings in the morning when I go exercise. I'm going to have to check that out. 

Jack:

Start with Stephen number two.

Kathryn:

Absolutely. If I could only write a song, maybe I could get him on my show. But alas, that is not one of my strengths. So the other question that I ask all of my guests, when we wrap up is what is one imperfect action that we can all take today to move closer to our best lives? 

Jack:

Yeah. Service to others.

So anything you can do, find who's the person now that you know is most in need and you don't have to look very far. I just give them a call. 

Kathryn:

Well, I second that motion. If all of you could just go out and do at least one small act of kindness or service for someone that is either in your life right now, a neighbor or even a stranger that you come upon that looks like they need help.

You will be better off for it. So I just appreciate you being on the show. I've had a great time talking to you today and about your journey and your mission and what you are contributing to the world. 

Jack:

Oh, it's an honor to me. I thank you so much for having me. 

Kathryn:

Thank you.

The post Mind, Body, and Spirit with Jack Stafford, the Self-Help Songwriter | IT 060 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

Have you ever been vegan-curious?

Have you ever wondered about the benefits of being vegan?

This week, Kathryn has Susmitha Veganosaurus on the podcast.

In this episode, Kathryn and Susmitha dive into veganism, meditation, podcasting, and more.

BONUS #1: Use the code "IMPERFECTTHRIVING" and get free access to Susmitha's Ignite Your Joy course for 15 days for free!

BONUS #2: Get 20% off Susmitha's Vegan Immersion Experience course with the code "KATHRYN20"

Meet Susmitha Veganosaurus

Susmitha Veganosaurus is a vegan chef, podcaster, meditation guide, artist, holistic business coach and multi-passionate entrepreneur.

She runs Carrots, India's first vegan restaurant, bakery, and culinary academy. And she's the host of The Feel Good Factor, a podcast about making happiness your highest priority.

Susmitha mentors and coaches vegan women entrepreneurs and helps them grow their business in a joyful way, with a focus on self-care and a mindset of abundance.

In This Podcast Summary

• Her vegan journey
• The benefits she noticed
• Her life's motto
• Advice for first time vegans
• Her meditation practice

Her vegan journey

Susmitha has been vegan since 2003, but prior to that she was vegetarian all of her life. It was more cultural than ethical for Susmitha, who grew up in South India where yogurt is a staple. Once Susmitha became aware of what happens in the livestock industry, it was impossible for her to ignore. She decided to become an ethical vegan.

It wasn't until a year into her vegan journey that she started to notice the benefits and positive experiences it brought to her life.

The benefits she noticed

Growing up, Susmitha was told that if she drank cow's milk, she'd have beautiful hair. So every night before bed, she would do just that. She would also constantly be sick with a cough or a cold, which she chalked up to the air pollution. A year into her veganism, she noticed the colds went away. Thinking it was because she lived elsewhere, she returned to Bangalore where she had initially felt symptoms, only to find the cough didn't follow.

She's also lost weight seemingly effortlessly without changing much else about her lifestyle. Susmitha also attributes cutting all animal products to her increased energy and vibrancy. She's also able to meditate longer and more intently.

Her life's motto

We all need to follow what brings us joy and do that. Not worry about what others think or what others say. To not get bogged down with the thoughts of "Will I succeed?"

If something lights you up from within, then try it out and follow it fearlessly. And I do believe in the universe is greater power where there is a plan and you will be supported in whatever you do for however long it's meant to happen.

Advice for first time vegans

The first step is a mind shift change. It's deciding this isn't all or nothing, giving up, or deprivation. Approach it from a point of curiosity, interest, and an open mind. The try it for a month, and be strict. Note the difference in energy levels, health, or what other changes that might come up. There isn't a wrong or right way of doing it. Susmitha recommends being strict for the first month because of dairy's addictive properties.

Recognize that there is nothing in the world you can't live without. You can if you make up your mind and you can live happily and joyfully without it.

She also suggests connecting with other vegans or transitioning vegans. Community and a support system can help because while it's easy to find alternatives, recipes, and resources online, people around you can help with questions or guidance.

Her meditation practice

Meditation allows Susmitha to still her mind to a large extent. Whatever stress that she had been feeling melts away through meditation. It gives her clarity to take the next steps. 

More than anything else, it fills her with hope. That there is a purpose and she's on the right path. Especially after a year like 2020, it's easy to get into the cycle of questioning and of self-doubt.

Meditating helps Susmitha acknowledge the thoughts and then gently let them go. 

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If you want to feel more connected and have a little help with this journey called life, join our free Facebook Community for small group chats, challenges, and support from others just like you, nudging each other toward our best lives. Click here to join our free Facebook community.

Are you enjoying this podcast?

If yes, would you please review and rate it on iTunes here? Thank you!

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• 7 Things You Can Do Right Now to Stop Wasting Time | IT 058
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Podcast Transcription

Kathryn:

Susmitha, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here all the way from India. 

Susmitha:

Hi Kathryn. I'm so happy to be here too.

Kathryn:

So I really want to start with your vegan journey. I have to confess I am a meat lover, but I'm always open to change and I really want to hear about your journey. 

Susmitha:

Sure. So I've been vegan since 2003. Before that I've grown up vegetarian all my life, but that wasn't an ethical choice.

It was just a cultural thing. A lot of people who are in India, they grew up vegetarian and that's how I was. I used to consume a lot of dairy products, milk and yogurt. Especially yogurt is a big part of our South Indian diet. We are very attached to it and a lot of dairy.

When I found out about what happens in the dairy industry I realized I didn't want to support it anymore because every mammal who has to produce milk, she has to give birth. So it's not like the olden days where they would allow the cows to naturally give birth and then take the milk.

It became more like they would forcefully impregnate the cow to meet the demands of the dairy consumption and a lot more of these things. And then I found out about it. I decided to become an ethical vegan. Of course, when I heard the term and when people told me about it, I was like, I don't want to know.

Don't tell me. I love milk. I'm never going to give it up. But yeah, after a point I kind of opened myself to become more aware of what happens in the livestock industry. And that was it for me. Once you become aware it's kind of, no going back from there. done.

After I turned vegan, like a year down the line, is when I found out about all the bonus benefits. Like the benefits to my health, the benefits to my spiritual journey, I could meditate better, do Reiki better, all of it. So these things I didn't know about when I started out, I just thought it would be okay.

I'm just going to have stop having animal products and I'm going to be vegan and that's about it, but it just changed my life. Entirely. It was such a positive experience. 

Kathryn:

I really want to dig into that a little bit. So I love how you began your vegan journey because of what you value because of your ethics.

And then later you realize the sort of benefits that you get are multifaceted. Tell me a little bit more about the benefits you noticed in your health.

Susmitha:

Sure so growing up I was told that if you drink cow's milk, it's got calcium, so you get better hair and all those things. Every night before bed, I would drink a glass of milk and go to sleep. And I got quite addicted to dairy because it does have addictive properties.

I still love plain milk too, and then drink a lot of it and go to bed. And I used to constantly fall sick with a cough. Cold. All the time, sniffling. And I did not relate this to dairy because I just thought the pollution. I was riding around in a bike. I just thought that's what it was.

After I turn vegan, it took me a year. I was living elsewhere. So I was in a slightly less polluted place. I wasn't going out as much. I initially thought, Oh, it's because of that all my cold and cough, everything stopped. And then when I came back home to Bangalore it just didn't come back.

And I connected it and I was like, Oh, I see it's because I've stopped animal products that I'm not falling sick as much as I used to anymore. And that was one thing. The other is I gained a few vanity pounds.Weight gain, weight loss, a few pounds here and there don't bother me so much, but I had gained them.

And after I turned vegan, they just dropped. I was able to become a lot fitter without really doing too much in terms of exercise or anything like that. Like naturally became more suited to what my body type is. And finally, I started getting a lot of energy. Generally I'm an energetic person, but I think cutting out dairy, cutting out all animal products that helped me just become so much more vibrant.

Kathryn:

That is exciting. And now that you say that about dairy, I'm thinking the same thing about myself. I eat very little dairy. I'm not vegan, but I don't drink regular milk. I drink almond milk and I really eat very little dairy. A little bit of cheese every now. I used to get sinus infections all the time, like once a month and I don't get them at all anymore.

Susmitha

Dairy is quite dangerous. A lot of people realize that so it makes a world of difference. Even though you're not vegan, cutting down the dairy, that does make a huge difference in terms of health and in terms of for the animals, for the environment, all these things.

Kathryn:

That too. Yes, definitely. So you've told me that milk, dairy, yogurt is really a big part of your culture and what most people eat in India. What is it like to be vegan in India? 

Susmitha:

The thing is growing up in a tropical country. Most of our food, even the people who eat meat, it's never meat heavy.

It's lots of vegetables. We do a lot of rice and other grains, and we do a lot of pulses like lentils and chickpeas and things like that. These are big part of food for all of our traditional cooking. Especially in the South where I'm from, we're not dairy dependent.

It's just that people like to add a bit of dairy. Add some yogurt on the side of the food if it's too spicy. We have something called curd rice, which is basically rice mixed with yogurt and a little bit of salt. And that is something that culturally, we end the meal with. Especially our lunch.

Going vegan is really easy because it's not because of the alternatives that I'll come to, but because even if you just stop having dairy, you can still get plenty of food to eat. And we have lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Lots available quite easily growing here. So that made it easy for me to be vegan in India. 

But of course, because I love milk and yogurt and ice cream and these kinds of things, the moment I turned vegan, I started looking into alternatives. And back then it wasn't so…soy milk was in the market, but other milks, not so much. Not so commonly available. So I started making everything for myself. I make all the dairy alternatives from scratch at home. I know exactly what goes into it.

Again I feel like that keeps me healthier because I'm choosing this clean, pure ingredients and making them yeah. 

Kathryn:

I love that. Instead of having that all or nothing attitude of, well, I can't have dairy. Oh, well. You've found ways to enjoy what you used to enjoy about the dairy without it. I love that.

Susmitha:

Yes when people ask me what advice I could give to new vegans, I always tell them. Use alternatives. Don't just give up because veganism is not about just giving up. It's about, I found more joy after going vegan. One of the reasons is because I found more varieties of foods. 

Instead of one cow's milk, or maybe Buffalo's milk, I get to have maybe 20 or 30 varieties of dairy alternatives. The variety in my life just increased.

Kathryn:

Yes, we can always find their way if we want to. And we put a little mindfulness and intention to it. Speaking of fruits and vegetables, I love the name of your restaurant Carrots. I want to know a little bit behind the story behind the name.

And tell me a little bit more about your restaurant. 

Susmitha:

Sure. So Carrots was India's first vegan restaurant. It was started in 2013 by this guy called Krishna. I didn't start it. I started out going there as a very, very enthusiastic, regular guest. 

And I would be like talking about them everywhere because the very first vegan restaurant in India and it's in my hometown. So I was very, very supportive of them. I would go teach them recipes and I had a great connection with their team. So later in the year after the restaurant was started, Krishna asked me if I would like to join the team and become a part of it.

And because of my my interest in recipes and cooking and things like that, I was like, yeah, sure. Let me do that. And within a couple of months, I was like, this is home. And then I invested and became a partner and I took it over and started running things gradually. 

Carrots, the name, is when Krishna started the place he was looking for something that is cute, sharp, easy to recall. Then the two carrots form a V. So our logo, V for vegan. The logo carrots crisscrossed with each other. That look like a V. So it was a simple idea behind the name of the restaurant. 

We are not just a restaurant. The restaurant is how it started off, but it's more of a movement, more of a place, a hub for vegans from across the city, as well as across the country to come to us, learn from us, grow. We teach a lot of cooking and baking. The culinary training is a big part of our restaurant. We make everything from scratch in-house whether it's baking, whether it's dairy alternatives, whatever it is. So we have a lot of knowledge, which we like sharing to people so that they are empowered.

When somebody starts a new vegan business, we are always there to support them. We kind of act like a launch pad if somebody needs the that. These are just a few of the many things that the whole Carrots restaurant movement is about. But unfortunately now the pandemic really, really effected us. The business, just like most other small businesses.

And we unfortunately we'll have to close down soon.

Kathryn:

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Yeah, the pandemic has hit so many people hard, especially when it comes to restaurants in the service industry. But you are clearly a multi-passionate entrepreneur. So I know that you will have something else in the works soon.

I've noticed through multiple conversations with you what I absolutely love about you is that there is passion and purpose behind everything you do. And you do not just talk a good talk. You walk a good walk and you put your action in the direction of what is important to you. This is not a question that I've ever asked any other guests, but I feel like you are the perfect guest to ask this.

Do you have a general philosophy about life? Or a motto that you kind of live by? 

Susmitha:

Well, see, this is something that I have also learned over the years, but especially in the past two to three years, it's gotten really strong in me. I believe that we all need to follow what brings us joy and do that.

And not really worry about what others think. What others say. Will I succeed? Will I not all these things. If something lights you up from within, then try it out and follow it fearlessly. And I do believe in the universe is greater power where, there is a plan and you will be supported in whatever you do for however long it's meant to happen.

Kathryn:

Well, I really love that. Because if what you're doing brings you joy, then you are successful. 

Susmitha:

Yes.

Kathryn:

What is important right than actually enjoying your life. That to me is the definition of success. That hasn't always been my definition of success, but it definitely is now. So I could not agree more. 

So I wanted to follow up a little bit and get your favorite dairy alternatives that you like to use in your different recipes?

Susmitha:

So usually for my tea every day, I make a cashew based milk at home. And it's either with just cashews or sometimes I add some flaxseed or  sesame seeds. It's not a very particular thing. I just go with the flow, what I feel like doing.

And then I grind up the cashews and then make the milk. It's really simple to do that. Cashew milk is very versatile. It can be used in desserts or any kind of cooking, like say if you're making pasta sauce and things like that. Cashew is quite versatile and it goes great with tea. And then, in here, again in the South of India, we use a lot of coconut in our cooking.

So coconut milk is nothing new to us. It's just something that's been a part of some of the dishes that we make. So I like having coffee with coconut milk and I like my favorite yogurt. I have a variety of them that I tried, but my favorite is the one made with peanuts. You can make yogurt out of peanuts.

And the first time I discovered that I was like whaaat, it was mind blowing to me. These are just some of the dairy alternatives I use. 

Kathryn:

Yeah. I'm glad you shared that with us. Cause I'm going "what" too like, I'd never would have thought of that. So that's great. 

Susmitha:

Kathryn, I teach online dairy alternatives classes. So if you'd ever like to take it from me, I'd be happy to teach you.

Kathryn:

Oh, that's so fun. Yes. I'll definitely have to look into that. So following along those lines, what advice do you have for a listener who might be considering going vegan? 

Susmitha:

Well to start with, like I said, don't look at it as a giving up or a deprivation. It's actually going to make your life just so much better and joyful if you approach it from a point of curiosity and interest and an open mind.

Try it for a month. Very strictly go vegan for a month. Then see for yourself the kind of difference that it makes in your energy levels and your health, all these things. And the reason I say many people do it, they take different approaches to going vegan. There is no right or wrong way of doing it.

Some people just gradually eliminate animal products and then they go vegan. But the reason I recommend this strict following it for a month at least is because like I said, dairy has addictive properties. Some of the other animal products have certain other effects on your body. When you completely cut it out of your system, you are also detoxing yourself off that addiction.

A lot of us think this is not just for when it comes to veganism or food, but generally in life, a lot of us believe there are certain things we like we are used to, and we think that we can never live without it. And there is nothing in the world that you can't live without.

You can, if you make up your mind, you not only can you live without it, you can live happily joyfully without it. 

Kathryn:

Right. If you let go of that limiting belief that you just can't do it, you might be able to do it. 

Susmitha:

Absolutely, of course. I also suggest connect with other vegans or transitioning vegans. The community and a support system around you helps a lot because as vegans, it's easy to find alternatives, recipes online, and all these things, but more than anything else, it's the people around you. The kind of questions that you might be asked. There are chances that some family members may be supportive.

In some cases, there will be a severe lack of support. So then when you have other people who are on a similar journey to be able to go through that very easily.

Kathryn:

Oh, I completely agree. The relationships we have and the people that we spend time with greatly affect our behavior. And if the people that we're around aren't supporting these new habits, it makes it so much more difficult to actually follow through and make those your habits.

I'm intrigued by your term, conscious entrepreneurship. Will you explain that to me? 

Susmitha:

Yes. I believe being a conscious entrepreneur is the future. Because we can't just be getting about us or our own business anymore. We have to look at it from a wholesome perspective. Whatever work you do, whatever product you create, whatever service you give, whatever it is.

Always look at how it is helping the world, helping others, and uplifting the vibrations of the world overall. See how you can keep on tweaking and keep on improving to make it better and better and better for everyone else around you. Which of course you have to be conscious about loving yourself, charging your self worth all those things.

Yes, absolutely. But it should go beyond that. It should go beyond just your business. Because then it doesn't matter how long your business or whatever it is, your project can last. Even if it disappears one day, you can still be satisfied because you have created these positive ripples across the world.

Kathryn:

Yes, that is beautifully put. None of us live in a vacuum, all of our behaviors and everything that we put out in the world affects someone else. It might be a few people, it might be a lot of people, but we do need to keep that in mind that what we do affects other people. I really love that term and your definition of it.

You told me earlier that veganism has even helped you spiritually. Tell me a little bit more about that. 

Susmitha:

Yes, absolutely. So I've been on the spiritual path from quite a young age. While I was in 11th grade, I discovered Reiki. Even before that, I was always curious about these things, which are not very scientifically explainable, right?

So, you know, metaphysics and things like that. And I always believe there's a greater power watching over us, supporting us, helping us. I just didn't have a definition for it. And I knew it wasn't, whatever religions were teaching. Yes. There was some definitely some powerful meaning to it, but it was still limited.

I believed it was a lot more than just religious rules and things like that. So, when I turned vegan, I started realizing that I was able to focus more whenever I meditated. And even whenever I did Reiki or other practices, I could feel more in tune with it, like a higher, like as if my vibrations just went up higher.

And I believe this is because, again, it comes back to the kind of practices that are happening in the livestock industry. I feel like if something comes from fear and pain and that much sorrow, and then you're just taking that and putting it into your body, it does pull you down, it does bring your vibrations down.

And then you have to work twice as much to be more positive and to be more uplifted. So I'm not saying you can't be spiritual if you're not vegan. But I do feel that if you go vegan, it just goes hand in hand with the spiritual path and it just going to make it so much more easier for you to rise up and grow.

Kathryn:

Yeah. I love that. What, so you have a meditation practice, right? 

Susmitha:

Yeah, it's nothing. I don't follow any one specific kind of meditation practice. These days earlier it used to be more of a listening to guided meditations. In the more recent years I've started to just meditate silently, just focus on my breath.

Kathryn:

And so how long do you meditate and do you meditate every day? 

Susmitha:

No I don't have a fixed routine like this. It's not something that I have to do. It's more of it, just a part of my life. Whenever I feel like it's like drinking water. If I feel thirsty, I'll drink water. It's the same way. If I feel like, okay, I need to meditate right now, I sit down and do it.

I'm not as disciplined as I probably should be, because I know that just with what I do, this much of a benefit happens in my life. Then if I actually do it in a disciplined way there will be a lot more benefits, but I don't want to do it like, something for chore or, Oh, I have to do this.

It's something that I take pleasure and joy. It can go two to three minutes to half an hour or one hour, even if I feel really, really in tune with it. 

Kathryn:

So really what I'm hearing is you pay attention to your body in your mind and you know, when you need it. 

Susmitha:

Yes.

Kathryn:

And so what have you found the benefits of meditation to be for you?

Susmitha:

I think, especially after getting into social media and smartphones and these things that have come up, which really take up a lot of your mental space. Most of your days is going into this. You have all these different thoughts and distractions and so many things that come up.

When I cut off and meditate, I'm able to still my mind to quite a large extent. That helps because then whatever stress or anything that I'm feeling, I'm able to kind of let that go through meditation. And that gives me clarity to take the next steps. 

More than anything else, I think in one line, if I have to say, it fills me with hope. That yes, there is a purpose and this is meant to be, you're going on the right path because otherwise it's very easy to get into this, especially with the kind of year we went to last year. 

Get into this cycle of questioning, like what does it all, what does it mean? Why am I even doing anything? Why are we even bothering. These kinds of questions do come up and I think meditating helps me kind of get over these kinds of thoughts. 

Kathryn:

There's so much noise in the world and so much going on all of the time. It is so easy to get caught up in our minds with worry about it and worry about things that we can't control.

I think we do need to listen to our hearts and listen to our bodies more. And to do that, you really do just have to tune out all of that noise. I could not agree more. So I know that you have a podcast because I have been honored to be a guest on that podcast called the feel-good factor.

So tell me a little bit about how you got started in podcasting and what your podcast is about. 

Susmitha:

Sure. So a couple of years ago I think somewhere in the middle of 2018. I was listening randomly to podcasts before that, but I found the one most inspirational podcast for me, which I really resonated with, which is Alison Melody's Food Hills.

And when I listened to that podcast, that specific episode, it was like, it was meant for me. It was an episode where a bunch of really awesome entrepreneurs. These ladies, they were talking about spirituality and entrepreneurship and how, you can manifest things and abundance and success and all these things, and many benefits of spirituality in business and things like that.

I actually was led to the podcast because I was following a chef who was doing the kind of work that I someday aimed to do. And that's how I discovered the podcast.I think it goes maybe 45 minutes and hour long. I don't remember the length of the episode.

But as I was listening to it, I felt like my whole world opening up, I felt like there's so much potential that I can tap into. It just inspired me. So initially I was just listening to it, but that is where the seed got planted. I'm like, okay, one day I have to meet Alison one day. I have to do this.

And I managed it. Within a year of me listening to that podcast, I was actually on their food deals, Italy retreat. I was meeting Alison and Leslie and things like that. It was just amazing to be able to do that. So yeah, it was almost unreal for me that things just fell into place and I money if I stirred it.

Then meeting them in person, meeting Allie in person, kind of cemented that idea more strongly in me that, okay, I have to do a podcast. Now, the feel good factor, it aligns with the philosophy I was talking about with you about following your joy, about making your happiness your highest priority.

That's all the podcast is about. I interview people like yourself, who have something motivating, positive, uplifting to share with the world. Some kind of really good advice that will help my listeners take some good actions, make some positive changes. And I also have some solo talks.

I also record meditations as a part of the podcast. So it's a mix and match of my couple things now. I could have easily done a podcast about veganism because that is my area of authority and I like talking about it. But I was doing so much content about veganism already. I have a YouTube channel and my Instagram, I was sharing recipes.

Talking about it. So I'm like, okay, I have to do something a little bit different here. Yes, veganism keeps coming into it because that's a big part of who I am, but I didn't want it to be focused only on that. I wanted it to be focused on the larger picture.Through my business, I was learning how I was prioritizing other people at the things, workaholic, all these things.

And through that, I was learning so many lessons about how you can be a happier entrepreneur. So, that again made me realize, okay, I have to talk about happiness on the podcast. 

Kathryn:

Well, I cannot recommend a podcast more than yours. I mean, everyone you are experiencing Susmitha's incredible positive energy. And she brings it all the time. 24/7. I just love it. It's absolutely infectious. I know that you came with the gift for our listeners today. Will you tell, tell us about it? 

Susmitha:

Yes. So I have a course called the vegan immersion experience and I would like to offer your listeners 20% off on it, if they would like. The courses again, it's a three-pronged approach.

It'a an approach to veganism. Yes, of course. How to be vegan. So once you want to do it once, you know what it means, if you decide, okay, I want to go vegan, but I don't know how to go about it. This is a course for you. So the course has a mind, body, spirit approach. For the body, it's the recipes I've taught recipes or have shared tips about food and tips about alternatives.

Like, okay, if you're using like the dairy alternatives I was talking about or say, if you're using eggs in your baking, what do you replace it with? And some hacks and things like that. Plus a few of my favorite recipes, which I've recorded on video. 

Then for the mind, I have shared a lot of mindset techniques. Because these are things again, I have learned over the years it's not just about being vegan, but it's about actually being happy and joyful. And spreading that out into the world. So how slight shifts in your mindset can actually make this journey more frictionless for you. 

And then finally for the spirit, I have meditations that have spiritually aligned technique, like affirmations and so forth.

So this is what the vegan immersion experience is all about. It's a one month course. I've given a course to Kathryn and when you use that, you'll get 20% off. 

Kathryn:

Oh, thank you so much for that. That sounds amazing. And I will definitely include the information in the show notes, so everyone knows exactly where to go to get it.

So besides your vegan immersion experience, where can we learn more about you and what you offer online? 

Susmitha:

Sure, you will find all the information on my website, which is v Veganosaurus.com. That's my website and all the different thing  I do. All my passions, everything about me I've shared on there. 

I'm most active on Instagram and social media. I'm not on Facebook. So you can connect with me there @ Veganosaurus again. 

Kathryn:

Okay. We will definitely do that. And I will include all that in the show notes as well. So I like to wind up every podcast by asking my guests the same question, which is what is one imperfect action you suggest we all take today to get closer to our best lives.

Susmitha:

As we have started a new year, we need a fresh start. We need to attract new things. What I'd like to say is focus on letting go. Now just because we are committed to something and just because we have poured many years or time, a life passion into something, it doesn't mean that you always have to stay committed to it.

You have to hold on to it, no matter what. That is what we all believe. We think that, okay, I put everything into this relationship or this business or this project, and whether it brings you joy or not, whether it is easy or a struggle, I have to stick with this. And you don't have to stick with it. If it's a struggle, if it's not bringing you happiness, if it's causing more stress than the joyfulness, then let it go.

Because that's when you create space for new things in your life, which are made for you for your higher growth. 

Kathryn:

Okay. So I absolutely second that motion. And I promised that I did not ask Susmitha to say that, but it leads me straight into a pitch for the rest of the episodes this month and past episodes.

So I love that we just finished a series about decluttering our lives. We focused on closets, relationships environment, minds, and calendars. So if y'all missed any of those episodes, just go back and catch up to the rest of us, because it is about letting go of what does not serve your purpose.

What does not set you up for the life you want and does not bring you joy. So I completely agree Susmitha and I appreciate you being on the show today. I've had so much fun talking with you. 

Susmitha:

Thank you so much, Kathryn. I'm looking forward to listening to all those episodes too. I think we need more and more of that out there right now.

Thank you so much for having me here. It was a pleasure. 

Kathryn:

Well, I hope we can talk again soon.

The post You have to listen. Then you will know with Susmitha | IT 059 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

This is the final episode of the Imperfect Thriving Declutter series!

Time is free but it is priceless.

You can't own it but you can use it. You can't keep it but you can spend it. Once you have lost it, you can never get it back. -Harvey MacKay

If you feel like you have been floating through life, not really paying attention to how you are filling your days. If you never seem to make progress toward goals and if you struggle to prioritize and get things done….this episode is for you.

In This Podcast

• Tip 1: do a time audit
• Tip 2: ask yourself why
• Tip 3: is it urgent or important?
• Tip 4: delegate or outsource
• Tip 5: time block
• Tip 6: schedule self care
• Tip 7: don't forget your future self

Tip 1: do a time audit

In order to improve how to do anything, we must first evaluate how it's currently being done. If you don't have a planner, that is absolutely your first step. Then do a time audit of everything that takes up your time every day. If you take a fitness class, be sure to include the time it takes to get there and back, not just the length of the actual class. Include other activities such as scrolling through social media and checking email.

Tip 2: ask yourself why

Look at each entry on your calendar and ask yourself why? Why did I do what I did? Are you accomplishing what you want to accomplish? Are you taking action to move closer to or farther away from the life you want by spending your time this way? If you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through social, but not accomplishing a goal, use social as a reward. For example, let's say your goal is to get physically stronger. Give yourself a 15 minute social reward only after you've completed a workout. Tie the old habit to the new habit.

Tip 3: is it urgent or important?

Take a look at how you are prioritizing your time and consider these four categories:

• Important and urgent: deadlines or crises that come up in our lives.
• Important, but not urgent: longterm goal setting, planning for the future.
• Urgent, but not important: certain meetings and events that we have to do right now, but they aren't necessarily really important to us.
• Not urgent or important: social media, lunch out, those types of things.

Be honest with yourself and how you're categorizing your activities.

Maybe you're spending a majority of your time living someone else's agenda, doing things that you have been guilted into doing because they are important or urgent for someone else…You are not doing anyone any favors by withholding honesty from yourself.

Tip 4: delegate or outsource

There are things we want to say yes to, but for various reasons, we don't really want to spend our time that way. We have other things that are more important, even though these things are still important to us. For example, if your children are getting older, assign them some tasks at home that you've been doing on your own. That way you can focus on something more important.

Maybe you've been in charge of a weekly or monthly report at work that you can train an assistant to do that will allow you to use more of your expertise in other areas. Ask yourself what you've been spending your time on that someone else could do, freeing up that time to do something that is more important.

Tip 5: time block

This is an effective way to stay focused on the task at hand. Every time we switch activities, we lose time. It takes our brain time to make the adjustment from focusing on one activity to focusing on the next.

Going back and forth between tasks costs valuable time. That can mean doing tasks at home and running errands in between or toggling between different tasks at work. Productivity suffers because of this, where we can be much more efficient by blocking time. Another benefit of time-blocking is complete and total focus on the one task at that time. It creates a better product.

Tip 6: schedule self care

At the end of busy days, time can escape us and our self-care can end up on the backburner.

Over time, ignoring self care will catch up in significant ways. Like burnout, sickness, and irritability with others. Self care needs to be scheduled and treated as a non-negotiable on our calendars. That means nothing short of a dire emergency gets between you and this time.

It should be the last thing to go if you have extra tasks or emergencies to fit in your calendar during the week. If you're not scheduling self care, it could mean that you're not placing enough value on yourself. Head back to the show notes of episode 55 to grab your ultimate self value worksheet.

Be intentional and specific when scheduling your self care. Ask yourself what about it makes you feel good. More rested? Fills you up and energizes you? The more you can identify the feel good aspect of your self care, the more likely you'll follow through.

Tip 7: don't forget your future self

Don't forget about your long-term goals. Check in every now and then with yourself about your progress towards your one-year three-year five-year and ten-year goals. Are you taking the daily, weekly, and monthly steps to reach these goals?

What steps can you schedule on your calendar in the next week to move closer to these goals?

Useful links:

• Chris Ross' Win-Win Effect | IT 054
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Meet Kathryn Ely

I'm Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I'm enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the "shoulds" like "women should always care for others" and "taking time for yourself is just selfish".

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Time is free, but it is priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can't spend it once you have lost it. You can never get it back. That's from Harvey MacKay. If that doesn't get you motivated to declutter your calendar, I don't know what will. I think that this might be my favorite episode yet, and I'm sure that I'm going to be geeking out over this because to me, there is nothing like found time that you can dedicate toward a goal. Toward a future dream, something that you want in your life.

It's better than finding that perfect seashell on the beach. It's better than finding gold. So I can't wait to get started on this episode. If you feel like you've been floating through life, not really paying attention to how you're filling your days. If you never seem to make progress towards your goals, if you struggle to prioritize and get things done, this episode is for you.

I often work with clients in my counseling practice on time management. I've learned how to maximize my time to get more done than I ever thought possible. Even a few years ago. And I continue to spend time reading and researching about how to be more productive. And I want to share with you what I've learned.

In today's episode, I'm going to share with you seven things you can do right now to declutter your calendar and stop wasting your time. But first I want to say thank you if you have stuck with me through this five part series, I hope it has helped you declutter your life, assess, and let go of what is not helping you get closer to the life that you want.

I would love to hear what this experience has been like for you. Hit me up on Instagram @imperfectthriving DM me and let me know. If you missed any of the five episodes, go back to episode 53 about decluttering your closet and start there. And don't forget to grab your ultimate self value worksheet from the show notes of episode 55.

If you are struggling with getting started with any of this decluttering, then this worksheet should be your first stop. And I want to give a shout out to all my friends listening in the UK. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. I promise to do my best to make the most of it. And I want you to DM me on Instagram.

Let me know what I can do for you, what you want to hear more of. Okay. Let's declutter your calendar so that you can make the most of your time.

Here is tip number one. Figure out how you are spending your time now. Now I know this is not a glamorous tip, but if we have an issue in our life or something that we want to change or do differently, we have to have a clear understanding of how we're doing it now.

If you have a calendar and use it, sit down and look at it. Are you writing down how you're spending your days? If not, take a week and track your time, do a bit of a time audit, write down most everything you do. If you go to yoga class three times a week, don't just write down the length of time you spend in class.

Write down the time it takes to get ready to drive to and from the class. And time spent in the class. Now, if you do not have a calendar run, don't walk to go get one. Get the planner type of calendar that gives you the overview of the month. And that has individual days with the hours listed out down the side of the page.

Track your time on those individual day pages. Don't forget the mindless things we do like scrolling through social media, email, et cetera. Look at your phone and see how much time you spent on your phone and add it to your calendar. So the first tip is do a bit of a time audit and get a clear understanding of how you are spending your days, how you are currently spending your time.

Tip number two, ask why. Once you've tracked your time for a week and added it to your calendar, get out that calendar and look at each entry. For each entry, ask yourself why? Why did I spend my time that way? Why did I do what I did? Are you accomplishing what you want to accomplish? Are you taking action to move forward to the life you want by spending your time this way? Or are you moving farther away from the life you want? Here's an example. Say you notice you spent an hour or more over the course of the day, scrolling through your social, but you can't seem find the time to exercise like you've been wanting to. It might be one of your goals for 2021 to become physically stronger.

The way you are spending your time is not getting you closer to the life that you want to have. Instead set a time of 15 minutes to scroll through your social only after you have spent 45 minutes doing strength training. Tie the old habit to the new habit you want as a reward. So tip number two, after you've discovered how you're spending your time, go through and ask yourself for each activity, why you're spending your time this way.

And if it is getting you closer to the life that you want to have. Let's move on to tip number three, determine whether something on your calendar is important or urgent. Our brains can keep us kind of in a tizzy telling us that everything on our list qualifies as important or urgent.

Most of the time, that is simply not so. Remember, we don't have to believe every single thing our brain tells calls us as if it is truth. My brain can tell me all day long I am Beyonce. And that does not make it true. Now my brain doesn't tell me this by the way, but it does lie to me in other ways. And I get to be the one to recognize when it is telling me the truth and when it might be lying to me.

I really liked the way Stephen Covey lays this out in his book, "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." He divides time and activities up into four categories or quadrants. Number one is important and urgent. These are deadlines or crises that come up in our lives. Number two important, but not urgent. Longterm goal setting, planning for the future, but it doesn't have to be done immediately at this moment.

Number three, urgent, but not important. Certain meetings and events that we have to do right now, but they aren't necessarily really important to us. Number four, not urgent or important. Social media, lunch out, those types of things. So how are you spending most of your time? This exercise is so important because you get a good glimpse of how you are prioritizing.

Maybe you've been treating some things as urgent or important that really are neither. Maybe you're spending a majority of your time living someone else's agenda, doing things that you have been guilted into doing because they are important or urgent for someone else. Take a good, hard look. Be honest with yourself.

You are not doing anyone any favors by withholding honesty from yourself. So go through and determine whether what you have been spending your time on is important urgent or neither. This will help you prioritize your time, moving forward.

Tip number four, delegate or outsource what you don't love, or that does not really require you to do.

There are some things people ask us to do that we can simply and politely say no to. We have that choice. There are other things we want to say yes to, but for different reasons, we don't really want to spend our time that way. We have other things that are more important, even though these things are still important to us. Maybe your children are getting older and you can assign them some tasks at home that you've been doing on your own.

Maybe you've gone back to work and it makes more sense to pay someone else to clean your house because you need free time to help children with homework or to do other things that are higher on your list of priorities. Maybe you've been in charge of a weekly or monthly report at work that you can train an assistant to do that will allow you to use more of your expertise in other areas. Ask yourself what if I've been spending my time on that someone else could do for me, freeing me up to use that time on something that is more important.

If you spend hours on the weekends running errands that you don't get to do during the week, can you pay someone less than what you make to run these errands for you? What could you do with that time? So these examples that I'm giving might not apply directly to you, but you can use them to understand how to use this tip, to prioritize your time, free up some of your time by delegating to others.

Now let's move on to tip number five. Time block. Oh, how I love how to time block. I will really geek out over this one. Every time we switch activities, we lose time. It takes our brain time to make the adjustment from focusing on one activity to focusing on the next.

Going back and forth between tasks costs us valuable time. Whether it is doing tasks at home and running errands in between, or focusing on different tasks at work. We can be much more efficient by blocking our time. I'm such a huge fan of time blocking. I would not be able to be nearly as productive without it.

On Sundays, I block three or four hours to determine my family's menu for the week, shop for all of the groceries, prepare all of the meals and clean up. This saves me hours every week. No 30 minutes here or there running to the grocery for a couple of items, no washing pots and pans every night. No mental energy spent during the week deciding what we will eat, and no fast food runs because we are out of food.

Not only that I can play in my prescription pickup and filling up my car with gas all in the same trip while I'm going to the store for these items. And if you want to save even more time during that time block, you can pay a service for someone to shop for you. However, for me, there's always something that I leave off of my list that I realize I need while I'm at the store.

So the time that I spent in that one trip trip to the store normally saves me two or three more during the week. And therefore it still makes sense to me to do my own shopping. But whatever works for you. You may be better at not ever forgetting something on your list than I am. And I hope that you are.

So, with work, I time block. I don't see clients on Fridays because Fridays are for creating content, interviewing for the podcast, or recording a solo podcast, and working on my book project. Another benefit of time-blocking is complete and total focus on the one task at that time. It creates a better product.

So find blocks of time, save them on your calendar for particular tasks so that you do not have to switch back and forth, which will save you time and energy. Wow, I love to time block. So that's tip number five.

Number six. Schedule self care. With the pace of life these days, it is very easy to get to the end of the day, without taking the time to give ourselves what we need to refuel and re-energize, and just be at our best.

When we ignore our own self care, it eventually catches up with us in big ways. Like burnout, sickness, impatience with others, I could go on and on. We need to schedule downtime and self-care on our calendars and treat it as non-negotiable. That means nothing short of a dire emergency gets between you and this time.

It should be the last thing to go if you have extra tasks or emergencies to fit in your calendar during the week. Now, if you find you do not schedule self-care, take some time to figure out why. It could mean that you're not placing enough value on yourself. You do not see yourself as being important as you really are.

If this is the case, head back to the show notes of episode 55, the secret to de-cluttering your relationships and grab your ultimate self value worksheet. It only takes a few minutes to fill out, but it could change your life. When you schedule self-care, be intentional with what it will look like exactly.

Ask yourself what makes me feel good. Better about myself, more rested. What fills me up and keeps me going. Be specific on your calendar. By being specific, you are more likely to follow through with that self care. So tip number six, when you are de-cluttering your calendar, schedule self-care.

Now onto the final tip. Tip number seven. Don't forget about your future self. As you are filling up your time on your calendar, don't forget about your long-term goals. Check in every now and then with yourself about your progress towards your one-year, three-year five-year, and ten-year goals. Are you taking the daily, weekly, and monthly steps to reach these goals?

What steps can you schedule on your calendar in the next week to move closer to these goals? Checking in with goals, thinking about self care, seeing exactly how you want to spend your time, and being more intentional with it will also help you let go of the other things that you have been spending time on that are not as important to you.

So focusing on these things actually help you declutter your calendar, find clarity, and focus on what's most important to you. When you are motivated towards something that you want, it is easier to prioritize. Miles Davis once said time, "time isn't the main thing, it's the only thing." Now that we have a better idea of how to make the most out of the time we have, you have a choice.

How do you want to spend your time? What changes can you make now to make the most of the time that you are given? I really hope that you've enjoyed the entire de-cluttering series. If you have missed some of the episodes, just go back and listen beginning with episode 53. Now go out and take daily imperfect action toward the life you want, starting with de-cluttering your calendar.

And I will meet you right back here next week.

The post 7 Things You Can Do Right Now to Stop Wasting Time | IT 058 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.

So here's the deal, our brains are tricky little things. They bombard us with thoughts constantly. Some thoughts are helpful to us. Some thoughts are not helpful to us becoming who we want to be and having the lives we want to have. Some thoughts are more neutral- a reminder of something coming up that we need to do.

If we keep all of these thoughts in our heads, they will begin to swirl around and we will get overwhelmed and fatigued.

Overwhelm leads to:

• Lack of clarity and focus
• Anxiety
• Procrastination

Listen to this week's episode to learn tips to declutter your mind.

In This Podcast

• Multitasking's effects
• Tip 1: write it down
• Tip 2: notice, label, and let it go
• Tip 3: limit the information you consume
• Tip 4: get out of your mind and into your body
• Tip 5: let go of expectations

Multitasking's effects

A research study found workers distracted by email and phone calls suffer a fall in IQ more than twice that found in marijuana smokers.

Dr. Edward Hallowell is a psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of ADHD. He notes in his book "Crazy Busy" multitasking is a mythical activity in which people believe they can perform two or more tasks simultaneously. 

He coined a term, attention deficit trait, which he claims is rampant in the business world. Never in history has the human brain then asked to track so many data points as it is now.

Multitasking might also be taking a toll on our economy. A study showed that workers took an average of 25 minutes to recover from interruptions and returning to their original task. 

Stopping what we're doing every time we get a notification of our phone takes our brain time to reorient and get back to the activity before we were interrupted. 

John Spira, an analyst at a business research firm estimated that extreme multitasking cost the US economy $650 billion a year in lost productivity.

While we might feel more productive when multitasking, we're simply not able to put 100% of our energy on one task.

Tip 1: write it down

If you think of something that needs to go on your to-do list, write it down. If you can't, make a note in your phone and set a reminder during a time you'll be able to write it down. Assign it to a particular time when you will actually do it.

Tip 2: notice, label, and let it go

Tip number two, notice, label, and let it go. Notice if you get hung up on past or future thought. For example, finding yourself replaying a conversation or worrying about an upcoming conversation or meeting.

Once you notice it, label it. Maybe it's simply "past thoughts" and "future thoughts." After you label it, let it go. It reality, this simple exercise will take practice. A little bit every day until you get it, but it does work.

Tip 3: limit the information you consume

And intentionally determine when you're going to consume the information. Electronic devices, and phones in particular, keep us constantly connected to everything that is going on in the world. It has become way too easy to get pulled down the rabbit hole of scrolling through news, timelines, and daily updates.

Being consistently bombarded with information can overload our brains, causing overwhelm, stress, and mental exhaustion. Turn off notifications and decide when you'll revisit your phone. Monitor your screen time, which can be toggled on in the settings on your phone.

Check your email twice a day. Schedule your social media once or twice a day. Have a quiet time to reflect in a mindful way, without any interruptions.

Tip 4: get out of your mind and into your body

It's no secret that getting some form of physical activity can help melt worry away. Have you ever dragged yourself to a yoga class or the gym and regretted going after? Not likely. It might take a bit to get motivated, but odds are you'll feel much more clarity and less worry once you get to the other side of that workout.

Tip 5: let go of expectations

How something ends up is not determined by how much you worry about it or try to manipulate it. Our actions might be one variable in 20 that combined to reach a particular outcome. 

Instead set goals one year, three year, 10 year goals. Then reverse engineer the steps you must take to reach these goals. After you break down the steps, let go of the goal and just live the journey every day. Live the steps. This is what you can control and this should be your focus.

Useful links:

• The Top 5 Reasons You Must Declutter Your Home Now | IT 056
• Imperfect Thriving Facebook Group
• Imperfect Thriving on Instagram
• Imperfect Thriving Free Email Course (Your Blueprint To Thrive)

Meet Kathryn Ely

I'm Kathryn Ely and at age 50, I'm enjoying my very best life. I spent years as a lawyer and then stay-at-home mom helping others go out into the world and live their best lives. While this was very important to me, I did not realize that I was losing myself in the process. I followed all of the "shoulds" like "women should always care for others" and "taking time for yourself is just selfish".

As two of my children were getting ready to go out into the world I realized I was lost, without my next purpose, and it was scary. So I went back to school and over the course of several years, I not only found myself, but I designed the formula for women in midlife to achieve their most fulfilling lives. It is my mission to equip as many women as possible with this design and the tools to make this chapter of their lives the best chapter.

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Imperfect Thriving Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Imperfect Thriving is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Beta Male Revolution, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Podcast Transcription

Welcome back to the imperfect thriving decluttering series. This is episode four of our special series. So far we have decluttered our closet, relationships, and our environment. And I bet for those of you who have completed all episodes and taken imperfect action after each one are feeling lighter, less encumbered, and less stressed. 

If you missed these other episodes, you can go back and listen after this episode. Episode 53 was the episode all about decluttering your closet. The reason clearing out your closet is so important is that the clothes we wear affect our moods attitude, confidence level, and how we interact with others.

So check out that episode and learn step-by-step how to decide what to let go of and what to keep so you can absolutely soar in 2021. 

Episode 55 was about letting go of relationships. We're not just affected by toxic relationships or by those we spend the most time with. We are affected by all of our relationships. Check out episode 55 to learn the questions to ask yourself when determining whether to let a relationship go or not. Letting go of relationships that are weighing you down or not helpful to you is one way to move closer to the life that you want. And I've created the ultimate self value worksheet along with episode 55.

The foundation, the first necessary step in becoming the person that you want to be, and having the life that you want to have is self-value. If you do not value yourself highly, you will not get where you want to go. If you are struggling to get things done and to reach goals like decluttering, then go grab the worksheet in the show notes of episode 55.

All you have to do is download it and get started immediately. Now, episode 56 was all about decluttering your environment. A cluttered environment negatively affects our mental and physical health. So in episode 56, I explain how this happens and step-by-step how to declutter your environment so that you don't have to be overwhelmed and you can actually get more done.

Now I want to give a quick shout out to all my friends listening and Canada. I'm so happy to have you listening to the show. And I would absolutely love it if you would DM me on Instagram @imperfectthriving and let me know what you want to hear more of on the show. Once again, thanks for listening.

Let's get started with decluttering our minds. So, I hope you stay with me until the end because I have an announcement that you will not want to miss. So here's the deal.  Brains are tricky little things. They bombard us with thoughts constantly. Some thoughts are helpful to us. Some thoughts are not helpful to us becoming who we want to be and having the lives that we want to have.

Some thoughts are more neutral or a reminder of something coming up that we need to do, stuff like that. Now, if we keep all of these thoughts in our heads, they begin to swirl around and we become overwhelmed and fatigued. And overwhelm leads to lack of clarity and focus, anxiety and procrastination. 

Procrastination of course affects our level of productivity, what we actually get done in a day. Even keeping neutral thoughts in our heads like our, to do lists can lead to stress overwhelm and the belief that I don't have time. We need to declutter our minds of all of these thoughts so that we can free our minds to focus on the present. The one thing that we are each doing right now, not what we did yesterday or what we need to do tomorrow, being fully present and focusing on only one task at a time is how we are our most clear-minded and productive. 

Let's talk a little bit about multitasking. In 2005, the BBC reported on a research study out of the University of London that found workers distracted by email and phone calls suffer a fall in IQ more than twice that found in marijuana smokers. The psychologist who led the study called this infomania –  a serious threat to workplace productivity.

One of the Harvard Business Reviews breakthrough ideas for 2007 was Linda Stone's notion of continuous partial attention, which might be understood as a subspecies of multitasking. Using a mobile computer power and the internet were constantly scanning for opportunities and staying on top of contacts, events, and activities in an effort to miss nothing.

Dr. Edward Hallowell is a psychiatrist who specializes in the treatment of ADHD. His book "Crazy Busy" has been offering therapies to combat extreme multitasking for years. In his book, he calls multitasking a mythical activity in which people believe they can perform two or more tasks simultaneously. 

He describes a new condition he calls attention deficit trait, which he claims is rampant in the business world. He explains that attention deficit trait is purely a response to the hyperkinetic environment in which we live, which is a hallmark symptom that mimics those of ADHD and ADD. Never in history has the human brain then asked to track so many data points as it is now.

So Hallowell argues this challenge can be controlled only by creatively engineering one's environment and one's emotional and physical health. That was a mouthful. Multitasking might also be taking a toll on our economy. One study by researches researchers at UC Irvine monitored office workers as they were interrupted. They found that workers took an average of 25 minutes to recover from interruptions, such as phone calls  or answering email and returning to their original task. 

So this is not only going to affect office workers, it's going to affect all of us all the time. If we stop what we're doing every time we get a notification of our phone, a new text, a new email, and we stop what we're doing to look at that text or that email.

It takes our brain time to reorient and get back to the activity that we were taking part in before we were interrupted. 

John Spira, an analyst at a business research firm discussed multitasking with the New York Times in 2007. He estimated that extreme multitasking, which is like information overload, cost the U S economy $650 billion a year in lost productivity.

And that was 13 years ago. David Meyer at the University of Michigan found that multitasking contributes to the release of stress hormones and adrenaline, which can cause long-term health problems, if not controlled and contributes to the loss of short-term memory. We are really built to focus. And when we focus ourselves to multitask, we're driving ourselves to perhaps be less efficient in the long run, though it sometimes feels like we're being more efficient at the time. 

Instead of multitasking, we should be practicing the art of paying attention. The art of paying attention, the ability to shift our attention into exercise judgment about what objects are worthy of our attention.

Many who have achieved great things often credited their success on finely honed skill of paying attention. When asked about his particular genius, Isaac Newton responded that if he had made any discoveries, it was, and I quote, "owing more to patient attention than to any other talent." So the question becomes, how can we declutter our minds so that we can pay sole attention to one activity at a time, one conversation at a time? 

Be fully present and actually enjoy our lives rather than always thinking of the past or dividing our present among multiple tasks at once. So, let's do this. 

Here is tip number one to declutter your mind. Write it down. If you think of something that needs to go on your to-do list, go write it down. If you can't write it down right at that moment, make a note in your phone and set a reminder so that when the reminder comes up, you set the reminder for a time that you'll be at home.

So when the reminder comes up, you'll be able to go write it down on a physical calendar. When you write it down, assign it to a particular time when you will actually do it. So tip number one, get it out of your head and down on paper, write it down. 

Tip number two, notice, label, and let it go. If you find thoughts hopping into your head about the past or about the future, you know what thoughts I'm talking about. Thinking back on something you said or did that wasn't perfect. Or worrying about an upcoming conversation or meeting.

I want you to notice it. Label it. Label it, whatever you want. It might be future thinking. It might be past thinking. It might be whatever you want to call it. Label it and let it go. And that sounds simple, right? Well, in theory it is, but in all actuality, it takes practice. A little bit every day until you get it, but it does work.

Notice the thought, label it, let it go. That is tip number two to declutter your mind. 

Tip number three, limit the information you consume and intentionally determine when you're going to consume it. With all of our electronic devices, it is so easy to think that we must be connected with everyone in everything that is going on in the world at all times. Who says?

Now, I know I'm going to show my age here, but when I was a kid with no internet, with no smartphone, with no computer, we would actually stand in line line somewhere without mindlessly scrolling through social media, news clips, YouTube videos. If you wanted to do something when you're in line, you could people watch, engage in conversation with the person next to you, think, or just breathe. 

The number of people with anxiety then was alarmingly lower than it is now. Being constantly bombarded with information can overload our brains, causing overwhelmed stress and exhaustion. One way to declutter your brain is to turn off the notifications and decide when you're going to check your phone.

Check your email twice a day. Schedule your social media once or twice a day. Have a quiet time to reflect in a mindful way in the morning and at night before bed, without any interruptions. Without any computers or cell phones, with just you and your mind. See what happens. So tip number three. Limit the information you consume and when you consume it. 

Tip number four, get completely out of your mind and into your body. I have noticed in myself, the more I exhaust myself physically, the more difficult it is to start worrying. I've seen this with my clients as well. The form of therapy I practice is cognitive in nature. It has a thought component to it, but it's also behavioral. It has an action component to it as well.

When I have clients who are anxious or depressed or overwhelmed, I encourage exercise. I've not yet had one client ever returned to my office and say that exercise made her feel worse, made her anxiety increase, or made her depression increase. In fact, everyone returns feeling less anxious and less depressed.

So tip number four, get completely out of your mind and into your body. 

Let's move on to tip number five and that is let go of expectations. How something ends up is not determined by how much you worry about it or try to manipulate it. We spend so much time and brain energy thinking about what we want to happen in the future and how we can somehow create the outcome we want. When our actions might be one variable in 20 that combined to reach a particular outcome. 

Instead set goals one year, three year, 10 year goals. Dream big, then reverse engineer the steps you must take to reach these goals. After you break down the steps, let go of the goal and just live the process every day. Live the steps. This is what you can control and this should be your focus.

Let go of trying to control the results that you cannot determine or predict with only your behavior. Now, you know what we need to do to declutter our minds. Decrease the noise, to lower our stress and anxiety levels. Find clarity and focus so that we can get more done and really just be happier and more at peace.

I'm so glad that you've spent time hanging out with me today. I hope that you will go out and take imperfect action to declutter your mind, find clarity, and focus. And then visit me right back here for a bonus episode this Sunday, January 31st. The last in our series of decluttering on the 31st and episode 58, we will declutter our calendars.

So until then go out and take daily imperfect action toward your, the life that you want. And I will meet you right back here.

The post Lack focus? The Top Five Ways to Declutter Your Mind | IT 057 appeared first on Imperfect Thriving - Kathryn Ely.