This week we’re going to revisit a familiar topic and take the work further.

What is happening when you are feeling hurt?

Take the last time you were hurt (or disappointed, angry, frustrated…) with your husband and try to remember the specific details.

Consider that the reason that you were upset was that he wasn’t doing what you wanted him to be doing.

Try to identify what you DID want him to do. What was your plan or rule book for how he should behave?

But here’s the model.

You’re crying and he’s texting.

If he loved me, he’d be hugging me and taking care of me.

So you feel hurt, rejected, and maybe angry (much safer)

Here’s the reality:

Him texting when you are crying says nothing about his love for you.

So why are you hurt?

ONLY because of the thought you had about it.

We’re going to figure out this week how to find an alternative, how to clarify our vision, and how to experience the relationship we want.

Unconditional love is on YOU. Leave him out of it! You want a loving relationship? LOVE HIM. And not when he’s adorable and considerate. Love him when he’s a bear. Love him when he’s obnoxious.

Here are some thoughts that have really helped me with this...

--I love being in love

--I love being surprised by him

--He’s so different, so foreign to me, just when I think I know him he surprises me

Get a buddy, share this episode, and help each other use this information. It can be hard to observe our own brains sometimes. To work with me on-on-one, you can email me at [email protected] or fill out the form at firstyearmarried.com and I’ll send you my booking calendar.

For more ideas about the "rule book" (or the "manual") check out Brooke Castillo's podcast, The Life Coach School Podcast.