In this week's episode, inspired by my husband's recent business trip, I lead you through an exercise to re-evaluate your self-care.

Many women drop their self-care (especially the most basic things, like sleeping and eating) when we get married or get into a long-term relationship.

These are all areas that we generally took responsibility for (even if we were lagging, we certainly weren't blaming our roommates or siblings because we didn't remember to eat breakfast!). And it's more than physical self care, too; it's also about the variety of relationships we fostered and needed. We need someone for advice but we don't expect that person to also give us a laugh or an exciting time out and also to provide our romantic needs and be a listening, supportive ear at the end of the day... etc., etc., 

And yet when we get married, we often expect our marriage relationship to provide what ALL those individual relationships provided. Which is an unhealthy and unfair expectation.

I thought I'd mastered this, but then when my husband told me he was going to be going on a business trip, I immediately realized there were a few things I needed to do if I wasn't going to have him to fall back on. Wait a second--why am I PLANNING to fall back on him in the first place? Why not taking care of myself in the first place??

So here are three ways to reevaluate your self-care regimen.

1. Imagine your husband is going to be going away for a week. What are the three things you'd for sure need to do to make sure your physical needs are taken care of? (Even if you usually do these things but they are now moving up to "nonnegotiable"--listen to the episode for my example about showers.)

2. What things would you "get" to do with some time and energy freed up that you may be holding in reserve for your husband? Did you imagine a coffee date with a friend or a paint night? How can you schedule that in now?

3. Imagine your husband is away -- what would you miss? What would be sad about that? And then you can take those things and celebrate all these wonderful elements he provides for your marriage! We always need to encourage our minds to be more positive and notice the positive, because they aren't naturally inclined to do so. What are three little things you'd be sad about if he was away?

Interested in learning more? The first lesson in the First Year Married Online Course is available for free at www.firstyearmarried.com

Enjoy!