This week on Elite Rugby Banter, we unpack a weekend of rugby that felt like it was scripted by a mischievous referee with a flair for theatre. The Boks beat Italy, but the real drama was in the card deck — with Eddie Jones still talking about “intent” like it’s a legal thriller. KLA ghosted again, Moodie’s defence was more interpretive dance than tackle technique, but Dwilly was electric and Manie continued to Manie with reckless charm. Pollard? Somewhere between solid and spectral. If you’re not betting on Bok 9s to score, you hate free money. And Rassie’s bench moves? Chef’s kiss.

Across the channel, England stunned the All Blacks and now we’re all asking: are they actually good? Is this real? Who’s in the top five now — and does anyone agree? BBBB caught some heat, but the real fire was in the discourse. Ireland beat Australia, but only the wrong Aussies shone. Ireland looked better, but was that just because Australia are now a rugby ghost town?

Scotland lost to Argentina, and surely Tooney’s seat is now lava. Meanwhile, Argentina continue to “prove” they’re a top team — despite having done so for five years, three World Cup semis, and wins over basically everyone. Can we retire the “on their day” trope?

And yes, Japan played Wales.

It’s a week of hot takes, cold facts, and rugby chaos — and we’re here to stir it all with a crooked referee’s whistle and a wink.

Music by @monstroid, 80s TV Show.