Finally, an issue bigger than the Israel/Hamas war: Taylor Swift.

Gannett, the largest newspaper company in the United States, has assigned a reporter to cover Taylor Swift full time. 24/7, this reporter will be making sure you get all the Taylor Swift news you need.

(And some you probably don’t need.)

The reporter in question covering the Swifts is award-winning journalist Bryan West. Considering they hired an accomplished scribe, everyone is happy, right?

WRONG!

Bryan is a boy’s name, and Bryan has an appendage women don’t have, and that makes him UNQUALIFIED and BAD and WRONG.

Or, at least, that’s the opinion of the stupidest people on the planet. 

The Idiots mock these morons, and then move on to…

Taylor Swift story number two: speaking of the male appendage, both Charlie Kirk and Jack Posobiec have very, very small ones between their legs. Like, microscopic. 

Their insecurities about their manhood lead them to believe they need to control women, and thus they lash out at a powerhouse like Taylor Swift and her Swifies when they—gasp, clutch pearls—dare to vote!

Well, if you’re an insecure loser (like Jack Posobiec and Charlie Kirk), this is going to upset you. 

Next up: a very brief mention of Pakistan, and insurgent rumblings in that country.

Following that, Israel and Hamas are still at it, so Jake and nathan do their best to break that down.

Then: the best thing a person can do is to live, and not learn. 

For example, Central Park Karen Amy Cooper. She’s had three years to come to terms with her behavior toward birdwatcher Christian Cooper, yet refuses to take any responsibility for her actions. 

Likewise, Rashida Tlaib, who is a “victim” of her own words and doings. Tlaib became the 26th member of Congress to ever be censured, and instead of apologizing for her words (Tweets), she cried. Because that’s what victims do: they make it all about what’s happening to them, not what they have done. 

Finally, George Piano had appendicitis, and needed surgery. 

Instead of removing his appendix, however, surgeons who apparently had no clue what they were doing opened him up and started cutting all willy-nilly. 

Jake and nathan discuss frivolous lawsuits, but the one he’s going to file (and hopefully win) against the University of Washington Medical Center ain’t one of these. 

Give Mr. Piano all the money. 

He deserves it.

Hear his story here.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com