This week, the Idiots open with the worst “news” article ever written. 

Mya Abraham, writing for Vibe, managed to write an article that contained absolutely zero information. A great clickbait headline was followed with nothing pertaining to said headline. 

It’s amusing, in a way, that such bad “journalism” was published.

Next up, in a move that would make Aaron Persky proud, a judge released Ron Jeremy from jail, into a care facility.

Why?

(One: that last sentence was dripping with sarcasm. Two: If you’ve forgotten, Persky is the pos who let Brock Turner off with a slap on a wrist for his horrific actions. I’m avoiding certian words here on purpose, given the nature of the YouTube algorithm.)

Ron Jeremy allegedly (the most important word in the legal language) assaulted over 100 women. 

But hey, they’re all probably lying, right?

I guess that’s what the judge was thinking.

Moving on: victim blaming is a bad thing, but sometimes it’s absolutely deserved. 

Raynesha Cummings, of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, thought it would be a great idea to ship her kids off to a private “school” without doing a single bit of research on the facility, including using her eyeballs.

John Oliver did a great segment on how awful private “schools” can be, and this one should’ve absolutely made the list of worst of the worst.

Continuing: Oh, George Santos, we hardly knew ye.

Santos used campaign donations for botox and Only Fans, and was defiant to the end, claiming that even though he’s a horrible human being, he’s somehow justified in his actions.

(Huh. Wonder why that is? It’s almost like we just had a president in office who lied about everything under the sun, and was never held to task for it.)

Finally, an Ohio Republican and Russia have something in common: they both hate women.

Yes, Ohio legislator Rep. Bill Dean believes that wives have no rights, and are basically the property of men. 

Russia, then, like many Republicans and false evangelicals, believe that women are second class citizens who don’t deserve to make decisions about their own healthcare.

Shocking.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com