00:00 Introductions

01:33 Kamala Harris

05:21 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

11:20 Elon Musk

20:30 Baldvin Oddson

25:53 Rudy Giuliani

28:44 Donald Trump

33:30 Harry & Megan

—It’s a dead heat! Kamala is ahead! It’s tight!

All lies. 

According to new information, internal polling by the Harris campaign showed them perpetually behind Trump.

The whole time.

But, gotta get those donations, so you can’t tell the public that.

Even better, a list of potential Democratic candidates for 2028 has…

*drum roll*

Kamala listed first.

Oh, DNC… is there any way you won’t try shooting yourself in the foot?

—AOC removed her pronouns from her Twitter bio.

This is a solid move, and me like.

The idea that everyone should announce who they are at every moment of every day is just absurd. 

Even though Democrats didn’t run on a progressive agenda, they were saddled with the blue-haired land whale label by the right, and it stuck.

If AOC, a founding member of the Squad can see the light, maybe there’s hope for the future.

A quick side discussion involves a discussion of Black Lives Matter signs being taken down from storefronts. 

—Elon Musk put Ben Stiller on blast!

Or, so the headlines say. 

In reality, it’s just a Tweet.

A side discussion involves social media censorship, and how to get around the horrible, horrible algorithms TikTok and YouTube use to silence people, and stifle self-expression. 

—CEO Baldvin Oddson fired 90% of his staff for missing a meeting!

That’s what the headline screamed.

What’s the real story behind the clickbait?

They were mostly unpaid interns working for an online instrument store.

This ain’t Fortune 500 corporate evil, it’s nonsense.

—Rudy Giuliani is broke.

He hitched his wagon to an evil horse, told lies, and got caught.

It’s a good day when bad things happen to deserving people.

—Good news, everyone…

Donald Trump is going to let the world know just how bad fentanyl is.

How?

He’s invented the “Just say no” campaign, 40 years after it first appeared, and failed.

Trump plans on taking out ads, telling people that fentanyl is a bad drug.

Well, good for him.

Hopefully his campaign makes the world a better place.

—The world’s most annoying royal couple, Prince Harry and the Duchess of Sussex, Megan (Meghan?) Markle are back. 

After failing with their podcast and… well, pretty much everything else they’ve done, they’re now exec producing a show on Netflix that revolves around everyone’s favorite sport: polo.

And, even though they once renounced their royal titles, funnily enough, they’re still using fancy names in the show credits.

How odd.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

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