This is, obviously, a Very Special Episode: episode 100! We share drinks, talk about past highlights, future episodes, and suggest some topics that wouldn’t quite make it into a full episode. It’s a bit long and self-indulgent, but we hope you enjoy, and thank you for joining us on this ride!
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Hell news…
Trending this week, at least among the hosts:
The Jubilee of Seminarians, Bishops, and Priests: From June 23-June 27, three waves of special events for church leadership type folks take place in Rome. Events include prayer, concerts, prayer, pilgramages, prayer, masses, prayer, prayer, and 31 ordinations!
WHO releases public health advice for Jubilee travelers: Honestly, it makes perfect sense that, alongside advice for heat, bad water, and food, they’d have some thoughts on STDs. It’s not actually funny or ironic. It’s good work that they do, and we shouldn’t have laughed.
Raising Hell: Catholics devate church teaching on eternal punishment: Internal argument over whether hell is a place of eternal torment and punishment, or a temporary purgative experience. Spoilers, Pope Francis was not speaking for the majority when he said he hoped that hell was empty. There are two books mentioned in this article, “Not a Hope in Hell” (extremely expensive defense of eternal damnation, at $180), and Charles Pope, “The Hell There Is, an Exploration of an Often-Rejected Doctrine of the Church.” I usually try to be positive about this sort of thing, but I did get “The Hell there Is,” it was a dreadful read, all condemnation, no information. Read it if you have a thing for being damned. Wait, I DO have a thing for being damned, and it’s still dull as dishwater. 1800 years later, and the church still sees sadism as a useful tool, there’s nothing new or valuable in this book. – Jacob
Procedurally generated cocktail menu:
Jacob does not drink, but wanted to bring beverage-oriented to the party. And so he asked AI to provide some themed beverages. These may or may not be drinkable, although Jacob has had several “Heretic’s Bathwater” since the recording.
The Lucifer Flip
A dark, decadent classic with a silky finish—satanically smooth, academically rich.
• 1.5 oz dark rum
• 0.5 oz crème de cacao
• 0.25 oz simple syrup
• 1 whole egg (yes, raw)
• Dash of nutmeg
• Optional: black lava salt rim
1. Dry shake all ingredients (no ice) to emulsify the egg.
2. Add ice, shake again until very cold.
3. Strain into a coupe glass.
4. Dust lightly with nutmeg; rim with black salt for drama.
Theme: Named for the Morning Star himself, this is the cocktail of the fallen academic—sumptuous, showy, and a little sinful.
The Hellfire Highball
A bold, spicy twist on a classic highball—perfect for sipping while pondering eternal torment.
• 1.5 oz cinnamon whiskey (like Fireball)
• 0.5 oz mezcal (for a smoky bite)
• Ginger beer (to top)
• Dash of chili tincture or hot sauce
• Lime wedge for garnish
1. Fill a highball glass with ice.
2. Pour in cinnamon whiskey and mezcal.
3. Top with ginger beer and a dash of chili tincture.
4. Stir gently and garnish with a lime wedge.
5. Optional: Serve with a tiny pitchfork swizzle stick
Theme: Represents the “fire and brimstone” aesthetic—hellish, smoky, and just a little dangerous.
The Buer Boulevardier
Classy and complex—just like your favorite demon with a goat’s head and a wheel of lion legs.
• 1 oz rye whiskey
• 1 oz Campari
• 1 oz sweet vermouth
• Orange twist for garnish
1. Combine ingredients in a mixing glass with ice.
2. Stir until well chilled.
3. Strain into a rocks glass over a large ice cube.
4. Garnish with an orange twist.
Theme: A demonic riff on a Negroni for those who prefer the infernal arts with a side of sophistication.
The Heretic’s Bathwater
A dangerously refreshing, weirdly comforting drink that you should absolutely question.
• 1.5 oz coconut rum
• 0.5 oz Midori (melon liqueur)
• 1 oz pineapple juice
• 0.25 oz blue curaçao
• Club soda to top
• Maraschino cherry and rubber ducky (optional)
1. Shake rum, Midori, pineapple juice, and curaçao with ice.
2. Strain into a tall glass over crushed ice.
3. Top with club soda.
4. Garnish with a cherry—or go full chaos and float a clean novelty rubber ducky.
Theme: Absurd and indulgent—just like a segment that goes off the rails. Looks cursed. Tastes divine. Jamin would probably hate it. Jacob would probably make three.
The Apocryphizz
Inspired by Gnostic gospels and things the Vatican probably doesn’t want you drinking.
• 1 oz absinthe
• 0.5 oz elderflower liqueur
• 0.5 oz lemon juice
• Sparkling wine to top
• Edible glitter (optional, but heavenly)
1. In a shaker with ice, combine absinthe, elderflower, and lemon juice.
2. Shake briefly and strain into a chilled flute.
3. Top with sparkling wine.
4. Optional: Add a pinch of edible glitter for that holy sparkle.
Theme: Bright, floral, and a little forbidden—perfect for toasting heresies and lost gospels with Victoria and Jamin.
Garden of Snakes
Sweet and herbal with a serpent’s bite—knowledge never tasted this good.
• 1.5 oz gin
• 0.5 oz green Chartreuse
• 0.75 oz honey syrup (1:1 honey and water)
• 0.5 oz fresh lemon juice
• Dash of bitters
• Cucumber ribbon or sprig of thyme for garnish
1. Shake all ingredients with ice until chilled.
2. Strain into a chilled coupe or rocks glass over a large cube.
3. Garnish with a curl of cucumber or thyme to evoke Eden.
Theme: Evokes biblical temptation, forbidden fruit, and esoteric knowledge—just what you’d expect from a theological deep dive hosted with humor and gin.
The Dispatchpresso Martini
A caffeinated ode to late-night recording sessions, demonic lists, and existential dread.
• 1 oz vodka
• 1 oz coffee liqueur (like Kahlúa)
• 1 oz fresh espresso
• 0.25 oz vanilla syrup
• 3 espresso beans (for garnish, symbolizing health, wealth, and damnation)
1. Shake all ingredients with ice until frothy.
2. Strain into a chilled martini glass.
3. Garnish with 3 espresso beans floating on top.
Theme: Perfect for powering through an episode about weird saints, linguistic tangents, or whatever the hell Jamin is talking about this week. Cursed AND caffeinated.
Footnote to Damnation
A literary and layered cocktail—equal parts scholarly reference and moral hazard.
• 1 oz rye whiskey
• 1 oz amaro (like Averna or Montenegro)
• 0.75 oz dry sherry (e.g., fino)
• 1 dash orange bitters
• Lemon peel twist for garnish
1. Stir all ingredients with ice until well chilled.
2. Strain into a Nick & Nora or small coupe glass.
3. Express lemon peel over the top and garnish with it.
Theme: For the moments when you need to footnote Aquinas and take a shot. Dry, layered, and mildly bitter—perfect for quoting obscure heresies.
The Gehenna Gimlet
A crisp, citrusy cocktail with a scorched-earth twist. Tart enough to cleanse the soul—or at least the palate.
• 2 oz gin (London dry or herbaceous)
• 0.75 oz lime juice
• 0.5 oz burnt sugar syrup (or caramelized simple syrup)
• Pinch of smoked salt
• Charred lime wheel for garnish
1. Shake gin, lime juice, and burnt sugar syrup with ice.
2. Strain into a chilled coupe glass.
3. Sprinkle in a tiny pinch of smoked salt.
4. Garnish with a charred lime wheel.
Theme: A reference to the biblical garbage fire that became one of Hell’s origin points. Clean, sharp, and just a little ashy—like an angel who took a wrong turn.
Thiess of Kaltenbrun
(wiki) In 1692, 80-year-old Thiess of Kaltenbrunn was brought up on charges of witchcraft. These, he denied, claiming he was a werewolf, blessed by Saint Michael, to go to hell, fight the witches and the devil, and retrieve the harest and the sun. Wiki has an excellent summary of the story, but the book “Old Thiess: a Livonian Werewolf” is really good and readable. Author Carlo Ginzburg, a microhistorian, wrote several books exploring the knock-on effects of an Italian agrarian cult. His book “The Night Battles” goes into deep detail on the Benandanti and witch flight. A good read!
Penitential Literature
In her mini-topic on penitential literature, Victoria specifically mentions the 6th-century Penitential of Finnian and the Paenitentiale Theodori, 700. We get distracted by the Sexual Decision Flowchart for Medieval Men.
Cyprian of Antioch, John Bosco
Cyprian is a very popular saint among occultists and is wound very tightly through South American magic. He’s the patron saint of necromancers. It’s pretty likely that he didn’t exist (there’s another St. Cyprian who likely did.) In his big legend, he’s a powerful wizard (like “Alladin’s Lamp” powerful, and his myth may adopt from djinn magic stories) who’s asked to cast a love spell on the Christian girl, Justinia. When he finds out that Justinia is immune to his powers, he converts to Christianity, breaking all his demonic pacts. Then they both die, so it’s a happy ending.
St. John Bosco was a teacher, writer, and priest. He did an awful lot of service work for people. But his hell-vision is quite charming in its own way, as the teacher watches a number of young men flinging themselves idiotically into hell. But one imagines him telling a class full of students this story. It’s good reading.
