This is a story about me meeting a super dude at a gas station while on a road trip.

He's a military veteran turned chef and then social worker. He really is wanting to step out & eventually pursue motivational speaking.

We had a great conversation & he asked me some advice on what my process is for the speaking engagements that I do.

While I gave him some ideas on how he can develop his craft of speaking, I missed a specific opportunity to encourage him & uplift him in his pursuit.

I wonder if I was more focused on giving him "tactical advice" on speaking rather than on realizing he was also probably looking for some encouragement in his desire to pursue this new endeavor.

If you're ready to take your emotional growth to the next level, join the EQ Mafia at https://www.eqgangster.com/.

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Fascinating observation for me watching my teen daughter interact with two of her close homies on 2 different days this week. She spent 1 day w/one of her homies & the next day she spent w/her other homie.

Our daughter acted a little differently w/each of her friends. I hadn't really noticed some of those nuances before.

It made me think if or how I act w/the different people that I spend time with.

Who brings what out of you?

How do you behave differently with different people?

Make a list of the people you spend the most time with personally & professionally.

Next to each person, write what emotions you feel about each person.

Then, see if you can be objectively self-aware enough to notice any behaviors you have around each. What differences do you observe?

What do you bring out of the people you spend time with?

Do you bring the best out of those you spend time with?

How can you be more intentional to bring good qualities out of those you spend the most time with?

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It's amazing how calm & confident one can be while rolling with any size, speed or strength opponent when you have been rolling & drilling BJJ consistently for 10+ years.

That's how Professor Chad is w/all of his students. Some of us are bigger & stronger than he is, but none of us are as skilled as he is. He is calm, cool & collected w/all of his students b/c he has learned & evolved over his 10+ year BJJ career. He's grown every single year. He's continued to remain teachable. He's continued to improve. He's been consistent.

How are you evolving, improving with your "training partner" called "life"?

Are you growing & improving every single "class"? Every single year?

Are you learning new life "moves"?

Are you getting better at "life"?

How do you know?

What are clues you're growing, changing & improving?

Do others notice?

How intentional are you at learning from your training partner, called "life"?

How can you get more intentional at growing & improving day after day, month after month?

What "metrics" do you want to track & grow in?

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Two stories of control freaks & some corresponding lessons: 1 story of a control freak is from my business cult days & the 2nd story of a control freak is very current - fortunately I'm not on the direct receiving end of the 2nd control freak. I do have a front row seat to the damage & toxicity of his hyper control over his adult children & business partners.

What is your relationship w/control?

How much control do you attempt to have in your personal & professional relationships?

How aware are you of the amount of control you possibly attempt to exert on others?

If you're ready to take your emotional growth to the next level, join the EQ Mafia at https://www.eqgangster.com/.

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This is a fascinating story of helping a 5 y/o little girl get emotionally unstuck while attending her first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) class.

It was amazing how quickly she transformed once I was able to get her emotionally unstuck.

What happened to her happens to adults frequently.

How good are we at:

1. Getting ourselves unstuck
2. Getting our family unstuck
3. Getting our friends unstuck
4. Getting our co-workers / team members unstuck

What can we do to be better at helping ourselves & others get emotionally unstuck?

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This episode is about one of my recent failures.

I felt like I absolutely bombed Day 3 of the Boundaries Workshop that I just completed.

I got hit with a bunch of emotions literally about my lack of Boundaries for most of my life & I was unable to compartmentalize them until after the Boundaries workshop.

I brought those heavy intense emotions with me into the facilitation of the workshop. It was a terrible experience for me. It didn't seem like I brought my A-Game to the workshop.

Then, I felt like I missed some nuances about Boundaries in the workshop further making me feel like I flopped.

To top it off, I spent 95% of the Workshop on what affected MY personal ability to effectively communicate my boundaries back when I was learning about them. I only spent 5% of the time on an actual script for communicating boundaries.

I started to 2nd-guess myself and felt like an absolute failure. I felt like I let the attendees down.

My Boundaries process:

Discover

Create

Communicate

Enforce

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EQG Ep 352 3 Important Questions Discussed With A 16 Yr Old Young Man

These 3 questions stemmed from a conversation with a 15 y/o teen from our church while serving on a missions trip in the Dominican Republic last year. We finally talked about them a year later.

Here they are:

1. How do you want your life to turn out?
2. What does an emotionally healthy, strong man look like?
3. What does a good father look like?

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Wow, how present & in the moment am I?

This is definitely another area I'm sucking in.

After some reflection, I've realized how much of my thinking is either how I'm failing or how far away I am from my life goals or how much I'm not doing or not accomplishing. All that time is taking away from me being in the moment & achieving now, accomplishing now.

It's hard to think about what needs to happen in the moment when so much of my bandwidth has been focused on the past or the future.

What are some things you can do to be where you are, to be more present?

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I got hit with some heavy emotions on the way to get my car serviced. Heavy emotions like feeling behind, incompetent, insecurity, clueless, ineffective. I thought I'd be so much further along in my faith, family, parenting, finances, fitness, business, etc.

It was encouraging to remember that I work w/high achievers & high performers who also have the exact same feelings.

Are there some of them that are actually further along than me in various areas of their lives? Absolutely.

Are there some that I'm further along than they are? Absolutely.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

What can you learn about where you're at in life?

What is an emotionally healthy perspective of where you're at in life?

Give yourself grace & patience as you pursue & achieve.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Don't "should" on yourself.

How is guilt & condemnation serving you?

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I got tapped 3 times today by a blue belt & it was awesome! More on that later.

There were 4 purple belts, 3 blue belts and 2 white belts in my 6am BJJ class. So there was quite a bit of experience in the class. We trained guillotine chokes which is like a front headlock. They're very unpleasant & uncomfortable.

How well are we able to differentiate between discomfort and passing out or tapping out? Our instructor, Joe, a fellow purple belt, shared that upper belts have a greater tolerance & awareness of when they're actually in danger of getting injured or tapping versus being in an uncomfortable position that you can possibly work out of. Such a great life lesson.

How aware are you of your own limits?

When is it time to finally reach out to someone for help? A friend? A professional? A course? A resource?

If you're ready to take your emotional growth to the next level, join the EQ Mafia at https://www.eqgangster.com/.

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