ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

He learned boundaries that allowed him to share safely and listen attentively. 

There is a time to speak and a time to listen. I had to relearn how to talk and listen in the rooms in order to stay in the Fellowship and keep working the Steps. When I first came to the rooms, I was brash and egotistical. My unhelpful shares were full of platitudes of SA sayings and advice to think positively. Afterwards, I would wait for applause or a smiling emoji. When I failed to get any response, I would drift into self-pity and fear of rejection. Alternatively, when I listened to others’ shares, I judged them harshly. I would critique their share on how positive their message was, if there was a logical progression, or if it was funny. I was not open-minded, so I learned little and criticized even more as the years passed.

She is so grateful that the Steps taught her how to connect using safe, healthy sharing. 

When I built a wall between me and those I loved, I severed connection to God and others.  I completely separated myself when I was four years old because I was raging at everyone. 

Recovery was not something to observe on the sidelines of life, but rather something to be lived. 

When I first came into the Fellowship, I was confounded and confused. I had no idea how to recover and definitely no recovery experience to share. So, I simply sat in meetings and absorbed the knowledge, information, and, most importantly, the experience, strength, and hope (ESH) that others had and shared. This continued for months. 

The literature on sharing in meetings helped her apply boundaries to protect her sobriety.

One of the earliest pieces my sponsor recommended I read and journal my thoughts on was the section in the White Book called “Meetings—How They Work” (SA 185).  In particular, the “Meeting Guidelines” (SA 188-189). These pages set me up wonderfully for a lifetime of appropriate sharing and listening in SA meetings.

90 days in Nashville for a breakthrough in recovery from lust

Yesterday, I got in my apartment and spent my first night in my twin bed… a bit sleepless in the beginning. My first thought when I saw the beautiful twin bed was, of course, “Who will I get in here?” 

She is grateful that instead of acting out, she is working the Program.

I am Mirsha, a sexaholic. I have been in the Program for nine months, with three months of sobriety and two relapses.

A few days ago, I received a friend request on Facebook. I asked myself why I liked him and whether it was a good idea to add him, since I am committed to respecting and valuing him as a human being.

Bringing the inside out has taught her how to connect with members in the Fellowship.

My name is Margot. I am a sexaholic. My sobriety date, through God’s grace and the

grace of the Program, is March 14, 1986. My history is that I acted out, first with myself and then with others, for about 30 years before I found this Program. 

Sharing responsibly allows him to thrive in healthy connections.

What is “Healthy”? For me, being healthy means letting go of the need to see everything as good or bad, right or wrong. Instead, it is about viewing life organically—focusing on functionality and balance, and asking, “Am I thriving?” It means being at peace with the tension between my weaknesses and strengths, my failures and accomplishments, and my clarity and confusion. It is a constant checking in with my internal state, an acceptance of reality as it is, and seeking God’s will that remains open to the input of others.

Tradition Three allows her to stay in SA and receive a life of recovery and growth.

I have been in SA for over eight years now. SA is my home. I’ve been told that I’m not a sexaholic and I don’t need this program. But I’m back today because I decided that Tradition Three states that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober–and for that, I qualify. I decided I need constant support to live, and I love the strength and commitment I find in SA meetings. 

Sharing only what happened before and after sobriety, he lets God reveal the degree of happiness through his shine.

We carry the great message to all who have lost hope in coping with addiction to lust. There is the Great Fact for us, and that is nothing more than a “deep and powerful experience” changing everything in our lives.