As we approach the holiday season, where so much emphasis is put on families being together, I wanted to touch on the taboo topic of parental estrangement.

“Dirty Grief” is the phrase Stephanie Peirolo coined to describe that messy landscape of grief when a parent you are estranged from dies. 

Stephanie and Eugene S. Robinson are seasoned storytellers through the spoken and written word, along with music in the case of Eugene.

I first came across Stephanie when I heard her talk about her son’s death on The Moth. One might think that this is what she would want to talk about. But no. It is the story of her estrangement from her mother, and more recently, the unexpectedly messy grief she is currently walking through after her mother died. 

Eugene has his own story of estrangement from his father, and has also written about this in "Father: the Final Installment".

With such familial bonds, when they are frayed or fractured, others often want it to be ‘fixed’ as there is still hope whilst people are alive. There may be judgement from others who perceive you as not trying hard enough to either accept how the parent shows up or just accepting some behaviours which may never change. 

"We are meaning making beings, we need story and ritual to carry grief”

Stephanie and Eugene both honestly share their experiences, and the ripple effect such dynamics have on other family or partner relationships. Stephanie suggests not to rush that line from ‘grief to grace’ and to lean into chosen family. She believes there is a deep sense of knowing what is right inside oneself. 

My Guests

Stephanie Peirolo spent years working in advertising and is now a board-certified executive coach. She is a writer and storyteller whose work on The Moth has been featured on NPR and in the best-selling book All These Wonders. Her new book The Saint and the Drunk - A Guide to Making the Big Decisions In Your Life will be published in the spring.

Eugene S. Robinson, an author whose work has appeared in the New York Times, the LA Times, GQ, and Vice, spent time “in the trenches” at Adobe, Apple, Intel, Nikon. His books include A Walk Across Dirty Water and Straight Into Murderers Row, a memoir and Fight: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ass Kicking But Were Afraid You'd Get Your Ass Kicked for Asking. He is the lead singer for the band BUÑUEL, touring soon through Europe.

You can listen to Eugene and Stephanie on their podcast The Bad Boss Brief.

Eugene's newsletter is Look What You Made Me Do

Stephanie's is The Consigliera Papers

Find them on Instagram @speirolo and @mrsleep3

https://consigliera.substack.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WebsjShV0ZA

https://eugenesrobinson.substack.com/p/father-the-final-installment

http://www.upperhand.biz

https://badbossbrief.com