Every Coach Needs A Coach

In the book transformational leader ship by Joshua Metcalf and Jamie Gilbert, they tell a story on page 114 about motivation. This is a tough one to implement, but if you can do it, and behave in the way that they are suggesting, I think you could serve you really well. The chapter is called "you've lost your privilege. See you tomorrow. "And the purpose of the chapter is to talk about motivation, and why people behave the way they do.  The concept is simple, reward healthy behavior that you want to see repeated, and ignore poor behaviors. We have all heard this before, but never been given a strategy on how to do that. Most of our kids want to play, that's why they come to practice, and games. It's why we have hard conversations about playing time more than anything else. So, when your athletes love to be a part of a team, and love to play the game that you coach, the best motivator you have is the opportunity to practice and be with the team. So I want to share a story from this book, it highlights how much of a privilege it is to be able to practice with the team, and in order to earn that privilege, our athletes best effort is the price. "The easiest and most simple way to create new behaviors through and forth and clearly explained healthy boundaries with love and respect.  The story they use goes like this, in order to play on this team you have to meet certain standards   We set a boundary for timeliness in one of the teams I work with. The very next day three guys in the freshman class showed up late to practice. I got Coach and came over and said what should I do? I said well what do you want to do? I think I'm going to say it doesn't look like you're interested in getting better because you showed up late. You've overstepped a boundary. You lost your opportunity to get better with the team today. Go home and will see you tomorrow.  Awesome, I'd like you to drop the first part we do not know why they are late that is judgment and that is irrelevant. They are late and that's all that matters. So he walked right over them shared what he had prepared and then walked away like nothing had changed. When the guys came back the next day he treated them like nothing happened and said it's great to see you today I can't wait to watch you work hard and get better as it turned out they get pulled over by the police on the way you guys result not judge them turned out to be something that significantly strengthen their relationship or three guys texted him that night sincerely apologizing and I vowed to respect boundaries moving forward since then I've been on time for everything we do.   In a similar story, a coach got a text from a player who she asked to step out of practice because she was not given the effort they had said as a standard. The young lady stormed out of the gym, but later the coach got a text apologizing and promising to come back tomorrow and go hard. The coach his response was "I love you too much to allow you to make a choice like that and get away with it. You are going to make mistakes as we go but I trust that you'll learn from it and grow from it. Come back tomorrow and get back to work.   We must behave in such a way that our players know we love them and care about them, even if at times they might be hard to love, or some are easier to love than others. These stories and examples are concrete ways to do that.

No written word nor spoken plea can teach young minds what they should be. Nor all the books on all the shelves, it’s what the teachers are themselves.” -Rudyard Kipling From My Personal Best by John Wooden This is a quote that I have written almost everywhere I refer to coaching materials. I keep a notebook where I write down things that I learn and resources that I know I will find helpful, and on the inside corner of that notebook I write this quote. That's a technique that I learned from Coach Matt  Donahue who was my college basketball coach at Catholic University. When we signed up to be coaches, we agreed to be examples all the time. Of course, during games when players and parents can see us, but also in our personal lives, and in our daily behaviors, and habits.  Our kids will forget a lot of what we teach them, but they will always remember the type of person that we were. They will remember how we conducted ourselves when we were frustrated and excited, flustered and annoyed. They will replicate what they see because they will think that whatever it is okay. They will notice if we are grateful, appreciative, thoughtful, and care about them, and they might see that it’s possible to behave that way. Conversely, they will notice if we are flustered, unprepared, hostile, or mean, and they will also see that it’s possible to behave that way too.    They will remember how they felt when they were around us. We have such a responsibility as coaches, and it's a lot bigger than what we realize when we first sign up to coach.  Our words do matter, our actions matter more, and I believe that how we behave is the biggest influence on our players, our team, and our program. My challenge to you is to look at who you are and how you’re behaving. Ask yourself if you would want your athletes to repeat what they see out of you daily. We have a huge responsibility, let's treat it that way.

We have all seen coaches who behave in a manner where they embarrass themselves and their team and their organization. We've also seen coaches handle certain situation but they can look back on and be proud of themselves for how they did behave. I'm sure many of us can remember times when we've been on that spectrum. The reason we're diving into behavior this week, is because we need reminders that way we act, like we talked about last week, has a bigger impact on our athletes than anything we say. We need to model the behavior that we want to see on the field or court, we need to set the expectation that everyone in our program, from players, to coaches, to parents, are to behave in a certain manner.

In the book transformational leadership by Josh Medcalf and Jamie Gilbert, on page 50 there is a story about the worlds strongest man pulling a semi truck or another vehicle about 25 meters as fast as possible. The point of the story is if you watch these guys, starting is the hardest part. Once they start, then the wheels start moving. And as long as they maintain their momentum, they are able to move forward in a way that appears a lot easier than when they first started.   The point is, our first step towards action is often the hardest, and every step after that, as long as we maintain our momentum is going to be a lot easier. Not only because the wheels are moving, but also because our destination gets closer, and we can start to see it, and that gives us more motivation to continue moving, and taking action.

The parable of the talents  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parable_of_the_talents_or_minasThe "Parable of the Talents", in Matthew 25:14–30 tells of a master who was leaving his house to travel, and, before leaving, entrusted his property to his servants. According to the abilities of each man, one servant received five talents, the second had received two, and the third received only one. The property entrusted to the three servants was worth 8 talents, where a talent was a significant amount of money. Upon returning home, after a long absence, the master asks his three servants for an account of the talents he entrusted to them. The first and the second servants explain that they each put their talents to work, and have doubled the value of the property with which they were entrusted; each servant was rewarded: His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.   — Matthew 25:23The third servant, however, had merely hidden his talent, burying it in the ground, and was punished by his master: Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.   — Matthew 25:24–30  We are trusted to care for our athletes, push them, love them, and help them understand and realize their potential. This story applies to them as much as it does to us. When we meet God, will he tell us ‘well done, good and faithful servant?’ because we acted on what we learned and multiplied our gifts by sharing them with the kids we coach and our community? (And by doing so, show them how to do the same?) Or will he take whatever we do have away from us because we’re not using it?

115 – Parable of the talents (from the Bible) Athletes trust their coaches to take care of them, to push them, and to help them understand their talents. We have to act and give 100% or we are giving a disservice to those around us, we use their talents to serve others, using what we already have. Act in accordance.

Who are you waiting for permission from before you take action?   Once upon a time there was a prince. He wanted nothing more than to fall in love and get married. When he came of age, he waited for his parents to set him up with someone they felt would be worthy of his love and affection. At first they were busy running things in the kingdom, so he waited longer. Then a war broke out and his parents had to deal with that. Then some opportunities to expand the kingdom came up and they were busy with those. And before he knew it, the prince had been waiting for years for his parents to find someone for him. He finally confronted them about it, upset that he’d been alone all this time. They were puzzled, hugged him and asked him ‘why didn’t you go out and find someone? You didn’t need our permission!’  Who do you think you need permission from to go after the thing you want? Most of the time, we are scared to act, so we find reasons and excuses not to. Most of the time, the mantra ‘ don’t ask first, just apologize later if you have to’ applies.    Get out of your own way and go do the thing!

One of the most powerful stories I've ever heard this from a guy named David Goggins, who is a former Navy seal, and all-around beast of a man. He was on Lewis Howes podcast, the school of Greatness. He tells the story of what his version of hell would be.  When he dies he meets God, and God is sitting across a desk from him and slides him a piece of paper. His name is at the top, along with a huge list of achievements, the number of people that he affected, and the lives influence positively.  But David is sitting on the other side of the desk and looks down on the paper it looks up at God and says, "God this isn't my résumé, I didn't do any of the stuff when I was on earth.” God replies to him, I know. This is what you were SUPPOSED TO DO while you were on Earth.   We can only achieve what we are meant to achieve when we act. We must have faith that God believes in us, and put us here to do his work. He has our backs. We must act even if we’re afraid.  Here's that original Podcast :  https://open.spotify.com/episode/4IcXYbZFY8HKNQq2e9Kjd0?si=BsmdcBQIR22EsEAGgGOVqw&dl_branch=1

When I started my PT clinic, I was bulidng it from nothing. I had a clinic space, but no one to fill it with. I was brand new, out of network, and was really uncomfortable telling anyone I existed as a new business. I was intimidated and shy, which usually I am not. I felt like I had to accomplish my mission and transform my whole community in a day.

That’s what made it so slow from the get go. I wanted to start with 100. I needed to start with one. When I changed my perspective to starting with one, that first ONE came pretty quickly. Then I told myself ‘get one more’, which also came pretty quickly. Soon, those 2 became 4, and the clinic has been growing ever since.

The best way for me to gain confidence was to reposition my perspective from ‘help everyone’ to ‘help SOMEONE’. As soon as my mindset adjusted to that mentality, my actions soon followed, and the result came after that. 

This is our week on action and I wanna give you one of my favorite quotes from a business colleague of mine who likes to say imperfect action is better than perfect inaction. What we mean by this is it better to go out and try something and see if it works then to spend days and sometimes weeks and sometimes months and sometimes years coming up with a perfect plan but never acting on it

we try to plan things out to the T and to the letter, it happens all the time as coaches. When really, we just gotta go ahead and get in there and get the dirty work done.

That’s my challenge to you as coaches. go ahead and take imperfect action becuase it will beat the imperfect action you’re doing now.

I’d encourage this of our athletes too. We can watch the perfect crossover, serve, or pass, but the best way to get it closer to perfect is to go out and actually do it.

Three frogs are sitting on a log, and one decides to jump off. How many frogs are left sitting on the log? Most people will tell me two, because one decided to jump. The correct answer is three. Just because a frog decided to do something doesn't mean it actually did it. Our theme this week is action.